Jimmyjackson Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 Got dumped almost 6 months ago now I believe, something like that anyway it was the start of September. Been NC for 4, I've been hammering the gym recently, I've slept with someone else, I've been eating good food and spending time with friends. The only thing I'm yet to do is sort my career out but I've spent a lot of time applying for jobs. I went through all the stages, denial, bargaining, anger, and acceptance. I now feel I'm at a good place mentally, I feel confident and I've accepted it's over, the urge to contact has been gone for a long time and I know I'd never get back with her even if she came back now. The problem I have is, she still lingers in my mind every day, the thoughts are different to what they used to be, I used to have hope and miss her dearly, but now she's in my mind in sorta a curious way. When I think of her I wonder what she might be up to and the nature of the break up still pops into my mind from time to time. I no longer think of her as this special person who's the most beautiful person I've laid my eyes on, I now see all of her faults and there's things that happened during our relationship that now appear as red flags. I know I'm not 100% over her, but I feel I'm a good 80/85% there and I know I've come a long way since 6 months ago, I'm looking forward to the future and I'm speaking to some girls and I'm ready to date again now, I'd like to be involved with someone...I kinda enjoy being in a relationship. Anyway, sorry for the rambling, I guess my question is how do I fully get her out of my mind? or will I just always think of her from time to time? she was my first relationship and first sexual partner, maybe that is it?
flightplan Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 You'll never fully get her out of your mind, but it will slowly, but surely, fade as you build new life experiences. First you'll go a day without thinking of her, then a week, a month... but you'll always have the memory. I still think of the one that got away, over 15 years ago, but only a few times in a year. I have no desire to seek her out since I've built too many life experiences since then, but once it a while, I'll be reminded by a movie, or a song, or random event. 1
OK_computer Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 You'll never fully get her out of your mind, but it will slowly, but surely, fade as you build new life experiences. First you'll go a day without thinking of her, then a week, a month... but you'll always have the memory. I still think of the one that got away, over 15 years ago, but only a few times in a year. I have no desire to seek her out since I've built too many life experiences since then, but once it a while, I'll be reminded by a movie, or a song, or random event. Very well said. I can imagine there are people out there who've been married and had 4 children and 10 grandchildren that still think about a lost love LONG ago, nothing more or less. Seems kind of sad really.
mightycpa Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 Very well said. I can imagine there are people out there who've been married and had 4 children and 10 grandchildren that still think about a lost love LONG ago, nothing more or less. Seems kind of sad really. No, it's not sad. You can think fondly, you can be sad for the loss, but still be grateful for what you've done, what you've got and the way it all turned out. You just have to keep in mind that you're thinking about a memory, not a contemporary person. There comes a day when you stop obsessing, and when you finally go by a day without thinking about it, two things happen. You don't notice, and you go on a long, long streak of never thinking about it. Then, when you do, it's pretty short lived. I think it speaks well of someone that they loved somebody that much, and that they were strong enough to let them go and move on. 3
somedude81 Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 I don't think it's possible until you completely replaced her. My ex dumped me in December 2013 and I still think about her way too much. Unfortunately through not a lack of effort on my part, I haven't dated at all since then. Though I did manage to have a purely casual thing with woman for a few months she wasn't enough to get me to stop thinking about and missing my ex. So the trick may be to completely replace her with a new woman.
Kinetica84 Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 I don't think we 100% get over anyone. You will always have thoughts about an ex. They influenced your life in a big way. It's about learning to live with your thoughts and feelings that person. Sooner or later you just use to them not being there.
Author Jimmyjackson Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 No, it's not sad. You can think fondly, you can be sad for the loss, but still be grateful for what you've done, what you've got and the way it all turned out. You just have to keep in mind that you're thinking about a memory, not a contemporary person. There comes a day when you stop obsessing, and when you finally go by a day without thinking about it, two things happen. You don't notice, and you go on a long, long streak of never thinking about it. Then, when you do, it's pretty short lived. I think it speaks well of someone that they loved somebody that much, and that they were strong enough to let them go and move on. How do you learn to go a day without thinking of her? does it just happen?
jus d'orange Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 Yeah, it just happens. Time passes and your ex ceases to be so important anymore. Maybe you have another relationship, but when I stopped thinking about my first love after our breakup, I was single and just busy with my life. There's also just the point that when you do think of them, it doesn't hurt at all. I could legitimately sit down for coffee with her now and maybe get wistful, but it wouldn't hurt.
EgoJoe Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 I hung on to the pain and resentment for a good while when I broke up with my first love. Watch the movie revolver and keep learning. Your perspective will expound. One day it will be simple nostalgia.
Author Jimmyjackson Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 I hung on to the pain and resentment for a good while when I broke up with my first love. Watch the movie revolver and keep learning. Your perspective will expound. One day it will be simple nostalgia. I've seen revolver before, was an absolute mind ****!
Author Jimmyjackson Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 Yeah, it just happens. Time passes and your ex ceases to be so important anymore. Maybe you have another relationship, but when I stopped thinking about my first love after our breakup, I was single and just busy with my life. There's also just the point that when you do think of them, it doesn't hurt at all. I could legitimately sit down for coffee with her now and maybe get wistful, but it wouldn't hurt. Yeah, I'd like to meet someone new and maybe get involved with someone else now, I kinda miss having a girl in my life...maybe that'll be the final nail in the coffin.
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