katiegrl Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Because I was explaining to her on the phone last night why I had anxiety during the date. It was a combination of her not wanting anything and not taking off her ozt Yeah sure..okay. Continue your fantasy... I'm out. 1
Author smg15 Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 Frankly I am not buying for one second she wants to go out with him again...or that they had this two hour call last night...or that they will "probably" "maybe" be going out next Saturday... Not sure what the hell is going on with the OP...but NONE of this is making any sense whatsoever! He's bs'ing us now... not sure why but he is.. You maybe right, you never get a second chance to make a first impression. So it's likely we wont see each other again dye to how arkward the date was. But we seem to have good phone chemistry which is why we always talk for 2 hours
Author smg15 Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 Huh! what? Are you serious? you invite to dinner women from online dating sites just so they can give tips on how to attract women?? No wonder you think women are after your money!! You use your money to attract company under false pretends!! It's for friendship
Versacehottie Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Yeah sure..okay. Continue your fantasy... I'm out. I'm also confused as to why he contacted her again after this horrible date, when it's against his rule and date wasn't fun or into him. And then came on here to essentially rant. Hmmmm, while at the same time a miraculous second date is set up and 2 hour convo has occurred. Something doesn't add up. ps no golddiger girl is going to the movies either. along with dinner that's a four hour commitment at least. if she actually shows up for the date as planned, she has no intention of using u.
Gaeta Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 It's for friendship Friends pick their own bills when they go out. This is the heart of your problem. You are afraid of being used because YOU use people.
Author smg15 Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 I'm also confused as to why he contacted her again after this horrible date, when it's against his rule and date wasn't fun or into him. And then came on here to essentially rant. Hmmmm, while at the same time a miraculous second date is set up and 2 hour convo has occurred. Something doesn't add up. ps no golddiger girl is going to the movies either. along with dinner that's a four hour commitment at least. if she actually shows up for the date as planned, she has no intention of using u. I only contacted her again because she sent me a text after the date and then we chatref briefly. Then I called later on bur she sent a text saying she fell asleep and I called her the next night
Author smg15 Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 Friends pick their own bills when they go out. This is the heart of your problem. You are afraid of being used because YOU use people. If someone is doing me a favor I like to show my appreciation
MidwestUSA Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I only contacted her again because she sent me a text after the date and then we chatref briefly. Then I called later on bur she sent a text saying she fell asleep and I called her the next night So she did make the first contact after your date! She followed your 'rules'. So, really you're just taking a poll to see who else goes by this rule? Or did she give you some indication during that chat that she was going to use you on date #2? It seems all is going well, but you're intent on overthinking things.
Gary S Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 The original poster has serious game.... waiting for a woman to message/email/text after a date is a sophisticated and advanced technique. Men are usually the pursuer in the beginning, that's never changed. It used to be that the guy called the girl on the phone for a date in the beginning... the women often won't. And I still recommend that today for newbies, or guys who don't get tons of dates. However, with new technology, things have changed. With the advent of messaging systems on dating sites, email, and texting, it's much less intimidating for women to express attraction, or as like to call it, love level. So, for the sophisticated man who can get plenty of dates, it's a good rule never to contact first after the first few dates - the women with high interest can and will do it themselves! Listen... if, as a man, I have to be the primary pursuer, and make most of the first moves... if I contact a woman first, ask for the number first, call first, make the first date.... I want to see her lift a finger. If she's high maintenance or not interested, she won't. Good! You don't want those anyway! If I make 4-5 first moves, I want to see some interest.... you have to give me something to work with. Why bet on a horse that won't run? besides, you are only looking for one good lady in the end, all the rest don't count. Some of you guys need to develop a backbone. Additionally, recognizing that a woman who won't text after the date is a poor match, could be seen as a gentleman's way of recognizing a lady who does not wish to be pursued. If you understand this, it could actually be seen as classy and sophisticated. It's the opposite of a creepy stalker. What he is doing is perfect... it's efficient, and reduces rejection, man's (and woman's worst fear. Why make dating more difficult than it has to be? If you'll only date woman who like you first and a lot, you'll have a lot less problems, and a much smoother ride. What's not to like?! 1
rester Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 How is treating someone to dinner so she can talk to me about dating tips using someone? She is getting dinner and I'm getting information Can you elaborate on this paying for dinner in exchange for dating tips thing? How does this go down? Are these women friends of yours, or women you connect with online and have never met? Do you tell them ahead of time you want to pay for their dinner in exchange for dating tips? Have you gotten any good dating tips from these encounters, and how many times have you done this? 1
Author smg15 Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 Can you elaborate on this paying for dinner in exchange for dating tips thing? How does this go down? Are these women friends of yours, or women you connect with online and have never met? Do you tell them ahead of time you want to pay for their dinner in exchange for dating tips? Have you gotten any good dating tips from these encounters, and how many times have you done this? Yes they know ahead of time and we meet in a public place. But I have to be attracted to her in order to do this dinner thing
autumnnight Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I want to see her lift a finger. If she's high maintenance or not interested, she won't. I don't want to hijack the thread, but this is new to me. See, in my probably old fashioned or just awkward(?) thinking, I SHOULDN'T be the one to contact hi because THAT would be high maintenance or needy. Men like mystery, men like a challenge, blah blah blah Now, once we have had a couple or so dates and I KNOW he is not just doing cat and mouse, I am fine "letting go," so to speak. But I think I have a mortal fear of being one of "those" clingy, chasey women.
katiegrl Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Gary...I think after you making the first 4-5 moves, it's perfectly reasonable to expect her to take some initiative, text you first, plan a date, etc. Even before 4-5 moves even. I invited my boyfriend over for dinner on our third date! And we've been together ever since...five years and counting! The OP is talking about expecting the woman to text him first after the first initial meet up. I think that is an unrealistic expectation....as woman don't know he is waiting for her to text first .... and will naturally assume HE isn't interested. Not to mention, most women need some sort of assurance that the guy she JUST MET...is into her before she feels comfortable taking the initiative. That's not to say there aren't women out there who will text first after the first meet...but for the OP to automatically dismiss a woman cause she didn't text first after the first meet? That's just unrealistic and franky a dumb aporoach...if his goal is actually to date and not fantasizing about "what if." 3
Gaeta Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Yes they know ahead of time and we meet in a public place. But I have to be attracted to her in order to do this dinner thing Why do you need to be attracted?? As per your own words this is a friendship dinner to exchange dating tips. You are sneaky and full of games. No wonder you are afraid people will play you. You don't mind spending your money on someone YOU played but it bothers you to spend your money on a girl who goes to meet you with a genuine interest. 2
rester Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Yes they know ahead of time and we meet in a public place. But I have to be attracted to her in order to do this dinner thing Okay, so they know ahead of time. That's fair. What about the other questions? Can you elaborate on this paying for dinner in exchange for dating tips thing? How does this go down? Are these women friends of yours, or women you connect with online and have never met? Have you gotten any good dating tips from these encounters, and how many times have you done this? And why do you have to be attracted to them? If you are attracted to them, why would you take them out as friends and not on a date? I know I'm asking a lot, but I'm trying to understand your mindset and social life a bit because all of this sounds very unusual.
Gaeta Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 If he picks them based on attraction it has nothing to do with friendship and getting tips out of them. Yes yes yes he's telling them he will pay dinner for exchange of tips but he's misleading them. He does not care about the tips, he's hoping for a connection maybe a hook up. And these women are opportunist. They do go see him to get a free meal. That is why he knows these women are out there and he's so afraid the table is gonna turn on him. 1
katiegrl Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 OP you're all over the place...your "stories" don't make sense, contradict each other, don't jibe...and you refuse to answer many questions... It's become painfully obvious you don't know what the hell you want... But good luck you're gonna need it.... if you don't get your shyt together... 1
Gary S Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 (edited) I hear you ladies.... sure, not every woman who does not text after the first date is uninterested. This is an advanced thing, for the man who is getting as many dates as he can handle. If he's not getting enough dates, go ahead and call her. This man has witnessed a behavior in the real world, he has learned something. I wanted to validate it for him, because it's true, and has merit. When I was dating, 50% of the women I met from online dating sites would text, wink, or message within a week after the date... and the majority of those sent that "smoke signal" within 24 hours. That's a huge number of women. Keep in mind that technology has changed a couple of things (not a lot of things), this is one of those things. Ten years ago, I could not say this... but with the popularity of texting, it's just waaaaaaay to easy today for a women to send a text after a date when they like the guy... and at least half of them do, if the guy is classy, cool, and funny. If you have not dated for a few years, or are older and have not adopted text, this might be hard to fathom. However, from a ladies' perspective? - I would tell a lady NOT to text. Why? - because you open yourself up to unnecessary rejection (but a guy wrote this post, so I'm addressing guys here... this dating is complicated stuff... ya think?!). Welcome to the world's biggest cat-and-mouse game, dating. I don't like it, but I'm a straight-shooter, I just tell it like it is. Reality is what it is, despite our wants and wishes. Edited February 19, 2015 by Gary S
Versacehottie Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Can you elaborate on this paying for dinner in exchange for dating tips thing? How does this go down? Are these women friends of yours, or women you connect with online and have never met? Do you tell them ahead of time you want to pay for their dinner in exchange for dating tips? Have you gotten any good dating tips from these encounters, and how many times have you done this? Um yeah this whole thing is puzzling. He said they are from "online" and it's "for friendship". To me, that indicates that they are not really friends from before but the creation of some sort of new relationship. And since he needs to be attracted to them in order to invite them to this informative gathering, sounds like he is mining them from a dating site. In which case, these girls show up under the impression that they are on a date?? So messed up. I don't think girls would agree to this scenario with some weirdo "promoting" it up front. So my guess is that they don't know. Either that or he's just worded things so crazy in these posts and he means long-standing friends of his that he is mining for information. Plus, OP you are getting great dating tips right here, if you'd take the advice. You don't even need to buy us dinner.
Versacehottie Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 So to OP, do you honestly believe that your qualities are so lacking that the number one reason some girl chooses to spend time with you is for some silly financial gain of a free coffee or a free dinner? Don't you have some other qualities that might explain the reason why a girl would decide to go anywhere with you? Or is it just a fistful of cash--well-budgeted, I might add. I don't know, it doesn't even have to be THE number one quality. Even Reasons 1-5? That's on you to figure out why in the world someone would go on a date with you and if you can't come up with any other reasons then minimal financial gain, you probably should work on yourself first. Listen there are no guarantees that a first date will turn into a second or a third or something more. You paying for it doesn't make you the only one who decides. That's a power play not a hope for a real relationship. There may be a multitude of reasons that a girl doesn't want a second date--you just have to take that risk. Neither party is obligated. That's why you should choose an amount of money you are willing to part with no expectations other than the HOPE of a good time. Being there to milk you dry of your cash is typically not the reason girls show up on a date--so very low level risk that this is what will be going on. But you can continue to believe that and you probably get exactly what you deserve. Girls using guys for a "free night out" is not common in the scenario you speak of and you are not even the target market for it!!! 1
elaine567 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I hear you ladies.... sure, not every woman who does not text after the first date is uninterested. This is an advanced thing, for the man who is getting as many dates as he can handle. If he's not getting enough dates, go ahead and call her. This man has witnessed a behavior in the real world, he has learned something. I wanted to validate it for him, because it's true, and has merit. It is obvious you are new here. smg15 is, I can assure you by no means "the sophisticated man who can get plenty of dates" nor "the man who is getting as many dates as he can handle". What you are suggesting is PUA technique for getting sex and filtering out those not up for it. That is not good advice for a man trying to find a gf. 1
Dybbuk Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Didn't read through all 9 pages but your logic is flawed. I ALWAYS contact a man after the first date to thank him for taking me out. It's out of courtesy and good manners, not because I'm interested in a second date. If he asks me out on a second date, then at that point I'll either take him up on a second date, or tell him I'm not interested. On the flip side there are some women who don't contact first afterward because they do not want to appear needy, or overly attached. They leave it to the man to confirm he had a good time and is interested in seeing her again. Neither method is more or less correct than the other and EVERY person has a different view on first date protocols. The women that are going to 'use' you will do so with a smile on their face pretending to be interested when they're really not. The women who don't text back after a first date may be trying their best to respect your space and not be overly needy but had a great time and hoping you did too! A shy girl might just want a guy to text them first to set up a new date. Strict rules will narrow your dating pool. Be flexible. 1
Author smg15 Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 Why do you need to be attracted?? As per your own words this is a friendship dinner to exchange dating tips. You are sneaky and full of games. No wonder you are afraid people will play you. You don't mind spending your money on someone YOU played but it bothers you to spend your money on a girl who goes to meet you with a genuine interest. I want to meet an outgoing woman who is willing to go to dinner and talk to me about first dates.
Author smg15 Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 Okay, so they know ahead of time. That's fair. What about the other questions? Can you elaborate on this paying for dinner in exchange for dating tips thing? How does this go down? Are these women friends of yours, or women you connect with online and have never met? Have you gotten any good dating tips from these encounters, and how many times have you done this? And why do you have to be attracted to them? If you are attracted to them, why would you take them out as friends and not on a date? I know I'm asking a lot, but I'm trying to understand your mindset and social life a bit because all of this sounds very unusual. I am not treating a woman Im not attracted to for dating tips. The goal for me is to meet someone Im attracted to and have an idea on what to do on the next date.
rester Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 I am not treating a woman Im not attracted to for dating tips. I'm really trying to understand what you are trying to do without making assumptions about your intentions, but I do not understand. It sounds like you are finding women that you are attracted to online, offering them a dinner in exchange for dating tips, they agree, you go on said dinner, and you get dating tips from them? Is that right? The goal for me is to meet someone Im attracted to and have an idea on what to do on the next date. I can understand that goal, it's just the way you're going about it that I'm trying to understand. Have you considered hiring an actual dating coach rather than trying to get tips from random women you meet online? 1
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