Gaeta Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 No, used for a free night out A free night out in a coffee shop? You must have been afraid she grabbed a doughnut with that hot chocolate. 2
Author smg15 Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 This is what you said: "That you want to see the girl make an effort to contact you first so you will know for a fact she is interested and not trying to get a free night out. Lol" Now you're saying "sometimes". Which is it? Your rules are going to severely limit you. Given that a second date should be set up before the end of the first, your whole strategy is moot anyway. In between dates, I would like the girl to pick up the phone and say hello to me sometimes. That is what I am saying
katiegrl Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 a free night out in a coffee shop? You must have been afraid she grabbed a doughnut with that hot chocolate. lol!! ...... 1
Author smg15 Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 A free night out in a coffee shop? You must have been afraid she grabbed a doughnut with that hot chocolate. Not the coffee shop, I'm talking about dinner and movies on date 2
losangelena Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 In between dates, I would like the girl to pick up the phone and say hello to me sometimes. That is what I am saying Which is totally reasonable. I think you're getting a lot of blowback here because the way you worded your initial message, it does sound like you expect the girl to follow up first after the date. That's WAY different than saying you want, at some point in your communication, for the girl to reach out to you first. I've learned that in posting to LS, you have to be VERY specific in your questions and statements. 1
Diezel Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Not the coffee shop, I'm talking about dinner and movies on date 2 You insist that you don't want to do all the contacting and paying and yet, this dating method of dinner and a movie completely contradicts your dating views. You're either in the 1950's dating mentality or you aren't.
Author smg15 Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 And the coat thing ! He was waiting for her to take her coat off and she didn't so he kept his coat on as well. I bet you this girl went home and told her girlfriends 'he didn't even take his coat off so I kept mine on'. She said last night she didn't talk it off because we were setting by the door and she would feel the draft everytime someone came inside So when you factor in her not wanting anything and keeping her coat on, it just made me think she was just staying to be nice. I almost got up and walked out the cafe without saying a word because of the "not interested" vibe I got from her.
katiegrl Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Not the coffee shop, I'm talking about dinner and movies on date 2 Okay but here's the thing....if a woman isn't really into you...and only wants free meals, etc. she will be MORE inclined to call you after the first date! Why? Because she is not afraid of being rejected (since she's not into you) AND because she wants that free dinner!! You've got things all backwards!!! 4
Gaeta Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I almost got up and walked out the cafe without saying a word because of the "not interested" vibe I got from her. And now do you feel she is interested? Smg15: The second date does not have to be a dinner and a movie. There are many inexpensive dates you can suggest. May I ask how old you are?
MidwestUSA Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I almost got up and walked out the cafe without saying a word because of the "not interested" vibe I got from her. And that would have been really rude. You're very black and white with your rules, expectations, and behavior, not only with dating, but your workplace. Have you ever been diagnosed with a social disorder of some type? 4
katiegrl Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 She said last night she didn't talk it off because we were setting by the door and she would feel the draft everytime someone came inside So when you factor in her not wanting anything and keeping her coat on, it just made me think she was just staying to be nice. I almost got up and walked out the cafe without saying a word because of the "not interested" vibe I got from her. Oh good lord...you actually asked her why she didn't take her coat off? I am not believing any of this dude... nice try though..lol
elaine567 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 No, used for a free night out And... This is what dating women is all about. If you do not want to spend any money, then stop dating. DO not see this as taking HER out or she is just USING you. See this as an investment in your future happiness, use the dates as a learning experience in how to talk to women and how to suss the bad one's out, and just have some fun. 2
Author smg15 Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 You insist that you don't want to do all the contacting and paying and yet, this dating method of dinner and a movie completely contradicts your dating views. You're either in the 1950's dating mentality or you aren't. Sometimes I promote free dinner online because I may want a girl to assist me with something. But in this case when I am trying to date you I try to avoid just getting used for dinner
Author smg15 Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 Oh good lord...you actually asked her why she didn't take her coat off? I am not believing any of this dude... nice try though..lol No I didn't ask her I noticed she didn't take her coat. That was all new to me on a first meet because women I have met in the past during this time of year always took off their coat
Author smg15 Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 And now do you feel she is interested? Smg15: The second date does not have to be a dinner and a movie. There are many inexpensive dates you can suggest. May I ask how old you are? I'm 29 years old
elaine567 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Sometimes I promote free dinner online because I may want a girl to assist me with something. But in this case when I am trying to date you I try to avoid just getting used for dinner So you are happy using other people, but not happy being used... 3
katiegrl Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 No I didn't ask her I noticed she didn't take her coat. That was all new to me on a first meet because women I have met in the past during this time of year always took off their coat So what prompted her to tell you why she didn't take her cost off then? (I am presuming she told you last night during this "so called" two hour phone call you allegedly had). Did she just offer this information out of the blue? How did the subject come up?? (scratching head)...
Versacehottie Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Okay but here's the thing....if a woman isn't really into you...and only wants free meals, etc. she will be MORE inclined to call you after the first date! Why? Because she is not afraid of being rejected (since she's not into you) AND because she wants that free dinner!! You've got things all backwards!!! On top of that, a golddigger will suggest things right up front. Like wanting to go to certain places or have certain things. They test the limits right away and don't waste time with guys who can't ante up. You really have things all twisted about money. Smart GIRLS who are worthy catches usually RUN from this type of guy. It's a miracle she wants to go out with a second time. But obviously not that important to her since she is waiting nearly two weeks to go. She sounds uptight too with the coat and no order. Maybe a perfect match? But even if she's not really a catch, I can tell from the story she is in NO WAY using you, buddy. 2
mammasita Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I don't do dinner for first dates anymore. I usually meet them at a local bar and we each have a drink. I pick up the tab but its only like $10-15 This exactly. I say this over and over. Dinner for a first meeting is way too much. OP - I agree with an earlier post by Gaeta - your thinking is flawed. Waiting it out is playing games. Games are for kids. Be an adult, if you like someone, reach out. 1
BluEyeL Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I appreciate the monetary challenges men have when dating and that it's frustrating to pay for dates and not get a follow up. But this is the still widely accepted mode of operation and it usually only goes for first dates. This is why, keeping first dates low cost is a good idea. Men know that they should, for the most part, be the pursuers. Women also know that, for the most part, an interested man will contact her first, because it's socially acceptable that he's the pursuer. Even in 2015. So, one girl can be open to contacting you first, while another can be very interested but adhere to this social norm and wait for you to contact her. If she is not interested, she'll say no to your second date invitation. If she says yes, chances are she is interested. Date women who have stable jobs and they will not be interested in free dinners. I wouldn't go to dinner with someone I didn't like. There are, however, no guarantees that you'll get sex or a relationship out of whatever you paid for the first couple of dates. Dating is not a guarantee or your money back affair. I think your overfocusing on "not being used for dinner" is quite irrational and frankly, unattractive. 3
katiegrl Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 (edited) On top of that, a golddigger will suggest things right up front. Like wanting to go to certain places or have certain things. They test the limits right away and don't waste time with guys who can't ante up. You really have things all twisted about money. Smart GIRLS who are worthy catches usually RUN from this type of guy. It's a miracle she wants to go out with a second time. But obviously not that important to her since she is waiting nearly two weeks to go. She sounds uptight too with the coat and no order. Maybe a perfect match? But even if she's not really a catch, I can tell from the story she is in NO WAY using you, buddy. Frankly I am not buying for one second she wants to go out with him again...or that they had this two hour call last night...or that they will "probably" "maybe" be going out next Saturday... Not sure what the hell is going on with the OP...but NONE of this is making any sense whatsoever! He's bs'ing us now... not sure why but he is.. Edited February 19, 2015 by katiegrl 1
Versacehottie Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I can only think of one plausible solution to the way you are feeling and I'm serious. You should wait until a girl asks you out and of course since she did the asking, she should pay on first date. This solves all of your issues. It will be a longer wait, because as someone said, these are not generally accepted social norms. But it does happen. Then you will be sure she is not using you, nor getting a free dinner out of it and she will have contacted you first. Honestly you should wait for this scenario. Don't know what will happen on second date with this unicorn though 1
Author smg15 Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 So you are happy using other people, but not happy being used... How is treating someone to dinner so she can talk to me about dating tips using someone? She is getting dinner and I'm getting information
Author smg15 Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 So what prompted her to tell you why she didn't take her cost off then? (I am presuming she told you last night during this "so called" two hour phone call you allegedly had). Did she just offer this information out of the blue? How did the subject come up?? (scratching head)... Because I was explaining to her on the phone last night why I had anxiety during the date. It was a combination of her not wanting anything and not taking off her ozt
Gaeta Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 How is treating someone to dinner so she can talk to me about dating tips using someone? She is getting dinner and I'm getting information Huh! what? Are you serious? you invite to dinner women from online dating sites just so they can give tips on how to attract women?? No wonder you think women are after your money!! You use your money to attract company under false pretends!!
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