Buddhist Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Why would you say something nasty? Why is one sign of disinterest a reason to get nasty or to call a woman foolish? Because he has no coping strategies for rejection and projects his shame onto others. Just a guess. 1
Mangina Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 If she doesn't call or text you at all after the first date then you are not on her mind. Girls who like you will call you first sometimes.
losangelena Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 If she doesn't call or text you at all after the first date then you are not on her mind. Girls who like you will call you first sometimes. SOMETIMES is the key word here. I have initiated first with a guy between a first and second date, but only IF I thought he wasn't picking up the ball fast enough. It didn't have anything to do with how much I liked him. Often, the more I liked him, the less apt I'd be to initiate first, in the fear of coming off "too forward." 1
Mangina Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 SOMETIMES is the key word here. I have initiated first with a guy between a first and second date, but only IF I thought he wasn't picking up the ball fast enough. It didn't have anything to do with how much I liked him. Often, the more I liked him, the less apt I'd be to initiate first, in the fear of coming off "too forward." Yeah I forgot this is loveshack
losangelena Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Yeah I forgot this is loveshack Say what you will, but that's pretty typical female behavior. I think all a lot of us are saying is that OP may do well to jettison this particular rule. Sure, in a perfect world, a girl would follow up with a guy first no problem, but as it is, we've been told over, and over, and over again to NEVER initiate first, at least not in the beginning stages, because men love the "chase," and by initiating, we're taking that aspect away and the man will get bored. In that case, OP is rare in explicitly expecting the women he goes out with to initiate first at some point. I don't know how many men would actually prefer that, but there's a fair bit of female programing that's going to have to happen before that becomes a woman's default action. If OP wants to keep to his protocol, then by all means, carry on. 1
mightycpa Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I have a fear of being used. LolMy God, that is so stupid. Would you use someone to get a dinner or a movie? If so, maybe you deserve what you're getting in return.
LifeandPerseverance Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Your technique is flawed. Agreed. No matter how bad I want to after a first date, I don't contact the guy. I let him come to me. That's how we gage if you're really interested or if we're "chasing" you.
elaine567 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 This girl already contacted you first, after the date. Then you decide to phone at some ungodly "booty call" hour, and she doesn't pick up because she is asleep (like half the world's population is at that time of night). BUT she texts you first thing in the morning to let you now she was asleep, and NOW you think you may be being used if you organise a 2nd date... What's a girl gotta do? 3
mightycpa Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 This girl already contacted you first, after the date. Then you decide to phone at some ungodly "booty call" hour, and she doesn't pick up because she is asleep (like half the world's population is at that time of night). BUT she texts you first thing in the morning to let you now she was asleep, and NOW you think you may be being used if you organise a 2nd date... What's a girl gotta do? Avoid dumbass guys... which, they pretty much do, which is why he's on here asking what is wrong. 5
autumnnight Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Just because a woman agrees to go out with you doesn't mean she is interested. It's confirmed by communication between dates I am assuming you are assuming all women are psychic? I will confess something. If the date went really well and I think I may really like him, I am more apt NOT to make first contact after the date because I don't want to be too anxious. If he contacts me, that gives me the green light to loosen up and contact back without worrying about seeming "high maintenance." Yeah, I know. The point is when we start expecting someone to read our minds and pass some test we didn't even tell them about, it isn't going to work most of the time. 3
organizedchaos Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Just because a woman agrees to go out with you doesn't mean she is interested. It's confirmed by communication between dates So how has this rule worked out for you so far? How many second dates have you had using this rule? How many relationships have you been in using this rule? 1
alphamale Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 If he contacts me, that gives me the green light to loosen up and contact back without worrying about seeming "high maintenance." either way we're going to think you're high maintenance 1
Versacehottie Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I have a fear of being used. Lol Don't take this the wrong way, but a guy on a budget isn't really getting used for his money!!!! It's just a wake up call that the type of girls who use guys for their money go for big fish!! And big spenders. You should spend what you can afford to and want to and do it generously, ie don't look back. Even if it is $10 to go to frozen yogurt or something. You need to really work on feeling like someone is using you for a free meal or whatever they get on a date. The majority of girls don't do that AND the ones that do are pretty obvious. If you can't feel/see the difference, then you should probably really examine and work on your relationship with money. You won't find love happily if you are keeping score like this. Good luck 4
katiegrl Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 That you want to see the girl make an effort to contact you first so you will know for a fact she is interested and not trying to get a free night out. Lol Good luck with that. Problem is....she wants the guy to contact her again so SHE will know he's interested in her! Which most confident red-blooded males will do...and she knows that. She doesn't know that YOU are waiting for her to contact...so she will think you're just interested and move on to a guy who doesn't need to play such silly games. If you want to make sure she just doesn't want a free night out....plan something that doesn't cost a lot of money....or any money! How about a day time date... a picnic or the zoo. Both are pretty cheap...problem solved! 1
katiegrl Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Avoid dumbass guys... which, they pretty much do, which is why he's on here asking what is wrong. LOL...good answer! And so true....
katiegrl Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Good luck with that. Problem is....she wants the guy to contact her again so SHE will know he's interested in her! Which most confident red-blooded males will do...and she knows that. She doesn't know that YOU are waiting for her to contact...so she will think you're just interested and move on to a guy who doesn't need to play such silly games. If you want to make sure she just doesn't want a free night out....plan something that doesn't cost a lot of money....or any money! How about a day time date... a picnic or the zoo. Both are pretty cheap...problem solved! ^^Second paragraph....she will think you're just NOT interested and move on.... 1
travelbug1996 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 If you're worried about money concerning the 2nd date you shouldn't be dating. No woman wants to date a guy that's so consumed with money when she's looking to be courted and taken seriously. Besides if you don't have money to show her a good time, even low budget, maybe you should work on your career and not worry about a girl giving you reassurance that she likes you after 1 date. You sound passive and I avoid those guys like the plague. lol 1
Author smg15 Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 Well I called and she told me my nervousness turned her off. I was doing a lot of shaking and didn't look comfortable. That's because when I first arrived at the cafe and asked her what she wanted her response was "NOTHING" so the anxiety started because I took that as her being disappointed in me physically. So that statement by her set the NERVOUS TONE We supposed to see each other again soon
NJ123 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Well I called and she told me my nervousness turned her off. I was doing a lot of shaking and didn't look comfortable. That's because when I first arrived at the cafe and asked her what she wanted her response was "NOTHING" so the anxiety started because I took that as her being disappointed in me physically. So that statement by her set the NERVOUS TONE We supposed to see each other again soon So I guess it really is true, that women want complete confidence or else they get turned off. Seems a lot of women just hate when guys are nervous around them.
MidwestUSA Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Well I called and she told me my nervousness turned her off. I was doing a lot of shaking and didn't look comfortable. That's because when I first arrived at the cafe and asked her what she wanted her response was "NOTHING" so the anxiety started because I took that as her being disappointed in me physically. So that statement by her set the NERVOUS TONE We supposed to see each other again soon Why would you take it to mean she was disappointed. Wouldn't it simply mean she didn't want coffee or anything? 2
Author smg15 Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 Why would you take it to mean she was disappointed. Wouldn't it simply mean she didn't want coffee or anything? Because u can't sit in a coffee shop and not order anything. So I thought that was her indirect way of saying she wanted to leave.
losangelena Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Mmm ... it sounds a bit like you're projecting your insecurity about your looks onto others' behavior, when one might not have anything to do with the other. I get it—I used to weight well over 300 pounds, and so I still, half my former self, assume that others' reaction to me have something to do with how I look. It's taken a lot for me to believe at all that it could stem from something totally unrelated. Maybe this girl was just as nervous as you at first and didn't want anything. Or simply wasn't hungry. I agree, it is awkward and does nothing to help the other person feel at-ease, but that doesn't mean it had anything to do with her finding you physically unappealing. You're drawing that conclusion all on your own. 3
Gaeta Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 We supposed to see each other again soon What do you mean soon? How went that conversation?
Diezel Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I'm on a budget and can't afford to ask someone out if they are not contacting me first after a date. I mean if she contacts me first atleast once then im.cool. But I can't do the chasing and all the contacting. I just cant So what you are saying is you'd rather be a woman? How about this. Work on your life, career, studies, whatever you are doing. Make more money, get more life experience and THEN focus on going out. I don't see how your lame attempt at dating could work. Be a man. Women like that. 6
katiegrl Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 so what you are saying is you'd rather be a woman? How about this. Work on your life, career, studies, whatever you arena doing. Make more money, get more life experience and then focus on going out. I don't see how your lame attempt at dating could work. Be a man. Women like that. +1000..........
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