smg15 Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 That you want to see the girl make an effort to contact you first so you will know for a fact she is interested and not trying to get a free night out. Lol I'm on a budget and can't afford to ask someone out if they are not contacting me first after a date. I mean if she contacts me first atleast once then im.cool. But I can't do the chasing and all the contacting. I just cant
Gaeta Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 And how is that working for you? I bet about 80% of women after a 1st date wait for the man to contact them. So you miss out on those. Your technique is flawed. If you contact her after a 1 date to set up a second date then you have control over what kind of 2nd date you want. You can go to a park, bike ride, a festival, you can keep it low cost. If you let the lady call you for a date she might be thinking restaurant, then movies, then a glass a wine in a pub.....$$$ 12
todreaminblue Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 I agree with gaeta if you have a budget in mind dont expect a woman to know what that budget is....set the date the place the time.....and maybe on the second date explain your financial situation so she can set a date that fits both of your budgets.....deb
Author smg15 Posted February 18, 2015 Author Posted February 18, 2015 And how is that working for you? I bet about 80% of women after a 1st date wait for the man to contact them. So you miss out on those. Your technique is flawed. If you contact her after a 1 date to set up a second date then you have control over what kind of 2nd date you want. You can go to a park, bike ride, a festival, you can keep it low cost. If you let the lady call you for a date she might be thinking restaurant, then movies, then a glass a wine in a pub.....$$$ I'm talking about contact to say good morning to confirm interest. I don't want to be.doing all the contacting on top of paying
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 I don't do dinner for first dates anymore. I usually meet them at a local bar and we each have a drink. I pick up the tab but its only like $10-15 4
Buddhist Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 People who create rigid rules normally end up alone. 12
Author smg15 Posted February 18, 2015 Author Posted February 18, 2015 People who create rigid rules normally end up alone. I have a fear of being used. Lol
organizedchaos Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 I'm talking about contact to say good morning to confirm interest. I don't want to be.doing all the contacting on top of paying Why, does it cost you money to send a text as well? Dumb rule. Contact her, set another date and make it something that doesn't require a lot of money. If she's up for that, then you know she's not looking to just get free meals. Make it simple. 4
preraph Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 Because there are differing opinions on who should contact who first after the first date, I don't think you can make any rule about it. My rule is if someone does something nice for me, I thank them the next day. But as you see, others are waiting to see if the guy will call them or not. And in fairness, I would thank anyone who showed me a good time, regardless of whether I'd accept a second date with them or not, so..... 1
clevelander321 Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 Girls can sense insecurity. Why wouldn't she be interested,?
Buddhist Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 I have a fear of being used. Lol Thats not a unique fear. But there are two options. 1. Risk being used in order to create a proper connection with someone. 2. Keep all your rules in place and possibly miss out on a real connection and end up with someone who follows all these rules but uses you anyway. Having some rule about texting will not determine whether or not you get used. Learning to discriminate between different people and their motivations will. Make dates that don't cost much money, or any money. Can't you guys meet up for a walk? A free art gallery or something of that nature? Personally I hate going to dinner on first dates.....if I don't like the guy I have to sit through a whole dinner in order to be polite. Much rather we met up in the local park, had a 30min chat in order to make up our minds. 5
Author smg15 Posted February 18, 2015 Author Posted February 18, 2015 Why, does it cost you money to send a text as well? Dumb rule. Contact her, set another date and make it something that doesn't require a lot of money. If she's up for that, then you know she's not looking to just get free meals. Make it simple. Just because a woman agrees to go out with you doesn't mean she is interested. It's confirmed by communication between dates
Author smg15 Posted February 18, 2015 Author Posted February 18, 2015 Girls can sense insecurity. Why wouldn't she be interested,? Well I haven't asked her out a second time yet. She contacted me first after the date., I called later that evening ng and she didnt pick up. She sent a text the next morning saying she fell asleep so that is where it is right now I could call tonight and she may say she is not available this weekend. So I will see later
alphamale Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 take your chicks to burger king, they have 2 for $5 sandwiches
Gaeta Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 I could call tonight and she may say she is not available this weekend. So I will see later Listen well. Call her and invite her out for a 2nd date. Ask her if she is free on X night. If she says she is busy then ask her WHEN she is free. If she gives you a specific night she is free that means she is interested. If she says something like I will let you know, sometimes next week, if she says anything uncertain that means she is not very interested. 3
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 I disagree with all dating "rules". If it's the right sort of girl, it won't matter. If both parties are interested, it will happen. It doesn't really matter who texts/contacts the other first. To save money, talk to them for a couple days/week before taking them out to dinner.
TigerCub Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 Hey Op, I just want to understand this: - You take a girl out and pay for the first date - you have a MUST that she should be the first to contact you after the 1st date - If she doesn't contact you, you move on - You take out the next girl for the 1st date.... Repeat the cycle... Wouldn't that end up costing you more money in the long run? I mean maybe the girl that didn't contact you first really did like you and had it in mind to suggest the 2nd date and pay once you contacted her (which shows her interest ) dunno, just seems like your system would end up costing you more money.. 6
Satu Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 Rules and strategies kill spontaneity, and spontaneity is where a lot of the fun comes from. 1
Author smg15 Posted February 18, 2015 Author Posted February 18, 2015 Listen well. Call her and invite her out for a 2nd date. Ask her if she is free on X night. If she says she is busy then ask her WHEN she is free. If she gives you a specific night she is free that means she is interested. If she says something like I will let you know, sometimes next week, if she says anything uncertain that means she is not very interested. Well then I may say something nasty because she could have easily not contacted me again instead of accepting a call to tell me she is not interested. So I hope she is not that foolish.
Author smg15 Posted February 18, 2015 Author Posted February 18, 2015 I disagree with all dating "rules". If it's the right sort of girl, it won't matter. If both parties are interested, it will happen. It doesn't really matter who texts/contacts the other first. To save money, talk to them for a couple days/week before taking them out to dinner. That's what the plan is, I am going to suggest next saturday instead of the one approaching.
losangelena Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 Well then I may say something nasty because she could have easily not contacted me again instead of accepting a call to tell me she is not interested. So I hope she is not that foolish. Why would you say something nasty? Why is one sign of disinterest a reason to get nasty or to call a woman foolish? Furthermore, you only grant a second date to the women who follow a "rule" they don't even know they're being held to? I just ask all that for clarification. Because if so, that seems somewhat ... unreasonable. I'll tell you something—women respond much better to acts of generosity than to some perceived yet unspoken expectation, that's for sure. 3
Author smg15 Posted February 18, 2015 Author Posted February 18, 2015 Hey Op, I just want to understand this: - You take a girl out and pay for the first date - you have a MUST that she should be the first to contact you after the 1st date - If she doesn't contact you, you move on - You take out the next girl for the 1st date.... Repeat the cycle... Wouldn't that end up costing you more money in the long run? I mean maybe the girl that didn't contact you first really did like you and had it in mind to suggest the 2nd date and pay once you contacted her (which shows her interest ) dunno, just seems like your system would end up costing you more money.. No I said in between the first and second date, she has to contact me first atleast once to confirm there is interest. I don't feel I should do the chasing and the paying because it will feel like the interest is one-sided. And shouldn't any guy want to feel like she is interested before he goes out with her again? I don't go to work everyday to provide free dinner to all the woman in my area.
Author smg15 Posted February 19, 2015 Author Posted February 19, 2015 Why would you say something nasty? Why is one sign of disinterest a reason to get nasty or to call a woman foolish? Furthermore, you only grant a second date to the women who follow a "rule" they don't even know they're being held to? I just ask all that for clarification. Because if so, that seems somewhat ... unreasonable. I'll tell you something—women respond much better to acts of generosity than to some perceived yet unspoken expectation, that's for sure. Because if she is not interested she was not supposed to contact me again. You don't send a guy a text to see if he got home and then text him good morning the following day if you have no intentions on seeing him again. Just like me 3 weeks ago, met a girl who looked nothing like her picture and I did not text or call her the same night or the days after because it was no point since I knew I had no interest in seeing her again.
blackcat777 Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I would never, ever speak to a man again if he didn't follow up after the first date. But, that's just me. All parts of my biology and psyche considered, I like to know that a man I'm getting involved with is confident, decisive, and capable of taking charge. If they never call, this is my vetting process. Not everyone is the same, but many, many women do look for these things. I'm also not a gold digger and have always preferred to take turns paying for dates. But I do take a moment to see how the man behaves, especially in the beginning. I should add that spending too much on the first date is a red flag. It smacks of desperation. Not saying you spent a lot, but I'm saying there is no need to spend much at all. It's about the meeting, not the money. 1
Gaeta Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 Because if she is not interested she was not supposed to contact me again. You don't send a guy a text to see if he got home and then text him good morning the following day if you have no intentions on seeing him again.. Not everything is black or white. This girl liked you enough to initiate contact with you after the date. Sometimes we meet someone and we're sitting in between 2 chairs about him, we need a second date to confirm there was indeed chemistry. The way this man will communicate with us between date 1 and 2 will also influence us liking him more or liking him less. Example if I met someone that I plan on seeing again but between date 1 and 2 he's absent, does not touch base, leaves me in middle of conversation on text without warning, all that will make me lose interest. In your other threads you were exchanging with her and you said that you stopped answering. Don't do that!! You're old enough to be polite and indicate the communication is over by saying good night, or talk soon, have a good night, anything. I have a feeling you are young that is why I sound motherly, sorry lol
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