Author Gloria25 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 This is true for me as well. My boyfriend does have some weight on him, but strictly body weight and shape doesn't matter for attraction or love. It does matter just initially, when someone catches your eye, but love has nothing to do with it. I'm weird and I always had a fetish for someone's eyes. If they are kind, warm...I'm hooked. That's what kept me going back to him, the look in his eyes. While doing OLD I did meet men who were much more conventionally attractive and fit, but their attitudes and "issues" made them poor long term partners, so I did let them go. While searching, I 100% eliminated looks from my criteria for a long term partner, that's not what makes for a good long term match. The 50 yo active boss who is married to a less active and more overweight husband may not "just want companionship", she may, gasp, just love her husband the way he is. It bothers me a little that people most likely say the same thing about me, i.e. that "I just wanted companionship" and that "I settled", implying that I am not attracted or love my boyfriend because he's overweight, which is the farthest thing from the truth. He is tall, he has a handsome face, he is kind, smart, funny and I love him. The fact that he's bigger just makes me feel smaller. But then I think, oh well, let them think whatever makes them feel better about themselves and their own situation and I'll just have my love and happiness. And I'm 43 yo and I did meet men my age and older that were fit. Not all of them are fat. So, again, the point being raised is that people who are fit have "issues" and make bad companions. Well, to each their own. To me, how someone "presents" themself tells me how they feel about themselves and me. Staying fit for me is akin to the clothes they wear and grooming. If they do not take care of their body and present that to me - they in essence are telling me that I am not worthy of someone who takes care of themselves. Again, and for me, it's not just about "appearance". I like to do physical things. The more you have in common with someone, the glue that would keep the RL together is stronger. So, if he can't do physical things with me, then we won't have something in common.
ComingInHot Posted February 21, 2015 Posted February 21, 2015 Everyones so PC about everything thses days that its become shallow to have a preference and hold out for it! I prefer my women fit and I wouldn't settle for anything but!! For loads of reasons - because i'm more attracted to that, because fitness is a big part of my life and i'd like her to understand and share that, because I want to be able to do things together around fitness or that require fitness! I don't think that's shallow I think that's being realistic about whether a relationship would work long term - not everyone has the same checklist of what they look for in a mate (nor should they) and it shouldn't be shallow to look for the qualities you want. Where the issue comes in is when your preference becomes unachievable or unsustainable. I.e. if you want a man of high fitness but your not fit yourself then its time to change one of those things. Its funny though, cause I've held physical jobs all my life, (worked on the farm since I was 14, I've fished, lifeguarded, worked in a kennels. I play semi-pro football and I was lucky enough to get into the fire service right after studying outdoor ed at college) ...and and I love working physically hard jobs - if I didn't id go get a job in an office, I often come home shattered but there are tons of perks, one of which is my jobs have always helped keep me incredibly fit. At least in the sense that it helps me stay in shape, I feel fit, and it helps increase my strength, endurance, stamina - all of that! At the kennels I was averaging an easy 30,000+ steps a day and in the fire service I'm lucky to be able to use the gym whilst at work! But at the same time however fit physical jobs make you, any job where your bodies your best tool takes a toll on your body! Sometimes my shoulder pops out of place thanks to dislocation I did trying to pull some calves out of thick mud. And my you can still see the scars from a dog bite on my hand - hurts even now if you poke it. And I cant count the number of scratches, tweaked muscles and bangs to the head I've collected over the years. Its just funny that something that makes you so fit is also taking a massive toll. I think its harder to work jobs like that nowadays - our ancestors did it but back then life expectancy was short! I've worked alongside people who'd completely shot their back by 30!! Still, like I say, an office isn't for me so i'll take my chances! Aaand you drive a jeep! So shallow or not, we all like what we like and there is nothing wrong with that. CiH* 1
Got it Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 This is true for me as well. My boyfriend does have some weight on him, but strictly body weight and shape doesn't matter for attraction or love. It does matter just initially, when someone catches your eye, but love has nothing to do with it. I'm weird and I always had a fetish for someone's eyes. If they are kind, warm...I'm hooked. That's what kept me going back to him, the look in his eyes. While doing OLD I did meet men who were much more conventionally attractive and fit, but their attitudes and "issues" made them poor long term partners, so I did let them go. While searching, I 100% eliminated looks from my criteria for a long term partner, that's not what makes for a good long term match. The 50 yo active boss who is married to a less active and more overweight husband may not "just want companionship", she may, gasp, just love her husband the way he is. It bothers me a little that people most likely say the same thing about me, i.e. that "I just wanted companionship" and that "I settled", implying that I am not attracted or love my boyfriend because he's overweight, which is the farthest thing from the truth. He is tall, he has a handsome face, he is kind, smart, funny and I love him. The fact that he's bigger just makes me feel smaller. But then I think, oh well, let them think whatever makes them feel better about themselves and their own situation and I'll just have my love and happiness. And I'm 43 yo and I did meet men my age and older that were fit. Not all of them are fat. I also think it is unrealistic, or at least very unreasonable, to also expect in a marriage for people to stay the exact same fitness level. Since we are talking years, decades, child bearing, age, illness, life, etc. to keep people to a rigid "ideal" is ripe for dissatisfaction. It is obviously a personal choice but I think it is hard for most people to continue. At some point what was easily done at 30 is impossible or exceedingly harder to have that six pack at 60. Yes, health is important, yes a love/passion of life, but I don't need a six pack, it doesn't change my love for my husband. What I need is that look of love in his eyes, his loving and active partnership in our marriage, and his sincere appreciation of my contributions to our relationships. And I hope that is his expectations as well. And a sense of humor. Life gets dull fast when a person doesn't have one or it is only through demeaning others to make them smile. But an intelligent, witty, funny person. That is lovely! 1
RedRobin Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I've tried dating men with some weight on them. Ultimately it didn't work out because their idea of fun usually revolved around food, drinking, and more sedentary activities. I'm not interested in superficial gym rats either. Really just prefer a high energy, active guy otherwise I get bored quick. So for me, it's not all about looks.
BluEyeL Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 So, again, the point being raised is that people who are fit have "issues" and make bad companions. Well, to each their own. To me, how someone "presents" themself tells me how they feel about themselves and me. Staying fit for me is akin to the clothes they wear and grooming. If they do not take care of their body and present that to me - they in essence are telling me that I am not worthy of someone who takes care of themselves. Again, and for me, it's not just about "appearance". I like to do physical things. The more you have in common with someone, the glue that would keep the RL together is stronger. So, if he can't do physical things with me, then we won't have something in common. No, I didn't imply that people who are fit have "issues". I said that putting physical attractiveness as a main criterion is not productive, as this is NOT what brings you happiness on the long term. Fat people and fit people have issues all the same, my point was that those fit men were not good long term partners DESPITE being conventionally attractive, not that they were't good partners BECAUSE they were fit. If I found someone fit, with six packs, who I could build a TRUE connection with, sure, but I did not put that as a criterion. I'm looking for long term love, so I put as criteria what i personally thought makes love last. If for you, being fit is important, because of what you said, similar interests/lifestyles, that's completely fine. The issue is that you came out seeming to say "why do men think it's OK to have a belly and I have to accept it". And that "out of shape people" are kinda gross, which you are entitled to feel. Well, you absolutely do not have to accept it, half of the population doesn't collectively force you to accept a man's belly. That's just your choice. Keep searching and ask less frustrating questions with no answer, worry less and be less outraged about what 'men think'. Because that's in no way productive. 1
Recommended Posts