Fitness and Dating...

[hotpotato]

I'm a soon to be 46 yo woman, petite and a UK size 8 (US size 6).

 

 

I have not yet met a single man of my own age who doesn't look pregnant.

 

 

The men who are in shape are all married or in an LTR.

Single men don't seem to look after themselves. Why?

I have seen men who lose weight when they start dating and also have dated men who lose weight when I am dating them.

It seems looking their best is not important unless they are with someone.

 

 

This is just my experience so far over the past 8 years or so.

 

Yes, and im seeing the same thing with younger men. Theres a lot of obesity where i live plus people get married early. The attractive men get swept up very quickly. Women in other forums have pointed this out so I guess this is fairly widespread.

I remember reading about this in that book about settling. You may he ok looking or hot as a woman but the available men in your age bracket may be very unattractive.I hate to be shallow, but id like someone in good shape.

 

 

Also, ive read that relationships make men thinner. I guess less time at the pub??? Its the opposite for women.

[gaius]

I moved to a place where I don't have to shovel anymore and it's kind of bumming me out. One of the best sources of natural exercise you don't have to pay a membership for taken away.

 

Food is awesome and exercise is boring, so I get how a few extra pounds can sneak up on a person sometimes. But once you start not fitting into your jeans anymore you've gotta do something about it. Something that doesn't involve going out and buying a bigger size.

[Gloria25]

Yes, and im seeing the same thing with younger men. Theres a lot of obesity where i live plus people get married early. The attractive men get swept up very quickly. Women in other forums have pointed this out so I guess this is fairly widespread.

I remember reading about this in that book about settling. You may he ok looking or hot as a woman but the available men in your age bracket may be very unattractive.I hate to be shallow, but id like someone in good shape.

 

 

Also, ive read that relationships make men thinner. I guess less time at the pub??? Its the opposite for women.

 

I don't know if you're referring to guys in RLs or who are married. Cuz, IMO, lots of guys start gaining weight and/or letting go of their appearance once they get married.

 

But yes, IMO, many of the guys who didn't get "snatched up" that are single...seems like they don't care about their appearance - yet expect to get laid left/right.

[Gloria25]

This works both ways as well. I am on the tall slim side for a guy. I remember coming back from a run one evening and overhearing two women talking about my body and what athletic type I was. They seemed to think I was on the slimmer side and were laughing as they had their conversation. The crux of it in their mind was that I didn't measure up to what an average man should look like.

 

The superficial nature of things is that people are turned on by breast implants, or by men who take steroids and increase their muscle mass. We are here talking about it, but it seems hundreds of thousands of people just accept it and do what they have to do to conform.

 

I think our preference in looks may be part sometimes shallow, part preference, and biology.

 

Think of it, women - in order to find a suitable mate to procreate and continue with our species, need a guy who can demonstrate his ability to provide and protect. Now, yes, guys can demonstrate that through money, wealth, a job, things, etc...but, our natural instinct is to look to a guy who "physically" shows he can provide/protect.

 

And men? Men are visual creatures. Features like breasts, hips, etc - instinctively demonstrate fertility. So, men tend to pick women based on whether or not they are physically appealing. I mean, I believe women are more forgiving of a guy's appearance cuz we look beyond his appearance when it comes to picking a suitable mate. Like that supervisor I had. Her hubby wasn't active and attractive like her, but I think she just got to a point where she just wanted company and he was a nice guy. She had her own money and stuff - so she didn't need a guy to provide/protect for her.

[Endles]

There's nothing annoying or obnoxious about having a preference.

 

It only becomes obnoxious or annoying when someone insists others feel the same way or imply that people who don't are somehow slobs or inferior.

 

Or shallow and superficial.

 

Read many post here by people that seem to assume people that are obviously fit and toned looking 'waste' their lives away at the gym obsessing over their bodies.

 

Life is rough trying to balance work, sleep, fitness, diet, entertainment, a love life and whatever else.

 

For me, fitness is entertainment. The couple hours a day 5 to 7 days a week I spend at the gym is probably exceedingly less than the total hours per week people that think I am wasting my life away at the gym, spend watching the lives of people on TV.

 

I watch TV too! Game of Thrones. When I have absolutely nothing else to do (recorded....downloaded). However, some people are watching many TV shows as if it were their life and then state they don't have time to stay fit because they are so busy.

 

People have priorities, I understand. But what I usually see is people who do not prioritize fitness are attracted to people who do and then get all upset when they get rejected and start demeaning the people that rejected them as being shallow and superficial when all it was was a preference.

[autumnnight]

Or shallow and superficial.

 

Read many post here by people that seem to assume people that are obviously fit and toned looking 'waste' their lives away at the gym obsessing over their bodies.

 

Life is rough trying to balance work, sleep, fitness, diet, entertainment, a love life and whatever else.

 

For me, fitness is entertainment. The couple hours a day 5 to 7 days a week I spend at the gym is probably exceedingly less than the total hours per week people that think I am wasting my life away at the gym, spend watching the lives of people on TV.

 

I watch TV too! Game of Thrones. When I have absolutely nothing else to do (recorded....downloaded). However, some people are watching many TV shows as if it were their life and then state they don't have time to stay fit because they are so busy.

 

People have priorities, I understand. But what I usually see is people who do not prioritize fitness are attracted to people who do and then get all upset when they get rejected and start demeaning the people that rejected them as being shallow and superficial when all it was was a preference.

 

Hey, I think being fit and staying healthy is not only attractive, it is responsible. I have people who depend on me. Getting obese and unhealthy and immobile is not an option. And I like to wear pretty clothes lol. And I like feeling good about myself.

 

Not to mention what exercise does for our psyche. There is a difference between staying fit and healthy and becoming like "the situation" on Jersey Shore lol.

[Endles]

 

 

Also, ive read that relationships make men thinner. I guess less time at the pub??? Its the opposite for women.

 

 

I think portion control has more to do with staying thin than anything else, including working out and "eating right". Also, I drink whiskey/scotch on the rocks or neat......after I had a couple on the rocks. I do like beer as well, but I keep that to a minimum.

 

I eat out all the time and if they give me "American" portions, I eat what I think I should and take the rest home in a baggy...or toss it. Seriously, some portions that people eat in a single seating is enough for two meals. And they wonder why they're overweight or blame it on getting older...but no, it's because every day they eat enough food for two people. Which will eventually make them as big as two people.

 

I don't have "small plates" at home, however people keep commenting to me when I have them over for dinner that all my plates are tiny. They are not tiny plates! They're more than big enough to hold the amount of food you should be consuming in a single meal. I consider larger plates to be serving platters.....to serve food to multiple people.

[Maleficent]

But that is a nice way to weed out the shallow... Let them say these things, it will tell you a lot about them. And it says absolutely nothing about you.

 

I run in the park, and I see "bigger" people running, I think, they are working harder than me. And they do not care what I think. I find it attractive. Again, mentality.

 

We want to get back at people like that, but risk polluting our own ways of finding beauty in another person, don't get swept in.

 

Not exactly. When I did OLD, I didn't contact the men who said they didn't want to date women with certain body types (average/overweight).

 

But at first I would contact the men who said they were looking for an athletic girl. Had they said they were looking for an athletic looking girl I wouldn't have contacted them.

 

But I get your point.

[GemmaUK]

Yes, and im seeing the same thing with younger men. Theres a lot of obesity where i live plus people get married early. The attractive men get swept up very quickly. Women in other forums have pointed this out so I guess this is fairly widespread.

I remember reading about this in that book about settling. You may he ok looking or hot as a woman but the available men in your age bracket may be very unattractive.I hate to be shallow, but id like someone in good shape.

 

 

Also, ive read that relationships make men thinner. I guess less time at the pub??? Its the opposite for women.

 

I need to meet a bigger guy then and hope he loses weight?

Is that how men think these days?

They meet someone and then work on themselves?

 

 

I don't gain or lose weight in a RS so that's a non-entity for me. I just barely gain and when/if I do (which is rare) I lose it before it gets to 6/7lbs over.

[gaius]

Food and sex can stimulate the same areas for guys. I know when I eat less I have to have sex or whack off way more. So it makes sense a regular sex life would cause some guys to not eat like a pig anymore. Plus it's good exercise.

[autumnnight]

Food and sex can stimulate the same areas for guys. I know when I eat less I have to have sex or whack off way more. So it makes sense a regular sex life would cause some guys to not eat like a pig anymore. Plus it's good exercise.

 

For some reason this makes me think of that episode of Seinfeld where George Costanza tried to secretly combine food and sex....hahaha

[E-Squared]

I enjoy eating what I like, but considering how I decided to give up cheese and fries for lent, and fatty snacks like chocolates and cookies on the side, I think there might be a good chance that I might drop a few pounds.

 

One thing that I have noticed is that sometimes I have an appetite in between meals and I often wonder what I should do about that.

[Gloria25]

Or shallow and superficial.

 

Read many post here by people that seem to assume people that are obviously fit and toned looking 'waste' their lives away at the gym obsessing over their bodies.

 

Life is rough trying to balance work, sleep, fitness, diet, entertainment, a love life and whatever else.

 

For me, fitness is entertainment. The couple hours a day 5 to 7 days a week I spend at the gym is probably exceedingly less than the total hours per week people that think I am wasting my life away at the gym, spend watching the lives of people on TV.

 

I watch TV too! Game of Thrones. When I have absolutely nothing else to do (recorded....downloaded). However, some people are watching many TV shows as if it were their life and then state they don't have time to stay fit because they are so busy.

 

People have priorities, I understand. But what I usually see is people who do not prioritize fitness are attracted to people who do and then get all upset when they get rejected and start demeaning the people that rejected them as being shallow and superficial when all it was was a preference.

 

Lol....agreed.

 

While working out can sometimes feel like a chore - I have days I look forward to it, come from it energized and even horny. Also, the gym is sorta my new "nightclub" cuz I can break a healthy sweat to music w/o booze, spending, and rude people stepping on me.

 

And yes, I have times I get dehydrated and/or have to stay away from alcohol if I plan to do certain workouts (especially in the summer) so, if it boils down to getting a hangover or drinking too much instead of preserving myself for an event, the event wins. I'm not young anymore...can't drink a ton then have an endless run the next morning w/o consequences...lol

[Got it]

I am interested in a marriage, a long term/life long relationship. So while health is important I do not rate fitness as high. Life has ebb and flows and truly loving someone means you love them through all things. Does this mean I wouldn't struggle if my husband decided he wanted to challenge the Guinness Book or Records. Sure. Because health is important to me.

 

I like to more but I HATE the gym. I exercise through my animals and horses. But with my past history of an eating disorder it would be very unhealthy for me to be with someone that has a strict preference on one's body weight. I am thin and in the same 10 pound range since I was a teen but it would only fuel my unhealthy tendencies to have someone pushing/advocating for it.

 

Could my husband lose weight? Sure. He struggles with it more than me but I love him regardless and I want him to be fit because that makes him happy. But if he falls off the wagon and wants my amazing chocolate chip pecan cookies do I fault him? Nope.

 

My attraction to him is the look of his eyes, the span of his shoulders, the length of his legs, the way he carries himself and his amazing ability with people. Seeing him be him is the biggest turn on I have ever experienced.

 

More important than anything else is someone that has a positive outlook on life, attacks it every day, and enjoys every day. Someone that is fit but an Eeyore, a downer or just negative as hell is like slowly drowning in a tubful of water.

[hotpotato]

I need to meet a bigger guy then and hope he loses weight?

Is that how men think these days?

They meet someone and then work on themselves?

 

 

I don't gain or lose weight in a RS so that's a non-entity for me. I just barely gain and when/if I do (which is rare) I lose it before it gets to 6/7lbs over.

 

I dont know what the answer is thats why im single.

 

 

Personally, im not going to date someone morbidy obese just to have someone. Im actually cool with the healthy look as long as hes active (pro wrestler, linebacker, etc).

[Gloria25]

I dont know what the answer is thats why im single.

 

 

Personally, im not going to date someone morbidy obese just to have someone. Im actually cool with the healthy look as long as hes active (pro wrestler, linebacker, etc).

 

Agreed, he doesn't have to have the same level and/or physical activities that I do, but do "something" and stay in shape. I had guys who didn't run and/or hike - but they climbed, did MMA, walked, swam, lift weights, shoot hoops...."something".

[Omei]

Personally idc how people look physically it doesnt effect me none. If im looking for a partner I want them to be attractive, to me there are still plenty of fit men I find unattractive as I said all those random people ill never speak to in my whole life I dont give two hoots what they look like.

 

More often than not i prefer thin guys with slight arm muscle ever so slight, with a flat tummy over a guy who's got a six pack and beef arms no lie.

[tpham18nm]

You know that guy at the gym who walks around in a tank top, flexing his creatine-pumped muscles, puts his hands together in a coup, and flexes his back while turning side to side looking at himself? OP sounds that a girl version of him . If you are worried about your significant other keeping up with you during physical activities it is probably a good idea to start making connections at your local gym. There are plenty of guys who would be willing to listen to music, sweat, and get horny at the local gym.

[SolG]

Wouldn't even consider seeing a guy that wasn't into a relatively healthy lifestyle - and that includes fitness work. Does that mean he has to look like a muscle bound Adonis? No. But he absolutely has to respect his body and exercise it. (Just as he should his mind btw.)

 

Regular junk, lots of processed or fast food, soft drinks and/or alcohol every day... No, that's not someone for me either. Not that you should be Draconian, but crap in crap out as they say...

Edited February 20, 2015 by SolG

[insert_name]

Im fed up of reading about what women expect of me. Height this, weight that. Its got to the point that I could drive myself mad trying to live up to an ideal of a masculine male that I can't reach due to my genes and testosterone level. Being a tall and slim guy (using the typical match profile and LS as an example) seems to make me persona non grata, I was a bit surprised that women prefer a guy who is slightly overweight to one that is slim and physically fit but then I guess from an evolutionary perspective it makes sense as its less about fitness in men than size and his ability to protect.

 

Either way, I'm starting to change my opinion on people and their body types. Whilst I dont agree with obesity as its really unhealthy I am now of the opinion that people should just be themselves, damn the consequences and be happy with that. We are the ones who have to live in our bodies - not the person who tells us what we should have to look like in order to have the 'privilege'of dating them.

 

Be yourself for yourself, be happy and ignore the expectations.

[Shepp]

Everyones so PC about everything thses days that its become shallow to have a preference and hold out for it!

 

 

I prefer my women fit and I wouldn't settle for anything but!! For loads of reasons - because i'm more attracted to that, because fitness is a big part of my life and i'd like her to understand and share that, because I want to be able to do things together around fitness or that require fitness!

 

 

I don't think that's shallow I think that's being realistic about whether a relationship would work long term - not everyone has the same checklist of what they look for in a mate (nor should they) and it shouldn't be shallow to look for the qualities you want.

 

 

Where the issue comes in is when your preference becomes unachievable or unsustainable. I.e. if you want a man of high fitness but your not fit yourself then its time to change one of those things.

 

 

 

 

because (I think) our jobs are no longer enough to keep us fit. Decades ago, most people had to do a good deal of physical activity if they wanted to keep a job.

Its funny though, cause I've held physical jobs all my life, (worked on the farm since I was 14, I've fished, lifeguarded, worked in a kennels. I play semi-pro football and I was lucky enough to get into the fire service right after studying outdoor ed at college) ...and and I love working physically hard jobs - if I didn't id go get a job in an office, I often come home shattered but there are tons of perks, one of which is my jobs have always helped keep me incredibly fit. At least in the sense that it helps me stay in shape, I feel fit, and it helps increase my strength, endurance, stamina - all of that! At the kennels I was averaging an easy 30,000+ steps a day and in the fire service I'm lucky to be able to use the gym whilst at work!

 

 

But at the same time however fit physical jobs make you, any job where your bodies your best tool takes a toll on your body!

Sometimes my shoulder pops out of place thanks to dislocation I did trying to pull some calves out of thick mud.

And my you can still see the scars from a dog bite on my hand - hurts even now if you poke it.

And I cant count the number of scratches, tweaked muscles and bangs to the head I've collected over the years.

 

 

Its just funny that something that makes you so fit is also taking a massive toll.

 

 

I think its harder to work jobs like that nowadays - our ancestors did it but back then life expectancy was short! I've worked alongside people who'd completely shot their back by 30!!

 

 

Still, like I say, an office isn't for me so i'll take my chances!

[Maleficent]

Im fed up of reading about what women expect of me. Height this, weight that. Its got to the point that I could drive myself mad trying to live up to an ideal of a masculine male that I can't reach due to my genes and testosterone level. Being a tall and slim guy (using the typical match profile and LS as an example) seems to make me persona non grata, I was a bit surprised that women prefer a guy who is slightly overweight to one that is slim and physically fit but then I guess from an evolutionary perspective it makes sense as its less about fitness in men than size and his ability to protect.

 

Either way, I'm starting to change my opinion on people and their body types. Whilst I dont agree with obesity as its really unhealthy I am now of the opinion that people should just be themselves, damn the consequences and be happy with that. We are the ones who have to live in our bodies - not the person who tells us what we should have to look like in order to have the 'privilege'of dating them.

 

Be yourself for yourself, be happy and ignore the expectations.

 

exactly! Also, I could very well end up meeting someone who isn't into physical activities at the moment and decides to join one of mine so we can have activities in common.

[mario_C]

Food and sex can stimulate the same areas for guys. I know when I eat less I have to have sex or whack off way more. So it makes sense a regular sex life would cause some guys to not eat like a pig anymore. Plus it's good exercise.

True. Macrobiotic diet theory is about maintaining a balance between the different kinds of foods, the yin requiring the yang, sweet requiring sour and so forth. And yes, they teach that certain foods drain a man's libido (sugar!) while others enhance it (eggs, anchovies and buckwheat - go figure).

And cardio is important for a man's endurance, which is why maintaining that in one's later years is still vital.

[Endles]

Im fed up of reading about what women expect of me. Height this, weight that. Its got to the point that I could drive myself mad trying to live up to an ideal of a masculine male that I can't reach due to my genes and testosterone level. .....................

 

I am now of the opinion that people should just be themselves, damn the consequences and be happy with that. We are the ones who have to live in our bodies - not the person who tells us what we should have to look like in order to have the 'privilege'of dating them.

 

Be yourself for yourself, be happy and ignore the expectations.

 

I don't think any girl is telling you how to do anything. You can do as you please. How that works out for you is your problem.

 

You should 'be yourself', but don't confuse being yourself as an excuse to be lazy, afraid and not seek to improve yourself. But you reeeeaaalllly don't want to change and are reeeaaallllly just being yourself? OK, good for you! Hope it works out.

 

However, just as you make choice in what you want, other people make choices as well.

[BluEyeL]

My attraction to him is the look of his eyes, the span of his shoulders, the length of his legs, the way he carries himself and his amazing ability with people. Seeing him be him is the biggest turn on I have ever experienced.

 

More important than anything else is someone that has a positive outlook on life, attacks it every day, and enjoys every day. Someone that is fit but an Eeyore, a downer or just negative as hell is like slowly drowning in a tubful of water.

 

This is true for me as well. My boyfriend does have some weight on him, but strictly body weight and shape doesn't matter for attraction or love. It does matter just initially, when someone catches your eye, but love has nothing to do with it. I'm weird and I always had a fetish for someone's eyes. If they are kind, warm...I'm hooked. That's what kept me going back to him, the look in his eyes. While doing OLD I did meet men who were much more conventionally attractive and fit, but their attitudes and "issues" made them poor long term partners, so I did let them go. While searching, I 100% eliminated looks from my criteria for a long term partner, that's not what makes for a good long term match.

 

The 50 yo active boss who is married to a less active and more overweight husband may not "just want companionship", she may, gasp, just love her husband the way he is.

 

It bothers me a little that people most likely say the same thing about me, i.e. that "I just wanted companionship" and that "I settled", implying that I am not attracted or love my boyfriend because he's overweight, which is the farthest thing from the truth. He is tall, he has a handsome face, he is kind, smart, funny and I love him. The fact that he's bigger just makes me feel smaller. But then I think, oh well, let them think whatever makes them feel better about themselves and their own situation and I'll just have my love and happiness.

 

And I'm 43 yo and I did meet men my age and older that were fit. Not all of them are fat.