GIGS - maybe she did find greener pastures :(

[mightycpa]

mightycpa,

 

I don't know what was about my last post that made you feel your buttons being pushed, but I wholeheartedly disagree with what you have written.

 

Cool. I'll be happy to respond, and I will consider everything you have to say with an open mind.

 

So basically if you have got your life together and someone appreciates the qualities of you and wants to settle for you, they are either a dog or a prostitute?

 

If someone loves you unconditionally it has got to be a dog or a prostitute who appreicates you?

No. First, I think your choice of the word SETTLE means you actually do understand what I meant. But just in case, I'll say it differently.

 

Forget dogs. Let's use mother instead. Your mother does all those things for you. Loves you, thinks you're great, cares for you, respects you, encourages you, all that stuff. And you love your mother, right? But it doesn't mean you're attracted to her or that kind of woman. What you wrote about may indeed be criteria for a relationship, but I'm simply saying it isn't the only criteria. Someone like that could be intellectually vapid. That in and of itself would be a deal-killer for me, even though it doesn't really affect how devoted and loving and kind she is to me.

 

I will note for the record that in your list you did not include "and I love her and she loves me." They are on my list, and they come before all the other stuff. I don't mind if they are not on your list, but you are in a spectacularly small minority about that. Therefore, by definition, your assertion that the grass is never greener is not true, and my assertion that you're wrong about that assertion must be true. Sometimes, for some people, it is greener. You should ask that old GF if she's glad she left you and why. Her answer just might open your eyes.

 

Basically what you are saying is, forget the standards, go for imperfect people, find people with problems, appreicate them, fix them, who needs someone who can check all the boxes anyway?

All people are imperfect, all people have problems. Fix them? Maybe, if you can. How about accept them? And box checking? It sounds nice. It's just not not necessarily enough for me. I think there can be a lot more to somebody, and sometimes, somebody's best isn't good enough.

 

So basically when someone points a gun at you and shoots you, it's not his fault that you are feeling pain, you allowed yourself to feel the pain?

I understand what you mean. Feeling pain is no more within your control than feeling love. That's not what I'm suggesting. What I'm pointing out to you is that it is your pain. It was not magically transferred to you somehow, like an invisible bullet, which by the way, actually causes physical damage to nerve cells. Your pain was created inside of you, and as such, you possess the ability to make it go away. It's not like she's sticking needles in a doll and making you go OUCH!

 

If I have to sum up what you are saying here is, today I'm with you, tomorrow I'm with someone else, today my heart is with you, tomorrow it's with someone else, a heart wants what it wants, can't control it?

Yes, if "tomorrow" is a metaphor for the future. You'd better get used to it because that's the way the world works and I can prove it.

 

When your GF dumped you like yesterday's trash why did you mourn? Why didn't you just decide to turn your love switch off, go find a new girl, turn it back on, and then decide if she could check the boxes for you, and then direct your life accordingly?

 

Because you can't. Neither can anybody else. She didn't do that TO YOU. I know it feels personal, but it really wasn't. You were what they call collateral damage in her quest to seek happiness.

 

Dude....I've to ask, have you completely lost your mind?

 

I assume the advice you offer here, you also apply it to your own life, so I've to ask you this, how has it been working out for you so far?

Pretty damn good, thank you. I've been dumped a few times, and I've done my share of dumping too. I don't hold grudges (not even against the one who cheated on me) and while I do have some regrets about some girls and even a touch of sadness that remains, I don't have regrets about the way it turned out. For me, the grass has been dead, brown, green, thinning, weedy, you name it.. Usually, the next one was an improvement on the last one. Now, the grass it is lush and deep green, and based on my experience, I've probably done the best that I will ever do. I would not have that if I had merely settled for green so long ago.

 

What you are offering here are a bunch of half baked ideas, that seem interesting at first, but are useless in terms of getting a solution to the problem.

Maybe I don't understand the problem. To me, the problem is that you can't control what people do or feel. The only solution to that is from within, it is to accept the situation for what it is, and to try to find the good in it. It doesn't help me to blame other people for not wanting to be with me even though I'm a pretty good guy, and it doesn't help them if I stay unwillingly just because they're always nice to me.

 

Having read your posts and your recent thread "14001 days of NC" I have to say, the grass was never greener for you.

That post was for those who find it difficult to not text, or not pick up the phone or not peek on facebook, or stalk in any number of ways. I thought it was a fun way of saying

 

Hang in there. It can be done.

And let me tell you what. There's a part of me that will always love that girl, and we didn't have problems. What we had was really nice. We didn't quarrel, she didn't cheat on me and get caught, she didn't treat me badly. She just dumped me because she met some joker. But right now, I've got it so much better, and in between then and now, my life was better than it would have been if we'd stayed together. I'm sure of that.

 

And this is not some sort of a personal attack on you or something, it's merely my take on it, you can discard the whole thing and disagree with it (like I did with yours), but you have to keep things in prespective and separate imaginary thinking with reality.

Yeah me too. I don't think you're attacking me. As you get older, and one day, when your life changes and you fall in love with that imperfect girl who doesn't quite check all the boxes, but you'd never leave her anyway, you'll think of me, and you'll say to yourself

 

Damn, that SOB was right. He reallyis a MIGHTYCPA

At least I hope so.

 

The good news in my reality is that you can **** things up every once in a while, being an imperfect person and all, and it isn't necessarily a reason to leave you and move on. You will be evaluated for so much more than that, and it will save your relationship.

 

Do you know when the grass is greener for you, when you have found someone who appreicates you for who you are, is willing to settle down with you, respects you as a person and believe what they have is all they need and aren't looking left and right and thinking "this seems more greener to me", they are commited to you and would do their best to make their grass seem better, that is when the grass is truly greener.

Oh, I've met so many girls like that. It helps that I have a nice bod and a pretty face and financial means; I think that put me in touch with people with fewer of life's problems to deal with. The other thing that helped me was dating a lot of people. But to your point, there's plenty of what you describe out there, in all the social strata. Just, not all of them are for you, and some are better for you than others, while others are better for me, and others aren't good for either of us. People match you along a spectrum, it's not like a ladder you climb to obtain an ordinal position.

 

Why, I even almost "settled" for one of them that you describe. I came really close. She was my best GF ever, of all time. I credit her for preparing me for marriage, in that her example of how to treat someone by how she treated me actually made me a much better partner. But then I met the next one and I left in a heartbeat. She didn't do anything wrong. But it wasn't a difficult decision for me and I've never regretted it. Why? Because as good as she treated me, I didn't love her. It is pretty much that simple. And you know what? As good as I had it with her, the RS was even better with the next one, because there was so much more to her as a person. In ways, the best GF ever of all time treated me better. I can't deny that, but what I gained was so much more than what I lost.

[runredlights]

Another thing

 

The biggest thing I'm seeing with your posts is that you are actively anticipating on reconciliation from her when you shouldn't I think my situation is a rare one and one that a lot of people hope for. I am not even convinced it is what I want which is ironic because I wanted it so badly in the beginning. The first week of my breakup I was a complete train wreck and couldn't function, but once I came to accept that it was over I started to make immediate positive changes in my life. It's funny how they came back when you aren't waiting for it.

 

Part of me feels vindicated and that I was right all along. It honestly feels good to have an ex come groveling back, humiliated with their tail between their legs admitting they were wrong. I can't continue to hold it over her head because at some point it wouldn't be healthy if I pursue staying with her.

 

Breakups suck so badly, but just remember who you were before her. You can live without her man.

[mightycpa]

Another thing

 

The biggest thing I'm seeing with your posts is that you are actively anticipating on reconciliation from her when you shouldn't I think my situation is a rare one and one that a lot of people hope for. I am not even convinced it is what I want which is ironic because I wanted it so badly in the beginning. The first week of my breakup I was a complete train wreck and couldn't function, but once I came to accept that it was over I started to make immediate positive changes in my life. It's funny how they came back when you aren't waiting for it.

 

Part of me feels vindicated and that I was right all along. It honestly feels good to have an ex come groveling back, humiliated with their tail between their legs admitting they were wrong. I can't continue to hold it over her head because at some point it wouldn't be healthy if I pursue staying with her.

 

Breakups suck so badly, but just remember who you were before her. You can live without her man.

 

You can't put back together a shattered glass, can you? If you're anything like me, deep down inside you know she spoiled it, and that you can't go back.

 

I can tell you this, if you're not chomping at the bit, you should think long and hard about why you'd agree to it.

[runredlights]

You can't put back together a shattered glass, can you? If you're anything like me, deep down inside you know she spoiled it, and that you can't go back.

 

I can tell you this, if you're not chomping at the bit, you should think long and hard about why you'd agree to it.

 

See I really don't know yet. There were times in the past that I could have been a better boyfriend of course, but nothing i did ever deserved the way she ended it. I have days where I feel like I don't want her. I also have them where I am really happy to have her back. I really am evaluating everything.

 

Without hijacking this thread, did you have a similar circumstance?

[lolablue17]

The phrase GIGS is just a metaphor.

 

Remember - She met you, she fell in love with YOU. She was 14-15 years old when she fell in love with you and you both managed to hol for 5 years!! 5 years is way way above average on your ages.

 

For 5 years you were her only man. But people not always synchronized when they grow, change and develop. Yes it's hurt that she left you but you shouldn't in any aspect feel inferior or "grass not green enough" for her. Don't lose your confident.

 

She loved you for 5 years, that mean you means a lot to her. Keep it in mind. She is now a memory. Don't look at your time with her as a failure. Your story with her is great success! Just because it didn't last for ever doesn't say you're not good enough for her or for anybody else!

 

Go and get some more excitement in your life. I can assure you that the future excitements will be as good as what you had in the past, and i can assure you that you will sometimes feel hurt and heart broken in the future! :-)

 

Good luck.

[Chi townD]

Okay, this isn't a case of GIGS. GIGS is seeing what else is out there. You here stories of Ex's breaking up with you and then going hog wild with the partying. Doing things that they never would have done with you like smoking pot and drinking. They hook up with a lot of people and go on random dates with other people and do a lot of things out of character.

 

 

In this case, she broke up with you and within a week was with someone else. That tells me that she established a relationship with this dude while she was with you and finally decided that she valued being with this other dude more than you. This relationship was already established while she was with you. So, this isn't a case of GIGS.

 

 

Sorry to be blunt, but you deserve the truth.

[Holmes85]

mightycpa,

 

You just recycled everything that you already mentioned in your previous post, put a new spin on it, basically offered me the same wine in a different packaging and expecting me to give you a different result.

 

First thing first, you said you follow your own advice pretty good and you also say that it has made you stronger, also you mention that you upgraded from your previous girlfriend and the grass was definitely greener? Is that about right?.

 

Why, I even almost "settled" for one of them that you describe. I came really close. She was my best GF ever, of all time. I credit her for preparing me for marriage, in that her example of how to treat someone by how she treated me actually made me a much better partner. But then I met the next one and I left in a heartbeat. She didn't do anything wrong. But it wasn't a difficult decision for me and I've never regretted it. Why? Because as good as she treated me, I didn't love her. It is pretty much that simple. And you know what? As good as I had it with her, the RS was even better with the next one, because there was so much more to her as a person. In ways, the best GF ever of all time treated me better. I can't deny that, but what I gained was so much more than what I lost.

Dude, you are going against all the things that you have been saying, but for the sake of this argument, I have highlighted one paragraph from your previous post.

 

You have been using relationships as ladders to define yourself. You have been experimenting with people emotions from your own personal benefit. Once you have gained enough insight, when everything is routine, you think you don't love anymore and it's time for a new upgrade.

 

Basically what you are saying is that each grass has been greener to you than the previous one? My friend ....how many grasses do you need to go through to discover yourself? There are lots of I's in your post, when people are in a relationship its "we" and Not "I". Relationship is a commitment, if it ain't there, then you are just building on a shaky foundation, which is also the reason why all of your relationships have collapsed, the mind-set that you have, since I don't love them anymore, they are great and all that jazz it's time to take flight and onto the next adventure, hasn't given you any kind of solutions, basically you are repeating the same thing thing over and over again and expecting different results....and that my friend is the definition of insanity.

 

Now let me clear the fog out for you, if you are willing to see it as an open mind, which you previously stated that you do have an open mind.

 

You "thought" and "believed" that each partner you went to was "better" than the last one? In your mind you truly believed that you upgraded...till it all fell apart (I think you get the hint, but for the arguments sake let me say it again, The Grass Was Not Greener For You)

 

Here's the reality, if you applied the same amount of "thought" and "believed" that the partner that you are with is "better" and didn't go out to explore for further grasses, you would be happily married to the girl who you came "close" to marry, your thoughts and efforts would have been appreciated, but since you didn't want that and you Still are out on an exploration and believe that there is someone better out there (while saying that imprefection is okay and all that jazz), makes one thing clear : The Grass Was Never Got Greener For You, It Was Just Different Grass.

 

You can change your appearance, start making a six-pack and say you have many experiences under your belt. Let me tell you this, quantity does not mean quality.

 

The day you settle down, the day you finally marry a girl and have children with, is the day you can truly say : The Grass Was Finally Greener For Me!

 

Since none of that has occurred in your life, saying that Grass Is Greener seems cheap.

Edited February 20, 2015 by Holmes85

[Holmes85]

ASG,

 

So you advocate staying with someone even if you're not happy and don't love them anymore??

If your love has an On / Off switch it's not love, it's infatuation. If you have a mind-set like that, the chances are less likely that you are going to be in a relationship for long.

 

I know that I will NEVER settle for a relationship that doesn't make me happy, even if my partner is great on paper.

 

The next time you are trying to start a relationship with someone, tell them exactly what you told us here, say to your potential partner before starting a relationship "Listen, if I'm not happy with you someday, I might leave you, you could be great and all that but I'm still could be leaving you" and see if you get another chance with her again.

[ASG]

ASG,

 

If your love has an On / Off switch it's not love, it's infatuation. If you have a mind-set like that, the chances are less likely that you are going to be in a relationship for long.

 

 

 

The next time you are trying to start a relationship with someone, tell them exactly what you told us here, say to your potential partner before starting a relationship "Listen, if I'm not happy with you someday, I might leave you, you could be great and all that but I'm still could be leaving you" and see if you get another chance with her again.

 

Er... that's the premise of every relationship. it might not work out, for whatever reason.

 

Like mightycpa said, a relationship is not a prison sentence. And its not about an on/off switch. Sometimes the little things eat away at the relationship. Sometimes love itself is not enough. Sometimes it's not even love at all, even if you thought it was! The point is, you don't really owe the other person staying with them.

 

So if things aren't working, then you leave.

[geronimo]

Thanks everyone for your advice.

 

lolablue - yea I know when we met we were really young, especially her and I know we lasted 5 years which isn't normal at our age, that's why I think I dwell on it so much because we did have a different relationship, but I guess everyone does there isn't any strict guide or whatever. I will always cherish the memories and am thankful for the relationship I had with her because it was great and both of us had a lot of fun together. I know I need to just put all that in the past and move on but it's easier said than done.

 

Chi town - reason why I think it's a GIGS is because she did completely change after our breakup, she started partying a lot going clubbing every weekend etc etc things she never did when we were together. She always told me she hated clubbing. Now I don't know if she's doing drugs and stuff cuz im no longer in her life but she quite possibly could be because I knew her new boyfriend is into that. I know I shouldn't keep my hopes up that this is a GIGS/rebound or whatever but I guess I'm just trying to grasp onto some hope that maybe one day she'll come back.

[Chi townD]

Thanks everyone for your advice.

 

lolablue - yea I know when we met we were really young, especially her and I know we lasted 5 years which isn't normal at our age, that's why I think I dwell on it so much because we did have a different relationship, but I guess everyone does there isn't any strict guide or whatever. I will always cherish the memories and am thankful for the relationship I had with her because it was great and both of us had a lot of fun together. I know I need to just put all that in the past and move on but it's easier said than done.

 

Chi town - reason why I think it's a GIGS is because she did completely change after our breakup, she started partying a lot going clubbing every weekend etc etc things she never did when we were together. She always told me she hated clubbing. Now I don't know if she's doing drugs and stuff cuz im no longer in her life but she quite possibly could be because I knew her new boyfriend is into that. I know I shouldn't keep my hopes up that this is a GIGS/rebound or whatever but I guess I'm just trying to grasp onto some hope that maybe one day she'll come back.

 

 

After all the crap she's pulling, why would you want her back?!?!

 

 

Dude, there are more girls than guys on this planet and your hung up on the one that doesn't want to be with you, probably cheated on you and pretty much showed you she isn't coming back.

 

 

There are a tons of girls that are waiting for a guy like you to come along in there life and would be more than happy to spend time with you. But, you're never going to find them if you keep carrying a torch for the one that doesn't care!

[geronimo]

You're right bro I need to stop being a little bitch and move on. I know she would have never cheated on me cuz I woulda found out and she isn't the type but either way the **** she pulled at the end of our relationship is ****ed up and I doubt I can ever truly forgive her for it.

 

It's just hard for me to fully give it up cuz we did have a great relationship and I truly did see myself marrying this girl one day, we even ****ing talked about it all. But you can't plan life, it has its own plan.

 

Thanks man I know she's probably never coming back I just gotta start facing that reality and leave her in the past.

[Chi townD]

Nah, sorry dude. She jumped into a new relationship with this guy within a week. She felt comfortable enough with this dude to do that. No mourning the loss of you or the relationship. This guy didn't appear out of thin air.

 

 

But, I like your motivation! Start NC and start making positive changes in your life.

[Kevin_D]

The day you settle down, the day you finally marry a girl and have children with, is the day you can truly say : The Grass Was Finally Greener For Me.

 

He wrote in another thread that he has been in no contact for 14001 days; that's 38 years. In other words, he's likely 50-60 years old now. I doubt he will ever settle down. He finds happiness in playing with new shiny, toys and I guess that's fine, as long as he tells his partners that he will ditch them as soon as something more interesting shows up.

 

In a way, I find happiness in knowing that I don't share this view on relationships. I've known all my close friends since i was 10 years old. I stick with them not because they're perfect, not because they are the most fun people in the world, but because of our history together.

 

By the way... The "You're responsible for your own happiness" statement is quite amusing. If the dumpee gets devastated, it's not the dumper's fault, because happiness should always come from within! However, if for some reason the soon-to-be dumper feels unhappy in the relationship, the solution is to find another partner!

[geronimo]

Technically it wasn't a week lol. Her and I broke up in October of last year but in the beginning of it she would call me up using a blocked number and hang up whn I picked up, finally one day I called her instead and we started to talk, this kept happening here and there. But during this time she also started getting closer to this guy, on Halloween she went to a party and he was there. Then I think they also started hanging out a bit more, I was still in her life and she would still tell me she loves me and everything but she has to move on cuz of parents/religion. Last time I saw her was on the 21st of Nov and we had a great night together, kissed and everything but same **** she told me she's sorry but she's made up her mind and she doesn't want to go back and hurt her parents. She made me all these promises and kissed me and hugged me and told me she will always love me and care about me before we left.

 

It was a week or two after that day that I found out she started dating this guy "unofficially" either way I went into total NC since the 21st and still have been in NC. She is trying to protect me cuz she doesn't post any pictures of them together. The only way I saw that pic of them was cuz her friend posted it on her instagram and I still have her friend on it. I think my ex may have recently posted a pic of her and her new bf on instagram but before she did she deleted all my friends and siblings from it.

[Jimmyjackson]

That's comical and probably true in a lot of circumstance. I don't believe it was the case though because she didn't have any "suitors" lined up. I know this to be true and did a lot of digging and borderline password stalking (which i'm not proud of) after she tried reconciling to make sure that wasn't the case. If it were and if her new toy just didn't work out then I would have been gone so fast. None of that was the case.

 

JimmyJackson-I don't know how to quote multiple posts, but yes I was cheated on physically. She did tell me about it the next morning though if that counts for anything. Part of me contemplating getting back together was making sure this was all that happened (just making out). I had my ex call the girl whose house she was at when she cheated and listened to the conversation on speaker as she asked her friend what happened without the other girl knowing that I was listening. I also had my ex contact the guy and do the same while on speaker to affirm this was all that happened with him.

 

My ex is younger than me, but not by a significant amount. Part of Gibson/ Homebrews famous gigs thread is about people changing a lot between the ages of 18-25 so in that sense 2 or 3 years can make a world of difference as opposed to people in their mid to late 30's. I think people can come back from something like this, but not without an enormous amount of effort from the dumper. She has cheated, abandoned me, and lost 100% of my trust and it will take a long time for me to trust her again if it is at all possible.

 

The ball is completely in my court now and me choosing not to want her back is completely justifiable and righteous if I cannot get over what happened. I really wish none of it ever happened obviously. I do still love her despite it. She just has to move mountains and prove to me that she is worth a second chance.

 

Suppose a kiss isn't the worst thing in the world, I mean yeah its a massive betrayal of trust and stuff but sleeping with someone else would be a massive no go. I could perhaps get past kissing but nothing more myself, good luck.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

Thanks everyone for your input I really appreciate it and it is really helping me out.

 

Holmes - yea I agree, usually things aren't what they seem and I should stop beating myself up for whatever is happening in her life. I know I treated her exceptionally well up till the end of the relationship and never took her for granted throughout the 5 years and that counts for something.

 

Jessie - thank you so much and yea I do take pride in the fact that I was able to tough it out and pay my way through school and work at the same time. Sure I didn't take her out to crazy dates and expensive things but I never once made her pay for anything when we were out because thats the kind of guy I am, even 5 years down the road. Now I dont know if she admired the fact that I was paying for my own life, education, etc etc since she never really mentioned it and she was younger and also from a fairly well off family but I know i tried my best and I guess I can take comfort in that.

 

Kinetica - I agree man seeing that she jumped into a relationship really opened my eyes to how dependant she is on other people. I know she was really dependant on me throughout our relationship but I didnt mind it, kinda liked it actually, maybe its a guy thing cuz we want to be the "providers" but the fact that she just jumped from our relationship to another is kind of disgusting.

 

Mighty - Your posts really put things into perspective. You're right people lose feelings, and down the line can be attracted to someone else and that is probably what happened in my situation. It sucks cuz i know i can treat her better than this guy but at the same time, its not fair to her or me if she sticks around with me when her heart isn't fully into the relationship. Again it hurts like a bitch to realize that you did everything and put your 110% into the relationship and it wasn't enough for the other. But like you said, she isn't responsible for my hurt, only I'm responsible for it.

In your first post you said

 

I know we had these issues, we both knew that going into the relationship. But we had talked about it, and had figured out a way to make it work. We even spoke about it a few months before we broke up. I had joked around with her one day saying I would want her to convert and she took it to heart and used that as a way out of the relationship. I guess thats where the youth/immaturity problem came in. I'm not gonna say I'm mature, but I am more mature than most 22 year olds and I know what I want from life and meeting her, getting to know her and her family, I knew thats what I wanted, sure I was tempted by other girls too but ultimately I knew she was worth more than that and I think thats a mark of maturity. Something which I now realize she lacked.

 

You're also right, she's probably never coming back and I think thats what hurts the most is because I love her so much and I could never think of leaving her no matter what, even though she had given me so many reasons to leave but to her it was so easy.

 

I promised myself I wouldn't post this on this forum but I guess i'll post a bit about it. She has a few health problems, and she has surgeries coming up in the next year or so. To be honest, I really do not see this guy sticking around for it when **** gets real. Now I can be wrong, I would have definitely been there for her and its not like I'm something special so maybe he will too but I can't tell. I guess that gives me some hope, even though it shouldn't cuz 1. It may not happen and he may be with her and god knows they might even get married down the road and 2. its not fair to me if he dumps her and she comes back to me because she knows she doesn't have anyone else to be there for her.

 

Now logically I know I need to forget her and move on, there are thousands of other girls out there and she may never come back to me. But like you said the heart wants what it wants. Hopefully I can get over her, even though 3 months down the road with NC I have some great days and some days where I want to just kill myself, today being one of the latter. But theres nothing I can do to get her back, if its meant to be it will be. Thank you all for your input, it really meant a lot to me.

 

You seem to be thinking a lot more clearer about this now than you did in your first few posts. You're starting to see what you didn't see before - that it does NOT matter whether she succeeds in this new relationship or not; that it does NOT matter whether she left because of GIGS or because she was "attracted" to someone else. You also realize that you should sever ANY connection that you still have to her, even if that means unfriending HER friends on Facebook and shutting down your Snapchat account. Seeing pictures of her and her new boyfriend looking "happy" will SLOW DOWN your healing and will DISTRACT you from moving onward and looking forward to your future.

 

Even if her new relationship ended up not working out and she started contacting you again to "rekindle" your old relationship, would you honestly want her back? I mean, really? Just think about it for a bit. And, you've learned some things about her that you didn't realize before; like how easy it is for her to end one relationship with someone she supposedly loved and begin another one so quickly. And how she didn't do the right thing in giving herself TIME to heal from ending your relationship - instead, she jumped right into a rebound. I know some people might disagree with me on this, but, based on my personal experiences and other peoples' experiences that I've heard and read about, rebound "relationships" rarely thrive and blossom into something meaningful; although I'm sure there are some out there that probably have. You didn't jump into another relationship right away, did you? You're taking the TIME to HEAL your heart and your emotions; it's the RIGHT thing to do - for you.

 

You'll never completely forget her, so don't even try; especially if she was your first love. Just try to move on with your life and involve yourself in your work, your education, socializing with new people and taking care of yourself emotionally, physically and spiritually. One day...you're going to look back at this time in your life and you'll remember it with bittersweetness and with fondness at the good times you two shared. You'll be busy with your new life and a new girlfriend who will probably (hopefully) share the same religion that you do and her heart will be more invested in you than your ex's was. Good luck, God Bless and LOOK TOWARDS THE FUTURE! It'll be a bright one, with new positive experiences and new possibilities!!!

[geronimo]

Thank you, yea I am starting to see a lot clearer now, today would mark 3 full months since I last saw/spoke to her. I guess it does get easier with more time. It's still really ****ed up to think that you shared 5 years with someone, and they tell you they love you and everything and the next minute they just get up and leave without any remorse or looking back, I don't think I could ever do that.

 

You are right, honestly even if she does come back to rekindle our relationship, it can never be the same because I would never trust her again. I guess thats the saddest part, because I still love her so much and to this day I still wake up thinking about her and everything but she broke my heart and worse broke the trust and she can't ever regain it again. Agreed, I doubt her relationship is going to last because she didn't give herself any healing time and jumped right into another relationship, which usually doesn't end well. And I'm sure this is a GIGS also because he's new and exciting, he likes to party, etc etc which I didn't care much about because I'm very career oriented and thats what my main focus has always been. So I can say that she will probably be back once things start going south in her new relationship but I don't know for a fact that they will because anything can happen.

 

In my mind I still keep giving her the benefit of the doubt, because we started dating so young she didn't really have much to compare to and that makes me want to kinda forgive her and everything but at the same time thats not fair. What she did was completely wrong even if she started dating someone a few months down the road I could accept that but knowing that she pretty much had this guy lined up and jumped into a relationship with him when we were over is very low of her, and I can never trust her in a relationship because God knows, this time it lasted 5 years, if we get back together again, end up getting married, kids etc and she decides to walk out again the same way, i would never forgive myself.

 

Also, yea I am giving myself time to heal. I don't believe in using a rebound to help you get over someone, so I am just keeping to myself and working on myself and will start dating again when I am healed and when I find the right person.

 

I know I will never forget her, she will always have a place in my heart and I have heard that first loves are always the hardest to get over, lol I guess it was about time I experience that as well.

 

Thank you so much, yes I am trying to focus on betting my life and slowly but surely I will. and haha I honestly don't care about religion, that was all her issue but yea I do hope i can find someone with the same view points on life as me including the stance on religion. I guess this is my time to actually go out and experience what else the world has to offer, since I have been in a relationship ever since I was 17/18 lol. Thank you for your support and kind words, I wish you all the best with your life as well!