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Posted

Dating women in their 40's is a much more difficult task than I thought it would be. I expected them to have learned from past experiences, and dropped any superficial cravings. I would have thought they would know by now that finding a guy thats actually compatible is more important than some wish list they had 10 or so yrs ago. But in the past few years, I've actually seen women around my age acting way more superficial than I've ever seen women act when I was younger.

 

Are any other guys noticing this? I dont know if its just in my area, or are 40ish women as a whole just becoming very very precise when it comes to what type of guy they want?

Posted

I think a lot of women that age are just more sure about things like who they are, what they want, and what works.

 

I'm in that range, and for me it's more about knowing what kind of person I'm compatible with and who'd be compatible with me.

 

I don't have a long list. I'm just sure about where I am. Hopefully it doesn't come across as superficial. I just don't want to waste their time or mine.

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Posted
Dating women in their 40's is a much more difficult task than I thought it would be. I expected them to have learned from past experiences, and dropped any superficial cravings. I would have thought they would know by now that finding a guy thats actually compatible is more important than some wish list they had 10 or so yrs ago. But in the past few years, I've actually seen women around my age acting way more superficial than I've ever seen women act when I was younger.

 

Are any other guys noticing this? I dont know if its just in my area, or are 40ish women as a whole just becoming very very precise when it comes to what type of guy they want?

 

Can you be a little more specific? Are you dating women in their 40's who have children or not? I am in my early 40's and have been dating a man in his early 40's for 2+ years and I think my expectations are pretty reasonable - I expect the man i'm dating to have a job/career, not live with his parents, not still be married or have an ex as a best friend, have some ambition, be a kind person, good to my kids, etc....

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Posted

Well, they should know what they like right away by then, but that doesn't mean they are more open to settling, just depending on the woman. I mean, the motivation to settle to marry and have a kid is pretty much over by that age. That said, there are all types out there and all personalities and all require different things, so do not give up. Forty-ish women can be very sexy compared to younger ones, as far as their drive. But they can also be very quick to see red flags because they're smart now.

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Posted
Can you be a little more specific? Are you dating women in their 40's who have children or not? I am in my early 40's and have been dating a man in his early 40's for 2+ years and I think my expectations are pretty reasonable - I expect the man i'm dating to have a job/career, not live with his parents, not still be married or have an ex as a best friend, have some ambition, be a kind person, good to my kids, etc....

 

I would call what you want being mature and responsible.

 

ALL the women in my area have specific superficial needs/wants.

 

-must have nice white teeth

-must be 6ft or taller

-must have a degree

-must have kids

-must have a full head of hair

-must go to the gym at least 3 days a week

 

Those are all real comments from women. And not one of those traits will determine if two people are a match. Its all based on what the woman "thinks" she needs.

 

I can understand a young 20 something girl being all hung up on a guy that wears specific clothes, or has the cool hair style.....but women in their 40's being so specific?? Really??

 

Women whine and cry about guys wanting a woman thats a certain size, certain color hair, and large breasts, but the evidence I see is that most women are just as bad.

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Posted
Forty-ish women can be very sexy compared to younger ones, as far as their drive. But they can also be very quick to see red flags because they're smart now.

 

 

Based on my experience the ones I've met since my divorce have been the dumbest, no personality, most superficial women I've ever come across.

Posted
I would call what you want being mature and responsible.

 

ALL the women in my area have specific superficial needs/wants.

 

-must have nice white teeth

-must be 6ft or taller

-must have a degree

-must have kids

-must have a full head of hair

-must go to the gym at least 3 days a week

 

Those are all real comments from women. And not one of those traits will determine if two people are a match. Its all based on what the woman "thinks" she needs.

 

I can understand a young 20 something girl being all hung up on a guy that wears specific clothes, or has the cool hair style.....but women in their 40's being so specific?? Really??

 

Women whine and cry about guys wanting a woman thats a certain size, certain color hair, and large breasts, but the evidence I see is that most women are just as bad.

 

Wow...that's pretty bad. I mean - some of those things are nice on a superficial level, but I would take a man with a steady job over someone who has "Nice White Teeth"....I get the feeling these women will be single forever, there are not a lot of men who meet that criteria. I do know a few women who have lists like that (specific to exact hair color) and they've been single forever. Not all women are like that, seriously you just have to look elsewhere - is this from OLD?

Posted

This really sucks i find them very attractive I haven't had the pleasure but I here they are very nice in bed.

Posted
Based on my experience the ones I've met since my divorce have been the dumbest, no personality, most superficial women I've ever come across.

Those who have come out of long term marriages and whose focus has been on the kids for years and they dropped their hobbies and some of their friends could well come off 'dumbest, no personality'. You can still find a bf/gf being 'dumb or blah personality' if you have sex appeal, but when that wears off, you could easily find yourself on the singles market and maybe there are more of these M&F as older singles.

 

As for superficial, I reckon women in their 30s are much more so than their 40s. If you live in a fat country though, slim/petite women will be more sort after by older guys, and I do think these older women tend to be superficial & judgmental. Women starting to get a middle age spread not so much. Many wont settle though (especially if they have a career and good social life) and they will still have a check-off list (but would thought its a bit different from when they were in their 30s) and deal-breaker list and a bigger red-flag list that will make them walk quicker (well those that have done a fair bit of dating anyway). I suspect the shopping catalog effect of online dating or having done a bit of fwb/hookups with better lookiers will help to create what you experience.

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Posted
Wow...that's pretty bad. I mean - some of those things are nice on a superficial level, but I would take a man with a steady job over someone who has "Nice White Teeth"....I get the feeling these women will be single forever, there are not a lot of men who meet that criteria. I do know a few women who have lists like that (specific to exact hair color) and they've been single forever. Not all women are like that, seriously you just have to look elsewhere - is this from OLD?

 

OLD and in person.

 

Height is the #1 hands down all time most important trait that women look at in my experience.

 

MOST women are very superficial like this when it comes to dating. But you will rarely ever see them admit it or talk about it.

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Posted
I would call what you want being mature and responsible.

 

ALL the women in my area have specific superficial needs/wants.

 

-must have nice white teeth

-must be 6ft or taller

-must have a degree

-must have kids

-must have a full head of hair

-must go to the gym at least 3 days a week

 

Those are all real comments from women. And not one of those traits will determine if two people are a match. Its all based on what the woman "thinks" she needs.

 

I can understand a young 20 something girl being all hung up on a guy that wears specific clothes, or has the cool hair style.....but women in their 40's being so specific?? Really??

 

Women whine and cry about guys wanting a woman thats a certain size, certain color hair, and large breasts, but the evidence I see is that most women are just as bad.

 

I actually meet that entire list...

 

 

Except for the being 40 years old part, I got 10 years before that happens :laugh:

Posted

I find women in their 40's to be incredibly sexy, mature, fun loving, responsible, out going, adventurous, sensitive, caring... I have had very good luck and tell all my married friends that its like they are making up for all the things they did not get in their marriage.

 

Sure there is the occasional wack job (crazy good sex but also crazy crazy) but they have been few and far between.

  • Like 3
Posted
I would call what you want being mature and responsible.

 

ALL the women in my area have specific superficial needs/wants.

 

-must have nice white teeth

-must be 6ft or taller

-must have a degree

-must have kids

-must have a full head of hair

-must go to the gym at least 3 days a week

 

Those are all real comments from women. And not one of those traits will determine if two people are a match. Its all based on what the woman "thinks" she needs.

 

I can understand a young 20 something girl being all hung up on a guy that wears specific clothes, or has the cool hair style.....but women in their 40's being so specific?? Really??

 

Women whine and cry about guys wanting a woman thats a certain size, certain color hair, and large breasts, but the evidence I see is that most women are just as bad.

I'm in my 40s and that list is a little nuts. I mean obviously I want them to have a job and live on their own.... But those other things are so superficial.

I like men and just people in general who are honest and have a good sense of humor.... There are nice woman out there you just have to keep looking ....

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Posted
I find women in their 40's to be incredibly sexy, mature, fun loving, responsible, out going, adventurous, sensitive, caring... I have had very good luck and tell all my married friends that its like they are making up for all the things they did not get in their marriage.

 

Sure there is the occasional wack job (crazy good sex but also crazy crazy) but they have been few and far between.

 

Not where I live. All the ones I've interacted with are complete idiots.

 

I think its because most of them were young bimbos that got pregnant early, and married. Never having to have a real job, or any job at all.

 

Now they are divorced, in their 40's, trying to make ends meet with a half-ass job, insecure, and delusional about what type of guy they can attract.

Posted
Read this whole thread about Gaeta's woes and she she is going through...

 

I'm not sure of your point, but after reading the opening post, my impression is that she is her own worst enemy.

Posted
Dating women in their 40's is a much more difficult task than I thought it would be. I expected them to have learned from past experiences, and dropped any superficial cravings. I would have thought they would know by now that finding a guy thats actually compatible is more important than some wish list they had 10 or so yrs ago. But in the past few years, I've actually seen women around my age acting way more superficial than I've ever seen women act when I was younger.

 

Are any other guys noticing this? I dont know if its just in my area, or are 40ish women as a whole just becoming very very precise when it comes to what type of guy they want?

 

I thought this was interesting. A median measure of women surveyed rated 80% of men to be below average. So it may not be limited to women in their 40s.

 

 

As you can see from the gray line, women rate an incredible 80% of guys as worse-looking than medium. Very harsh. On the other hand, when it comes to actual messaging, women shift their expectations only just slightly ahead of the curve, which is a healthier pattern than guys’ pursuing the all-but-unattainable. But with the basic ratings so out-of-whack, the two curves together suggest some strange possibilities for the female thought process, the most salient of which is that the average-looking woman has convinced herself that the vast majority of males aren’t good enough for her, but she then goes right out and messages them anyway.

Your Looks and Your Inbox « OkTrends

 

 

So they have a negative attitude before even engaging because they have unreasonable expectations.

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Posted (edited)
I would call what you want being mature and responsible.

 

ALL the women in my area have specific superficial needs/wants.

 

-must have nice white teeth

-must be 6ft or taller

-must have a degree

-must have kids

-must have a full head of hair

-must go to the gym at least 3 days a week

 

Those are all real comments from women. And not one of those traits will determine if two people are a match. Its all based on what the woman "thinks" she needs.

 

I can understand a young 20 something girl being all hung up on a guy that wears specific clothes, or has the cool hair style.....but women in their 40's being so specific?? Really??

 

.

 

 

In Ohio ? Ohio !? LOL ! just kidding - I am from the Midwest.

 

So these women also meet some extreme standards themselves? What is interesting is your list does not include any actual personality, beliefs, or relationship traits. You don't see any of those requirements posted?

 

Its been a long while since I was on OLD, but I don't remember the 30's something women ever posting lists like this, but one did have a chat with me about money.

 

The only thing I can say is that I believe on OLD (or real world) even an average looking woman gets 100 requests to an average guys 1 request for a connection. I suspect a number of those requests are ..well less then ideal men - its scary out there on the net. Perhaps after a couple of coffee dates with scary guys - they get concerned. So this creates a certain mind set to put them in the buyers mode to be choosy. I might imagine if men got that number of requests - they might start getting ...um superficial as well. I have seen men talk about weight requests with women in OLD particularly when photos don't match actual.

 

 

And yes women, particularly divorced ones in their 40's can act like 20 year old college girls. Seen it a lot.

Edited by dichotomy
Posted

M, I dated a chic or two like that: HS grads, kid early, half ass job, divorced twice, no career path. It started out fun but went down hill after as few months. She was a self proclaimed nympho so you know why it lasted as long as it did LOL Another was always broke and complaining about bills so not only did I pay for every thing it was very awkward around the holidays.

 

I never like to judge anyone on their background but I have had the best experience with woman that have a college degree and that have a career. Also no smokers or heavy drinkers.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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