loverboy1984 Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 Hey everyone. I have been dating my gf for 1 year now. Things have been good for the most part, some arguements but we have become more comfortable with each other and have expressed we want a future together. We are currently in a long distant relationship as of 2 months and will be for at least the next year or so until I can move. She has given me no reason to suspect she will cheat but I have become very insecure given that I was cheated on by a gf of 6 yrs 3 yrs ago who I was also long distance with. Now my gf is traveling to Europe for 1 week with 2 of her friends and Im worried she may meet someone or kiss someone and I will never know. In my mind I have tried to accept the fact that I may be cheated on so I can mentally prepare myself incase it happens. I know this isnt healthy. I guess the reason I worry is recently I have been insecure with her always concerned if Im her best or if shes happy and I worry maybe this has lessened the attraction towards me althought I havent seen it. She is 6 yrs younger (23) and she lives in NYC now, doesnt go out much but has friends she hangs out with. Ive been supportive, never over protective. She says sex between us is the best shes ever had and she wants to marry me some day. But I worry she may be tempted some day given her age and maybe due to GIGS. what are your thoughts about worrying about being cheated on when she travels for 1 week to Europe?
Nikki Sahagin Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 Hey loverboy. As someone who has cheated before, I am always paranoid about being cheated on (it's my self-imposed karma I guess but I think I've paid the price now). I think you should be open with your gf about your fears. She will only be gone for 1 week. If you trust each other, then don't worry Worrying won't change anything. If it happens, you can worry about it then. Until then trust her, love her and wish her a good trip This could strengthen your relationship. 1
Buddhist Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 That it's pointless and only serves to fuel your insecurities more. Better to focus on your insecurities and meet those head on. You can't control other people so you might as well get used to feeling uneasy when things are out of your hands, and then work on feeling secure instead. 3
clia Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 what are your thoughts about worrying about being cheated on when she travels for 1 week to Europe? I think if you can't trust her to go on vacation with her girlfriends for one week, you likely need therapy or some other type of professional help. I do not think it's normal to have that level of distrust for no apparent reason. (She hasn't given you any reason not to trust her, has she?) You have no control over what she does; if she cheats on you, she cheats on you. If she leaves you for someone else, she leaves you for someone else. If she simply decides that you aren't the one for her, that's what she decides. But you are going to drive yourself crazy worrying about a one week trip and whether or not she can behave herself for that long. I can't imagine this is the only trip she will ever take, either. You really need to figure out how to get a hold of yourself. 3
mightycpa Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 (edited) You really need to get over it. She might cheat on you, but if she does, it might have something to do with you, but nothing to do with your ex. Better not even bring it up. Edited February 18, 2015 by mightycpa 1
Els Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 If you are worrying about being cheated on when your partner is away for 1 week.... something is clearly wrong. Either with the relationship, or with your mindset. 4
EgoJoe Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 It's a perfectly natural fear and you can address it by releasing your attachments to things you don't control. Easier said than done. I've been cheated on and it sucks. If you think she's too good for you you'll telegraph that. Remember who she's been with for a year.
newmoon Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 i'm pretty sure she'll be having a great time traveling and enjoying europe and the amazing sites, not the amazing men. if you can't even let her go on a short trip without these feelings you have a troubled relationship. it's long-distance already, so this is just the same, right? just even farther.
Andy_K Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 I'm not sure a 1 week vacation counts as 'travelling', but that's semantics... Anyway, if you guys are already in a LDR then a holiday like this is going to make no difference whatsoever. She's either already cheating on you and happy to do so on holiday too, or she's not and won't while she is away either. If you two had been living together for a year and she sprung on you that she was going away on a girls only trip or something, that might be a warning flag. But in your situation I wouldn't think so.
d0nnivain Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 Your EX cheated on you. That colors your every perception. Here's the thing: your present GF is not your EX. Don't punish her for your EX's behavior. Also examine your relationship. Honestly if you are so worried about her cheating, you don't trust her. If you don't trust her you have no foundation for a relationship. If you are that worried you are also going to focus on it all the time & it will end up being a self fulfilling prophecy. 2
wb1988 Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 not the amazing men Amazing men? Lol I think that's a misconception that American women have about Euro guys. Your EX cheated on you. That colors your every perception. Here's the thing: your present GF is not your EX. Don't punish her for your EX's behavior. His ex was obviously someone he felt very close to, was in a LDR with and probably also reassured him that she'd never cheat. But she did, so it's not unreasonable for him to worry about this one. Also I've noticed that guys that get cheated on once end up getting cheated on many times after by different women, maybe it's something the OP is doing. If she calls/skypes you once or twice a day then it'll keep her mind off other guys. Also if she's not the party girl or artsy type then I don't see it happening if it's just 1 week. Also what are her friends like? If they are pretty normal then it'll be even more unlikely. Don't mention that you're insecure and think that she might cheat, it'll only lower her attraction towards you and now she'll have it in her head (she might have not even thought about other guys otherwise).
organizedchaos Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 Hey everyone. I have been dating my gf for 1 year now. Things have been good for the most part, some arguements but we have become more comfortable with each other and have expressed we want a future together. We are currently in a long distant relationship as of 2 months and will be for at least the next year or so until I can move. She has given me no reason to suspect she will cheat but I have become very insecure given that I was cheated on by a gf of 6 yrs 3 yrs ago who I was also long distance with. Now my gf is traveling to Europe for 1 week with 2 of her friends and Im worried she may meet someone or kiss someone and I will never know. In my mind I have tried to accept the fact that I may be cheated on so I can mentally prepare myself incase it happens. I know this isnt healthy. I guess the reason I worry is recently I have been insecure with her always concerned if Im her best or if shes happy and I worry maybe this has lessened the attraction towards me althought I havent seen it. She is 6 yrs younger (23) and she lives in NYC now, doesnt go out much but has friends she hangs out with. Ive been supportive, never over protective. She says sex between us is the best shes ever had and she wants to marry me some day. But I worry she may be tempted some day given her age and maybe due to GIGS. what are your thoughts about worrying about being cheated on when she travels for 1 week to Europe? She could already be cheating on you due to being long distance. 23 and in NYC? But what puzzles me is what you say about a relationship after just two months: Good for the most part. Some arguments She already knows she wants to marry you?
kendahke Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 Hey everyone. I have been dating my gf for 1 year now. Things have been good for the most part, some arguements but we have become more comfortable with each other and have expressed we want a future together. We are currently in a long distant relationship as of 2 months and will be for at least the next year or so until I can move. She has given me no reason to suspect she will cheat but I have become very insecure given that I was cheated on by a gf of 6 yrs 3 yrs ago who I was also long distance with. Why are you in yet another LDR? You do understand that your present girlfriend is not you ex, right? Now my gf is traveling to Europe for 1 week with 2 of her friends and Im worried she may meet someone or kiss someone and I will never know. In my mind I have tried to accept the fact that I may be cheated on so I can mentally prepare myself incase it happens. I know this isnt healthy. I guess the reason I worry is recently I have been insecure with her always concerned if Im her best or if shes happy and I worry maybe this has lessened the attraction towards me althought I havent seen it. She is 6 yrs younger (23) and she lives in NYC now, doesnt go out much but has friends she hangs out with. Ive been supportive, never over protective. She says sex between us is the best shes ever had and she wants to marry me some day. But I worry she may be tempted some day given her age and maybe due to GIGS. What is GIGS? what are your thoughts about worrying about being cheated on when she travels for 1 week to Europe? I think that you need to get your insecurities in check because they are ruling your mind. You are choosing to believe the worst in your girlfriend based upon what an ex did. She is not your ex. It is not fair of you to make her carry baggage from a past girlfriend that YOU should have had resolved way before now. You know what? Yes, she may become tempted one day. Temptation rides the air--it's everywhere. People either rebuff it or succumb to it. Worrying about it doesn't make it vaporize. If she kisses a guy while over there, then she kisses a guy over there and there isn't much you can do about it from where you are. She can kiss a guy around the corner from where you live, too, if she was of that mindset, so her being in Europe doesn't mean anything. If she does cheat, the truth will out and you can choose to leave the relationship then. Until such a time arises, you need to get your mind occupied with other things and quit dwelling on something that may not happen--unless you already know that she is of the mind to be like that already. If she is, then this is a lost cause and you just need to bounce. You may not think you have been overprotective to her face, but your insecurities puts the lie to that behind her back because here you are being overprotective. Why do you believe her to be a liar when she says you are the best she's ever had? Does she lie about other things and this is just yet another example of the fact that she waxes you to a high gloss?
oldshirt Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 your real issue here is your insecurity. That will poison you and the relationship eventually whether she cheats or not. Work on your own issues and become the best man that you can so that you have the strength and confidence to the point that if she does cheat on you it won't really matter. Not only will being the best man you can be lessen (but never eliminate) the possibility that she will cheat, it will put you in the position that if she does cheat it won't damage or devastate you. It would always annoy, inconvenience and disappoint you, but if you are in a position where you are squared away and have your own life in order, it will not harm or damage you. If you are in a position where if you found out on Monday that she cheated you could have another date lined up by Sat, it wouldn't harm you or leave you feeling devastated and destroyed. .....and a whole other topic is why are you are so hung up on some that is long distance? Why aren't you dating women in your own locality? 1
preraph Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 If someone wants to cheat on you, they don't have to go to Europe to do it. They can answer a Craigslist ad and go pork someone on their lunch break. This is your problem. Do not make it hers. Do not insist she check in with you constantly because this makes you look weak and insecure, facets you should do your best to hide from your woman. She is not going to cheat on you. She could do that right there at home if that is her mindset. You have zero reason to suspect her, so stop projecting your sickness onto her. And remember that it is common for men to accuse innocent women of cheating because that is what they would do if they had the opportunity -- and women know this! So by being suspect, you will only raise suspicion back onto yourself for thinking that any rational person would cheat on their mate if they were gone for a week. It says more about you than it does about her by far!
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 Insecurity about long distance is pretty normal - mainly because long distance usually doesn't work out for a lot of people. Just don't let that insecurity eat you alive.
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