Hulahoops88 Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 Me and my ex girlfriend recently started dating again. We broke up over commitment issues(mostly mine). There was always still attraction there during the break so now we are seeing where it goes. I am really confused. one minute she wants to book a trip abroad. The next minute she barely texts back. She says she get sleepless nights worrying about us getting back and yet says she loves to be around me. Her sister recently had a baby so now she is thinking about that stuff( shes 26, im 26 too). There is also some issues between us over being with other people during the 1st break up that plays up from time to time. Is the hot and coldness stemming from commitment issues or is she unsure about me? I really want it to work but not sure how to convince her 100% when she is so hot and cold. I dont want to overwhelm her.
Buddhist Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 So you pulled away and freaked out before but you want a second chance? Okay not a problem but clearly this dynamic is playing out. - She is looking for a marriage partner at this stage, not another commitment-phobic boyfriend. - She feels like time is running out for her and doesn't want her time wasted in another 'Oh no! I can't commit drama'. - She is not 100% sure you are that person she's looking for given your past history together. The big problem here is that you are coming back and saying 'lets see how it goes' while she subconsciously is thinking. Well I know how it goes, you get comfortable in the relationship then one day freak out on my ass and disappear. You're not coming back and giving her anything concrete so she's conflicted about her prospects with you. Yes she's attracted but she also wants something from you that you've already proven you can't give and you're not reassuring her that things have changed from your end. You need to realise that if you do get back together it's not another round of bachelorhood with sex on tap. She is serious now, she wants a man who will commit. If that in all honesty isn't you, because you're not ready to marry or have kids or don't see her as wife material then you need to be honest and let her go. Otherwise she will resent you for wasting her time. 2
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 Is she still seeing someone? It sounds like she has a lot on her mind...
Dybbuk Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 The thing about breaking up is... once a person hears from their partner "I want to break up" a lot of trust is decimated and gone at that point. Your GF basically learned from you that you didn't want to be with her anymore. So now that you are trying to reconnect with her, you have to realize she has already lost faith that you two will make it as a couple. After all, if she technically didn't do anything wrong the first time she has no reason to expect anything will go differently this time. She is more protective of herself and is probably pulling away so she doesn't end up blindsided and hurt again. Yea it sucks because now you're the one who is left confused, but you have to place yourself in her shoes that you did the same thing to her when you initially broke up. To add to that, at least you know why GF has reservations about dating you again, she on the other hand was probably dumbstruck when you dumped her because you couldn't commit. If you have no intention of seriously committing to her now, you should not ask her to be in a relationship with you. If you do want to make it work with her and see the potential for a future, you're going to have to press forward gently and not take it too personally if she's cautious for a while. That trust has to be re-established. 2
mightycpa Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 The thing about breaking up is... once a person hears from their partner "I want to break up" a lot of trust is decimated and gone at that point. Your GF basically learned from you that you didn't want to be with her anymore. Yeah. I'm surprised people come back at all after that. You can't unshatter a glass, after all. Breaking up is a big deal, and it demonstrates a commitment to being independent.
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