Mugen01 Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 We dated for about 4 months. She's 28 and I'm 26. Dates were the best: fun, light and romantic. She's even really into me. I kept it slow. Recently, she wants me to meet her parents (Not sure at this time though). But yeah, I found out recently through search history that she checks her ex's videos of him in facebook at least once daily. Now once daily sound a bit too much in my opinion. I wonder if this is just her habit, boredom, nosiness or she's not over him. Background: She broke up with her ex of five years for about 2 years now. We started dating about 1.5 years later since her break up with him. I dunno. I feel uncomfortable going out with her now. I dunno why a girl would check her ex's videos once daily. Is this the time to pack my things and leave?
jazzybones Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 Why are you even checking her search history?
d0nnivain Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 If she's still cyber stalking him 2 years later, there is a problem. You may be more of a rebound then you know. It seems to me like she's still hung up on him. If you found out that she looked him up once or twice & it was a while ago, I'd say to relax but this is a bit much. 1
Diezel Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 If she's stalking him as you are stalking her... then this relationship is not a relationship. 1
Standard-Fare Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 It's safe to conclude she's still hung up on the past if she's checking her ex's page that often. But that's her private activity, and if she's not ACTING on it in any way (i.e. contacting him), how much of a threat does it pose on your relationship? Have you noticed any consequences of her seeming fixation on her ex, or is it something you never would have thought about if you hadn't snooped? You did the Internet equivalent of reading her diary, and you got a peek at private thoughts that maybe you shouldn't have access to. Unless you want to reveal yourself as a snooper, you won't have a great way to approach this subject with her.
Elias33 Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 You may just want to move on. It would've been great if you didn't feel the need to sneak around, but the fact is, you know now. It's just not a good foundation. There was enough lack of trust coming from you to begin with, and you ended up finding what you were looking for. And yes, what she is doing is an absolute red flag. 1
Author Mugen01 Posted February 18, 2015 Author Posted February 18, 2015 It's safe to conclude she's still hung up on the past if she's checking her ex's page that often. But that's her private activity, and if she's not ACTING on it in any way (i.e. contacting him), how much of a threat does it pose on your relationship? Have you noticed any consequences of her seeming fixation on her ex, or is it something you never would have thought about if you hadn't snooped? You did the Internet equivalent of reading her diary, and you got a peek at private thoughts that maybe you shouldn't have access to. Unless you want to reveal yourself as a snooper, you won't have a great way to approach this subject with her. What would you do then if you're in this situation?
mightycpa Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 I'd ask her about it. You might also want to include something like this You know, I can understand checking up on old flames. That doesn't bother me so much as the frequency does. If you really want to find out why, you need to get her to a place where she's not reacting angrily to your accusations... you need to get her to talk. If she refuses, it's because she feels like she's gotten caught.
Diezel Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 What would you do then if you're in this situation? You can ask her, but prepare for her to get defensive and pin this on you. Once you ask that question, that trust has been shattered, you know... the one you two don't seem to have anyway.
Standard-Fare Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 You can ask her, but prepare for her to get defensive and pin this on you. Once you ask that question, that trust has been shattered, you know... the one you two don't seem to have anyway. Agreed. I mean, you could come up with an excuse for why you were browsing the search history...like "I needed to find this thing I looked up a couple weeks ago," but she'll likely see through that. And nothing would really explain why you looked through it so intensely to see the pattern of her daily habits. If you don't think you can live with the knowledge, you should confront her and be honest about your snooping. As the poster above said, though, expect a fight. She's going to turn it around on you and accuse you of violating her privacy. She'll probably also point out that she's done nothing wrong, and that she has a right to her own thoughts and her Internet activity. Option B is that you don't bring it up and you try to live with it. Millions of people are in relationships with partners who privately carry a torch for a love from their past. The only difference with you is that you have confirmation of it. It may just something that's going on in the fantasy/nostalgia part of your GF's brain. Don't assume it has anything to do with you, or that it has to detract from your relationship.
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