BohoLife Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 (edited) I have been lurking for a few months on this site. I decided that I would post my story & get some outside thoughts on it. I met my ex-husband at college. We both majored in the same degree & met in class. We both knew it was meant to be. We fell pretty hard & fast for one another. He made me laugh, was my rock, my support system, my true love. He would write notes to me on birthdays, Valentine's Day, & Christmas. The notes would talk of our love for one another, our future together, etc. I decided that I wanted to change majors after trying to find a job for 5 years & went into nursing. Nursing school is tough & my stress level was through the roof. I would feel horrible about not spending time with him (we would spend time during school breaks). I worked full time at the hospital & went to school full time. Anyhow, we had some rough life events happen to us & I thought those just made us stronger. He had a health scare & we got through that. This health scare made him depressed, anxious, & his self esteem hit rock bottom. We were together 7 years before he proposed. We got married right before nursing school started. Married 3 years & divorced. :-( It came as a shock to me. I realize now that I did everything to get him back that you are not supposed to do. He told me that he didn't mean his vows, he only proposed to me because he thought he was going to die & his parents put him up to it. His sister is going through a rough time & he said that he wants to live this miserable life taking care of her 3 kids & wants me to find someone else, marry them, & be happy. I told him I could not be happy with anyone else. He also told me that a friend of his saw me out on a day I was supposed to be working with another man & I was all over him (which is a lie). I have never even thought of cheating on my ex. His cousin told me that he was cheating on me with this girl that his mom had brought in to live with her (which her & her son-the girl has some problems). He denies that & says that he could not be with this girl or her son because they drive him nuts after a few minutes. He would help her out all the time though & spend time with her while I was studying for boards or for tests. I want to believe him, but I have my doubts as well because he has never given me the closure I want. We separated in September 2014 & got divorced in November 2014. I talked to his sister & she told me to just agree to the divorce & that there is not a chance he is dating this girl (she is too timid & what not). That he likes a woman that takes charge & knows what she wants. I agreed to the divorce & he thanked me for that (I was going to fight-even had a lawyer). What hurts me is that in the divorce papers, the reason for our divorce is because I was emotionally abusive(I did yell a few times, but once I learned that was unhealthy for a relationship I stopped). I tried to get him to meet me for coffee one day (in October) & he told me he couldn't see me because he hasn't had to take his anti anxiety meds since the separation & when he talks to me he has to take the meds & he is happier without me. I don't know if he was saying this stuff to hurt me or if he is being truthful. The texts he would send me would be cold & distant. Then one day we texted for almost 3 hours. Then he became cold & distant again. I texted him Merry Christmas (expecting no reply & I did not get one). Since then I have not contacted him. I have taken responsibility for my part-my stress is gone now that I have a job I absolutely love & am out of school. I'm back to being my carefree, happy self that made my ex fall in love with me. I finally have my own place. But, I still feel miserable. I never thought that he & I would lose one another. I know the only thing I can do is try to move on, live my life, & maybe we will reconcile. He did tell me that he hated me & he told my sister (not me) that he does not want to reconcile with me. His family is pulling him in 3945683 different directions & he just wants everyone to leave him alone. I feel that he needs to go away for a bit to sort himself out. I have been going to counseling & solo hikes to figure myself out & find myself again. It just hurts that we made these promises to one another & now they are not going to happen. :-( I don't know if I want advice or what I want...I just wanted to share my story. Thank you for reading. Edited February 24, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edited for readability
Mr. Lucky Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 Hard to read a solid block of text, you'll get more responses with paragraphs as below: I have been lurking for a few months on this site. I decided that I would post my story & get some outside thoughts on it. I met my ex-husband at college. We both majored in the same degree & met in class. We both knew it was meant to be. We fell pretty hard & fast for one another. He made me laugh, was my rock, my support system, my true love. He would write notes to me on birthdays, Valentine's Day, & Christmas. The notes would talk of our love for one another, our future together, etc. I decided that I wanted to change majors after trying to find a job for 5 years & went into nursing. Nursing school is tough & my stress level was through the roof. I would feel horrible about not spending time with him (we would spend time during school breaks). I worked full time at the hospital & went to school full time. Anyhow, we had some rough life events happen to us & I thought those just made us stronger. He had a health scare & we got through that. This health scare made him depressed, anxious, & his self esteem hit rock bottom. We were together 7 years before he proposed. We got married right before nursing school started. Married 3 years & divorced. :-( It came as a shock to me. I realize now that I did everything to get him back that you are not supposed to do. He told me that he didn't mean his vows, he only proposed to me because he thought he was going to die & his parents put him up to it. His sister is going through a rough time & he said that he wants to live this miserable life taking care of her 3 kids & wants me to find someone else, marry them, & be happy. I told him I could not be happy with anyone else. He also told me that a friend of his saw me out on a day I was supposed to be working with another man & I was all over him (which is a lie). I have never even thought of cheating on my ex. His cousin told me that he was cheating on me with this girl that his mom had brought in to live with her (which her & her son-the girl has some problems). He denies that & says that he could not be with this girl or her son because they drive him nuts after a few minutes. He would help her out all the time though & spend time with her while I was studying for boards or for tests. I want to believe him, but I have my doubts as well because he has never given me the closure I want. We separated in September 2014 & got divorced in November 2014. I talked to his sister & she told me to just agree to the divorce & that there is not a chance he is dating this girl (she is too timid & what not). That he likes a woman that takes charge & knows what she wants. I agreed to the divorce & he thanked me for that (I was going to fight-even had a lawyer). What hurts me is that in the divorce papers, the reason for our divorce is because I was emotionally abusive(I did yell a few times, but once I learned that was unhealthy for a relationship I stopped). I tried to get him to meet me for coffee one day (in October) & he told me he couldn't see me because he hasn't had to take his anti anxiety meds since the separation & when he talks to me he has to take the meds & he is happier without me. I don't know if he was saying this stuff to hurt me or if he is being truthful. The texts he would send me would be cold & distant. Then one day we texted for almost 3 hours. Then he became cold & distant again. I texted him Merry Christmas (expecting no reply & I did not get one). Since then I have not contacted him. I have taken responsibility for my part-my stress is gone now that I have a job I absolutely love & am out of school. I'm back to being my carefree, happy self that made my ex fall in love with me. I finally have my own place. But, I still feel miserable. I never thought that he & I would lose one another. I know the only thing I can do is try to move on, live my life, & maybe we will reconcile. He did tell me that he hated me & he told my sister (not me) that he does not want to reconcile with me. His family is pulling him in 3945683 different directions & he just wants everyone to leave him alone. I feel that he needs to go away for a bit to sort himself out. I have been going to counseling & solo hikes to figure myself out & find myself again. It just hurts that we made these promises to one another & now they are not going to happen. :-( I don't know if I want advice or what I want...I just wanted to share my story. Thank you for reading.
Author BohoLife Posted February 17, 2015 Author Posted February 17, 2015 Thanks for separating that post into paragraphs! I couldn't get it to break up. I apologize for making it one big block.
Mr. Lucky Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 No problem. Not sure why you're looking back at your troubled marriage rather than at what might lie ahead. Based on your ex-husbands statements and actions, doesn't seem much there to pin any hopes on. Don't you want something more satisfying for both people involved? Mr. Lucky
sandylee1 Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 I think you are better of without your H. How cruel only marrying you because he thought he was dying. I think that says it all really. Try and look to the future, don't text him. Just leave him be. No matter what happened, telling your sister he hates you is just disrespectful IMO. Start think about yourself from now and get yourself in a good position for a healthy relationship. All the best.
coryreply Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 I'm so sorry you've gone through all of this. It breaks my heart when I read stories like yours. I'm sure life hasn't turned out nearly like you thought it would. That's probably true for most of us. I'm praying for you today. Hang in there!
Author BohoLife Posted February 24, 2015 Author Posted February 24, 2015 Thank you all. I have been moving on, but there are days where it is hard. We were together 10 years & I never thought this would have happened. I'm still not in the proper place to date or meet new people. I guess I am still hoping that sometime down the road, he would want to meet up & discuss things & quite possibly reconcile.
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