Dante311 Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 (edited) I couldn't think of a better title, but to all of you who are hopeless... Our story begins 5 years ago. I was set up with a very attractive woman. I can't begin to describe how one sided this relationship was, but you can search my threads... I've been in 3 really bad relationships. Really bad. The most recent was for four years. She really didn't care for me, and those who knew her saw how miserable she made me. None of my friends cared for her. Every other day I was very sad, or happy. It was never happy every day, even from the start. I can't even begin to imagine why I even tried to hold on to that. Four years may have been fairly significant, and yes, the thought of losing her does reminisce, but the lessons learned, and the growth I've done since has truly been remarkable. Even one of the exes from many years ago, with whom I had reconnected saw the growth and wanted to be with me, but she hadn't grown... that fizzled out fast. It doesn't matter how my relationship ended, but what matters is that it ended. This girl broke it off with me > 14 times. One time, too many. After the 15th, she made it permanent. Every time, she came back to me... except the last. I don't hold out to hear from her. I tried to remain friends (after she initially wanted it) but she told me to back off, or else. And I did. It's been no contact since September of last year. And it feels good. My relationship of past was toxic, disgusting, and one sided. It was unhealthy, and I failed to see that. I did not listen to my friends or family. She constantly put me down... pushed me aside, and used me. I learned a lot from that. And for that, I hurt myself... and only myself. I did rebound, more than once and for that I will forever be sorry, for me and for the girls. Plural. Girls. I'm an *******, and I'm trying to beg forgiveness from myself. Our anniversary, Christmas, New Years, Valentine's Day... all come and gone. We had made special memories of each together over the last 4 years. And every part of me had hoped, and almost expected to hear something from her. Nothing. Not even a hi. Like hello, only shorter. I can't even begin to imagine what she's doing, or who she's seeing. All I know is I've been trying to focus on me. No one deserves to have a tortured soul, and I continually try to recall the bad, mean times. There were a lot of them, so it isn't hard. She made me cry... many, many times. I'm not a sensitive individual, but I am very loving and caring. I'm affectionate, and she failed to give me any of that. Every morning I wake, and I tell myself, "don't be sorry"... I did nothing wrong. I kept giving to an empty soul and heart. I should be proud of myself, that even after being drained, and my heart being devoured by a soulless, heartless woman, I can still carry myself with pride and love. With great friends, exercise, academia (I'm in medicine/healthcare/science/research).... and a former first responder at the Boston Marathon Bombing of 2013... I've been witness death and despair... I've seen the lowest of low... carnage, sadness, the lowest points of the human condition... but I've seen triumph and victory.. love, and compassion. I've seen support, and empathy.. I've seen the beauty in the human condition and our inherent nature to love and help. These thoughts in mind, to awake with the love in my heart, to share with one woman with whom I'm lucky to be with and is lucky to be with me... I have found such a woman who makes me so happy. I am filled with so much love.... if you've ever read "The 5 Love Languages"... my love tank is over flowing!! I will never give up, or let go. LoveShack, you've given me so many reasons to try to reason my life out and seek out love within me, so that I may love again. Thank you. I hope this finds you all =) And thank you to Zahara!!!! Edited February 17, 2015 by Dante311 1
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