Is it true that when a man truly loves a woman, she motivates him to do better?

[jinnlee]

So i just broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago.

 

He was really distraught and told me a bunch of things before we finally left.

 

He told me that I was the only reason he wanted to go back to college and find a better job, but now he doesnt have a reason to anymore. Basically the reason why he was turning his life around was because of me. He did confess his love for me constantly and our mutual friends have told me that he really loves me and never treated his previous girlfriends like he treats me. He said he will always be in love with me and will always try to win me back. Then mentioned that he is obsessed with me.

 

I told him I will be his friend and motivate him still, but we can no longer be in a relationship.

 

If a man really loves a woman, does everything he do will be because of the woman out of love? And from what Ive stated, does it seem like I broke up with someone that truly loved me? I broke up with him because he's a big flirt and he has cheated before in a previous relationship. I just wanted to end it before he decided to do the same to me.

 

I would love all inputs. Thank u

[Diezel]

Stop being his crutch. He needs to find his own source of motivation.

 

When I really love someone, they ENCOURAGE me to do better, which I have no problem with, but I am also very self-motivated. It all depends on the man, but a man who depends solely on YOU for motivation, is a disaster in the making.

[mightycpa]

You sound like his excuse to be a loser. He's trying to put all that responsibility on you, rather than be responsible for himself.

 

I think that's called a child.

[NopeNah]

You sound like his excuse to be a loser. He's trying to put all that responsibility on you, rather than be responsible for himself.

 

I think that's called a child.

 

Yep. I've ALWAYS been more motivated after a break up if anything. Sure,not at first,but then it's on!

[geronimo]

lol like previously stated, a real man doesn't need a woman to motivate him. Sure having someone there to encourage you and push you when you're down is good but at the end of the day, the motivation should come from within. He's just trying to guilt trip you into saving the relationship, thinking that maybe if he tells you he needs you in order for him to build a future, you might stay.

 

And as Praying4daylight said, I usually get motivated after the breakup, lol i myself gained quite a bit of weight during my relationship and she used to try and motivate me to lose it but I didnt do **** about it. But the week she broke up with me i started hitting the gym like it was my second home.

[jus d'orange]

It sounds like a far bigger problem is that he's living his life to impress you or blaming his failures on you, when he's responsible for them.

 

Even as I feel bad over my breakup and struggle to live normal, decent days, I don't think that's my ex's fault, because I've got to be in charge. See what I mean?

 

That being said, did you talk to him about infidelity? If he's a flirt, that's a problem, but you shouldn't really break up with him based upon future infidelity... Otherwise, you would have needed to talk to him about his flirting behaviour.

 

But if you don't want to be with him, tell him that you want him to do well for himself, and not for you, and then cut contact and move on.

[jinnlee]

He does have a history of cheating but it happened in previous relationships.

[mightycpa]

He does have a history of cheating but it happened in previous relationships.

I wonder if the old GF was responsible for that.

[jinnlee]

Thanks for the feedback, it looks like I did make the right decision in leaving. I was starting to get very serious with this guy and Im glad that my feelings did not cloud my judgement. This definitely a disaster waiting to happen

[NopeNah]

Thanks for the feedback, it looks like I did make the right decision in leaving. I was starting to get very serious with this guy and Im glad that my feelings did not cloud my judgement. This definitely a disaster waiting to happen

 

If anything having to balance a relationship along with doing your own self improvement is harder. It's why in AA they say to not date for the first year.

[gnick]

Hes just trying to do whatever he can think of to win you back.right now he's desperate and grasping at straws.I know because I did the same ****.once he recovers he will resume his life

[todreaminblue]

I also dont feel that you should drop a guy based on past indiscretions......how i feel about motivation in a relationship ...is a relationship should enhance your natural abilities...its is support.....i am always a motivator in a relationship but if the guy doesnt have any of his own motivation ...no amount of help from me is going to get him there.motivation is a two way street you need to give as much as you get..........deb

[erklat]

Yeah, I don't put much in what he says because he is distraught and will

Say anything to save relationship.

 

But if he was treating you nice, than it is a lame reason to dump him.

 

If you weren't happy that is a legitimate reason. But his apparent

Lack of motivation is a result of the pain he is in.

 

And yes, when I had success in relationship I had more energy and

motivation to excell.

Edited February 18, 2015 by erklat

[jinnlee]

I also dont feel that you should drop a guy based on past indiscretions......how i feel about motivation in a relationship ...is a relationship should enhance your natural abilities...its is support.....i am always a motivator in a relationship but if the guy doesnt have any of his own motivation ...no amount of help from me is going to get him there.motivation is a two way street you need to give as much as you get..........deb

 

I get what youre saying. He only recently told me that he cheated even after being together for almost a year. He started to do things that fit the profile of a cheater and I just felt the need to end it right then and there

[jinnlee]

Yeah, I don't put much in what he says because he is distraught and will

Say anything to save relationship.

 

But if he was treating you nice, than it is a lame reason to dump him.

 

If you weren't happy that is a legitimate reason. But his apparent

Lack of motivation is a result of the pain he is in.

 

And yes, when I had success in relationship I had more energy and

motivation to excell.

 

He was really good to me up until the last month. I wasnt happy because his behavior started to change and I was constantly worried about him cheating. He just put a lot of stress on me

[jinnlee]

Since deleting/blocking him off of all my social media accounts, a mutual friend of ours said that my ex has updated his profile, deleted pics of us and places we went to, and basically changed a lot of info. What does this mean? Is he doing this for attention or think that this will hurt me?

[Diezel]

You broke up with him. He's allowed to move on.

Why are you worried about him hurting you when you broke up with him?

 

He might be a chronic cheater from past relationships, but if you broke up with him, he's still human and still allowed to move on from you.

[carhill]

If a man really loves a woman, does everything he do will be because of the woman out of love?

Love is an emotion, or perhaps combination of emotions. Emotions are like little instigators in our brains. They manifest themselves through behaviors. We each choose how to process emotions, like love, through our own unique psychology, borne of our genetics, socialization and life experience. For some, sure, love 'motivates' or 'inspires' ambition and achievement and self-improvement because that's how the person processes it.

And from what Ive stated, does it seem like I broke up with someone that truly loved me?

Unknown. Not enough information. One aspect to reflect on is the difference between the emotions of love and those relevant to obsession. Reflect on similar circumstances in your own life and how you resolved them to a healthy state.

I broke up with him because he's a big flirt and he has cheated before in a previous relationship. I just wanted to end it before he decided to do the same to me.

That sounds more practical, a general incompatibility in relationship style, which could be related to, or not related to, the emotions of love. As an example, a man can love a woman or he can love many women. The emotions are specific to his psychology. He can love you when, where and how he loves you and he can flirt with other women, and even 'love' them, when, where and how he does with them. Each woman is in a separate love box. It's a relationship style. If it isn't compatible with your own style, then the relationship, if this aspect is irreconcilable, usually won't work out. This could occur even if he didn't mind you being flirtatious with other men or soliciting their attentions, if that's not your style.

 

I would opine that, in my own life, a few great loves did inspire me, or motivate me, to pursue goals that I might not have otherwise pursued. Those loves have come and gone and, in a couple of cases, so have the people, now dead. It's all part of life. Enjoy the ride; hopefully it'll be a long one.

[jinnlee]

You broke up with him. He's allowed to move on.

Why are you worried about him hurting you when you broke up with him?

 

He might be a chronic cheater from past relationships, but if you broke up with him, he's still human and still allowed to move on from you.

 

You're right I shouldnt be worried but its still kinda a respect thing. We were together for almost a year and were very serious. Its just weird since i told him i would respect his feelings. I have not done anything malicious since the break up. I almost feel that he wants me to think that he cheated now so he can make it seem like he has moved on easily

[jinnlee]

Love is an emotion, or perhaps combination of emotions. Emotions are like little instigators in our brains. They manifest themselves through behaviors. We each choose how to process emotions, like love, through our own unique psychology, borne of our genetics, socialization and life experience. For some, sure, love 'motivates' or 'inspires' ambition and achievement and self-improvement because that's how the person processes it. Unknown. Not enough information. One aspect to reflect on is the difference between the emotions of love and those relevant to obsession. Reflect on similar circumstances in your own life and how you resolved them to a healthy state. That sounds more practical, a general incompatibility in relationship style, which could be related to, or not related to, the emotions of love. As an example, a man can love a woman or he can love many women. The emotions are specific to his psychology. He can love you when, where and how he loves you and he can flirt with other women, and even 'love' them, when, where and how he does with them. Each woman is in a separate love box. It's a relationship style. If it isn't compatible with your own style, then the relationship, if this aspect is irreconcilable, usually won't work out. This could occur even if he didn't mind you being flirtatious with other men or soliciting their attentions, if that's not your style.

 

I would opine that, in my own life, a few great loves did inspire me, or motivate me, to pursue goals that I might not have otherwise pursued. Those loves have come and gone and, in a couple of cases, so have the people, now dead. It's all part of life. Enjoy the ride; hopefully it'll be a long one.

 

Thank u for this. Very beautiful insight and definitely does provide some closure. I hope that I made a postive impact on his life and he will still follow his dreams.

[jus d'orange]

After an ex broke up with me in the past, I did take down all of the profile pictures that had us together.

 

The most recent ex we didn't really have any photos of us together, so it was a lot easier, but if there were a bunch up I would probably do it again.

 

I knew my ex wouldn't see me do it since we weren't friends on facebook anymore at that point. I didn't do it to hurt her or disrespect her, I did it because I was hurting and it helped me.

 

Ask this friend of yours not to tell you about things like that, and as much as possible, focus on yourself in this process.

[Diezel]

You're right I shouldnt be worried but its still kinda a respect thing. We were together for almost a year and were very serious. Its just weird since i told him i would respect his feelings. I have not done anything malicious since the break up. I almost feel that he wants me to think that he cheated now so he can make it seem like he has moved on easily

 

Huh?

 

So because he took off all the stuff about you two after YOU DUMPED HIM, you are upset he is moving on that quickly and isn't keeping all of that stuff up... out of respect for the person who dumped him?

 

This makes NO sense.

 

You dumped him because you couldn't bother with being in a relationship with him, but now that you two aren't together, you are bothered because he wants to move on?

 

You need to make up your mind about what it is exactly that you want.

[todreaminblue]

He was really good to me up until the last month. I wasnt happy because his behavior started to change and I was constantly worried about him cheating. He just put a lot of stress on me

 

 

He only recently told me that he cheated even after being together for almost a year. He started to do things that fit the profile of a cheater and I just felt the need to end it right then and there

 

 

 

i would disagree on the being good to you thing......

[No Limit]

No. If a guy loves a woman and wants to keep her, he'll do anything to keep her around. Same if it's a woman. But they don't cause each other to change (or at least rarely in a positive direction). People change because they want to, everything else is just sugar coating reality. That guy is just trying to get you on the hook.

[rester]

So i just broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago.

 

He was really distraught and told me a bunch of things before we finally left.

 

He told me that I was the only reason he wanted to go back to college and find a better job, but now he doesnt have a reason to anymore. Basically the reason why he was turning his life around was because of me. He did confess his love for me constantly and our mutual friends have told me that he really loves me and never treated his previous girlfriends like he treats me. He said he will always be in love with me and will always try to win me back. Then mentioned that he is obsessed with me.

 

I told him I will be his friend and motivate him still, but we can no longer be in a relationship.

 

If a man really loves a woman, does everything he do will be because of the woman out of love?

 

I've been motivated to make improvements in my life by women, but also understand that the improvements are for myself, and not for them.

 

 

And from what Ive stated, does it seem like I broke up with someone that truly loved me?

 

Possibly, but if you weren't happy it doesn't matter if he loved you or not.

 

 

I broke up with him because he's a big flirt and he has cheated before in a previous relationship. I just wanted to end it before he decided to do the same to me.

 

Did you discuss with him his flirting and your fear of him cheating before you broke up with him? Do you have any reason to distrust him aside from his past?

 

 

 

He was really good to me up until the last month. I wasnt happy because his behavior started to change and I was constantly worried about him cheating. He just put a lot of stress on me

 

Did you talk to him about this? I think he had a right to know this before you breaking up with him.

 

 

 

Since deleting/blocking him off of all my social media accounts, a mutual friend of ours said that my ex has updated his profile, deleted pics of us and places we went to, and basically changed a lot of info. What does this mean? Is he doing this for attention or think that this will hurt me?

 

No, he's not doing it for attention or to hurt you. He is moving on with his life.