Otter2569 Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 Not sure if I reacted reasonably or was a complete douche but.... Was out with my GF on Friday having drinks and dinner at a local brew pub. We spent the afternoon together and had an amazing time. I/ we were so happy and excited for Valentines weekend. While at the bar I noticed that she kept looking behind me for long periods of time. This happened on several occasions. She grew up in this town and knows a lot of people. I ask what she is looking at and she says the waitress. I look over and see that the waitress is nothing unusual or noteworthy. Time goes by and she does it some more. Getting uptight I ask what she is looking at and she says the t-shirts. Well, the T-shirts are clearly on display - IN FRONT OF US and I tell her so. After returning from the bathroom I ask her to switch seats so she can look at what ever or who ever and I wont be blocking her view. I them move my stool to the other side of her...of course this starts a huge fight and ruins our evening.
Frank2thepoint Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 She was probably checking out another guy, but she doesn't have the gumption to tell you. I don't know how switching seats so she can have a better view got her upset or made you a douche, but if it meant she couldn't stare/eye-f*ck another dude, then yeah you were being a douche for ruining her moment of fantasizing about another guy. So selfish of you.
Author Otter2569 Posted February 17, 2015 Author Posted February 17, 2015 My thoughts exactly LOL Her actions were so totally out of character and of course it got turned around like I was irrational. I am not the jealous type or one to even notice this stuff but once I did, it was obvious that something behind me was more interesting.
Frank2thepoint Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 That's her gaslighting you. It's a form of emotional abuse. My first ex did something similar when we were at a restaurant. She spent half of dinner staring at some guy at another table behind me. I looked behind me a couple of times and noticed the guy she was eye-f*cking. Conveniently for her, she go out of her seat and sat in my lap to distract me, because she knew very well what she was doing. She was quite tricksy. You should have a serious chat with your gal in case she is getting bored in the relationship, falling out of love, or maybe she still needs to sow her wild oats.
autumnnight Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 That's her gaslighting you. It's a form of emotional abuse. My first ex did something similar when we were at a restaurant. She spent half of dinner staring at some guy at another table behind me. I looked behind me a couple of times and noticed the guy she was eye-f*cking. Conveniently for her, she go out of her seat and sat in my lap to distract me, because she knew very well what she was doing. She was quite tricksy. You should have a serious chat with your gal in case she is getting bored in the relationship, falling out of love, or maybe she still needs to sow her wild oats. Umm...I think checking out another guy is rude, but I'm not entirely sure one dinner where a woman is distracted rises to the level of emotional abuse. One must work not to allow a response to be out of proportion to the actual action. You don't need a machine gun to kill an ant.
Frank2thepoint Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 Umm...I think checking out another guy is rude, but I'm not entirely sure one dinner where a woman is distracted rises to the level of emotional abuse. Concerning my situation, it wasn't the only instance. There were other instances, unfortunately. I just gave one example. Concerning Otter2569's situation, if she is getting mad at him for no legitimate reason, I'm sure there is something she is hiding. That's emotional abuse. One must work not to allow a response to be out of proportion to the actual action. You don't need a machine gun to kill an ant. With a machine gun you may miss the ant, and risk the bullets ricocheting back at yourself. Use explosives instead. At a safe distance of course. 1
Author Otter2569 Posted February 17, 2015 Author Posted February 17, 2015 Honestly I looked around and didn't see anyone worth checking out but it was different and I wouldn't / couldn't make that crap up. Maybe she was getting back at me for checking my phone during dinner (didn't even realize I was doing it until we started arguing). We are still very hot and heavy in our relationship. She continually tells me how much she loves me, misses me and wants a life together. Having both been divorced we are a little ultra sensitive.
preraph Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 Maybe she just wanted to see who all was there and people-watch. Not everyone stares you in the eyes while you're talking to them. Granted, they should make more of an effort, but then you yourself said you were on your phone during dinner, so.... 1
SycamoreCircle Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 I was talking to a guy about this the other day---I wonder what the percentage of fights/break ups are for Valentines Day. There seems to be so much pressure.
CarrieT Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 My husband and I actually joke about this, knowing that people are inclined to look. Our philosophy: You can always read the menu, but the entrée has been chosen. 2
Author Otter2569 Posted February 18, 2015 Author Posted February 18, 2015 Carrie, I like that and plan on using it LOL Like I said the behavior was so out of character and seemed obvious so that set me off. Usually she will say "there is so and so" or "See that person over there..." or OMG, look at that...". Anyhow I ended up being the dick on this one. Sycamore, you are so right. I was really excited for VDay (our first) and we ruined Friday night. Sat was her daughters bday but I had a bunch of VDay stuff ready to go after the party ended BUT family & friends did not leave until midnight. Sunday was awkward (house full of kids). Thankfully Sunday night we got into Vday mode (candles, cake and champagne in bed). So glad it turned around because I swear at one point I had my post about a crappy VDay ready to send
Popsicle Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 I have a girl friend who does this a lot but she's also a serial cheater. The funny thing is she would completely lose her **** when her bf/husband would have wandering eyes.
Popsicle Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 I was talking to a guy about this the other day---I wonder what the percentage of fights/break ups are for Valentines Day. There seems to be so much pressure. Probably A LOT! Lol And not because of pressure but moreso because the woman has been trying to get that guy to do this or that forever and he normally dodges, but this is the ONE DAY she expects him to do it. She builds up an expectation and when he screws it up she's like "THATS IT I'M DONE". Lol 1
Giggle Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 I don't mind if it's honest and out in open. Like she was before. Not wanting you to see what she was intrigued over was weird. But. Hehe. If your phone was more interesting than her then yup
Frank2thepoint Posted February 19, 2015 Posted February 19, 2015 I have a girl friend who does this a lot but she's also a serial cheater. Broken down to the simplest explanation, this is what wandering eyes represents. Sure, not everyone that relishes looking is a serial cheater, but they are definitely not happy with their current situation. They would rather jump to another person than try to resolve problems they have currently.
Author Otter2569 Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 Pop I had a exGF like that. She watched every move I made and even timed me when I went to the bathroom. It was fine for her to talk to guys and get texts with sexual content but if I talked to my ex wife about the kids or looked at a passing car that had a woman passenger it was WWIII. Needless to say she is an Ex now.
Author Otter2569 Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 Frank, thats where my mind went but she had been nothing but loving and caring since that argument. No sense of a pull back or change of mind. Trust me thats the first place i went to. Was thinking maybe she was getting me back for being on my phone and posting on another womans Fbook page. Jack ass move on my part.
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