billydakid Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 A beautiful co-worker and I became extremely close, best friends even and to the point that we became an item, but never put a title on our relationship, and one day, almost a year and half later into this untitled relationship, she realized that she fell in love with me, and not wanting a relationship she cried and backed away, saying she needs time to lose her feelings for me, we work 5ft apart, we went on dates, texted, snapchatted and talk on the phone alot, we never had sex but did everything else, and now it's been 3 weeks and I can't sleep, I can't eat, I smoke like it's going outta style and I have 0% patience, I need her back in my life
jus d'orange Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 Did she give a specific reason why she doesn't want a relationship? You've gotten to know her pretty well, I guess. Does she have things in her past that make her afraid of commitment? If she's really not open to it, you'll have to respect her wishes, but if she's open to talking about it calmly, you could try to ease her fears and concerns over a relationship.
Author billydakid Posted February 17, 2015 Author Posted February 17, 2015 Did she give a specific reason why she doesn't want a relationship? You've gotten to know her pretty well, I guess. Does she have things in her past that make her afraid of commitment? If she's really not open to it, you'll have to respect her wishes, but if she's open to talking about it calmly, you could try to ease her fears and concerns over a relationship. Well, the only thing we've discussed in the past, before we started, was that she doesn't want to have "love" feelings for anyone and that she does not want a relationship, from what I do know, her parents divorced when she was young, I believe that's the reason,and after not wanting a relationship, she dated this guy for a year which killed her confidence and broke her heart, even tho she ended things with him.
mightycpa Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 Well, the only thing we've discussed in the past, before we started, was that she doesn't want to have "love" feelings for anyone and that she does not want a relationship, from what I do know, her parents divorced when she was young, I believe that's the reason,and after not wanting a relationship, she dated this guy for a year which killed her confidence and broke her heart, even tho she ended things with him. You'd do well to take her at her word. If you convince her that she's wrong, then you're likely to find out that you're wrong. She needs to want you more than she wants to avoid or protect whatever it is she's protecting or avoiding. 1
jus d'orange Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 Sounds like you're in a tough spot. If she basically doesn't believe in having a relationship, or is very afraid to have one, it would be difficult to convince her otherwise. You can try talking to her, but you would have to be very careful about it. Ultimately, if she really doesn't want a relationship despite how she feels about you, then you'll just have to respect her decision. It's not possible to have a relationship with someone who truly doesn't want one, as too many of us have found out.
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 Perhaps give her some space like you have been, keep being friendly...she will most likely approach you! Sounds like you are in love.
Author billydakid Posted February 17, 2015 Author Posted February 17, 2015 Perhaps give her some space like you have been, keep being friendly...she will most likely approach you! Sounds like you are in love. I am, fearing her reaction, I kept it inside, when she ended it, stating she wants to remain best friends, I told her the truth, that I too was in love, but I pushed so hard to work things that I fear I may have lost her forever, can she truly lose her feelings in 3 weeks
mightycpa Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 I am, fearing her reaction, I kept it inside, when she ended it, stating she wants to remain best friends, I told her the truth, that I too was in love, but I pushed so hard to work things that I fear I may have lost her forever, can she truly lose her feelings in 3 weeks You can lose your feelings in a moment. People generally don't, or they don't admit it, and they call it "losing interest" as if that is a process, but I don't think it is. One day, you wake up and the world is somehow different. Your SO isn't perfect anymore, they are annoying or clingy or whatever, and that behavior that you used to like a lot and think was so cute suddenly seems to bother you. Nobody wants to fall out of love, so they start having an internal dialogue about it, they rationalize, and fight it, and you'll read on here that most actually turn on the love, professing undying love and a wish to be together forever, almost as if they're trying to convince themselves. I think that's what is really happening, they're just not sharing that with you. Then one day, they can't deceive themselves anymore. The dumpee gets blindsided while the dumper goes free, having already processed the breakup alone in their thoughts. But really, I think the feeling changed a while back, and it just takes time to come to terms with it and to bring it out into the open. Your SO processed it alone. Now it is your turn. The only difference is that they had you and your sincere interest around while they processed it. You don't get to have that.
jus d'orange Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 I wouldn't worry so much about whether she can or can't lose her feelings that fast; your best option no matter the desired outcome is to realise that you're not in a healthy way at the moment (as you've described above with the lack of sleep, food, smoking too much, etc.), and you need to start focussing on yourself. If she changes her mind and decides to try to make things work with you, then you'll be in a good, healthy position to talk to her about that. If she does move on and truly doesn't want a relationship, then you'll be in a good position to move on yourself. But staying unhealthy won't make you happy, it won't bring her to you, and trying to force the issue isn't going to help either.
Diezel Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 we became an item, but never put a title on our relationship, and one day, almost a year and half later into this untitled relationship, she realized that she fell in love with me, and not wanting a relationship she cried and backed away we never had sex but did everything else A sexless relationship for a year and a half with a co-worker? I don't now, that sounds like a REAL recipe for disaster. My guess is that she didn't "fall in love" but rather, there is someone else. That or HUGE abandonment issues, and if it is abandonment issues, trust me... you dodged a major bullet. You just don't know it yet.
flightplan Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 She's exploring options. Her radar is on someone else. If she wanted to be with you, she would, but you probably took too long to be the alpha male. You didn't strike while the iron was hot, so she's moving on. My two cents.
Author billydakid Posted February 18, 2015 Author Posted February 18, 2015 (edited) Our friendship developed into a romantic relationship, she realized that she's "in love" 2 months ago, and then 3 weeks ago, she decided that she doesn't want to love anyone and that it hurts too much, she has commitment issues due to her parents divorce and confidence issues from her last ex boyfriend. We had a long calm talk tonight, she claims that all the fighting for the last 3 weeks killed her love because I became a different person, we can never be again and wants to keep me as her best friend, less the benefits. The reason we never had sex is because we were taking it slow, I also love her and didn't want a quick in the office, I wanted it to be something special that she would always remember. I also know for a fact, she's not into anyone, she's simply staying home, I always know where she is, my best friend is dating her sister and has assured me of no guy. Edited February 18, 2015 by billydakid adding more info
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