jessgirl23 Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 (edited) Been exclusive with a guy since November. He has a new job, he used to always text me in the mornings and tell me when he was going to work and then text me after work until bed. All of a sudden he stopped doing that, and would only send a few texts a day, and that's it. So I ended it out of lack of effort he was putting in (didn't come visit me or take me on dates) he never replied so i called him two days later and he agreed on putting in effort. He said he never replied because he was too mad and didn't want to say something he'd regret later on. So I said i'd like to be able to talk more or at least call me at night before bed since it's a long distance relationship and we only see each other once every week or sometimes once every two weeks. He then agreed to it, and said i was kind of being needy and that I shouldn't worry when he doesn't text me everyday but I was and I over think everything. He called me drunk and confessed his love for me and all this stuff the next night. I went up to visit him for the night and we went out to the movies and he paid. Brought up the call, in which he said he did love me and that he's never felt like this about a girl before, and described what I was wearing the moment he first saw me. Even remembered how I just had got my hair done that day. We agreed to going out for dinner together on Sunday (day after valentines day) and then left to go home. We texted the next day throughout the day and then he texted me the next day good morning. But then nothing for the past three days ... I texted him only once a day wishing he had a good day and all this stuff, just to be nice and send a cute text to make work better but nothing .. not even a reply, not even a call at night like he had promised. I get he's busy at work, but the communication got worse and worse with me and him. I ended it and said I deserved better and a goodbye. Nothing... on valentines day, I tried calling him, I missed him. I didn't mean to end it, I just got upset with him doing this again to me. Later at night, I tried again and nothing .. not even a response to my texts. Not even the next day he replied ... I just don't know if he's mad at me again and not responding because of it or he was ignoring me in the first place to make me end it with him? We were perfect the last time I saw him .. and same with the texting the next day .. we were saying we missed each other, etc. Even if he didn't want to get back together, I'd at least like so closure saying he does not, but instead I've been getting ignored and I've told him that I'd just like closure. Edited February 21, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fixed paragraphs
Jessie1231 Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 Ignoring you is his way of dealing with the fact that you broke up with him. If you don't want to end things with someone, the best idea is not to do it. I know this from experience. Either they will realize they are fine without you or they realize they don't want the whole break up/get back together games. He told you that you seemed needy wanting to hear from him every day, but it sounds like you kept wanting to hear from him every day when he obviously didn't think that was necessary. Then you broke up with him for not contacting you every day. I don't think there is any way to come back from that. 1
preraph Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 Well, he told you what was holding him back from being with you, which I'm assuming he thought you'd take seriously and do something about (stop acting needy and overtexting) and then thinking he had the problem solved, he confessed his love, but then you didn't make any changes, and he realized it was hopeless and left. I don't know how old you are, but people with jobs and a full life can't be texting all day! And men don't like small talk that much. And there are many practical reasons for not doing it, such as then what do you have to talk about that isn't repetitious when you do see each other? But that won't matter to you, because you're doing this out of a constant need to be reassured, and so you have done what so many do and created the exact situation you feared the most, which is him leaving you. And it's you that did it. He tried to let you know and get you to stop, but you ignored him. 3
Author jessgirl23 Posted February 17, 2015 Author Posted February 17, 2015 Well, he told you what was holding him back from being with you, which I'm assuming he thought you'd take seriously and do something about (stop acting needy and overtexting) and then thinking he had the problem solved, he confessed his love, but then you didn't make any changes, and he realized it was hopeless and left. I don't know how old you are, but people with jobs and a full life can't be texting all day! And men don't like small talk that much. And there are many practical reasons for not doing it, such as then what do you have to talk about that isn't repetitious when you do see each other? But that won't matter to you, because you're doing this out of a constant need to be reassured, and so you have done what so many do and created the exact situation you feared the most, which is him leaving you. And it's you that did it. He tried to let you know and get you to stop, but you ignored him. is there any way to win him back?
losangelena Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 is there any way to win him back? I'd say give it a few days and see what he does. Don't do anything right now. Also, in the future, don't break up with someone if you don't really mean it. That's a bad tactic to get your way. How does he know you're not serious? If someone broke up with me, I would take them at their word, and if they came back and wanted to get together again, I would have a hard time trusting them or taking them seriously.
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 Wait and see, it may be too late... :/
preraph Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 You'll have to see if he cares enough to contact you. You should not contact him. And if he does come around, it's still up to you to stop clinging to his leg like a toddler. You need to find out why you do that so you can have a better relationship later with someone else. 1
Author jessgirl23 Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 I'd say give it a few days and see what he does. Don't do anything right now. Also, in the future, don't break up with someone if you don't really mean it. That's a bad tactic to get your way. How does he know you're not serious? If someone broke up with me, I would take them at their word, and if they came back and wanted to get together again, I would have a hard time trusting them or taking them seriously. Been 4 days and no text ... Tried moving on and going on a date last night, It went well, going on another with the guy, but I compare him to my ex. I miss him so much .. I cried right when I got in the car from the date. I just want to call him but I feel like I should just move on, that it's going to hurt like this and I should let a new guy into my life and move past my ex. Just I would like some closure from him so I can.
losangelena Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 I'd also say maybe chill and not date right now. Why the rush, anyway? In an attempt to move on? I don't think it's going to help you right now, you need more time to heal from this guy's disappearance.
smackie9 Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 I'm not going to read all that...I stopped at "this is long distance". If this is what is happening after only less than 3 months of dating then it didn't have it for the long haul. LDRs are very difficult, and not an ideal way to have a relationship. For all you know he met someone at his new job and decided it was easier to go flaky on you. He isn't going to give you closure because he is hiding something. Just chalk it up as a bad experienece and date locally.
preraph Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 I think it's good you're dating. It is a distraction and it's good for your bruised ego. Keep socializing and dating and stay busy.
Buddhist Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 To be honest, you do sound a bit needy. Let it go, learn and move on.
Author jessgirl23 Posted February 20, 2015 Author Posted February 20, 2015 To be honest, you do sound a bit needy. Let it go, learn and move on. I'll be honest as well, I was needy. I've realized that no one likes a needy girl. I'm willing to stop overthinking and worrying and being needy but I don't know how to show him that I've thought about it and am willing to change that. By texting him or calling him to say that, I'm coming off as still needy. There's no winning.
Buddhist Posted February 20, 2015 Posted February 20, 2015 In this one? No there isn't. That bridge has been burned, you need to move on.
Author jessgirl23 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 (edited) Week and a half and still no text? Is he expecting me to text him and crawl back? He's stubborn. He's fallen off the face of the earth ... hasn't been on any social media, nothing since ... Edited February 25, 2015 by jessgirl23
fitnessfan365 Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 Gotta say this whole thing sounds really juvenile. You wanted to end it because you didn't get your daily texts? Then instead of being a man, he ignores you. The two of you aren't in high school are you? I think texting has become the downfall of dating and relationships in general. An honest and mature relationship is developed around actual interaction. Not typing away on the phone. If a woman I'm dating texts me, I don't have the time to chat on the phone all day. I make plans with her and get back to my day. Plus, I've never understood why people have to talk every single day. So they can share the same boring mundane routine they do every day with each other? If you're secure and confident in the relationship, there should be room for space and your own interests/friends/family time, etc..
Author jessgirl23 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 (edited) Gotta say this whole thing sounds really juvenile. You wanted to end it because you didn't get your daily texts? Then instead of being a man, he ignores you. The two of you aren't in high school are you? I think texting has become the downfall of dating and relationships in general. An honest and mature relationship is developed around actual interaction. Not typing away on the phone. If a woman I'm dating texts me, I don't have the time to chat on the phone all day. I make plans with her and get back to my day. Plus, I've never understood why people have to talk every single day. So they can share the same boring mundane routine they do every day with each other? If you're secure and confident in the relationship, there should be room for space and your own interests/friends/family time, etc..I've realized what I did was immature and that I was being needy .. I want him back. I'm willing to accept him being busy with work and not expecting a text from him daily, as I just want him back in my life. Should I atleast wait 30 days and see if he does? if not, ask how he's doing, etc after the 30 days? Edited February 25, 2015 by jessgirl23
ExpatInItaly Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 I've realized what I did was immature and that I was being needy .. I want him back. I'm willing to accept him being busy with work and not expecting a text from him daily, as I just want him back in my life. Should I atleast wait 30 days and see if he does? if not, ask how he's doing, etc after the 30 days? I think he's done. You broke up with him because of a lack of effort, and he still hasn't reached out to you. I think there's a fundamental incompatibility here that probably wouldn't have sustained a long-term (not to mention long-distance) relationship. I would focus on moving on rather than trying to figure out how to get him back. If there were already problems after just a couple months, you should try to accept it wasn't a very solid arrangement in the first place.
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