Tarot777 Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 Ok, Short version! I broke up with my ex a couple weeks ago. We were fighting all the time, the fights were getting increasingly nasty. He works away a lot and we didn't get to spend much time together. I was picking fights with him because he was being very inconsiderate, he's also very mean and says really low things when he's angry. We were planning to get married and were very much in love though, trying to work things out. I broke up with him because it was getting pretty toxic, I know he was really hurt and upset. I told him I just thought we should break for a few months and cool things off and just calm down, start fresh. Anyway, he went away on a trip. When he came back I had missed him and changed my mind, asked him to reconcile, he said no. Anyway, things escalated into a huge fight. He said he hates me and would cross over if he saw me walking down the street :-/ He also said he's not in love with me anymore :-( But also he said if we're meant to be we will be. I can agree with that. He has said things in the past he doesn't mean when he's angry. But should I take his words at face value? I'm going full on no contact after reading around here ( who knew begging doesn't work ) Im busy with school work, and I have a lot of hobbies, so I'll be ok though it really hurts badly right now. I'm also not sure he's right for me after all the cruel words he spit out. He also hangs up on me mid conversation, ignores me, when I ask to talk he'll say things like " you have 2 mins" then hang up after 2 mins. It makes me crazy. I was going to ask if its possible to reconcile, but after writing this out I don't think I should even if he wants to!! I have nit been an angel either though, I have to be aware of my own fault. I guess I'm wondering what the odds are like for getting back together after a blow out fight. No lies, cheating, stealing etc. not right now, but maybe in 4-5 months or something. Give us both time to get centred again. Doing no contact. Thanks for listening xoxo
jus d'orange Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 I don't think anybody can tell you the odds of you guys getting back together again in several months, but this guy really doesn't sound very nice. I think in several months you'll be over him, and if he did want to get back together you wouldn't want to, because were you to reread this, you'd see how much of a jerk he can be. Stick with the no contact, move on, and find out about the future when you get there. 2
PearTree Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 He sounds incredibly horrible. Read what you wrote about him - would you advise a friend to date him? 1
Author Tarot777 Posted February 17, 2015 Author Posted February 17, 2015 You are right, after I wrote this out I was thinking " what a jack ass!!" And I kept it short. I think I was caught off guard because he wasn't a jerk for the longest time and because he works away 2 weeks on and 1 week home, I didn't get a chance to see for a while. I was actually shocked that he would act like that! Shocked! I do admit starting fights. But he takes them way to far. Maybe we're just bad for each other, we brought out the best in one another at the start, then dragged each other down so far. And no, I wouldn't advise a friend to date him. He's not horrible, but he's pretty selfish and can't apologize EVER, if he does it is always followed by " you made me" or some ridiculous thing. He can be lazy as a boyfriend too ( not as a person, but lazy in love) I'm making him sound like a villain I think, but I'm just upset.
Author Tarot777 Posted February 17, 2015 Author Posted February 17, 2015 I don't think anybody can tell you the odds of you guys getting back together again in several months, but this guy really doesn't sound very nice. I think in several months you'll be over him, and if he did want to get back together you wouldn't want to, because were you to reread this, you'd see how much of a jerk he can be. Stick with the no contact, move on, and find out about the future when you get there. I was thinking the same thing, in a few months I'll probably be over this and not interested anyway. I think maybe I loved the dream of us more than the reality. We used to be deeply deeply in love, it's hard to let go
jus d'orange Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 Yes it is, but if you look at what you're letting go of here, I think it'll make it easier. 1
Author Tarot777 Posted February 18, 2015 Author Posted February 18, 2015 Hi! Not sure if anyone will read this but I think I might make a little break up diary of this thread, feel free to comment or not I just thought it might help. Ok day 1 no contact. Feeling better than I thought I would, but I expect to have a crash and burn at some point. Yesterday I was a crying mess and even talked to two psychics haha ( I know, I know) Interestingly both were pretty accurate and said much of the same thing. Whatever helps right. I had a good enough day, the weather was nice, I ate, worked and good day in general. I'm feeling optimistic. I'm so mad at him right now, but only a little sad. Anger is easier. The more I think about it, the more I think I actually don't even like him as a person very much, he's a dick, and not just to me. Its odd because he's kinda quiet, still waters run deep I guess!!! I also thought about the relationship a lot, I wasn't very happy, he's not really what I'm looking for in a man, I just happened to fall in love with him. Now I'm finding it kinda easier than I thought because I think I might have dodged a bullet. At this point I'm pretty hurt and angry about how he treated me, so I am daydreaming about him crawling back to me and that I won't even write him back to reject him, I'll just ignore him like he used to do to punish me. Wow! Haha, I probably sound really bitter right now! I'll get over it as time goes on I'm sure. I have some great goals I'm looking forward to. Also, after 30 days, I think I'm going to start accepting dates, not to get into a relationship, but maybe to just get out a bit and maybe have sex once in a while. I feel really optimistic that I'm going to meet someone who'll rock my world eventually, but until then I'm going to work on my hurt and anger from this relationship and continue no contact probably forever, but maybe in about 6 months text to say hi, and meet up just to show him what he's missing ( in about 6 months I probably won't even care, but I need to comfort myself right now;)) Anyway, day 1 complete. I'll probably go back and forth, but I feel better writing it out, maybe it'll help someone else too Xoxo
Author Tarot777 Posted February 21, 2015 Author Posted February 21, 2015 Well doing better. I've really come to the realization that I was really unhappy in my relationship, this is for the best I know, I just hated the way he ended it, so mean! So childish... Not that I was a pillar of grace, but I'm not mean, and if I'm out of line I apologize immediatly. I heard that he blocked me on phone, email, and skype. Ah well, that just makes it easier not to contact him because I know nothing will go through, it's actually a relief because now I don't have to fight through urges, they won't be fulfilled anyway, I kinda like that. Its completely up to him now if he wants to get in touch ever again. I know I'm not interested in getting back together, he's not what I want or need. But I would like to at least know him at some point in the future. He has a lot of pride as is very stubborn. I actually feel sorry for him for being like this, I feel he misses out on a lot because he's too busy trying to prove a point and being stubborn, not letting things go, its kinda sad. He's been left by every girlfriend he's had. I see why, he can be very distant, cold, hard to read and connect with, he doesn't give much away. Still waters run deep with that one, it's interesting the cruelty that lies beneath his surface too, very interesting. Childish tantrums and self centeredness. I have a temper, but I'm not mean at all. I do miss him and hope in the future he gets in touch again, to be friends or make amends somehow, but I'm really not sure if he ever will. I must admit I'll miss the sex, I really enjoyed it. Except he was starting to get lazy with that too, would never go on top and always wanted spooning sex because it requires the least amount of work haha Selfish dick. Anyway, doing well all in all. Cooking, reading, just getting on with life, I get over things easy though. I have a good life, university, travel, books, music, people, lots of hobbies. Plus the weather is unusually warm here in Canada. Also going to shoot for 3 months no alcohol, lost my last 10- 15 lbs Keep well everyone! Xxxx
ggas Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Have you read about a relationship with a narcissist. Overblown arguments, selfishness and never accepting blame? Sounds husband material to me (sarcasm off). Seriously, read about narcissists.
Author Tarot777 Posted February 22, 2015 Author Posted February 22, 2015 I do know about narcissists, but I don't think he is one, I think he's just more childish and selfish, thankfully. He took me off block, i have mixed feelings about this. I don't want to get back together anymore and I worry he will want to and I'll end up hurting him. He's not the type to forget a girl easily either, so I feel bad if he can't let go for a long time.
Author Tarot777 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 (edited) Ok, I've gotten to a place where I am over him as a person. I learned a lot about myself in this relationship, and the lessons are powerful and poignant. Which I will always be grateful for. Its like every relationship issue I have ever had was brought up to the surface in this relationship and thrown right into my face for me to acknowledge, look at, accept and work on changing. For that I'll always be thankful. As for him, he's a irrelevant to me now, he means nothing to me. And if I feel anything, its just a little twinge of disgust. What was I thinking. In my defence, he hid who is deep down for the most part. It was easy only seeing him one week a month. I think I would have seen it long before if we had a chance to spend more time together. I don't hate him, love him, care or anything. He is not the point. I'll take my lessons, move forward and use what I've learned to have a better relationship in the future. I wanted to stay friends with him originally, now I don't, he's dead to me. He is too selfish and cruel as person to even want to know. Edited February 25, 2015 by Tarot777 1
Stercrazy Posted February 25, 2015 Posted February 25, 2015 Lazy at sex???? That sucks.....and not the good kind.....lol 1
Author Tarot777 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 Lazy at sex???? That sucks.....and not the good kind.....lol I know! Who becomes lazy in sex?!!! He's just selfish. I can be selfish too, but he took it another level!
Author Tarot777 Posted February 25, 2015 Author Posted February 25, 2015 Having a good break up day today, probably because I have an exam tonight in a topic I'm really interested in, and it helps me realize he was just a small part of my life. He wasn't really interested in what I was anyway. He kinda lived in a small world with his small little ideas going on FB 20 times a day, not aware of bigger issues in the world, or not interested in me I suppose too. I'm looking forward to my future where I can meet a man that I can actually have a decent conversation with. I still hope he comes crawling back though, for some sweet justice. But thats becoming less important to me as time goes on.
Author Tarot777 Posted February 27, 2015 Author Posted February 27, 2015 Spending too much time dwelling and getting angry. He met a girl on his trip, that's why he wouldn't take me back and was being an arrogant a11hole, makes sense now. But what did I expect? I broke up with him, I'm just being immature. She can have him, he has a cold heart, plus he's selfish, its hard to date him. He took me off block and I don't know why, maybe things aren't working out with rebound girl. I am spending far too much energy and time obsessing over all the things I'd like to say. I need to work on letting go this weekend. I don't even want the guy back, I just hate the way he treated and talked to me. I want him to regret it, which he probably won't haha. Anger day!
Author Tarot777 Posted February 28, 2015 Author Posted February 28, 2015 I had to get into contact about something that needed to be discussed, don't want to say what, but I needed to talk to him briefly. Girl answered and said it was the wrong number. Which is obviously a lie. But I kinda think it was him trying to make me think he has a new girlfriend, but doesn't. He's a child like that. But I could just be trying to make myself feel better. Lets play a game, use gut instinct if you reply, not logic. "Girl for hire" or new girlfriend? What do you think? Might as well have a little fun ;-)
Ralph79 Posted February 28, 2015 Posted February 28, 2015 I'll go with C) New Number (He might have actually changed it). You can confirm this by having anyone else call asking for his name regarding anything.
Author Tarot777 Posted February 28, 2015 Author Posted February 28, 2015 Good thought! But the voicemail is still his
Ralph79 Posted February 28, 2015 Posted February 28, 2015 I see. To be honest, I've spent 10 min. writing a paragraph supporting both options. There's just not enough info. I'd go with Friend who is a Girl who is "helping" him. So girl for hire I guess. Either way, Why does it even matter? lol It's disturbing on his part that he can't answer your calls by himself, regardless of scenario. Question: You insisted again after this girl told you wrong number and it sent you to voicemail? [Note: I haven't read any of your other posts].
Author Tarot777 Posted February 28, 2015 Author Posted February 28, 2015 I see. To be honest, I've spent 10 min. writing a paragraph supporting both options. There's just not enough info. I'd go with Friend who is a Girl who is "helping" him. So girl for hire I guess. Either way, Why does it even matter? lol It's disturbing on his part that he can't answer your calls by himself, regardless of scenario. Question: You insisted again after this girl told you wrong number and it sent you to voicemail? [Note: I haven't read any of your other posts]. I did insist again because I thought I might have actually had the wrong number. I guess it doesn't matter and I also thought it disturbing that he did that, weird.... But as I've looked back I realize over this breakup, and the last bit of our relationship, he gets more and more ridiculous. Long story short, he gave me money just before I broke up with him, I didn't plan on breaking up with him, it was a bit spontaneous ( just couldn't take it anymore) I felt bad and wanted to give him the money back. Guess I'll keep it. I also asked for gut instincts because I rely on mine and I'm usually right, I think other people are too, even if they don't know whats going on, thought I'd have a little fun with it
Stercrazy Posted February 28, 2015 Posted February 28, 2015 If I had called I would have pushed the issue with the person who answered. I would told her the voicemail was the same. I just would have called them out on the BS just to get what I needed. I wouldn't have let it effect me.
Author Tarot777 Posted February 28, 2015 Author Posted February 28, 2015 If I had called I would have pushed the issue with the person who answered. I would told her the voicemail was the same. I just would have called them out on the BS just to get what I needed. I wouldn't have let it effect me. I did kinda push her, she was super rude, like really snotty, I just kinda laughed. It did affect me, but not too much, not enough to cry or get angry, kinda weirded out more. He's 29, not 15. But I wish I pushed more. And if that is his new girlfriend, they're losers.
Ralph79 Posted February 28, 2015 Posted February 28, 2015 I did kinda push her, she was super rude, like really snotty, How did you push her? What did you tell her?
Stercrazy Posted February 28, 2015 Posted February 28, 2015 I would expect the other girl to be rude. She's obviously "supporting" him which is why she answered the phone. If the same happened to me I would totally blow her off as it is between you and your ex as to why you're calling. I wouldn't turn it into a fight with but I would be firm....kind of "I really don't care who you are. This is between me and him. I know he's there. You know he's there. And we all know WHY you answered the phone. I have something to discuss with him and have no intention of reconciliation. So do you think I can talk to him now or shall we continue to pretend this little delusion?" That's something I would say.
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