taryntan Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 I have been dating this great guy for 2 months now. He has a lot of the things I am looking for: loyal, honest, decent job, has his crap together, likes kids, good sense of humor, intellectually stimulating enough, cute. My only gripe is he seems emotionally detached from me and Im not sure how into me he is. Good signs: -He texts me nearly every day -Does generally make plans to see me 1-2 times a week despite his busy work schedule -He took me out for V day and bought me a cheesecake as a present - He has complimented me on things beyond my looks -He asked me to go with him to a wedding about a month from now (although I asked him to go to a concert near the same time and he said he has to check his dates... then never did) -He can be affectionate outside of sex. We sometimes cuddle and he'll play with my hair/give me back scratches. Bad signs -He never says anything whatsoever about his feelings for me though he does talk openly about his feelings on other subjects and described himself as "emotionally intense" (which I think he is on certain subjects) I think on our 3rd date he said I gave him a "warm feeling inside" and said Im the first girl in awhile hes been excited about, which I thought as cute but nothing else since then. For V Day I gave him a cutesy lil-bit-romantic card and he just said "thank you" -He hasn't brought up being official. I casually mentioned last time I saw him that I deleted my match.com profile (where we met) because I didn't want to renew and pay money since I have him. He simply said "Oh, yeah, I dont like to juggle either so I should not renew mine either." So, at least we are not dating others. -He never seems to want to talk about us or anything meaningful or cuddle after having sex. I asked him why he doesn't like to talk after (didnt want to bring up the cuddling, sounds needy) he stated he becomes wiped and cannot focus. Fair enough. -He has never asked me to spend the night ever. I told him last time I'd like to, if it doesn't freak him out. His response was it wouldnt freak him out and that it is more of a safety thing than anything (because I am usually tired when driving home from his place) and that he asks friends to spend the night for that reason. He also said "feelings are milestones for me, not actions." -He has told me he takes a long time to attach emotionally and has been called a loner alot. He said he has thought before there is something wrong with him. He didnt actually communicate hardly at all in the beginning when we started dating and I called him out on it after our 3rd date saying I didnt think I would last with someone who wasnt keen on communicating. Funny thing is, he later told me that he thought I was aloof in the beginning.
BeatsByDirk Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 (edited) Bad signs -He never says anything whatsoever about his feelings for me though he does talk openly about his feelings on other subjects and described himself as "emotionally intense" (which I think he is on certain subjects) I think on our 3rd date he said I gave him a "warm feeling inside" and said Im the first girl in awhile hes been excited about, which I thought as cute but nothing else since then. For V Day I gave him a cutesy lil-bit-romantic card and he just said "thank you" -He hasn't brought up being official. I casually mentioned last time I saw him that I deleted my match.com profile (where we met) because I didn't want to renew and pay money since I have him. He simply said "Oh, yeah, I dont like to juggle either so I should not renew mine either." So, at least we are not dating others. -He never seems to want to talk about us or anything meaningful or cuddle after having sex. I asked him why he doesn't like to talk after (didnt want to bring up the cuddling, sounds needy) he stated he becomes wiped and cannot focus. Fair enough. -He has never asked me to spend the night ever. I told him last time I'd like to, if it doesn't freak him out. His response was it wouldnt freak him out and that it is more of a safety thing than anything (because I am usually tired when driving home from his place) and that he asks friends to spend the night for that reason. He also said "feelings are milestones for me, not actions." -He has told me he takes a long time to attach emotionally and has been called a loner alot. He said he has thought before there is something wrong with him. He didnt actually communicate hardly at all in the beginning when we started dating and I called him out on it after our 3rd date saying I didnt think I would last with someone who wasnt keen on communicating. Funny thing is, he later told me that he thought I was aloof in the beginning. My wife wishes I would say more emotional stuff, I do feel some but I just think it's a little different for men and I like to show how much I care through actions; giving verbal love statements is something I have to be conscious to do, it's not a natural trait, it's a learned behavior and still not frequent. It's the guys job to plan the date, the girls job to move the relationship to the next step. I'd be worried with any guy trying to progress the relationship quickly if the feeling isn't more intense on the other side. Guys who push for relationship status are shady! I can't talk after sex, I really just want to run out and watch tv until my brain comes back, if it's good sex it's like all my drive to do anything is drained. I think this is all mostly normal but it will probably irritate you through out the relationship. Edited February 17, 2015 by BeatsByDirk
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