SaintAvak Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 Hello, I have been dating a girl for 6-7 months and we moved in together on the first week. She was engaged when I met her, but we had the same interests, minds and got on so well and I had to have her. After some time she called of the engagement to be with me and we were so happy. Unfortunately though I have had 7 relationships that I did not commit to and ended up jumping onto other "better models" and was likewise cheated on by two of my girlfriends (that I know of anyway). This has made me believe it normal, but I didn't want to loose this girl. I got controlling, paranoid and angry. She understood I had these issues and tried to help me as best she could. She would cry so much when I was cold to her because she knew who I was and not who I made myself out to be. I'm a coward and pushed her away. She tried everything from screaming, standing in doorways not letting me walk away, poring her heart out, talking to anyone she could and so on. My thought process was it will end at some point and I don't want to loose what I have left inside (I have become quite cold towards people). I did not have such a great upbringing and experiences and neither did she. She understand me, but I made myself hate her and push her away. I took it to far and threw her to the ground due to my paranoia and threw water on her. She cried and said she couldn't do anymore than she has already and then screamed with great anger at me that she is done. She is at her sisters and her stuff is still here, but I don't know whether it would be best for us to not be together, as I'm bad for her and she brings out the worst in me. It's hard to properly explain everything on here using my phone. But I love this girl and she loves me. What can I do to make this right. We are texting still and she says she misses me and it's weird not waking up with me next to her. I love her so much, but I change when I get scared. I always thought I was strong, but now I relive how weak she makes me. We are going to meet after two weeks to talk about what happens next. She has said nice things through text, but then is very blunt saying she doesn't know how to feel about us and she sounds as though she really had given up in me as she gave so much. But now she is not responding to my texts.
Ruby65 Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 You threw her to the ground and poured water on her. I'd assume the relationship is over. That's physical abuse and there's no coming back from that, not if she has any self-respect. I'd recommend counselling for yourself so you can get a grasp on your issues and work on making some positive changes in the way you behave in relationships. It sounds like you have rage and control issues -- coupled with physical abuse, you're not going to be happy with anyone until you learn to control your impulses and grow beyond them. Left alone, this type of behavior usually just gets worse with time, not better. 1
Zahara Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 The last thing you should be doing is attempting a relationship. Nothing of what you mentioned in your post is "normal" -- from meeting and moving in after a week/the woman being engaged/cheating to how you treat people, to what you perceive as "normal" and your perception of what love is. There is no love between you two. Love in a healthy sense doesn't treat someone so poorly and isn't dysfunctional. You're both toxic. You're not good for her or yourself. Until you seek help for yourself, you'll keep behaving this way because your issues will always surface. 1
coryreply Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 "I always thought I was strong, but now I relive how weak she makes me." ^^^ I think this statement may be a pretty good indicator that you're not ready for the kind of realationship you've tried to have with this girl. Take this time to work on yourself. Look into counseling, as others have suggested. It's hard to commit yourself to someone else and love them the right way when you have those issues from your "bad upbringing" driving your emotions. Good luck to you.
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 I would stay single for a while, figure out how to better yourself and be happy solo. Try to stay positive.
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