cladys Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 So my story begins almost 2 months ago. My girlfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me the second day of Christmas. At first I thought she wasn't serious so I let her blow off some steam for a few days thinking that she would come to her senses in the end. Honestly it was a joke of a fight and I didn't feel at all guilty of something. Three days later, I couldn't stand it and I texted her saying that I miss her and that I really don't see myself with any other girl. She replied that she is fine like that and that she wants to be alone. I then called her. She said she wanted to break up with me a long time ago, and that she didn't love me anymore (for a long time) Although on Christmas she told me many times how much she loves me... I couldn't believe what I was hearing, started crying, got in my car and went to her place. I begged her to see me just a for few minutes saying that I deserve at least to speak to her in person. She had none of it, so after about 10-15 mins I went back home. I have gone NC since then. She's blocked me on fb a few weeks ago, although I haven't even said a word to her since I went to her place. I should probably add that for Christmas we had been planning to go abroad for a short vacation, but it got cancelled. I wanted to propose to her. It's now 17th of february, and I honestly can't believe it's been this long since we spoke. We used to be so in love, and used to be best friends. When something happens, my first thought is to tell her. Now I feel lost. It scares me that it's been this long and I haven't managed to improve my state of mind. She's all I can think of and I'm ashamed of myself. I want talk to her so badly.
Ruby65 Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 Two months isn't very long to have gotten over someone, please be patient with yourself. It does get better, but it takes a while to get there. Try and take this time to lean on the other people in your life -- surround yourself with people who love and support you, family and friends and keep reading through online sites like this one for insight and support too. Please know that all the pain and shock you're going through right now is completely normal. Your best way through it is to continue not to contact her and try to focus on yourself, on healing and doing things that help you feel better -- like working out every day, taking on new life goals, spending time doing other things that make you happy and feed your soul, like hobbies or sports or artistic projects. Take care of yourself now. Lean on the other people in your life. It really does get better with time! 1
Author cladys Posted February 17, 2015 Author Posted February 17, 2015 Thank you so much for that. That's what I kept telling myself until now. But right now, seeing 0 improvement, I honestly feel utterly hopeless. A text or a phonecall from her would mean the world to me right now. My self esteem has been neutralized and I keep asking myself what would happen if I were to call her? What would be the outcome? Would she be angry, happy, or just plain indifferent? It's killing me. Until now, I've managed to keep these thoughts at bay but I don't know why I've relapsed this bad..
spiderowl Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 I'm really sorry to hear your story. It must have been an awful shock. It's not surprising you are going through all the emotions one would in this situation, feeling her loss and your own loss of confidence. Sadly, sometimes we feel someone is right for us and they don't feel the same. If she feels this is the case, you need to look at this differently. Instead of thinking you have been rejected, think of it as a lack of that true bond one needs for a lasting relationship. I tend to imagine it as if we are boats that have many unconscious lines that we 'throw' out to the other person. Sometimes those strands link with them and sometimes they don't. The relationship continues on the surface but beneath the strands really matter. Ultimately, whoever feels they have fewer links will eventually detach themselves. There were probably signs - and I'm sure you can think of ways in which you two were not compatible or you thought she said something strange or irrelevant to you as a couple. If these signs don't fit in with our mental outlook at the time, we ignore them as not making sense or a weird diversion. You will evenually unravel the strands that make you feel so tied to this girl. What you can look forward to then is freedom to find someone who is a much better match on an unconscious level, who could bring something new and special into your life. I wish you all the best. xx
Ruby65 Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 A text or a phonecall from her would mean the world to me right now. My self esteem has been neutralized and I keep asking myself what would happen if I were to call her? What would be the outcome? Would she be angry, happy, or just plain indifferent? It's killing me. Until now, I've managed to keep these thoughts at bay but I don't know why I've relapsed this bad.. It's very very hard not to reach out to someone after a breakup. The payoff is that you save yourself from heaping fresh, new pain on top of the pain you're already dealing with. Would you be happy to hear from her? Of course you would. But play this out... would you really be happy to hear from her if all she was doing was checking to see how you're doing? To maybe say hello and see how you are? No, of course not -- you want more, you want her to contact you and ask for another chance. And the fact that she DOESN'T say that, would hurt you even more. Painful as it is, she's doing you a favor by not dropping breadcrumbs and giving you false hopes right now. Would she be happy to hear from you? Well, think of it this way: if she WANTED to be in communication, she'd initiate contact. My sense is when someone tells you they *want to be alone* -- then immediately cut off all contact -- it's because they're hiding something.... and, believe me, right now ignorance is bliss. You don't want to know what's going on in her life if she's trying to keep it from you. As hard as it is to resist reaching out to her, try to remember that right now she's not going to be a source of comfort for you anymore... only pain. It's time to look for other sources of comfort -- things like exercise and ice cream and watching "Swingers" and spending time with friends. Eventually you will move past this, it doesn't last forever. 1
Author cladys Posted March 5, 2015 Author Posted March 5, 2015 Hello! An update on my situation: I've recently stumbled upon one of her freinds' facebook. He has a profile picture with her, kissing him. I've never in my life been more dissapointed. I can't believe how foolish I could've been to trust her, blame myself, and feel like the worst person for even asking her if she has a new bf. I was starting to feel better, but this really hit me hard. I don't know what to do, it's been almost 2.5 months. I'm losing sleep and can't focus on anything.
Twigyy Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 Well, mine dumped me a month ago, and couple days ago then I found out that She is already doing another guy, which was the time I started strict no contact, And I'm 70% okay now. Be happy. You don't have the worst problems in the world.
totenkopf Posted March 5, 2015 Posted March 5, 2015 I can understand what you are going through fully. My gf left me in october last year she had a young child that I was very close with and played as much if not more of a role in his life than her. We made plans to marry and move in together and she viewed a flat a week before she walked out of my life. She took my mobile phone and deleted pictures of herself from a laptop we shared that night. Like you I attempted to see her in person but she would not have any of it either. A week after she left I got a new phone and sim and text her she could only say that all we did was argue and we did not get on. Strange how it goes from everything to nothing so fast. Anyway two months later she announces she is in a relationship with some bouncer from her work a guy who is everything she claimed to dislike early last month she then announced they are engaged. They have sent me a picture of the ring since and I have exchanged words with him and she says that she never loved me and has played down the role I had with her child. I can only say I have seen what a lying and manipulative person she is and think to myself all the fond memories I have with her is not shared by her so therefore lessens the pain when I think of our time together. You as myself have a great lesson here as painful as it is but in the end I believe it will make us stronger and more aware for future relationships.
Author cladys Posted March 6, 2015 Author Posted March 6, 2015 I can understand what you are going through fully. My gf left me in october last year she had a young child that I was very close with and played as much if not more of a role in his life than her. We made plans to marry and move in together and she viewed a flat a week before she walked out of my life. She took my mobile phone and deleted pictures of herself from a laptop we shared that night. Like you I attempted to see her in person but she would not have any of it either. A week after she left I got a new phone and sim and text her she could only say that all we did was argue and we did not get on. Strange how it goes from everything to nothing so fast. Anyway two months later she announces she is in a relationship with some bouncer from her work a guy who is everything she claimed to dislike early last month she then announced they are engaged. They have sent me a picture of the ring since and I have exchanged words with him and she says that she never loved me and has played down the role I had with her child. I can only say I have seen what a lying and manipulative person she is and think to myself all the fond memories I have with her is not shared by her so therefore lessens the pain when I think of our time together. You as myself have a great lesson here as painful as it is but in the end I believe it will make us stronger and more aware for future relationships. Wow, I'm so sorry to hear that. After you taking care of her kid, sending pictures of their engagement ring was just plain sadistic. Like you, I've found myself from everything to nothing in just a matter of days. You're absolutely right, we have a great lesson to learn, but as stupid as it sounds, I can't seem to channel my emotions towards hating her, or even resenting her. I mean, I do that, for a short amount of time, but then I fall back into melancholy, altering my memories of her and missing her badly. Thank you for sharing, I hope we learn from this and find someone who really appreciate us.
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