How long will guys wait?

[Yookie]

Sure. Having written this a couple of times, it doesn't seem to make any sense without a little background.

 

Like most people, I fell in love pretty young, we had sex, which kinda makes you fall even harder, and then the day inevitably came when she found another guy. Heartbreaking!

 

As a part of my coping mechanism, I found casual sex to be soothing to my pain, ego, etc. I think this is where I learned to disassociate sex from emotions. In a way, it was a lot better. Had a lot, with a lot of different girls/women, some only once, some many times. I felt a spark with a lot of women, but it would fizzle out for one reason or another, and I'd move on and try again.

 

Five years after heartbreak, I fell in love with another one, and two years later, I got dumped again! I thought she broke my heart, it turned out that she didn't (another story) but I was definitely disappointed.

 

That sets the stage for my thinking at this time of my life. In the aftermath of all that, it occurred to me that I hadn't been very careful about falling in love. My pattern was I'd date somebody, and if the feeling was mutual, we'd go exclusive and I'd stop seeing anybody else. That approach always led to an end that felt like failure, and I think that was because at some level, we were incompatible even though we were at first compatible from a personality perspective. But a RS entails other things, and I was becoming aware of this through both small and large failures. I wasn't bothered by the failure so much as I seeing it in a light that my process led to failure. If I wanted a different outcome, I needed to change something.

 

So what I decided was that even if I felt that spark, I wasn't going to bite right away for an exclusive relationship. I'd date multiple women at the same time, and I had no compunction about sleeping with all of them. What I found was that doing this kept my emotions at bay. I genuinely liked everybody I dated, and by continuing to date them, I actually found it more difficult to choose between them until I figured out what I liked and what I didn't. Everybody had their good points and bad points. What I also liked was that it was efficient, because I never went for more than a couple weeks without a date, and rarely that long. Breakups didn't bother me nearly as much.

 

For the couple of women who were holding out, I didn't mind, it wasn't cramping my style, and it didn't mean I didn't like them. It was just a facet of our dating that took some time. I didn't sleep with every girl that held out, but that was because one of us would move on before we got there.

 

I know that's frowned on around here, but doing that was good for me. I was able to better evaluate the people I would see in terms of whether they were good for me or not. I had some perspective because of how I decided to do things. I guess it is like looking for a job by working for a temp agency. You get to try a lot of places and you get a better feel for where you fit.

 

I ended up having three more long-term relationships, and even though two ended, I'd call them all successful. I probably could have married any of them, and it would have worked. Feelings were hurt at the end, but all of us ended up ok. These are the only two that I remained friends with after a little NC time.

 

So I know that's a little long-winded, but I hope my explanation makes some sense to you.

 

Or you could go with Photofinish's assessment. Classic.

 

This is very interesting. Thanks for sharing your experience. Were you open about the fact that you were multi-dating with the women you were sleeping with?