Dani2012 Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 Hi everyone . I been going out with my bf for 2 years , we had a good relationship , lot of happy memories etc . We also had two breaks ups in the last 2 years because of stress and him not knowing what to want , they lasted few days and a week. A week ago he broke up with me again , last 3 Weeks we haven't been getting on , pety arguments , and he felt under stress . But about a month ago he send me a video on facebook wall and wrote " feeling lucky and loved " The thing is that we have a holiday planned in less than 2 weeks for 10 days to America ( we are in UK ) it's a pretty big holiday and it cost a lot so we both are going . I asked him for another chance , but he said he feels like he wants to be single for now but he said that the holiday will be a chance , we will have lot of adventures and we see then how we feel . Fair enough right ? But I feel very anxious leading up to it ? What will I do on a holiday to get him to see that it'd worth giving us a chance ,? Any tips ? Since the break we also met up on Valentine's day, had dinner as friends , nothing intemate . He also sents me a message then and there on fb and always answers my calls and txts .
devilish innocent Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 You ask, "Fair enough, right?" No. I don't think it's fair at all. This guy has broken up with you three times already. Even if he does come back, what is there to suggest he won't keep doing it? Why do you want to keep giving your heart to somebody who doesn't care if he keeps breaking it? He's the one who's caused a lot of misery to you. Yet, here you are worrying about how to please him. This relationship is completely unfair to you. I think you should only go to the US if you are okay going completely by yourself. That means changing your airplane seat so that you're nowhere near him, staying in separate hotel rooms, visiting sights on days when he's not there, not seeing him at all. Otherwise, I would cancel the trip and not go at all. Whatever the financial cost is, it's not worth the emotional cost of being with him. Go no contact, and be glad that he is out of your life for good. 2
travelbug1996 Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 Sounds like you're beating a dead horse. Next!!
CarrieT Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 What devilish innocent said. If you go on this trip, it will be hell. I can absolutely guarantee you will fight all the time, get on each others' nerves, and ultimately you will regret everything about the trip and end up hating America. The writing is on the wall and if you want to enjoy yourself, go alone or wait until you have someone you can travel with that won't give you all that drama. Reminds me of a trip I took with an Ex (the one that brought me to LS eight years ago)... We are in the U.S. and we had a *huge* trip to Europe planned (London, Geneva, Lyon, and Barcelona). Got into a knock-down, screaming fight just beforehand and I should have never gone knowing how he felt. Don't make the same mistake...
Buddhist Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 I'll be honest with you. Once a relationship gets to the point of multiple breakups, the chances of things coming right aren't high. One breakup where you both realise it was a big mistake, sure. But this is your third breakup now. Clearly whatever the issues are you aren't resolving them and are just repeating the same cycle over and over. Everytime you break up with someone you weaken the connection as neither of you trust the commitment of the other. Go on your holiday but treat him like a friend, avoid arguments and talking about the relationship otherwise it will ruin a holiday you've paid for and should really be enjoying instead. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 I think this holiday is a disaster waiting to happen. It's not fair. Follow Devilish Innocent's advice, or risk more heart-break.
d0nnivain Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 Please tell me you bought cancel for any reason travel insurance so you can back out without financial consequence. If not try to find a GF who can buy out his share & go with you or find a buddy of his who can buy you out but going with him sounds awful, stressful, messy etc. You will be trapped together in a foreign country. Yuck. 1
elaine567 Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 He broke up with you, he wants to be single and yet he still wants to go on holiday. I suggest he just wants to go on holiday to America and he is not trying and fix things with you. It could be a nightmare, he could choose to play the single man in America, and you would be left alone in your room. Or as other have said you just fight the whole time. Break ups because he "wants to be single" are NOT good. He will be sleeping with other people. YOU are just plan B, left waiting in the wings to be picked up again if his little jaunts into singledom, do not bear fruit. Do not play that game.
Author Dani2012 Posted February 17, 2015 Author Posted February 17, 2015 Hi everyone . I been going out with my bf for 2 years , we had a good relationship , lot of happy memories etc . We also had two breaks ups in the last 2 years because of stress and him not knowing what to want , they lasted few days and a week. A week ago he broke up with me again , last 3 Weeks we haven't been getting on , pety arguments , and he felt under stress . But about a month ago he send me a video on facebook wall and wrote " feeling lucky and loved " The thing is that we have a holiday planned in less than 2 weeks for 10 days to America ( we are in UK ) it's a pretty big holiday and it cost a lot so we both are going . I asked him for another chance , but he said he feels like he wants to be single for now but he said that the holiday will be a chance , we will have lot of adventures and we see then how we feel . Fair enough right ? But I feel very anxious leading up to it ? What will I do on a holiday to get him to see that it'd worth giving us a chance ,? Any tips ? Since the break we also met up on Valentine's day, had dinner as friends , nothing intemate . He also sents me a message then and there on fb and always answers my calls and txts . Edit : the things is we are still friends and he is open to an idea to try again , if he wanted just trip he could go by himself . I know it's our 3'brrakup but it's not like someone cheated it just PETY stuff and then he said he needs time by himself , Thats how he deals with stress , not even from our relationship but other things too
PegNosePete Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 Thats how he deals with stress , not even from our relationship but other things too He deals with stress, from things other than your relationship, by breaking up with you? This guy does not know how relationships work. I would move on. This cycle will not end. I don't know of any "happily ever after" stories that begin with multiple breakups. If you're looking for a long term partner then you need to write this one off, it's simply not going to work, he has shown that his method of conflict resolution is to run away. That is not someone who makes a good long term boyfriend material. 2
Toodaloo Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 He deals with stress, from things other than your relationship, by breaking up with you? This guy does not know how relationships work. I would move on. This cycle will not end. I don't know of any "happily ever after" stories that begin with multiple breakups. If you're looking for a long term partner then you need to write this one off, it's simply not going to work, he has shown that his method of conflict resolution is to run away. That is not someone who makes a good long term boyfriend material. ^^^^ Read this many times over and chant it to yourself ^^^^ The holiday issue. Can you sell your ticket to one of his friends or he sell his to one of your friends? If you can get along then go have fun, but DO NOT GET ROMANTICALLY INVOLVED WITH HIM. When you get back, clear out your things etc, stop texting him and calling him and go find someone else who isn't going to treat you like a used McDonnalds wrapper. 1
elaine567 Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 Edit : the things is we are still friends and he is open to an idea to try again , if he wanted just trip he could go by himself . I know it's our 3'brrakup but it's not like someone cheated it just PETY stuff and then he said he needs time by himself , Thats how he deals with stress , not even from our relationship but other things too How on earth can you have a long term relationship with a man whose idea of managing his stress is to break up with you and be single? Wake up and smell the coffee here. Men usually "want to be single" because they already have another woman on the side, they have their eyes on another woman, they feel they can get a better woman, or they want a bit of casual sex for a while. If he really wanted to work things out with you, you would be in close negotiations at home to see if you two could make this work. But he chose another break instead. He is dipping his toe in the water of singledom, whilst keeping you dangling in false hope. Be proactive, dump him, before he dumps you for good.
Zahara Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 Edit : the things is we are still friends and he is open to an idea to try again , if he wanted just trip he could go by himself . I know it's our 3'brrakup but it's not like someone cheated it just PETY stuff and then he said he needs time by himself , Thats how he deals with stress , not even from our relationship but other things too You're not friends. Let's be real. People use the "friends" card to either keep the other on the backburner while they do the single (him) or to have a foot in the door because they're too afraid to let go (you). Try again? You ended 3 times. How many times does it take to make a relationship work? After 3 times, it's evident that you both keep getting back because 1) there's no other options yet 2) comfort 3) security 4) afraid of letting go. Life is going to keep throwing hardships at you and him. Are you saying it's perfectly acceptable to end it everytime there's stress? Are you listening to what you are saying? Or just in deep denial that you'll make up silliness to justify hanging around?
katiegrl Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 Not to be mean, but no matter how many forums you post this question on...the answer will be the same. He has broken up with you THREE times cause he "doesn't know what he wants." He told you he wants to be single and does not want to be in a relationship (translation: with you). Again, not to be mean but I would suggest you pay attention to what he tells you..and stop living in fantasyland where you run off to America together and live happily ever after. It's over...the end. Unless you enjoy getting your heart broken over and over, sell your ticket to one of his friends and tell your EX to go with him.. Then block him, delete him and go no contact. YOU will respect yourself for doing that...which in turn will cause others to respect you!
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