begman Posted April 4, 2005 Posted April 4, 2005 This is kind of long, sorry. Please read though. My ex and some of her friends came into happy hour on Friday. I started NC with her over a month and a half ago and was doing fine until Friday. I go to the same bar every Friday after work and she knows that is where I hang out. When we were dating I couldn't get her to go there because she didn't like the place. The bar is a little upscale for where we live and she didn't like the people because she thought they were all snobby. Needless to say I wasn't happy seeing her on Friday and it messed with me. There was only one reason for her to be there. I said hi and talked to her for a little. She said she was wondering if I would be there. I was like, duh, you know this is where I go every Friday. I'll try to give you a brief history of our relationship. She broke up with me back in November after the elections. We dated for a year. She is 24 and I'm 35. We hit it off from the very beginning. I was 6 months out of a serious relationship and asked her out not thinking much would come of it. We fell in love right away and were inseperable. I liked her because she was very fun, liked to go out, best sex ever, and much different than my ex. She actually helped get over my ex. The only issues I had were the age difference and some trust issues. I sometimes thought about the age difference and whether it would work. But I always got past it. Also, she had an affair with a married guy where she interned at in college and she slept with her current boss (who is married) once. She also told me that her last boyfriend who is about my age didn't treat her the best and she cheated on him a lot. But she said I treated her better than any boyfriend ever did and not to worry. She liked to flirt and she said that is just part of her personality. Our relationship was either very good or very bad. She broke up with me once over the summer because she wasn't happy and met another guy at the beach. Two weeks later she was emailing and texting me about getting back together which I did. I broke up with her once before that because she didn't like me going away with my friends because all guys do when they are together is either go to strip clubs or hit on girls at bars. I went to one strip club while we dated and I was honest with her about it. She got really mad about it so I never went to another one again. And most of my friends are married with kids so we hardly ever went out. The main problem I had with this was that it was ok for her to go away to the beach or a concert with her friends but she didn't like it when I did it. Anyway to try to make a long story short she broke up with me after the election. Things got bad during the elections because she hated Bush and republicans. I'm a republican. It got to the point where whe would obsess on it every day. How can you vote for that a**h*** she would say. I never once said anything to her about voting for Kerry because I respected her opinions. That is what makes this country great. She started to push me away. She also got offered a job in DC to work for Kerry if he won. This was a sticking point also. When Kerry lost she said that we were just to different and I wasn't giving her what she needed in a relationship. At first I was fine with it because of how she treated me in the months before the election. But a week later she called me and emailed me telling me she missed me and she cried at night thinking about me. She invited me over for sex (the one thing we did really well) and I did. Big mistake. All of those feelings and emotions came back. We talked about getting back together but at the same time she started seeing this guy who she met while we were dating. He is the same age as her. A couple of weeks later she said that she didn't want to get back together and that she liked this guy because he treated her so well. She just wanted to be friends. I tried the friends thing for a couple of months but it didn't work. She started playing games. I would ask her to do things and she wouldn't because she didn't want to hurt the new guy but then the next week she would invite me over to watch the apprentice, or a movie, or football. She even asked me to give her a back massage one night. I finally ended the whole friends thing and started NC when she asked me to do something with her the Friday night before Valentines Day. She told me to call her and when I did she said that her friend called and was coming over and she couldn't go out. When she asked me to do something she said "lets go out and do something fun because we know how to have fun." Teasing me. Oh, she sent me an email that Thurday saying how much she misses me sometimes and the hanging out, sex, laughing, and how she sometimes wants to just hug me and kiss me but then she remembers the reasons why we aren't together and that is just her feeling vulnerable. She spent the whole weekend with the other guy and when I next talked to her, I think that Sunday I told her the Friends thing wasn't working and we were done. This was after she told me she has strong feelings for this other guy and they were boyfriend/girlfriend. I was like well stop emailing me that "missing you" crap and inviting me to do things if you have a boyfriend. I still love her and think about her and was starting to do well with the NC until this past Friday when she showed up at happy hour. She came there to see me and mess with me I know it. She hadn't seen me or heard form me in over a month and a half and she wanted to know what I was up to. When I talked to her she said that I could always email her if I wanted. I told her that it was easier not to. All my friends, family, and coworkers think that I'm crazy for still loving her. They say that I'm better off and she doesn't know what she wants. But you guys know how hard it is to get over someone you love no matter how bad things were in the relationship. I appreciate any thoughts on this. Sorry it is so long.
miggsbucks Posted April 5, 2005 Posted April 5, 2005 get rid, sorry this is short, but she is seriously messing you around!! let some other mug put up with all this crap rather than yourself. she's seriously not worth all this waste of time and energy, nobody is.
Pocky Posted April 5, 2005 Posted April 5, 2005 Since I don't know her, I'm simply basing my opinion on your point-of-view. In my opinion, she's very insecure and needs to have a lot of attention bestowed upon her so she feels important and desirable. I won't go as far to say that she knows exactly how she's playing you, but I will make the assumption that she is using you to feed the insecurities that she has. Your attraction and love for her boosts her self-confidence and possibly provides her with a power trip she needs to feed her lacking ego. Her actions are purely selfish and unfair, but it's possible she doesn't even realize this. It's possible that she justifies her behavior in her own mind and convinces herself that she does want to be friends and does care for you. However, in the end, it's not you she cares about, it's whether or not you make her feel important.
miggsbucks Posted April 5, 2005 Posted April 5, 2005 Originally posted by Pocky Her actions are purely selfish and unfair, but it's possible she doesn't even realize this. if she doesnt realise this, then she dont give a crap about anyone but herself, i stick by what i said and get rid
Author begman Posted April 5, 2005 Author Posted April 5, 2005 Yea, I agree miggsbucks, and mostly everybody I know does also. She likes to keep a lot of guys on strings. She plays her boss at work because he is in love with her. After she slept with him he would bug her about being together. She still talks and does things with her ex before me. She still stays in contact with the guy she had the affair with. He would contact her while we were dating and she would tell me she would talk to him just to let him know that he would never stick his d**k in her p**sy again. I was like why don't you just tell him to leave you alone. By you keep talking to him and answering his calls he thinks that you are still interested. One time while we were dating she went out to the bars with some friends. About 10 or so she calls me to come save her at the one bar she was at. I was like why? She said that she was flirting with this guy all night who was hanging out with them to make him think that he was going to get some. He thought he was some kind of stud so her and her friends decided to play games with him. I was pissed of course. That is kind of disrespectable to your boyfriend don't you guys think? When I showed up she was like all over me to let the guy know I was her boyfriend. When I said to her that it upset me that she did that she was like it is just harmless fun. If I did something like that to her she would have killed me. I don't know. I'm 35 and want to find the right person to settle down with and it always seems like a struggle. My last relationship before this was a long one that just didn't work out. At one point I thought I had it with this girl but then things came crashing down. I think that she has some growing up to do.
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