I don't get this at all.

[TigerCub]

What do you want me to do?? Contact him again saying that I still miss him or what??? You want me to ask him if we're still on for this weekend??? What on earth you want me to do now?

Wait for him to contact me again??? I don't think he will. I don't even know if he likes me or not!

 

Why do you have to contact him to say you miss him or even talk about the date yet?

Why can't you just send a text to say hey, how are you doing?

and see where it goes from there?

 

So it has to be extremes with you? 'I miss you' or no contact at all?

[ExpatInItaly]

What do you want me to do?? Contact him again saying that I still miss him or what??? You want me to ask him if we're still on for this weekend??? What on earth you want me to do now?

Wait for him to contact me again??? I don't think he will. I don't even know if he likes me or not!

 

First, cool your jets a tad. You asked for advice.

 

Second, let him come to you. You acknowledge that you're afraid of relationships and tend to run away. So of course he's backed off. Your insecurity is not his issue to solve. That's on you. If he doesn't come to you, then move on.

 

Third, do not tell him again that you miss him. He knows. Blowing hot and cold is extremely difficult for the other party and you are sabotaging this by your inconsistency. I don't believe you're doing it intentionally, but the end result will be the same if you keep it up.

 

Fourth, as others have suggested, take this opportunity to look at yourself. Ask yourself why you behave this way and really think about the harm you're doing to others and above all yourself. You will only end up unhappy if you continue to run.

[elaine567]

I'll say it again -- you're in no position to date. History repeats itself over and over again.

 

I mean what emotionally available and healthy person dates and tells the other they're afraid of relationships? Then don't date! How do you date when you're afraid? All you'll do is sabotage every opportunity that comes along.

 

.. and mess other people up in the process...

[katiegrl]

What do you want me to do?? Contact him again saying that I still miss him or what??? You want me to ask him if we're still on for this weekend??? What on earth you want me to do now?

Wait for him to contact me again??? I don't think he will. I don't even know if he likes me or not!

 

Actually.. yeah calling him telling him you are looking forward to seeing him again would be a good start!

 

And STOP with all the histrionics like "I miss you so much it hurts.". . Given all YOUR mixed messages (i.e. your words vs. your actions like ignoring his texts, etc)...he probably thinks you're full of crap.

 

And lastly, when he texts you .... text him back! What the hell do you expect him to think when you don't respond back and flat out ignore him like that?

 

Put yourself in HIS shoes. What would YOU think if a guy did that to you? Tells you he misses you..then ignores you.

 

You'd think he was playing you, right? Well that's probably what he thinks about you! Or at the very least that you are a flake who doesn't know what she wants.

 

So just call him, tell him you would like to see him, and then stop playing all these silly little girl games.

 

Another poster had it right when he said you sound exhausting! You do!

 

Chill out, learn to be a cool chick, be honest, be real, stop playing games and you'll be fine..

 

Sorry this sounds harsh....but sheesh!!

[irresolute]

First, cool your jets a tad. You asked for advice.

 

Second, let him come to you. You acknowledge that you're afraid of relationships and tend to run away. So of course he's backed off. Your insecurity is not his issue to solve. That's on you. If he doesn't come to you, then move on.

 

Third, do not tell him again that you miss him. He knows. Blowing hot and cold is extremely difficult for the other party and you are sabotaging this by your inconsistency. I don't believe you're doing it intentionally, but the end result will be the same if you keep it up.

 

Fourth, as others have suggested, take this opportunity to look at yourself. Ask yourself why you behave this way and really think about the harm you're doing to others and above all yourself. You will only end up unhappy if you continue to run.

 

One: I'm trying!

Second: I'm letting him come, but he's not coming I'd probably have to let this one go as well.

Third: Do you think I blow hot and cold? I thought it was pretty obvious I'm into him...

Fourth: too painful to look at myself

[irresolute]

He folks,

 

As today, he hasn't reached out. Only silence.

We had a date planned for today or tomorrow, but since my "I miss you so much it hurts" last Sunday and his "I miss you so much it hurts" none of us contacted each other.

 

I'm kinda pissed because I thought he'll reach out, just to touch base or something, but unfortunately this was not the case.

 

I know he's been talking to some other lady for a year or so, he told me she's only his online friend and that they haven't met because they live too far apart, but I guess this is a big red flag as to whether I should pursue him or not. And after my previous story of rejection and pain, I'd never pursue a man again. Hence, I'm not able to start communicating with him again. I'm not even sure he's into me.

 

I know, too much drama. I'm keeping a low profile for now, whatever it had to be, it will be and I'm not into a rush right now. Maybe he's not sure about me, I know I'm DRAMA and he knows it too, so he'll probably prefer the other lady. Who knows. Whatever. I'm still pissed, to be honest.

[Rejected Rosebud]

Don't be pissed!! This obviously won't work out, if you meet another guy you like don't play games with him and see how things develop, of if you don't want to do that just keep playing games or better yet don't date until you want to stop that!!

[irresolute]

OMG

 

He just sent me a text wishing me a happy Friday. what should I do? Tell me! what should I do now?

[Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646]

Ignore him. I wouldn't give someone who gave me a "Happy Friday" after a long period of no contact the time of the day.

 

 

You're probably just an option. Are you OK with being an option?

[Gary S]

Originally Posted by snowflakes88 View Post

Are you separated from your husband?

 

 

I am. It's been more than a year

 

 

- How long were you married? You might be on the rebound... and that's okay, it's not a major infraction.

[irresolute]

Well I haven't ignored him but he never asked me out or even asked what my plans were, just chit chat for a while and nothing more.

This guy is annoying I think he expects me to ask him out what a freak. Or maybe he's just to scared to ask me out wtf

[ExpatInItaly]

I don't think he's very interested, OP. A guy who's actually into you wouldn't go so long with no contact. As another mentioned, you could be one of a few women he's talking to.

 

Or your hot-and-cold behaviour confused him and now he's taken a big step back. And yes, you absolutely blow hot and cold

[katiegrl]

Well I haven't ignored him but he never asked me out or even asked what my plans were, just chit chat for a while and nothing more.

This guy is annoying I think he expects me to ask him out what a freak. Or maybe he's just to scared to ask me out wtf

 

He was just checking in....to see if you were still into him...just in case the chick he's choosing to spend his time with dumps him.

 

You responded, thus confirming you're still into him! Didn't take much either, did it.

 

Why did you respond? That text was nothing, scraps...less than scraps!

 

Yet the way you reacted, one would think he just proposed marriage or something!

 

What happened to your self-esteem? You seem to have lost it somewhere along the way...

 

You need to find it! Dump this loser! He's just toying with you now...

[katiegrl]

I don't think he's very interested, OP. A guy who's actually into you wouldn't go so long with no contact. As another mentioned, you could be one of a few women he's talking to.

 

Or your hot-and-cold behaviour confused him and now he's taken a big step back. And yes, you absolutely blow hot and cold

 

^^^ Yup, this. Both paragraphs are true...

 

So now HE has decided to play your game...

[irresolute]

Well, I've got a date. I just asked him what were his plans for tomorrow, he answered nothing at all and asked me what my plans were. I told him I had plans, because I was seeing him tomorrow night.

He got pretty excited, he asked me what do I want to do, what time, how much time do I have...He seemed excited to me

 

so yes, we're having dinner tomorrow night. You guys still think he's not that into me?

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

He told you he's not looking for a relationship and ignored you completely on Valentine's Day, and sees no problem going for (relatively) long stretches without contacting you. But he also knows he has to offer a little bait to keep you on the line. That's all it is. You don't have a date, you have a pre-hookup meeting.

 

The games you describe here make my head hurt. Who does this outside of middle school? If you want to find someone sincerely interested in you, you should try being sincere about your own intentions.

[ExpatInItaly]

Well, I've got a date. I just asked him what were his plans for tomorrow, he answered nothing at all and asked me what my plans were. I told him I had plans, because I was seeing him tomorrow night.

He got pretty excited, he asked me what do I want to do, what time, how much time do I have...He seemed excited to me

 

so yes, we're having dinner tomorrow night. You guys still think he's not that into me?

 

No, I don't think he's that into you. I think he couldn't line up another date so he came back to you. And you more or less asked him out. You're both playing games.

[scorpiogirl]

If he's really looking for a relationship, you've pushed him away.

If he's just looking to mess around, you've given him such a perfect playing ground.

 

Either way, you've shot yourself in the foot. You can't blame it on him. It's on you.

It doesn't matter what anyone here has said or will say to you. You're going to do your own thing and when it's all messed up, you're going to come here to dissect every silence, every text, every communication all in vain.

[TigerCub]

Hey OP,

 

Some posters are going on about how he's no into you - normally I would agree that a long silence, not following up on a pre-mentioned date, etc are all signs that a person isn't really interested.

 

But in this case, from the start you "taught" him that to show you real attention by texting you or showing he likes you results in you ignoring him or "running"

 

So what option did he really have left if he wanted to see you again?

Well a smart guy would just learn - to get her to want me, I'd better ignore her.

 

And it worked so well - he's going on a date with you.

 

I do think that he started out liking you - but now, because of the foundation you've laid out - you showed him that he needs to play games to get what he wants from you.

 

It is unfortunate, because that is just compounding your insecurities and it taught yet another guy to play games when dating.

 

Since you already have this date planned - go on it, but act normal, don't pull & push, don't talk about how guys showing interest turns you off or scares you - just go and have a pleasant time - games free and see how things go.

[umirano]

Is he playing with me?

In soviet russia ....

 

No, you play with him. You go silent on him when he's trying to build up rapport and you're seriously wondering why he goes to the back-and-forth tactics as well? He's probably more frustrated than you at this point, but doesn't want to pull the trigger on this quite yet.

 

The way you said "we're not exclusive, whatever" sounds like you'd like to go non-exclusive. Maybe after having sex and oscillating between emotional melt downs and casually going silent on each other maybe it's time to talk what exactly it is that you two are trying to do.

And what's up with this "I'm scared of relationships" crap that I'm reading all the time? That's stupid. Good relationships, AKA relationships are nothing to be scared of, quite the opposite.

[irresolute]

Hey OP,

 

Some posters are going on about how he's no into you - normally I would agree that a long silence, not following up on a pre-mentioned date, etc are all signs that a person isn't really interested.

 

But in this case, from the start you "taught" him that to show you real attention by texting you or showing he likes you results in you ignoring him or "running"

 

So what option did he really have left if he wanted to see you again?

Well a smart guy would just learn - to get her to want me, I'd better ignore her.

 

And it worked so well - he's going on a date with you.

 

I do think that he started out liking you - but now, because of the foundation you've laid out - you showed him that he needs to play games to get what he wants from you.

 

It is unfortunate, because that is just compounding your insecurities and it taught yet another guy to play games when dating.

 

Since you already have this date planned - go on it, but act normal, don't pull & push, don't talk about how guys showing interest turns you off or scares you - just go and have a pleasant time - games free and see how things go.

 

This.

 

I agree. And I'm sorry I'm so complicated. He's smart. He waited to see my reactions, not pushing, not initiating.

He got what he wanted, though.

[irresolute]

He texted me again at 2 am and we texted until 4 am. He asked me why I was online in a dating site. I told him I'm not really looking, that I'm just bored. He replied: I know.

 

I'm excited about tonight, he seems excited as well. If I pushed him away with my silly games, I'm sorry. If he wants just to get laid, that's fine. At this point, I'd like to enjoy our time together tonight, who knows what will come next. I'm in the game. But I'm not opening myself. I'm scared to get hurt again.

[TigerCub]

He texted me again at 2 am and we texted until 4 am. He asked me why I was online in a dating site. I told him I'm not really looking, that I'm just bored. He replied: I know.

 

How did he know you were online on the dating site?

Did you volunteer that info or was he on there too and saw you?

 

If he was on there too - why was he on there? Did you ask that when he asked you the same question?

 

EDIT: sorry - I just re-read that - I guess he was asking you in general.

Either way - did you ask him why he's online dating?

 

I'm excited about tonight, he seems excited as well. If I pushed him away with my silly games, I'm sorry. If he wants just to get laid, that's fine. At this point, I'd like to enjoy our time together tonight, who knows what will come next. I'm in the game. But I'm not opening myself. I'm scared to get hurt again.

 

Well if he just wants to get laid - you still control that.

I hope you don't do anything you will regret. Do only what makes you comfortable.

 

Op, dating sucks at times, and it is really tough to know how to date once you've been really hurt. I understand the hesitation and the wanting to run away sometimes, but not everyone we meet will turn out like the one that hurt us.

 

Good luck tonight.

[irresolute]

Hey all!

 

Our date went well, we went to a wine bar and then we had dinner. He didn't let me pay for anything. It was fun and light, though I realized he just doesn't know about me too much, and I don't know about him too much, but we mostly spoke about our current situations. I don't know, time passed really fast. I guess my two glasses of wine were just too much for me as I was a little tipsy and I told him. we also talked about me don't wanting a relationship right now and him saying: It's easy seeing myself with someone like you.

 

We did had sex at the end of the date, it was something natural and nice.

He texted me later to see if I arrived safe home. I replied thanking him for the great night. his last text said something like: "Maybe I'll get to see you again soon" Which I didn't replied.

This morning we were both in the online dating site. None of us contacted each other. I'm so mad at myself because I'm having feelings for this guy and I don't want this to happen that I need to get some distance from the situation.

I'm really mad at myself right now

[TigerCub]

Hey all!

 

Our date went well, we went to a wine bar and then we had dinner. He didn't let me pay for anything. It was fun and light, though I realized he just doesn't know about me too much, and I don't know about him too much, but we mostly spoke about our current situations. I don't know, time passed really fast. I guess my two glasses of wine were just too much for me as I was a little tipsy and I told him. we also talked about me don't wanting a relationship right now and him saying: It's easy seeing myself with someone like you.

 

We did had sex at the end of the date, it was something natural and nice.

He texted me later to see if I arrived safe home. I replied thanking him for the great night. his last text said something like: "Maybe I'll get to see you again soon" Which I didn't replied.

This morning we were both in the online dating site. None of us contacted each other. I'm so mad at myself because I'm having feelings for this guy and I don't want this to happen that I need to get some distance from the situation.

I'm really mad at myself right now

 

Oyi...this post started out really well ... and then didn't keep going that way.

 

OP - may I ask how old you are?

You don't have to say the exact date, but I'm just wondering because usually by late 20s - most girls end up knowing what they are capable of. By that I mean, they know themselves well enough to know if they get attached to someone after sex or if they are capable of having sex with someone and being ok if that's all.

 

Me for instance, I know I can sleep with a guy if I have no feelings really going for him, just an attraction and that's good - sex can just be sex.

 

But I know myself well enough to know that I can't sleep with a guy that I have feelings for and not have it mean anything.

 

So my question to you is - do you know yourself well enough?

 

Did you have sex with this man knowing that you will get attached?

 

I'm sorry that this is going to lead to more pain for you - it probably is best to just distance yourself and move on at this point, but take some time to really be honest with yourself about things and really know who you are and what you want and what you are capable of handling in life.