kissmybooty Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 I am really not into this guy but he is really sweet I can't help but be sweet back to him. Now I should have known that this would give him a false message but I am generally nice with people. We email back and forth. He asked me this what should I reply? "Where would you like me to take you on our first date?" We live in different cities for now Should I just not reply to this ? On Valentine's day be said he would like to take me to a romantic dinner. So I replied that is really Sweet of him and that I feel special. But I didn't mean anything by saying that. I really don't want to break his heart but if I be sweet anymore I will get dragged into something that I don't want and break his heart later. What should I do / reply?
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Jesus, people like you shouldn't be allowed to date. If you don't like him, or don't want to make him feel bad, just send him a message saying "You're really nice but I don't think we're compatible and I don't think we should continue seeing each other" Don't lead the poor guy on.... smh 3
OrangeParty Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Read out your thread title to him. He deserves to know and not be strung along. 1
Author kissmybooty Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 Can I say something more politely? This seems to rude. I can't help it I actually am very sensitive to others feelings and usually think about how I'd feel if someone said no to me. I think he's just testing waters. Should I say I'm seeing someone else? Something more polite?
Author kissmybooty Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 Or can I say we are friends and should be good friends first ? I want to say it indirectly and subtly.
d0nnivain Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Tell him the next time you talk to him that he seems really sweet but that you don't think you too have a connection. Apologize profusely for leading him on & wish him well. The next time a sweet guy offers to take you out if you don't feel it tell him that Immediately! remember it's cruel to be kind. 2
Zahara Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Can I say something more politely? This seems to rude. I can't help it I actually am very sensitive to others feelings and usually think about how I'd feel if someone said no to me. I think he's just testing waters. Should I say I'm seeing someone else? Something more polite? What's rude is you carrying this on when you're not into him. Look, he hasn't even had a date with you. He'll live, trust me. Don't say you're seeing someone because then he'll wonder why you were engaging him. What barcode said. You don't owe him anything. Simple, honest and to the point. 3
Zahara Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Or can I say we are friends and should be good friends first ? I want to say it indirectly and subtly. Now that's just being selfish. It will only lead him on. Stop tippy toeing around him and be honest. 1
insert_name Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Is it any wonder that the ''nice guy" schtick happens when people are as bad at being straight up as this? Smh... 1
Author kissmybooty Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 can I say I never thought of us in that way ? Trust me I've tried being blunt but his replies are again he misses me etc. he somehow even concluded that I was lonely in reponse to an email that I sent him where I did not indicate I am lonely only that I am busy studying etc. he calls me babe etc in the emails but I don't use any of those words. I just reply. So I am really not leading him on. Now I did not know how to respond to the Valentine's day email because that came suddenly.
preraph Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 The big problem with not being honest because you don't want to hurt someone's feelings is that the longer they are invested before they find out you're not interested, the more hurt they will be. Also, "people who can't say no attract people who can't let go." If you keep this up and don't learn to say no, you will end up with someone who becomes a real problem one of these days. Do not leave him any hope for the future, or he will just hang around hoping forever. Tell him he's nice but that you can tell for sure he's not right for you. 1
Zahara Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 can I say I never thought of us in that way ? Trust me I've tried being blunt but his replies are again he misses me etc. he somehow even concluded that I was lonely in reponse to an email that I sent him where I did not indicate I am lonely only that I am busy studying etc. he calls me babe etc in the emails but I don't use any of those words. I just reply. So I am really not leading him on. Now I did not know how to respond to the Valentine's day email because that came suddenly. Have you heard the concept of not replying? Because when you reply you are sending out mixed signals. You can't be blunt and then when he responds you go back on your boundary. Send the note and cut contact.
Author kissmybooty Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 Lol at people being rude. I am new to dating that's why I am here. None of this is intentional. But thanks I appreciate the good responses. Save the sarcasm for someone else who is more experienced with dating. Thanks though.
KatZee Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Can I say something more politely? This seems to rude. I can't help it I actually am very sensitive to others feelings and usually think about how I'd feel if someone said no to me. I think he's just testing waters. Should I say I'm seeing someone else? Something more polite? It's actually ironic that you say you're not rude and are sensitive to others feelings and then play games like this. What you're doing is actually 10x worse than if you were just straight up and honest. Telling someone that you don't think its a romantic fit isn't rude. It's repsectful. You're not nice, you're a coward. 1
Author kissmybooty Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 Obviously I want to tell him and that's exactly my question how to say it nicely/politely! Read my thread before calling me a coward, idiot.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Can I say something more politely? This seems to rude. I can't help it I actually am very sensitive to others feelings and usually think about how I'd feel if someone said no to me. I think he's just testing waters. Should I say I'm seeing someone else? Something more polite? You're going to hurt his feelings 100x worse if you don't just break it off. Sounds like you're still early dating so you can just text him. If he keeps contacting you or seems hurt, just ignore him. "Hey you seem like a great guy, but I'm not really feeling a connection between us and I think we should stop seeing each other" TEXT THAT. If you don't end things, you will give him false hope and he will resent you for it later. 1
Zahara Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Obviously I want to tell him and that's exactly my question how to say it nicely/politely! Read my thread before calling me a coward, idiot. But you said you've been blunt with him but you still entertained his contact after. Anything you say now will probably sound much better than what you've said before.
Author kissmybooty Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 Blunt does not mean rude. Blunt means I did not use the words babe, Hun etc. it means just answering the questions he asked without being overtly mushy. thanks Barcode that's very helpful!
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Some guys handle rejection better than others. Most guys would take a hint from you that you're not interested and take it at that. Others you need to be more direct with otherwise they maintain this secret hope that you're the one. Some are utterly hopeless and will still try and contact you even after you say you're not interested. Just be very direct (see my post at the top of the page), and STOP ALL CONTACT WITH THEM!!!! 1
Zahara Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Blunt does not mean rude. Blunt means I did not use the words babe, Hun etc. it means just answering the questions he asked without being overtly mushy. thanks Barcode that's very helpful! Blunt means abrupt. Maybe you and I have a different definition of what blunt means. The thing is, you say you are not into him but you keep entertaining his contact. Whether politeness or your issues with guilt, you need to express what you have to say to him and stop contact. The "polite" and kind thing to do would be to stop sending him mixed signals and to let him go.
TigerCub Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 OMG OP, What is so difficult about saying "Thanks, but honestly I don't think we'd work as a couple. Friendship is all I have to offer" It's not so hard. It's polite, it's offering friendship, and it's clear that we're not gonna date or be a couple. Not so hard, I just did it last week. He replied ' Ok, No problem' Done! I almost wrote "You're such a great guy" in that message but didn't because it sounds too "typical let down " and he wouldn't care at that point anyways. So don't lead the guy on, don't lie to him, don't just ignore him Be honest, be polite and that's it. 1
Author kissmybooty Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 OMG OP, What is so difficult about saying "Thanks, but honestly I don't think we'd work as a couple. Friendship is all I have to offer" It's not so hard. It's polite, it's offering friendship, and it's clear that we're not gonna date or be a couple. Not so hard, I just did it last week. He replied ' Ok, No problem' Done! I almost wrote "You're such a great guy" in that message but didn't because it sounds too "typical let down " and he wouldn't care at that point anyways. So don't lead the guy on, don't lie to him, don't just ignore him Be honest, be polite and that's it. Thanks tigercub!!! Exactly what I was looking for 1
TigerCub Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Thanks tigercub!!! Exactly what I was looking for You're welcome. Rejecting someone is awkward, I don't like doing it, but it's kindest to just be straight up about it (in a nice way). Good luck. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 OMG OP, What is so difficult about saying "Thanks, but honestly I don't think we'd work as a couple. Friendship is all I have to offer" It's not so hard. It's polite, it's offering friendship, and it's clear that we're not gonna date or be a couple. Not so hard, I just did it last week. He replied ' Ok, No problem' Done! I almost wrote "You're such a great guy" in that message but didn't because it sounds too "typical let down " and he wouldn't care at that point anyways. So don't lead the guy on, don't lie to him, don't just ignore him Be honest, be polite and that's it. Only offer friendship though if you can tell the guy isn't needy. Otherwise they'll be friends with you in the hope that you might change your mind about them. If a guy is having a hard time taking rejection, I wouldn't even friendzone them (unless you want a situation on your hands). 1
TigerCub Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Only offer friendship though if you can tell the guy isn't needy. Otherwise they'll be friends with you in the hope that you might change your mind about them. If a guy is having a hard time taking rejection, I wouldn't even friendzone them (unless you want a situation on your hands). Definitely a good point! Yeah I only offered friendship cuz I meant it and knew he wasn't the clingy stalkery type and cuz I now how to tell someone to back the f** off (in a mean way) when I need to Seriously though - good point! 1
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