LooperDooper Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 This story is super long but I’ll keep it short. Broke up with my exgf of 1.5 years after she told me she now sees me like a brother. Initially I started all the commotion because I was missing some special love and attention I wasn’t receiving but I didn’t want to break up, just start fresh and start communicating to make things better. She decided against it and now I’m a mess. I have a very busy schedule in university but she is in every single one of my classes. I don’t live in North America but my family does, so I have been feeling very lonely and very depressed because of this break up, my friends are just as busy as me so I can’t bother them and my family is way too far to make it better (though they try). All I asked her was for more intimacy (which we have lacked a lot lately) and more attention for me (she would text all her other friends all the time, and me barely during the day). I love her dearly, I know this relationship isn’t good for me but I can’t help feel hope that she will realize this and come back and want to work things out. When we started she was super in love and she was telling me everyday there was nobody more perfect for her than me. Sometimes I feel like she found somebody new and it kills me to think of her with somebody else. Well we are both missing the intimacy and she might get it from somebody else and forget me. Don’t get me wrong, I was as good a bf as I could be and I consider myself a good catch compared to a lot of other guys who treat their gfs like crap, but she rejected a lot of my intimate advances to the point where they came to a stop and all this started about 2 months ago. I miss her dearly, her company. She said she would love for me to be her friend, but she doesn’t want to promise me a relationship. The problem is I fell for her and now I feel like crap seeing her with potentially other guys giving her something she didn’t get out of me. I’m feeling really sad and lonely and just needed to vent out and hope somebody listens. It seriously kills me to think of her with anybody else, although she says it won’t happen for awhile, people sometimes talk too soon. I’m the type of guy who never gets in a relationship because of this and when I do it’s because I believe in it and I’m very much committed, so it hurts a lot that she wasn’t. I takes me a long time to get over an ex, and although I feel she doesn’t deserve me or that she wasn’t the best, but yet I can’t stop thinking about her and us and it makes me very sad. I need some support before I go nuts or do something stupid, I just want to feel the same as I did when we started and she was convinced she would have me in her life for a long time.
Holmes85 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 LooperDooper, Couple of things : - I believe your Ex Girlfriend became less attracted to you after 1.5 years and has found someone else who she perceives as better, new and exciting. - She is not going to admit that she has found someone else, she will let some time pass by and then when she feels that enough time has passed, she will show her new love interest. - She wants you to be her friend, so that she doesn't feel guilty about what she did and if you decide to be friends with her, she would think "oh look, it's not bad at all, we are still friends, I did nothing wrong, he's fine with it". - From your description it doesn't even feel like she's considering your feelings, she's being selfish and doing what she wants, there is no "us" anymore, it's all about her. - The things you are feeling right now is normal, getting over her would take some time, it won't go away within a month or two, you would definitely make strides within a year and would be golden within a month and a half. - A normal and a healthy person takes their time, they don't rush anything and don't jump on from one relationship to another without having a break in between and clearing their heads and definitely don't use wimpy lines to end a relationship. If you want to come out stronger, you text her one last time wishing her the best and tell her that you don't want to be friends with her, say your goodbye to her and immediately after that you delete her from everywhere. No spying on her, you need to remove her from everywhere, you need to do this for yourself, she made a selfish move, it's time you turn the tables on her, the only way to do that is to let her go and let her do what she wants and take the time to improve yourself, set goals, achieve them and who knows in the process you might meet someone who values you and compliments your life instead of taking it for granted like your Ex Girlfriend. You will come out stronger in the end, as for her, you wouldn't worry about her once your emotional state is aside and taken over by a logical one.
jus d'orange Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Hey there, Sorry to read about this. If she doesn't love you though, you were right to break up with her, at the very least to get yourself away from a painful situation so you can start healing and also so she can have some perspective on what you mean to her. That being said, the thing where she suddenly drifts away really could be related to another guy. I know that sucks to read, but if you went back a few years and read about a breakup I had, that's what I experienced. She said she just wanted to be single and independent, but really she had another guy in mind. I got over it, and even if she doesn't want to be with someone else right now, you'll have to accept that your ex will in all likelihood eventually date somebody else Don't try to be her friend. That's what normal friends are for, not exes. Maybe a really long time down the road, you guys could be friends, but by the time that arrives, you won't need to be friends with her. I recommend cutting off all contact with her and making sure you can't keep tabs on her through social media, etc. If she really needs to reach out to you for a real reason, it'll be very clear. Resist all lame attempts at massaging her ego through responding to little requests for attention, anything like that. You'll read tons of great advice on these boards for how to deal with this. In the meantime, you can heal, get over it, and be a stronger person in the end. I wish you luck.
Author LooperDooper Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 I really want to appreciate the answers, some days my mindset is right on point where I completely agree and will defend the view points you give me. But the down side is that some days I feel so hurt that I let all the negative and hurtful thoughts win me over. I wish I could just feel totally convinced that I don't need her in my life and feel it every day. Thank you though, maybe I just needed somebody to listen.
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