imss_1 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 I've been dating a guy since September. We met through mutual friends and hit it off - we have a lot in common, similar cultural backgrounds, the same taste in music and we both love food. This is the first new relationship for both of us in a couple of years and we were getting on great. However, one big problem we had is that he is a heavy weed smoker and I have very sensitive skin and an overactive immune system. In the course of dating him I have developed a marijuana allergy which gives me red, watery eyes, a skin rash and lip swelling if I kiss him just after he has smoked. Just before Xmas he met my family and it all went great - we were super close. I then went on holiday to Asia (as I posted about before) and we didn't speak much during that time. Since I came home, he's been a little emotionally distant and not as attentive but things have otherwise been ok. Saturday was Valentines Day and I went to his place, he cooked for me and we hung out which was lovely, but afterwards I had a massive allergic reaction because he smoked right before he came to bed and it has really upset me. He is such a heavy smoker and it is such a big part of his social circle that I'm really doubting if we have a future. But on the other hand, I care about him a lot, my family love him and I can see myself with him in the future if I didn't have this allergy. I've told him I need to talk to him, and he's been very quiet since then. I'm not sure if I want to break up with him or not, though. Any guidance would be great.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 If its a deal breaker for you, that's OK. You shouldn't have to date a smoker if you don't want to. I'd suggest a compromise and maybe ask him if he's willing to quit for you? 1
rocketman122 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 I was married to a smoker, and im asthmatic. I dated a woman who had 3 cats and im allergic to them. my last ex gf also had a cat and at times I had weezing and bad breathing and it was a LDR as well and I still didnt see a reason to give up. people look for any reason to give up. you might consider allergy treatment or asking him to smoke away from you and dont kiss him within some time after he uses it. theres a solution for a lot of things. depends how much people care for one another.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 I was married to a smoker, and im asthmatic. I dated a woman who had 3 cats and im allergic to them. my last ex gf also had a cat and at times I had weezing and bad breathing and it was a LDR as well and I still didnt see a reason to give up. people look for any reason to give up. you might consider allergy treatment or asking him to smoke away from you and dont kiss him within some time after he uses it. theres a solution for a lot of things. depends how much people care for one another. You are a lot more patient than most .. haha. As a non-smoker I find heavy smokers gross, would never date one. Now if it was an occasional cigarette once in a blue moon -- that's a different story. 1
rocketman122 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 If its a deal breaker for you, that's OK. You shouldn't have to date a smoker if you don't want to. I'd suggest a compromise and maybe ask him if he's willing to quit for you? thats not a compromise. a compromise is somewhere in the middle. he will not stop smoking. the compromise is he smoke it outside and washing his mouth before kissing her.
rocketman122 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 You are a lot more patient than most .. haha. As a non-smoker I find heavy smokers gross, would never date one. Now if it was an occasional cigarette once in a blue moon -- that's a different story. and im a bodybuilder whos heavy into health and fitness. so yea, if I find someone I love, Im willing to let things slide. my exwife the smoker, never smoked near me. always on the porch. and I took some allergy pills before I went to the cat girls houses
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Haha so if a guy likes to visit hookers, would his GF's compromise be to only let him go once a month? Smoking is a bad habit, and I don't think its unreasonable for the non-smoking person to ask the smoker to quit. Heavy smoking isn't something you can just "hide" by mouthwashing or not doing it around someone. It gets into your teeth, hair, skin, clothes, and does not come out easy. Source: EX-Smoker.
d0nnivain Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 While I'm no fan of smoking, this was a physical allergic reaction I couldn't tolerate being sick every time I saw my honey. If he's willing to quit that would be one thing but that doesn't' solve the problem of his social circle.
xXMarlboro_ManXx Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Does he know that you have an allergy like that? If so then that is a big deal if not I don't see it as a big deal seeing as how you already don't care about the smoking and there is no way he could know this without you telling him.
Author imss_1 Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 He does know, yes. He's now seen my lips swell up in front of him so he knows I'm definitely allergic.
rocketman122 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Haha so if a guy likes to visit hookers, would his GF's compromise be to only let him go once a month? should I reply with a stupid answer for a stupid question? or just do a HAHA laugh also? Im sure OP knew it from the get go. you dont have many options and im certain he wont stop. we all know this. a weedhead, im certain, wont stop. it happens but very rare.
Author imss_1 Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 Actually, I didn't know. I only found out I was allergic after about a month. I considered ending it then, but he thought it was a silly thing to end a relationship over so since then I've tried to find solutions to it but it seems to be getting worse every time it happens.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Haha so if a guy likes to visit hookers, would his GF's compromise be to only let him go once a month? should I reply with a stupid answer for a stupid question? or just do a HAHA laugh also? Im sure OP knew it from the get go. you dont have many options and im certain he wont stop. we all know this. a weedhead, im certain, wont stop. it happens but very rare. If having someone quit smoking is an unreasonable compromise, I don't think it's a stupid question.
losangelena Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 I considered ending it then, but he thought it was a silly thing to end a relationship over so since then I've tried to find solutions to it but it seems to be getting worse every time it happens. Of course he does. While you're suffering from awful allergic reactions, he's free to keep smoking as much as he wants to, consequence-free. I don't know. Years ago I date a pot head for a few months. I told him straight away that I wouldn't seriously date him if he kept doing it—I left it up to him to decide if pursuing a relationship was worth it or not, and on his own accord, he decided to give it up. Well, that resolve lasted about three weeks before the whole thing imploded. For him, it was less an issue of the weed as it was his lack of being able to cope with the stresses of everyday life. Take the drugs away, and he just could not deal, and we broke up pretty quickly. I'm not saying that's what's going on with your guy, but I'd be wary of any guy who makes a consistent habit of doing any kind of drug. Is he willing to curtain his activity when you're around? Are edibles an option?
xXMarlboro_ManXx Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 He does know, yes. He's now seen my lips swell up in front of him so he knows I'm definitely allergic. It seems like quite an unusual thing to be allergic to, did you explicitly tell him that you are allergic? After you started having a reaction did you "scold" him about it? Ccause that would make it clear. I don't think you can assume that he knows especially if he is high at the time he is supposed to make the connection
rocketman122 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 If having someone quit smoking is an unreasonable compromise, I don't think it's a stupid question. Haha so if a guy likes to visit hookers, would his GF's compromise be to only let him go once a month? thats the stupid question you asked... so should reply wiht a stupid answer or should I just do a HAHAHA. cmon now. whats this nonsense. he wont stop smoking, so forget it. it wont happen. once a weedhead, always a weedhead. she will decide for herself
Author imss_1 Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 It seems like quite an unusual thing to be allergic to, did you explicitly tell him that you are allergic? After you started having a reaction did you "scold" him about it? Ccause that would make it clear. I don't think you can assume that he knows especially if he is high at the time he is supposed to make the connection Not sure why you seem to think this is my fault? Its pretty obvious that if someone immediately has red eyes and a swollen lip after they kiss you that they are having an allergic reaction. He isn't stupid. I never 'scolded' him about it because he isn't a child, he's a grown man. I told him how much pain I was in though.
xXMarlboro_ManXx Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Not sure why you seem to think this is my fault? Its pretty obvious that if someone immediately has red eyes and a swollen lip after they kiss you that they are having an allergic reaction. He isn't stupid. I never 'scolded' him about it because he isn't a child, he's a grown man. I told him how much pain I was in though. I am not saying it is your fault at all I just don't think it is obvious. Since you are sure he knows my advice would be to end it, he values his personal pleasure over your physical well being. 1
jazzybones Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 I am not saying it is your fault at all I just don't think it is obvious. Since you are sure he knows my advice would be to end it, he values his personal pleasure over your physical well being. Agreeing with this. It wasn't clear in the OP if you've discussed it with him at all, but I think if I were kissing someone and their lips started to swell, etc., my first reaction wouldn't be, "they're allergic to the marijuana I'm smoking." I'm not sure what my reaction would be, but that definitely wouldn't be the first thing I'd come up with. You should probably discuss it with him in not-so-dramatic terms first because he may be totally oblivious.
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