PearTree Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 My boyfriend broke up with me last week. He said he didn't have the time or energy to be with me anymore. This came out of the blue. We had broken up twice before, but only for a day or so. We were together for six years and a few weeks ago he said we might move in together this year. I don't feel sad at all that we have broken up. I feel exactly the same as I did when we were together. Am I in denial? Has it not sunk in yet? I've been heartbroken over this person before, so why am I totally fine now that it is over for good?
jus d'orange Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Could be that you're just glad about it, but I think more than likely you're in denial and shock, and it hasn't hit you yet. If you guys have spent 6 years together as a couple, this is a big hole that has now appeared in your life. It would of course be great if you could somehow weather this without negative emotions, something I think many of us here would dream of being able to do, but you're a human being and I imagine that some serious negative emotions are on their way. Just be prepared, know to keep your dignity together, to talk to the right people and not to your ex about your feelings, and post here if you need advice. Best of luck!
mightycpa Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 That happened to me once. 5 year RS. I felt down for one day, and by the end of the week I was out chasing girls again. Why ask why? Enjoy!
Author PearTree Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 Yep, I'm worried that in a few weeks time it will all hit me and I'll be a wreck. It is absolutely bizarre how I don't feel bad at all. I'm not even numb, I feel happy and content like nothing has happened.
An0nymiss666 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 I think everyone handles it a bit differently. It's been a little over a month since my ex and I broke up. At first I was devastated but somehow also felt as if I would be OK. After all, he wasn't the same person and I was heavily considering dumping his ass anyway...one of his bogus excuses was also that he "didn't have the time or energy" for the relationship anymore. I think I was doing alright for a few weeks, or at least pretended to be OK. I even went out on a date which I thought I wouldn't do for a long time. Since then I've been a wreck. Because I'm convinced I'll never find what I had with him again. I even talked to him, just small talk, for a couple of days until he was a total jerk again, and when I wouldn't stand for it he blocked my texts/calls entirely. Maybe I just jumped into going on a date too fast when I wasn't ready or interested and that triggered all of those emotions. Right now I'm extremely sad and on top of this I'm going through other things in my life. So I don't think that's helping my emotions, either. I guess I did go through a short time when I was happy or at least numb to it all...I just hope it isn't a phase for you, because it'd be wonderful to just move on with your life and carry on! But I know it's not that easy sometimes. Either way he sounds like he isn't worth it, and everything will work out in one way or another. Maybe on the inside you were over things as well. That happened to me years ago, with my last serious boyfriend. One day I just woke up and I didn't care anymore, I was happy and moving on with my life...
Author PearTree Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 I have just been concentrating on my work and my hobbies. I love my job, which helps a lot. I've also got a good support network of friends who I have been talking to. I write in my notebook every night. I've been focusing on all the reasons why he's no good for me, and on all the things I like about myself. Perhaps I got my grieving out of the way the previous two times we broke up. Back then I was a real mess: crying and begging for him backmaking myself sick in his bathroom so he would hear me and feel sorry for mesobbing so hard I could hardly breathecrying on the train home in front of everyone and not caring! It was the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. But now I'm even looking forward to meeting new people! I admit it hurt a little when he didn't contact me on Valentine's Day though. 1
An0nymiss666 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 I know what you mean...I was also a little hurt when I didn't hear from my ex on Valentines Day. For some reason I just thought he might contact me. He seems to be getting increasingly miserable since the break up. I'm just predicting that one day he'll be back in some way....and I don't know how I'll feel.
Author PearTree Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 I know what you mean...I was also a little hurt when I didn't hear from my ex on Valentines Day. For some reason I just thought he might contact me. He seems to be getting increasingly miserable since the break up. I'm just predicting that one day he'll be back in some way....and I don't know how I'll feel. Maybe deep down I am expecting him to contact me again. I keep my phone turned off all day so I don't keep checking it and getting disappointed. Perhaps it's the not knowing that gives me a tiny glimmer of hope. I still can't bring myself to delete his number. Although I have changed his name in my phone to 'Breakup'. There's no problem with deleting him off Facebook though - he never wanted to be my friend! And he wouldn't let me meet his family or friends, even after six years. Things like that remind me why I am better off without him. How do you know your ex is miserable?
An0nymiss666 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 I can't delete my exes number either, but I know it so it won't make a difference. Oh my ex never wanted to be my Facebook friend either!!! I think that says a lot...especially since mine was trying to screw around before we broke up (or maybe already was). He didn't have a Facebook and was supposedly against all social media, then one day appeared on "people I might know" Hmm...then it was like pulling teeth to get him to add me. We broke up a couple of weeks later and he blocked me. We don't have any other connection to each other now other than a couple of mutual friends. My one friend told me he's been lashing out at his friends and family for no apparent reason at all. Just attacking them over Facebook and the phone for nothing and other things along those lines. Like he can't be happy so he has to bring everyone else down with his aimless attacks and insults. That's why I think he's miserable right now. I know he's a jerk but I've still never heard of him acting out like that.
Kinetica84 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 My boyfriend broke up with me last week. He said he didn't have the time or energy to be with me anymore. This came out of the blue. We had broken up twice before, but only for a day or so. We were together for six years and a few weeks ago he said we might move in together this year. I don't feel sad at all that we have broken up. I feel exactly the same as I did when we were together. Am I in denial? Has it not sunk in yet? I've been heartbroken over this person before, so why am I totally fine now that it is over for good? I went through this. Felt okay for 3 months then BANG, i felt awful for like a month. Just be careful, it will more than likely catch up with you. 1
Author PearTree Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 I went through this. Felt okay for 3 months then BANG, i felt awful for like a month. Just be careful, it will more than likely catch up with you. Ah, do you have any advice on how to cope with it when it finally hits me?
An0nymiss666 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Same! I feel like it's just not hitting me full force yet...
Author PearTree Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 I can't delete my exes number either, but I know it so it won't make a difference. Oh my ex never wanted to be my Facebook friend either!!! I think that says a lot...especially since mine was trying to screw around before we broke up (or maybe already was). He didn't have a Facebook and was supposedly against all social media, then one day appeared on "people I might know" Hmm...then it was like pulling teeth to get him to add me. We broke up a couple of weeks later and he blocked me. We don't have any other connection to each other now other than a couple of mutual friends. My one friend told me he's been lashing out at his friends and family for no apparent reason at all. Just attacking them over Facebook and the phone for nothing and other things along those lines. Like he can't be happy so he has to bring everyone else down with his aimless attacks and insults. That's why I think he's miserable right now. I know he's a jerk but I've still never heard of him acting out like that. Haha, it sounds like we were dating the same type of guy! It feels like all the loving things he said were a lie and I have seen his true colours now. Although they were evident for a while and I chose to ignore them. He was just so reluctant to let me into his life, always cancelling plans and things. I was always there for him though - I was a fool!
elaine567 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 He was just so reluctant to let me into his life, always cancelling plans and things. I was always there for him though - I was a fool! I guess it is not denial, I guess it is relief. Concentrate on yourself. There's no problem with deleting him off Facebook though - he never wanted to be my friend! And he wouldn't let me meet his family or friends, even after six years. Things like that remind me why I am better off without him. You are definitely better off without him
An0nymiss666 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Haha, it sounds like we were dating the same type of guy! It feels like all the loving things he said were a lie and I have seen his true colours now. Although they were evident for a while and I chose to ignore them. He was just so reluctant to let me into his life, always cancelling plans and things. I was always there for him though - I was a fool! YES. All of this. That's exactly what I've been saying to myself, that these must be his true colors. You don't act like this when you love or care about someone. I ignored the hints throughout our relationship as well...now I feel stupid I feel so hung up on all of our good times and the good things about our relationship. Because I still feel like we were perfect for each other. Maybe I'm just brainwashed by the times he was nice, and the good times we had...because I don't want the person he was when we split up.
Kinetica84 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Ah, do you have any advice on how to cope with it when it finally hits me? I wish had some solid advice. I literally went to bed one night happy, woke up with that awful gut wrenching feeling. It knocked 7 shades of sh*t out of me. I hit the ground hard. Staying busy didn't help, sleeping with another girl didn't help. Best thing I can say, accept it, roll with the punches and take it one day at a time. I'm relatively okay now but I still get bad days 5 months post break up.
WrinkledForehead Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 I know as the dumper in a 5 year relationship, when it was over I was fine. The R was toxic, however, and I fell out of love with him long before we actually ended it. I stayed so long because we had a child together, but it was the moment I knew she recognized the toxicity that I ended it. I'm wondering if you're in denial, or perhaps the love diminished so much it's hardly registering now that it's gone. 1
Author PearTree Posted February 17, 2015 Author Posted February 17, 2015 I know as the dumper in a 5 year relationship, when it was over I was fine. The R was toxic, however, and I fell out of love with him long before we actually ended it. I stayed so long because we had a child together, but it was the moment I knew she recognized the toxicity that I ended it. I'm wondering if you're in denial, or perhaps the love diminished so much it's hardly registering now that it's gone. I definitely believed that I loved him. We were due to meet up one evening and I was looking forward to it, then I got the text that he doesn't have time for me anymore. I felt sad for a few minutes then straight away went to a hula hooping class (I was in a cafe waiting for the class to start when I got the text). I cried on the way home from the class but even then I was not heartbreakingly sad. I suppose I wasn't madly obsessively in love with him, but I definitely wanted to be with him. I wanted him to move in and for us to be together forever. But now he's gone I don't feel sad at all.
Author PearTree Posted February 17, 2015 Author Posted February 17, 2015 YES. All of this. That's exactly what I've been saying to myself, that these must be his true colors. You don't act like this when you love or care about someone. I ignored the hints throughout our relationship as well...now I feel stupid I feel so hung up on all of our good times and the good things about our relationship. Because I still feel like we were perfect for each other. Maybe I'm just brainwashed by the times he was nice, and the good times we had...because I don't want the person he was when we split up. Absolutely. Every now and then I think of times when he was nice and then I realise that I'm thinking of something that happened five years ago - HALF A DECADE AGO!
An0nymiss666 Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 (edited) Today was rough for some reason, I almost had a massive breakdown. One of my friends took a vacation to San Juan PR and stayed in the EXACT hotel my ex and I stayed in when we took our little vacation there. I got to see all of the pics on Facebook and once I realised that she was in the same spot, I just stared off into space and thought of what good times we had. My ex and I. It almost got pretty bad... But I suppose every relationship has good times otherwise there would be no relationship. I stopped myself to think of all the times he lied to me from the beginning to the end. How terrible he really must be based on how he's been acting. Towards the end, I think I was just telling myself that things could still be good. Every time I think of something nice he did, or a happy memory, it was always before the time he changed and everything went downhill. It's like you said, except for me it's all 1 year ago and farther. That's the last time I remember being truly happy with him. Sometimes it just hurts so bad that it burns my chest or I get a sinking feeling. But in the end he's not the same guy I fell for. I just feel as if I'm hindering my own progress by having these thoughts but I can't help it. People say they will diminish, and I'm hoping they do. Edited February 18, 2015 by An0nymiss666 Info
Tarot777 Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 Its weird for sure. I don't feel as sad as I should either, but it's still new, I expect it'll probably show up. But like you we've broken up before, so I've already kinda done this with him. Plus I can't help but realize he's a jerk
Author PearTree Posted February 18, 2015 Author Posted February 18, 2015 Ah I think it is starting to sink in. I've deleted his texts and I've started texting my friends instead of avoiding my phone. It's a little step but it's one step nearer realising what has happened.
Tarot777 Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 Sank in for me today too. Big time. I deleted his photos, put all the stuff he gave me in a box in a corner in the closet. Deleted his contact even though I know the number.
Author PearTree Posted February 18, 2015 Author Posted February 18, 2015 Sank in for me today too. Big time. I deleted his photos, put all the stuff he gave me in a box in a corner in the closet. Deleted his contact even though I know the number. I was sad for a little while this evening but I'm ok again now. I think it was the shock of starting to text my other friends and receiving texts that aren't from him. It makes me realise how much of my time over the last six year has been spent waiting for him to text. Think of all the great things I could have been doing during that time! I think I was depressed for the last 6 years and I'm only just realising how great life can be now I'm starting to feel free and normal again. I still have not deleted his number but I will do that later this week. 2
Tarot777 Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 I was sad for a little while this evening but I'm ok again now. I think it was the shock of starting to text my other friends and receiving texts that aren't from him. It makes me realise how much of my time over the last six year has been spent waiting for him to text. Think of all the great things I could have been doing during that time! I think I was depressed for the last 6 years and I'm only just realising how great life can be now I'm starting to feel free and normal again. I still have not deleted his number but I will do that later this week. I like your style! I'm starting to feel a bit better now, I think I was over exageratting my culpibility in the dissolution of the relationship in my head. He was bad too, that helps a bit ha!
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