rodman Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Hey guys. I signed up hoping I could get some advice. I'll try to be brief. I'm a 31 year world male dating a 27 year old woman. We have been dating for a little over 2 months, but have been friends for the better part of the last 2 years. Everything has been PERFECT up until now....she is very sweet, outspoken, outgoing, and very affectionate. Basically, everything I've been looking for in a woman. Over (Valentines Day) weekend, we did very little. She explained to me that she didn't want to make it huge deal and just wanted to make dinner for us and that was it. My brother and his wife were in town, so I suggested we meet them for drinks later that night. She agreed. We were the first to arrive to the bar, but it wasn't long before my brother showed up. It turns out he was with some friends as well (about half a dozen people). We said hellos and I began to introduce my girlfriend. I admit, it turned out to be a little hectic, but I was trying my best to introduce her to people. However, as introductions progressed, she became rude....very rude. It wasn't until about 45 mins in that I introduced her to a particular person and she's says "Nice to meet you...I'm sorry, my boyfriend sucks at introducing me to people...." I was SHOCKED! I didn't even know what to say! I admit I may have been a little slow on the draw, but it was more chaotic then I expected. I didn't fight or anything...I just laughed it off and bit my tounge the rest of the night. The next day I decided to confront her. I told her that I found that to be very disrespectful and I feel like I deserve an apology. She basically ignored my concern and told me its not her problem that I suck. Then goes on to say this was the worst Valentines Day ever. At this point, I have become extremely anxious. If it were anyone else I would have broken up with her already...but she had been amazing up until now. I'm very confused and I'm wondering if she has emotional problems that I was blind to until now, or was I really at fault? At this point we are still together, but I'm having serious doubts. Should I forgive and count it as strike? Should I even bother reconciling?
d0nnivain Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 To me it's an issue worth having a fight over but not breaking up. You felt overwhelmed. She probably felt ignored & she lashed out. Address how it could have been handled better on both sides but do try to move past it if everything else is otherwise good. 1
Author rodman Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 thank you for the quick reply. do you have any advice on how to initiate that conversation? I feel like when I did the first time she completely shut me out and responded with attacks. Im honestly terrified to talk to her right now. not in fear of losing the relationship, but more like I'm avoiding any further verbal attacks. Currently she is acting like nothing ever happened....
d0nnivain Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 I'd open with what happened the other night? I'd rather avoid a repeat so I think we need to talk. You listen to what she has to say & don't speak. When she's done you tell her you are sorry she felt that way but then tell her you were overwhelmed & honestly trying. Then you tell her how her snarky comment made you feel. She should apologize for that. 1
Timshel Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 music) Getting to know you, getting to know all about you..... Friends for two yrs. is good, dating is still a different and new dynamic. So you are getting to know each other as SO's and have hit a bump. Certainly not worth breaking up over but does serve the getting to know you part of dating. Talking to her about it is essential for her to understand what you don't like about what happened and for you to perhaps better understand why she behaved that way. Hopefully once a conversation that enables both of you to express POV happens, future situations of this nature will be obsolete. Then continue to keep your eyes open as things progress. Could be an "off" blip or a red flag, time will tell.
Author rodman Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 Thank you guys for the great advice so far. I thought I would get more "just dump her" posts, but you guys seem to have a non-partial view on things. I really do want to talk it out with her. I'm trying to get her to meet with me so we can talk, but she is clearly avoiding the issue right now. I hope when I do see her, she will not be as angry or defensive and will want to talk.
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