Ieris Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 I bumped into an ex who I dated 3 years ago and I never thought I'd see him again. I got on the train and there he was, we held eye contact for a few seconds then I walked to the other side of the carriage. There were a few glances here and there during the journey but neither of us got up to say hi. I always thought that if I bumped into my exes, I'd be friendly and ask how they are doing but when it really happened I had nothing to say. Weird how someone you were once so close to is just a stranger now... Anyways, how did/would you behave if you bumped into your ex? 1
FancyFace Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Each time I have bumped into an ex I have either backed away really slowly, being very careful not to make any sudden movements, or I have bolted and ran for my life, literally. I have had a tendency to date very toxic people (and one physical abuser) so I honestly had no business interacting with them in any way, shape or form. The thought of seeing my current ex makes me want to break out in hives LOL. Ieris, how did you feel afterwards though? Did you cry? Feel empty? Sing Beyonce's "Best Thing I Never Had"? LOL inquiring minds want to know.
d0nnivain Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 I have always said hello, exchanged pleasantries & moved on. In your case, if I had not yet sat down when I saw him I would have walked over & said hello. A minute or two later I would have left that train car to find a seat in another one that he was not in. I could not have sat in the same car & kept doing the glances you did. 1
Haydn Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Legged it on one occasion. On others small pleasantries about how great I'm doing.
Author Ieris Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 (edited) @FancyFace ~ I know what you mean, my last ex is toxic and he'd probably go crazy on me so it's best to steer clear from these people. Kind of funny though having to tiptoe backwards then running for your life lol Umm.. I didn't cry, I just remembered the good times we had and kind of started missing him. I wish I went over to say hi now... oh wells... @d0nnivain ~ That's a good idea, it probably would have been easier just to say hi than pretending we didn't know each other.. so awkward >_< @Haydn ~ "On others small pleasantries about how great I'm doing." lol love that Edited February 16, 2015 by Ieris
Tayla Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Primarily - If it ended badly, leave it be. Best to move along. Chances are, those that ended in a somewhat civil way....will acknowledge and bid a good day.
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Usually it's the same thing, nothing said, move on with the day.
kenmore Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 I'm in a different time frame (separated for seven months, divorce in process) but I just got done posting in the "post here instead of writing to them" thread how if our divorce goes through, I will never want to see her again. I refuse to be a friend and hang out like a stupid lost puppy. That said, I suppose after three years I would say hi. Obviously I can't know and my experience in these things is it often depends on my mood at the time, and how they react. It would also depend on the final feelings in the matter. If it was a horrid breakup, then no. If it was all clean and nice, then sure. Again, also depending on my mood at the moment. If I notice someone I haven't seen in forever and they don't notice me, I might blow them off. I suspect it would be different with an ex though...maybe not.
love1336x Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 hmm I work with my ex. I say hey sometimes to cut the tension. But, most of the time i ignore... It really does depend on my mood.
erklat Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 I'm believer in your approach,ieris. I ignore all of my exes also. Some of them I don't have any reason to. But doing anything other is even more awkward. You're not friends nor acquaintances. You're failed romantic partners. 1
Standard-Fare Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 Yeah, this phenomenon is something I've never been able to wrap my head around. You share very intimate moments with someone, you sleep with them naked in bed, they know the best and worst parts of you, they know all your quirks and secrets, and then later... you find yourselves strangers who can't even tolerate eye contact with each other, much less a conversation. It's actually very sad. But I also think the panic/avoidance that comes up with these bump-ins is fitting. With someone you never cared so much about, you'd have no problem with a stupid little chit-chat to catch up. But with someone who knew you intimately and hurt you deeply, there can be no pretending. You had to go through a long process to heal the wounds they left, you had to change as a person in direct response to your experience with them. It makes sense to run away from such a huge ghost of your past. 3
Simon Phoenix Posted February 18, 2015 Posted February 18, 2015 Depends on the situation and how recovered I was. I've run into the ex that originally brought me here twice randomly in 2.5 years (had one other run-in, but that was planned). The first came about two weeks after the breakup. I saw her randomly in a parking garage and literally ran up the stairs before she saw me. Then I went to a bar (one we never went to) only to discover that her and her co-workers were there. I chugged the beer I ordered and booked without looking for her. I'm sure she saw me that time, but I don't know for sure. Needless to say I was freaked out and shook up by this. The second time came this past summer, which was almost two years after the breakup and I had long-since recovered. I was watching World Cup soccer at the bar and saw her on the other side of it (her company was doing a promotional event at the bar). We locked eyes before the game, she waved, walked over and gave me a hug and we made quick small talk. I watched the game in another part of the bar without thinking about her at all, then saw her again after the game. We talked for another couple minutes, I made fun of her jokingly, left, and that was it. Barely felt anything, which was weird but showed that my healing was complete. I've also had exes who I hadn't seen in a long time run into me and start immediately flirting. Since I didn't care, I'd flirt back. Even had one want me back, but the first relationship was ended so badly I decided that it'd be unwise to venture down that rabbit hole. So I politely declined. We ended up friendly.
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