JackJackxD Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 I am the dumpee of a 2.5 years relationship, and it has been 5 months since the break up already. We tried to be friends but it didn't work out, I tried to ask for a second chance 3 months after the break-up but she rejected it. She said that it is better if we don't speak to each other for a few months to let things calm down first, and I agreed seeing that I knew there is no way we can be friends if I still have feelings for her. She unfriended me on Facebook a few days afterwards and left all group chats. I've been in NC for 2 months already. So there I was thinking that things are all good, and that we are still on good terms. Then recently through conversations with a mutual friend I found that she seems to bear a grudge against me. Examples would be how she does bad mouth me a little in front of our mutual friends, thinks that everything I do was done on purpose to interfere with her life etc. Just today, when I saw my mutual friend and her boyfriend together, I went forward to introduce myself to him as it was my first time seeing him. My Ex happened to be talking to them at the time, and when she saw me she had the most "disapproved" look on her face and walked away on her own a few seconds after. God knows what she was thinking! Probably something along the lines of "Omg, he is trying to get attention from me again". I just want to know how long do Exes hold this period of grudge for? Months? Years? Forever? It is strange how my Ex has told everyone that she is over the relationship and has moved on, but she still holds grudge against me. Whereas I am not fully over the relationship, but I don't hate her at all even though she was the one who dumped me. We broke up because of incompatibility, in no way did I cheat on her or abuse her, so I don't get why all of a sudden she hates me. An interesting thing is, I noticed that there is a trend of female dumpers bearing grudges against the dumpee, at least out of the people I know. The mutual friend I spoke of above bad mouths her Ex in front of me and other friends a lot! She still does it now even though she dumped the guy 7 months ago. My male friends on the other hand seems a lot more chilled. When they spoke of their Ex, they talked about the issues of the relationships, and never made hateful/mean comments about them. Disclaimer: I'm not trying to get back with my Ex anymore. I've accepted the fact that the chances of reconciliation is virtually zero, and I doubt we will ever talk to each other again for the remaining time in University. I'm just interested in the psychology of the dumpers who makes their Ex to be the worst person in the world, when in reality both people probably contributed to the failure of a relationship.
PegNosePete Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Just today, when I saw my mutual friend and her boyfriend together, I went forward to introduce myself to him as it was my first time seeing him. My Ex happened to be talking to them at the time, and when she saw me she had the most "disapproved" look on her face and walked away on her own a few seconds after. Wow, some "friend" you have there. None of my friends would do that without hearing my side of the story. These seem to be her friends, not yours. Friends don't treat friends like that. Yes a lot of people (male and female) bad mouth their ex, in order to make themselves look and feel better. It's that simple. When do they stop? When they get bored of it, or when it no longer works.
Author JackJackxD Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 Wow, some "friend" you have there. None of my friends would do that without hearing my side of the story. These seem to be her friends, not yours. Friends don't treat friends like that. Yes a lot of people (male and female) bad mouth their ex, in order to make themselves look and feel better. It's that simple. When do they stop? When they get bored of it, or when it no longer works. No, no i think you read it wrong. It was my Ex who walked away, my friend and her boyfriend stayed and we had chatted a little. And I feel like Ex's now become someone they can blame everything for. My Ex and my mutual friend seems to both bad-mouth their Exes when they are in a bad mood/stressed.
PegNosePete Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Right, in that case I would suggest you don't insert yourself into conversations that your ex is already a part of!
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