Zzyxx Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 So I'm wondering if I should even bother trying for a second date. Also, I'm a woman as well in case that makes a diffference. Basically met this amazing woman online. We'd talked on the phone twice and then met up once on Friday. She lives about a 2 hour bus ride/ 1 hour train ride from where I live, but it's really easy and cheap to travel to her city. I think things started out pretty well, even though she's pretty much out of my league in every category (she's a Dr, drives a Mercedes, super physically attractive and fit) but I plaid it super cool and confident and didn't let her know this. So I live in a foreign country, where the women here and dating behaviors are a bit different and I'm still figuring them out, even though I think I knew the rules pretty well overall back in my home country. We did a lot of nice and not stereotypical date activities, like taking a walk around a lake and eating cake, and cooking dinner at her house, then watching youtube videos. We have a ton of similar interests and the same taste in music and movies. Within 20 minutes of meeting she said that I was "really funny" in a genuine complimentary way. Later at her house, she went into her bathroom to talk on the phone (she asked if I minded if she made a phone call) so that was my first indication maybe she wasn't feeling it. Then she explained her best friend in a different country just got dumped by her bf, and they kept missing each other's calls, so that's what she was doing, which I guess wasn't so bad. Her body language on the couch made it seem like she wasn't that interested, but then she asked me what the best and worst qualities in a match were for me. I said some bs answer trying to suss out why she was asking, and then I asked her. She said that sense of humor was really attractive and that was big for her. Then later I said something about how I wasn't your stereotypical smooth talker, and she said that I was quite charming, and that she bet that I could be, so I asked if it was working on her, in a jokey/flirty way. She said, "Well I'm laughing, and I'm flattered that you asked me the question." Which who knows what that meant. We had referenced hanging out again, but at some point when she drove me back to the train station things all fell apart ridiculously fast. She bought me a coffee and I kept trying to pay for it but she told me not to bother, so then I said, "Well, I'll make you a deal, either you can let me pay for the coffee or you can let me take you out to dinner." She said something like, "Sure you can take me to dinner." and we left it at that. So before I got out of the car she said something like "well I'm really busy coming up (which I know is true cause before we even met she told me for the next month she has no free weekends/time cause she's studying for a medical exam) but I'm sure we'll keep in touch over text or something AND THEN came the big boom. She pretty much gave me the sugar coated version of "Have a nice life!" It wasn't as obvious as "I'm not planning on ever seeing you again" but it was some kind of mix of things you'd only say to a person you're never planning on seeing. I waited like 40 minutes and then on the train texted her something like " Hey _______, I just wanted to thank you for everything and your hospitality. I had a really nice time and maybe when your schedule calms down we can go out again." The response was: "Yep, it was a nice day. Enjoy the book (she gave me a book to borrow), and have a wonderful weekend." obviously not the response I was hoping for. THEN, the next day I see she has deleted her entire online dating profile. So I should probably just leave this one right? My best guess is that she just had much higher expectations of me through the fact we met online and she doesn't feel chemistry with me. However, should I just say f- it and try one more time anyway since my odds are already so low?
Buddhist Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 So she lent you a book, bought you coffee and said you can take her to dinner. Can't see the issue here. If this is a foreign country maybe you didn't completely understand her parting comments in the way she meant them. Cultural differences can throw up misunderstandings like that. Can't see any reason it would all fall apart in the car unless you two were having a conversation and something was said which went down poorly. You've got her number, not just her dating profile. There's no chance at all that you think she took her profile down because she's no longer looking and happy to give you a try?
Author Zzyxx Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 So she lent you a book, bought you coffee and said you can take her to dinner. Can't see the issue here. If this is a foreign country maybe you didn't completely understand her parting comments in the way she meant them. Cultural differences can throw up misunderstandings like that. Can't see any reason it would all fall apart in the car unless you two were having a conversation and something was said which went down poorly. You've got her number, not just her dating profile. There's no chance at all that you think she took her profile down because she's no longer looking and happy to give you a try? Yeah, I really wish I could remember exactly what she said in the car, but her vibe and word choice really was more like, "Well take care and I wish you the best" with pretty much no acknowledgement of us ever hanging out again. Then her text response also totally glossed over the fact I kind of left the door open to want to take her out again, so it just seemed like by the end she wasn't interested, but on the other hand if it's already pretty clear I've been rejected, I really only have pride and dignity to lose by getting that confirmed to my face. Agh, this is complicated.
imss_1 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 OP I think you're right... If she was interested she would have referenced going out again in her reply. Sorry
Author Zzyxx Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 Yeah, I think you're right. Guess I'll have to write this one off
callingyouuu Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 I dunno, I personally could see her interest going either way. Only way to know for sure is to ask her on that second date. Like you said, not much you have to lose.
Larry56 Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 Maybe hit her up in 2 weeks, for now - just go out with other girls till then.
Author Zzyxx Posted February 17, 2015 Author Posted February 17, 2015 I dunno, I personally could see her interest going either way. Only way to know for sure is to ask her on that second date. Like you said, not much you have to lose. You could be right, I guess. Yeah, for me it was more the extreme change of tone in her final text and the overlooking of my mention of getting together again in it, and I didn't want to look stupid for not getting the hint the first time if I were to text her again, but like you said there's only one way to find out I suppose.
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