simon_uk Posted April 4, 2005 Posted April 4, 2005 think I have taken a step backwards and blown things. I have felt that in my particular circumstance NC was not really a great idea. Why? well she thought i was never there for her during our relationship and by NC I feel I am confirming that. Anyway sent the following SMS Me: hiya princess! hope you are ok? just wanted to say have missed talking to you! have lost my girlfriend but dont want to lose my best friend ever. I am here for you in whatever capacity you want me. x her: hello honey im ok thanks just getting over things lookin forward to my hols, hope your ok too, u havent lost me im ur friend silly xxx me: cool! bet ya cant wait! just wanted to give you space to breath and not pester you. glad youre ok sweet.xx then no reply, think I blew it with the last message and to be honest feeling like I have done more harm than good. To me that is. What do you guys think? she says in her messgae that she is getting over things so that doesnt look good! :-( Simon
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 4, 2005 Posted April 4, 2005 It depends on what you think the harm done is' - you've definitely secured yourself a place in the "friend zone" now. Is that such a bad thing? If you want to date her, it is - but if you just want to be around her in general it isn't. You'll have to understand that you are her 'friend' now. That means you won't be dating, so you'll need to put that thought away in the back of your mind and hope it goes away. She isn't going to be too pleased if you give her the impression that you are ok with 'friends' when you really aren't.
vickimonster Posted April 4, 2005 Posted April 4, 2005 Maybe she hasn't replied because there was no question to answer in your last txt? If you know what I mean, there was nothing to grasp on to and build a conversation on. The fact tahe she says she is getting over things could have meaning either way you look at it. Restart NC, and let her make the next move though. Her txt sounded friendly enough. Don't worry. You can't do anything about breaking NC so look forwards not back! V
FolderWife Posted April 4, 2005 Posted April 4, 2005 YA thought you could beat the odds, didn't you. You thought that your situation was DIFFERENT, and that no contact was the WRONG option for you. Well, you just reconfirmed what we all always tell the dumped person...no contact is the best policy. Yes, we all thought we were different. Yes, we all wanted to contact them. Yes, we all caved and did the contact thing, and turned out looking desperate and foolish, and pushed the lossed lover farther away. We learned from our mistakes...guess you must learn from yours too...since you don't LISTEN!
Author simon_uk Posted April 4, 2005 Author Posted April 4, 2005 **** **** ****! What have I done? Thanks everyone Simon
vickimonster Posted April 4, 2005 Posted April 4, 2005 yes monday coz that is the way to help some one! And they are so likely to listen to you having a go! Nice one!
BrotherAaron Posted April 4, 2005 Posted April 4, 2005 Ehh, I'm not sure I beleive that NC is "broken" over a stupid text message, or even a phone call. It's only bad when whatever you say not only angers/disgusts the ex, but also makes you feel like crap. Trust me, I see my ex daily. Sometimes I say "Hi". Sometimes I don't. And sometimes she asks me a question, and I answer in a way that screams "I dont miss you". That's the important thing - for her not to think that you are waiting for her. Even if you are, because we all know you can't help but do so, she's gotta think that you can live without her. It's best when a girl thinks that you might take her back - but she feels like she's gotta earn it, too. Supply and demand, buddy. You're not going to seem like your worth anything if she doesn't think she has to earn you. You gotta give yourself a higher "price" then that. Anyway, that text message wasn't too bad. It was obvious you cared, but you didn't sound whiney, desperate, and devastated. She didn't react negatively, either, so she didn't seem put off. Just keep contact down at a low "aquaintence" level, and you should be fine. Remember - you're always better off not initiating contact. Oh, and I can't stress enough how important it is to realize that the odds of her coming back are stacked against you. Even if you guys can work it out, you can't for as long as your sitting around waiting for her. You're setting yourself up do be a doormat! If you can cope with her absence and much later still be able to want her back (without being needy, depressed, etc.) only then is there hope that you guys can work something out. Oh, and, as for friends with her... I don't recommend it. You clearly are not OK with being just her friend. Don't believe me? Would you like to meet her boyfriend? No? Didn't think so. You're doing fine, Simon
Author simon_uk Posted April 4, 2005 Author Posted April 4, 2005 hi Aaron thanks for the response. You are a wise man. Hope I become as strong sometime soon. The only reason i am suggesting staying friendly is because this is what she suggested. I know from expereince with my last ex I tried all sorts to get er back, pleading etc and it got me nowhere. Staying just friends wont get me anywhere neither I am sure but being friendly and remaining calm is better than causing animosity and resentment I think. I doubt she would tell me of her new boyfriend if she had one from experience when I got with her she had recently split from her husband and he still doesnt know about me now, even though they talk and he has told her of his new girlfriend. She just didnt want to hurt hm. hopefully she will grant me the same respect. Thanks again Aaron. Keep up the good work and stick around to help people if you can. Simon
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