Sweeetie Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 (edited) Hello everyone I'm a 25-year old woman. I'm writing this thread to seek some help. Ever since I was born, my mother has always been wonderful and done a great deal for me, but the one need of mine that has never been met by her is emotional support. My mother was brought up in a culture where showing one's emotions was seen a sign of weakness. She was also in the army which fuelled this belief of hers even more. She has always said that showing me sympathy when I'm down about something will only "encourage me". I have never been able to talk to her about anything. I'm not a weak person at all; I was severely bullied at school and didn't have that many friends, however I had to suffer in silence for receiving only her lack of sympathy about it and condescending words when I showed emotion. Inevitably, this has all made me grow up to be a very strong woman who doesn't get upset easily. However I am only human, and there are times when we do need someone to talk to. My mother simply refuses to be an ear for me. Her response is to get angry and to blame me for bringing the problem upon myself no matter what it is; her reaction has always been this way right since when I was a little girl. Whenever I have tried to talk to her about something she's got very awkward and made an excuse to leave the room or something. Is there any way that I can deal with this? I am at a stage in my life right now where I don't have that many friends and therefore could really do with having someone to express my thoughts to. Thanks very much Edited February 15, 2015 by Sweeetie
stillafool Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Do you have many friends now that you are 25? Since your mother is not an emotionally supportive person you need to find friends who can support you emotionally. Your mother isn't going to change. 1
Sugarkane Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 I'm in exactly the same position as you. Do you have any other relatives to talk too? My own experiences of being bullied at school, the schools really don't take it very seriously. They have "rules/ regulations" about it, but that's to pretend to look good. I have today started a new therapist because my parents haven't offered support in my own difficult situation. 1
Author Sweeetie Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 @stillafool, thankfully after leaving school I made lots of friends at university. But now we're scattered all over the world. I moved to a new town some time ago to study another course and have made some great friends there but I'm moving back to my hometown in the summer. However this will fuel my motivation to meet as many people as possible and to build as big a friend network as possible wherever I am. @Sugarkane, I'm sorry to hear that. We're in the same boat. Except I don't have relatives to talk to I have an older sister who's 12 years older than me but we don't really get on, and she lives on the other side of the world with her husband. I guess that this situation is making me into a extra-sociable person who is seeking to make as many friends as possible! 1
CrystalShine2011 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Are there any other family members that could help you, perhaps sit down with your mother and explain how you feel?
anika99 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Maybe your mother thought she was helping you develop a thick skin by being tough on you. Or maybe she actually felt pain when she saw you in pain and the way she dealt with that was to make you stop showing pain. In either case she is not likely going to change so you should probably find other people to open up to, even if it has to be a paid counsellor. Everyone needs a chance to express their hurt and fears. 1
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