txus Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 In 2009, at the age of 39, I met a girl that I fell in love with and was together with her until October 2014. Her son was ten yrs old when we met. She was 39 as well. I traveled for work and my parents live four hours away and unfortunately have both had cancer so I was gone a lot. I love children but was happy with raising one quality child than having our own and giving up on her child. Although I could see her and I having a child together. Her child had a lot of emotional scarring understandably from the divorce. On the week before our third anniversary, she broke it off and said that she needed space and was suffering from depression. She was prescribed Lamictal and Ambien and also drank wine and beer on a regular basis. I drank very little as I felt that she should not be drinking and taking anti-depressants and I wanted to create an environment that would allow her to have a chance. I attempted to go to a counselor and try to work it out. She even went one time with me but it was horrible and the counselor was not good. I was willing to do my part of the work. She said that she decided she did not want to get married and that she did not want to have any more children. We did not see each other for six months. She spent the summer at the beach and only called to scream at me because a work project we were working on was not completed. I spent June – September 2011 finishing the project everyday working on it even though I was not being paid. The entire summer, she had run away to the beach and shacked up with a really bad guy. She lives off a trust fund so she does not have to work. In December 2012, she called and we had dinner on the 23rd. Needless to say, we got back together. I forgave and forgot her lapse of judgement. Things were good but although I wanted more,she told me that she could not get married as it would alter her ability to keep majority of time with her son because of divorce decree. I respected that and I respected her and her son. I got great joy out of helping her raise her son and was consistent in my treatment of him. I wanted to set an environment that he had never witnessed – one with love and affection. He and I had built up a good relationship. I knew my boundaries. In November 2013, my boss and his wife both got diagnosed with Cancer. That was a lot to deal with in addition to my parents. That made four close loved ones with serious conditions that I had to take care of and there is a lot of assets, houses, etc to oversee. I was gone a lot but I tried to be with her as much as possible. The son was very accepting of me and we went on great trips in 2013 and 2014. In August her son got his driver’s license and I warned her that things would change several months before it happened. She said he was a homebody and would continue to be around the house. That did not occur and he is gone all the time. In October 2014, I was gone for two weeks to check on parents as my dad’s leukemia was starting to worsen and I was trying to secure funding from investors. This funding would allow me to stop traveling. When I got home she said she cannot do this anymore but was happy that I was starting a new venture. She broke up. I did not hear from her until December 24th, 2014. She left VM. I returned call and left VM. She then emailed me and said it was just toohard to talk to me and it was so sad we were not together. We emailed back and forth. In January she called and said she needed help with a couple of things and well - I wanted to get all of my clothes at her house. We met on the 24th of January and talked for 4 hours. She hugged me on the way out and said “it is so sad” about twenty times. We talked for two hours on the 25th. Met again on the 26th for two hours and four hours on the 27th. All she could say was that she wish that she had known how I felt earlier and she needed someone to help her financially and she was lonely. Keep in mind, she had a busy personal life and a busy life centered around son. She also needed her space. I did whatever was on her list of things needed to be done and had paid for $15,000 yard project for her in early October as well as most things including travel and entertainment. I washed and unloaded dishwasher, took out garbage, did laundry, whatever needed to be done even though I had a separate home. She said I was the best because I was neat and tidy and did so much. I wanted to be a team. I now have much proof that she started dating someone just before she broke up with me. This guy got divorced on September 10,2014. Five children(one special needs)and 20 year marriage which was his second marriage. He is 50 and appears to be financially in a better place than I am. Well, probably about the same with all those children but has a lot of the same friend connections as she does. She and this guy are in Mexico for Valentines weekend. She continues to email me even though I asked her not to do so. If I do not respond, she sends more emails. She continues to say how sad it is that we are not together and what can she do to show me that she appreciates me for the work that I have done. Then the next email says she is moving on. I come from a family that doesn’t have divorce in it and I am close to my parents. She has been plagued with divorce and dysfunction. Her mom ran off with another man when she was little and divorced her father. Her mom only leaves house one day a week and it has to be pomp and circumstance. No grandkids have ever stayed with the grandparents. My exes dad is an alcoholic. Siblings are a mess and two on verge of divorce and mental illness schizo and visions of grandeur are high in family. When we first met, I promised myself that I would never stray and wanted us to have a future together. I was doing better and then the phone call at Christmas set me back tremendously. She is a beautiful girl on the outside but I am wondering her inside beauty. I am a giver and she says that she has never met anyone with such integrity before nor the heart. She spends a lot of money and itis never enough. I am starting to see her ex-husband’s point of view as I can see why he is so bitter. She was extremely moody and blamed it on pre-menopause. I am starting to believe that she was bi-polar instead of simply depressed and that might explain the "mania coupled with infidelity". The medicine she is on states it for bipolar but she just says she is depressed. She now tells me the breakup occurred simply because she was lonely and that I should have asked her to marry her. I think she is so confused. It makes it really tough that her child was involved and a major part of my life. I feel pretty bummed about the whole deal as I truly loved her and she told me last week that I was her biggest cheerleader. I did continuously motivate her and stepped in to help with my talents. I know it is time to move on butI am having trouble doing so. Starting over is not what I want to do but I being forced to do so. Not sure what to do at this juncture as I feel like I made a bad decision to be so vulnerable but I opened my entire heart to her.
gnick Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Sounds to me that you were to much of a doormat and that's a major cause of women losing attraction. That coupled with her unpredictable behavior led you to where you are now. Going by what you say I would get as far from this women as possible. Start dating again and look for someone who has their **** together Instead of a life long rehabilitation project 1
Hoosfoos Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Sounds to me that you were to much of a doormat and that's a major cause of women losing attraction. This dynamic makes me sick to my stomach. Do people really deliberately s#it test you just to see how much they can get away with, and then lose respect for you when don't respond vigorously enough? Makes me sick. 1
gnick Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Unfortunately it seems to be this way.if you try to do everything for them regardless of how they treat you they lose respect and you're outta there
tobrieornottobrie Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 It sounds like you are really hurting and I'm sorry to hear that, friend. Have you thought about maybe trying out some counseling or therapy as you're navigating this situation? It may be really helpful for you to have someone to talk to about all of this. I hope that it gets better for you, wishing you the best. the brie's cheese knees
Author txus Posted February 18, 2015 Author Posted February 18, 2015 I am really hurting as I cared about her and her son so much that I completely gave everything I could and was beyond patient because I wanted her to feel loved and for her son to have a loving environment. I wanted to give him a chance at what I had growing up. When children are involved, I believe you have to give more than you even think you are capable of giving. I did talk to the same counselor last week that helped me go through the breakup with her several years ago. The counselor told me that I needed to take care of myself and do the things that I needed to get over this devastating event such as eating and exercising. That was directed at the fact that I lost 24 lbs and I only weighed 205 and 6'6". She said that she would be there for me and to call her if I needed something. The problem is that her schedule is packed and getting an appointment is not easy. Several years ago she was accessible and it was easy to get appt. The wound keeps opening each time my ex emails me with some crazy email like "How can I thank you enough or in a way to let you know how I appreciate you more than you ever could possibly know?!?" She will send me an email and then if I respond, she will not respond for a week. I know that I just do not need to respond from here on out even though that is hard not to do. Thank you all for reading and commenting!
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