Gottabestrong Posted April 4, 2005 Posted April 4, 2005 Of course. The moment I decide to let it go and really walk away from it all, he starts contacting me more frequently. I have just recently decided to go NC and not try anymore to reconcile with my ex who left me 6 months ago. It just did not lead anywhere and by being in contact with him, I just kept myself from healing. So since I went NC (16 days ago) he sent me two stupid texts about football, which I easily ignored. But now he has just sent me a nice email in which he asked why I did not reply to his messages. He also said that he sent me these messages because he wanted to watch the game with me. Nowhere in these messages did it say that, and I am no mindreader. I feel so bad if I just ignore his message, but I dont want to break this run of NC I am on. Plus I believe that he just wants some reassurance that he can still get me to reply to him. And I dont want to give him the satisfaction. So I am looking for someone to tell me that it is okay to ignore his mail and that I should not care if he thinks that I am rude. I am in the process of changing my numbers and emailaddress so I wont have this problem anymore in the future, but he sneakily sent his mail to my workaddress and I can't change that.
TUDOR Posted April 4, 2005 Posted April 4, 2005 Hang in there Gottabestong! 16 days is a pretty good start! You should not feel guilty about doing what you feel is best for you! Just keep doing what you are doing and he will be behind you and in the past for good in no time. Be strong!
RecordProducer Posted April 4, 2005 Posted April 4, 2005 Send him only one reply saying: "Please don't send me anymore messages. If you do, I will delete them without reading them. Thank you." And you should really do that. That will assure him (and you) that you're mature and serious. He had his chance, he blew it. Res non verba (Deeds, not words! - Latin porverb.)
aarsky Posted April 4, 2005 Posted April 4, 2005 I wish I had the strength to stick with no contact. I keep falling back into my old habits and I know deep down it will only lead to more heartbreak. 16 days is awesome. I need to follow you and start over fresh. I try to forget her the best way I can but it is difficult at times. Yet to get to the best parts in life, I guess we must suffer through the worst. Good luck in your quest.
Marshbear Posted April 5, 2005 Posted April 5, 2005 I agre with recordproducer. The way to get through to him is to tell him you want NC with him and if he continues ( via work ) just delete them. I bet if you told them of the problem at work they would even be willing to change your work e-mail if you asked. If he continues tell him you will charge him with stalking you. This should get his attention and that you are serious. Sometimes to get over the hurt you have to be rude when someone doesn't get it. You need to think about your feelings and not his. Hang in there and he will get it and you will have your life back.
Author Gottabestrong Posted April 5, 2005 Author Posted April 5, 2005 Thanks for all your replies. So far I was able to stay strong and not reply to him. But I live in apprehension of another email or a call. I know, it would be easy to just send him a mail asking him to leave me alone. But I really dont want to do that. Today is day 17 of NC and I dont want to break it. Especially not as I promised myself that I would ignored ALL contact from him until May 4th, which would be our 3-year anniversary. Also, I believe that he is not that keen on hearing from me because he misses me, but because he wants to see if he can get me to reply. Some stupid kind of powergame that seems to be going on.
mixwell Posted April 6, 2005 Posted April 6, 2005 are you doing NC to move on or possibly to reconcile ?? If you are doing it to get back together then you should be answering his calls and what not.. but keep it funny and all that.. Maybe throw in that you have been dating.. Trust me this would get his attention. If you are trying to just move on then its good that you ignored his messages and I would do what recordproducer said by saying to not contact you anymore. NC to reconcile is basically to back off and let the other person think with a clear head and not make you seem all needy and chase after them. So I don't know what your intentions of NC are.. Take care, peace
Author Gottabestrong Posted April 6, 2005 Author Posted April 6, 2005 I am doing NC to move on. I have been answering his calls for the last 6 months and it did not lead anywhere. All it achieved was more heartache for me and no moving on. So I have decided to cut him off for good now, before I waste more time of my life on him. I decided to go NC and received his first text 2 days later. So that's what I need from you guys. To tell me that I am making the right decision. Only by cutting him out of my life completely I will be able to heal and move on. Have not replied yet and dont intent to. I hope and pray that he does not contact me again.
Author Gottabestrong Posted April 9, 2005 Author Posted April 9, 2005 Please tell me if I am doing the right thing or not. Yesterday I received an email from him in which he says goodbye. He writes that he gets the message that I dont want to talk to him anymore. He hopes he will hear from me, but if not then he wishes me all the happiness in the world. Am I doing the right thing doing NC? Problem is that I know he does not want to be my boyfriend right now. He might care about me, and want me in his life, but he does not want to share my life. But that is what I want from him. I can't be his friend, at least not right now. I know I am kinda lucky, because at least I know that he still cares about me and did not just disappear on me. He also did not force me to say goodbye but did it himself. And I also know that this would not have to end. If I would reply then he would stay in touch with me. We would talk and probably meet up sometimes. But I know there is nothing I can do or say to make him love me or want to be my boyfriend again. It is so hard. I dont want to lose him, but being his friend is tearing me up inside. It's been more than six months since the breakup, but I know that if I dont reply now, this is the real goodbye. I tell myself that he needs to be without me for real for a while, in order for him to realize what he really wants. If we stay in touch he will never feel the urge to get me back, because he has not lost me. But it is really hard to just let it go. What do you guys think? What is the right thing to do? Am I making a big mistake? Please help!
Donut Posted April 9, 2005 Posted April 9, 2005 You know it's too hard to be his friend, you are not making a mistake with NC. You have to start thinking about YOU, not him. He's trying to hold on to have you as a backup. Trying to Make you feel guilty in the process. Please, please get some space for yourself to heal properly. If he really does want to be your friend he will be there when YOU decide that you can be without wanting more. Bear in mind this isn't going to happen over night, it'll take several months at least. But then you'll be in a better perspective to decide for YOURSELF whether you want him in your life as a friend or not.
mixwell Posted April 9, 2005 Posted April 9, 2005 You just replied to me saying you are doing NC to move on but when he emails you saying goodbye for good you are second guessing your decision? Sounds like you are still confused. I know what you are saying though.. I was with my ex for 7 years and we have been broken up 5 months.. she has a b/f.. I used to contact her all the time and finally stopped.. She would then contact me about once a week.. The contact has been less and less and its been about 10 day since she called me one the phone (only because i sent her pix of my apartment) I myself am wondering if its time to just ignore her contact or answer.. i dont want to JUST be friends with her.. I want mroe and I know right now I cant have that so I am confused on what I should do IF she were to contact me again.. I think when mine does (maybe for my bday im guessing ? 30th of this month) I am thinking I might ignore her call IF she does call that is.. I dont know.. Its hard.. I know its tough for you to make a decision on whether or not to reply or not.. We are in the same boat. Honestly though I think you should just ignore his calls.. Think of it this way.. IF he wants to be your boyfriend and really misses you that much then HE will contact you again later on or email you and let you know how he is feeling. Being a guy myself, personally if I said goodbye and later on wanted to be with my ex or whatever I would be in contact with her.. I guess what Im saying is maybe you should just not reply.. I think that I might do the same the next time my ex contacts me.. IF she does that is but who knows.. Hope this helps you out !! Take care, Peace
Author Gottabestrong Posted April 9, 2005 Author Posted April 9, 2005 Thank you for your replies. I know in my head that I should not reply as it wont make any difference. But my heart hurts and I feel like he just broke up with me again last night. Does anyone think that if I asked him what he wants from me and why he is chasing me so much if he just wants friendship, this would make a difference? I am afraid that if I dont do anything, I will regret this for good.
Author Gottabestrong Posted April 13, 2005 Author Posted April 13, 2005 I broke NC. Did not want to, but felt like I had no other choice. After he sent me this email saying goodbye and that he would not contact me again, he gave me two calls. He left me a message asking me to please tell him that I am okay, as he is worried about me. I decided to answer him, because I had a feeling that he was not gonna stop until I answered him and this 'chasing' behaviour made me feel uncomfortable. It is probably complete nonsense, but I had a feeling that soon things might get ugly if I dont reply. Like he might show up at my work and make a scene. Wonder if he will leave me alone now, I really hope he does. Do you guys think I made a mistake replying?
pippen_2k Posted April 13, 2005 Posted April 13, 2005 If its caused u hurt or given you hope it was a mistake. If ur feelings havnt changed then its done no damage.
Author Gottabestrong Posted April 13, 2005 Author Posted April 13, 2005 Wow, after I sent him that mail, saying that I was okay, he replied a few minutes later. He wrote that he was glad I was doing fine, was sorry to bother me and would not do it anymore. If I wanted to chat with him in the future, I should call, text or email. Well, so I thought that was it for now. But I was wrong. Tonight my ex texted my sister! He had not ever contacted her since he broke up with me over 6 months ago. Did not even wish her a happy birthday. Well, tonight he texted her asking if I had a new boyfriend. If I do then he is very happy for me. My sister wrote back that this is none of her business and he should ask me if he wanted to know. To which he replied that I did not answer his mails or texts so he could not ask me. He also said that because I did not reply the answer could only be yes. While my sister told me about this, he texted her again saying that he just wanted to know yes or no. He wishes me love, happiness and lots of luck and he just wants to know if I have a new guy. I had asked my sister to ignore his messages but she did not want to, but at least she checked with me before she replied. Anyway, she finished saying that I was doing good and he should not worry about me. What do you guys make of his sudden interest in me and whether I have a new man or not? I think it might just be his hurt ego and him not understanding why I dont reply. I know this should not bother me, but of course it does. I want to get some peace of mind and I think I can only get that with a prolonged period of no contact (from his side). But something tells me that this is not over yet. I dont think he is just going to disappear even though he has promised me to do that twice already. Any advice on what I should do? Call him and ask what's bothering him? Or just go back to NC and hope that in time he will stop contacting me or my family?
Author Gottabestrong Posted April 15, 2005 Author Posted April 15, 2005 Me again. For some reason I am thinking a lot about him today and find it very hard to accept that we are over. None of my friends have time to do something together and so there is nothing to distract me. Already been to gym and am thinking about going to the cinema, but dont really have any money. I feel so tempted to just give him a call and ask if he wants to do something together. My head tells me not to do it, but some part of it says 'what's the harm'. Aaargh, any advice?
Conundrum Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 Gotta, If you truely want to move on, then you know NC is the way to go. I know you may miss him or the company, and I know it hurts. Just stay strong. Good luck
Author Gottabestrong Posted April 15, 2005 Author Posted April 15, 2005 I agree. NC is the way to go, but it is just so hard. I had reached day 24 of NC and because he got me to reply I am only on day 2 today. I tell myself that the first few days are always the hardest. Been reasoning a lot with myself lately. I guess it is like Kant says, one is made up of many different people. One of them knows the way to go and tries to get the others to jump on board. But there is considerable resistance among the troups. Gosh, did that even make sense? Might be losing my marbles tonight. Just need to get through the next couple of hours, then I will be better, I hope.
puresoul Posted April 15, 2005 Posted April 15, 2005 Hi! I was going through and read your message and I am also going through the same feeling as you. Although I try to control myself and be content it is very hard and easier said than done. In light of accepting reality one must accept it all. The only down fall is it is going to take time. Be confedent and at the end you will realize you have "YOU". You will only show your weakness by showing him you are in pain. Live life to its fullest. The only person that can help you is "YOU". Know that you have conrtol. There is no way around the suffering and pain but it is also the process of healing. One thing that gets me through my moments of depression is listening to music that has meaning to me. Such as Alice and Chains "Nutshell" this is a good song but again this is me. Another thing if you are in the "hurting" moment just take a deep breath and feel the achingness in your chest and just say " I am the calm center of the world".
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