absintheparadise Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 Ok - I met a girl online a few weeks ago. We first met on a Tuesday for drinks - the conversation was pretty good, and I was gearing up to give her a kiss good night, but I got the dreaded cheek...so I just lobbed her a hug. Regardless, she was pretty jazzed, and we met again that Saturday for some random shenanigans. She kept wanting to prolong the date, so it ran from 2 - 11 p.m., but there weren't at least obvious signs that she wanted to elevate the romance - a lot of the time it seemed like there was almost some intentional distance between our bodies - it's like she had an invisible force field around her. I think I touched her a few times (hand/wrist) and there was definitely no pushback, but other than lack of pulling away, no positive feedback either. I didn't even bother trying to kiss her, as my impression was that she was on the fence. There were a few texts during the week, and then she calls out of the blue to talk about random subjects, and she seemed to want to go out again, so I asked her out for another Saturday date - we had dinner at my place - I had picked out a lot of food items that she had mentioned earlier, so that seemed to go over well - it lasted from 7:30 - ~12:30. I tried to force a bit more contact than the time prior, albeit not a ton - touched hands, fingers, arm, feet, leg, etc., which seemed positive and she definitely didn't pull away, but again, other than not pulling away, nothing was ever initiated by her. Moreover, when we were sitting on my couch, instead of cozying up to me, she was essentially half laying on the couch, with her feet and legs between me and her (hence why I could touch her feet and legs), but that position would make any kind of kiss or advance a bit weird...so I didn't bother trying to grab a kiss. I'm heading out of town for a few days, so when I dropped her off, she said that we'd chat when I got back. Basically, there were never any real go signals in terms of ramping romance. Conversation was always good, she is generally receptive to texts and calls (she always responds within a reasonable amount of time), and she initiates some of those, she doesn't pull away from minor contact, but never initiates any contact and she seems to at times create some intentional spacing. I'm just curious what people think about this - I met her 3 times - once effectively for the introduction and then 2 real dates. I realize that I should likely have been a bit more aggressive in terms of contact/kissing last time I saw her. I'm wondering, is this a Friendzone scenario, is she shy, or just really wanting me to take more of a dominant lead. It's always been a good time hanging out with her, and given that she doesn't want to immediately run away, I'm guessing she's have at least a half decent time, so I'm not opposed to seeing her again, and will likely follow-up with her this week when I get back into town, but thoughts on what she may be thinking, her potential view on romance, and how to try to elevate things, or broach the subject of elevated contact if I see her again would be great.
Vintage79 Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 I'm not super versed in all of this - but I'd say you've effectively been on 2 dates. First round of drinks/coffee when meeting an online person doesn't really count as a date in my book. Is it moving a bit slow? Yes, although I think you probably can still give it another go, in particular if you enjoy each others' company. Definitely escalate more quickly if you meet her again - the fact that she doesn't seem to be pulling away is a real positive, and makes me think that she's just waiting for you to be a bit more assertive. Did you get a positive response when you touched her, or was it effectively a no response (i.e. similar it not having occurred)? I'd probably plan on putting in a good part of a day with her - escalate more quickly with contact, and try to make sure there's some hand holding within the first hour or two. After a bit of that, go for a kiss at a somewhat appropriate time about halfway through the anticipated date. I say somewhat appropriate, as truthfully, you just need to get it out there and done - ideally it would be the perfect time, but truthfully you just need to know what the deal is and you don't want to get to the end of the day and have a forced, super awkward kiss (or worse - hug/handshake/nothing). Going for a kiss is a whole lot easier to jump to if you've been holding hands, halfway through the date avoids awkwardness at the end, and truthfully it gives you a nice in to take her back to your place to escalate and push it a bit further if the response is positive. Should you have tried to escalate more last time you met? Probably - I don't think you can go through another one of those without further escalating and still plan on being a romantic target. Of course, her response will tell everything - the fact that she wanted to connect via phone when you get back is good. It would have been better to propose an actual meeting, but what's done is done...if/when you chat with her, definitely propose something pretty quick...
fluidian Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Tough one - you'll basically have your answer if/when you speak with her again. If you see her again - you better ramp it up - even if it feels strange and not quite right...it's better to give it a shot than to just sit on the sidelines. If she's been wanting it, even if it's strange, you'll likely be able to work through it. If she's been wanting it, and you don't try, it's a non-starter. If she doesn't want it - well, at least you have a clear answer. As for the, "we'll chat when you get back" thing - it could have been a simple statement, or there may have been something behind it...you'll find out when you contact her.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Hard to call this one. She might just want to take the physical side slow, or she might not be into you. If she is showing other indicators of interest where you think another date is worth it, i say go for it. But if you feel like you haven't made progress I'd say cut her loose. It sounds like she's not sure how she feels about you yet. Just be yourself and don't get too hungup on initiating touch if she isn't receptive, when/if she feels comfortable around you it will be more apparent.
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