Back off or no?

[questionsforthenouns]

Hey there, I would love some advice on a situation that I've been dealing with. Here's the story:

 

I met this girl at one of my band's shows last week. We hit it off really well and had a wonderfully awesome time. I drove her home and we made plans to go on a date later in the week. The date went great, I took her to the beach and then we went back to her place and played guitar on the floor together, and then I picked her up that night to go see a blues band play. We danced all night, kissing, then went back to her place and I slept over. No sex but really intimate cuddling and kissing.

 

So yesterday, my band played a show at her house. I was expecting the night to go somewhere along the lines of the previous night where we were really intimate, but it didn't turn out that way. We still flirted and even kissed a few times but she seemed kind of distant and bounced around the party while I was hangin out and waiting to talk to her.

 

Then I noticed she was in a serious looking conversation with my female bandmate, so after they were done I walked up to my bandmate and asked her what was up. She said that the girl I like doesn't really think that we have much in common and that I might want to back off a little bit, in a casual way (band mates words).

 

I was upset so I left the party without saying goodbye to the girl I like. What should I do now? I have to go back over there in a few hours to get our equipment, and I just don't know how to approach this situation. It's confusing because she seemed distant but at the same time she was being affectionate towards me. Any thoughts on this? Thank you so much

[morbot_k]

Sounds like this girl was hoping your bandmate would deliver the bad news to you so she could avoid doing it herself.

 

She's just not that into you. Accept it and move on.

 

As for handling the situation - there is nothing to handle. Just get your stuff. Be friendly. Be cool. Be a gentleman. Don't try to kiss her and don't return her affections. If she is affectionate with you, you can mention your conversation with your bandmate if you like but personally, I wouldn't even bother.

 

Put yourself in her shoes. You went on a date with a girl, you had a fun time, but realized you just weren't that into them and that they were really into you. But they were playing at your house, and maybe you felt a bit of mixed feeling or bad and didn't know how to deal with the situation.

[preraph]

^ I agree. But first just be sure your female bandmate isn't carrying a torch for you and was passing information to her best advantage. Because that can certainly happen. I mean, what if the bandmate actually approached her to get her to back off and then is twisting what went on. Just saying I'd have a text conversation about that with the girl you like and just say, Hey, I heard you talked to the girl in my band, and she said you're not really interested. That's fine, but I just want to make sure this is you talking and not her talking out of jealousy or something. Then pick up your stuff and go.

[questionsforthenouns]

Good advice. Thanks guys. I do know that my bandmate isn't trying to sabotage the situation. What a bummer situation though. It's so easy to conjure an image of the ideal scenario with the people you like. I guess the best way to go about things is to have low expectations

[morbot_k]

Good advice. Thanks guys. I do know that my bandmate isn't trying to sabotage the situation. What a bummer situation though. It's so easy to conjure an image of the ideal scenario with the people you like. I guess the best way to go about things is to have low expectations

 

Not low expectations - if you do that you won't ever take a chance and go for something you want. Just have no expectations. Do what you do because it makes you happy and don't worry about the result. Easier said than done of course.