VSgirl Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 I started talking to a guy online after 11pm due to being awake late. I belong to two free dating sites (due to a lack of money) and I saw him on the first one (POF) so I messaged him. The convo continued for several hours and it was mostly pg-13 flirting. I messaged him two nights later and the convo got more sexual. He has been drinking during our talks a couple of the nights and has always wanted me to come over even though I tell him I meet a guy first in daylight in public. He also asked to start texting on the phone. (To be clear, I am the farthest thing from a casual sex girl.) I kind of asked him his intent just to be clear, he said he wasn't looking for a hookup, was looking for a relationship. He said he hoped if things went well with me he could pursue a relationship with me. Yesterday I noticed when on the other dating site (okcupid) this guy's profile popped up randomly on this quick match thing where you give them a thumbs up or down so I gave him a positive rating. Today I thought he might text me during the day since we've been talking a few days now, but I didn't hear anything. However tonight I logged into my okcupid to check messages and saw a message from him. I thought it was odd since he has my number and we met on plenty of fish. He said something about "two sites?" and it led to another long convo with more flirting and the talk became more R-rated. At any rate, he made up a sensual story for me and it was sexual but also sweet.Despite all that's happened, he hasn't discussed a day, time or place to meet when we actually could which would be during the day. I kind of asked him after all of this why we only seem to talk about sex and he said because we always talk late at night. I said Thats the only time I hear from you. He seemed to get defensive to this and said he sucked and he was sorry. I just said it was ok and i just normally wasn't this forward with guys early on. He said something about he guessed he should go to bed before he got in more trouble. I said he wasn't but he didn't respond after that. I know it isn't the end of the world either way, but I'm wondering if what I said was enough to send the guy away for good. I would genuinely like to know if people here think this guy sounds like a player/or only out for sex, if I put my foot in my mouth, responded wrong to him or any thoughts on the situation. I also wondered what people thought of the texts he sent at the end where he seemed defensive. I am trying to better my dating skills while staying true to myself. Thank you!
Ninjainpajamas Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 As a woman you have to learn to trust your gut intuition...you cannot simply ask a guy to be honest and then expect him to be, IMO you're being the biggest fool if you're trying to believe what he is saying versus what your intuition is telling you....NEVER give men the benefit of the doubt, if you do that, go ahead and keep score, then you can prove to yourself how bad you're losing that game. The guy is talking to you at night, the topic is always going sexual...what does your brain tell you? this isn't that complicated. I know you want to make it complicated because you want to just believe that this is just this small flirtatious phase and the guy isn't really all about that, but there's just some excuse and maybe you're talking on night which is why he's doing it...but you need to be careful going that route with men, once you open that sexual door then they're going to walk right through it...most of them. So if you're not casual sex girl, or interested in getting into bed fast...then don't act like it or talk like it, because most of these guys are going to take that seriously. The older they are they'll play it off, but in the back of their minds they'll be thinking of sex (not that they won't be thinking of sex anyway but at least you didn't make it the main topic, it's bad enough as it is without you bringing sex up). Some people will tell you differently, but if you take my advice it's not going to steer you wrong...don't get into sexual conversation with men, and don't talk to them late at night about it if you are not casual sex girl. 2
rocketman122 Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 Hi there! As for me' date=' I am dating online on Kovla website, and I am not like this at all. I am looking for a real love there. And I hope that one day I will find it Ive been to kovla.com. Stay Away. Just crap. Married people players and people only looking for sex
SycamoreCircle Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 As an experienced online dater, I know that it is a huge mistake shifting things in a sexual direction before meeting. In fact, it is a huge mistake investing too much talk before meeting. Your purpose should be to make a connection with a person you find attractive and who seems compatible with you, determine they're not a sociopath and arrange a meet. That's it. Anything beyond that is setting yourself up for disaster. Based on what you've described about this guy, I conclude that he either has no experience dating online/never gets any dates/has to learn the hard way OR he's a selfish creep. As another poster pointed out, trust your instincts. Decide your boundaries. What makes you feel comfortable? Uncomfortable? Be confident in those boundaries; it will lead you into positive places. 1
BluEyeL Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 Yes, definitely he's just out for sex. Never ever talk about sex before meeting. Men who do that are always always out just for sex and hoping you'll fall in their bed without them having to do anything. What they say means nothing. 1
Author VSgirl Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 I think you all made some good points. Trusting my own intuition and not getting invested in someone I haven't even met definitely top that list. As for the sexual talk, I feel like I was doing it more to make conversation and keep talking to the guy with hopes of meeting him in person. I shouldn't need to do that to keep someone's interest. I had seen his questions/answers section on okcupid and most of them were similar answers to mine. On paper it seemed like we had a lot in common. Whatever the reason, this guy hasn't put forth any effort to get to know me and only seems to be after sex. At this point, he isn't worth it.
Ruby Slippers Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Any guy who even hints about sex before meeting is primarily after sex. You can find genuine guys online who are looking for something more meaningful, but they're the minority - I estimate 20% or less.
veggirl Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 you are "far from a casual sex girl" but within THREE conversations you are having "R rated" sexual talks with a stranger? Confused. 1
Author VSgirl Posted February 17, 2015 Author Posted February 17, 2015 I actually have never had casual sex. This is a situation where I went along with flirting that got out of hand in text messages and it was spoken more in the means of like a sexual fantasy. I wasn't doing anything like to act it out at home or sending any photos or anything like that. I see now that it gives a guy the wrong idea and it's something that should be saved until a relationship.
redblazerx78 Posted February 17, 2015 Posted February 17, 2015 Not all guys are like that, I for one actually want a relationship and I dont belive in playing games to get what I want. Its guys like that, that usually kills it for guys like me.
Author VSgirl Posted February 17, 2015 Author Posted February 17, 2015 Certainly there are good guys like you that are out there and are actually looking for a real relationship and that are honest. That's what I'm looking for and will keep looking for until I find it. I have a lot of respect for guys who are honest about what they are looking for. I think my key thing is to do what is best for me and not invest in guys before I know what they are looking for. Keep an open mind and heart, but wait until I get to know someone before putting so much on my interaction with them.
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