flowergirl Posted April 4, 2005 Posted April 4, 2005 Well, here's the deal: My boyfriend and I are putting our relationship on hold because he's very busy with his family obligations, which thus far, have been going on for months now. He has a sister who has bad back problems and he's helping her move to a new apartment and get settled in while she awaits her husband's arrival from their home country of Guyana. He's basically the only one who can help because he's got a car. While I understand that family comes first, and I truly respect his desire to take care of his little sister and his family, I see this situation as someone taking advantage of another's good nature, as family sometimes does. My boyfriend tells me that by the end of the year, things should settle down, and I have tried to tell him nicely that I think his sister is taking advantage of him, but he's way too nice to say no. Here's the thing: He seems to be being honest with me about this whole thing, but I wonder if it's worth me picking this relationship up again later on, as I have a sneaking suspicion that this little problem will not go away anytime soon. What say you, crowd?
blind_otter Posted April 4, 2005 Posted April 4, 2005 Americans don't understand how important family is. In my mother's culture (I am mixed) -- family comes first; I am expected to know that and deal with that. Once, I was disowned by my family for my drug problems and irresponsible behavior. A year later, my mother found out she needed major surgery and my Dad had a heart attack and a minor stroke. I was needed at home to help take care of them both after Mom's surgery. So when I was asked, I went and did what I had to do without question. If my sister ever needed anything, I would also do the same thing. If you can't handle this aspect of his personality, or his famiy's culture, I suspect that things will only go downhill....
Author flowergirl Posted April 4, 2005 Author Posted April 4, 2005 Hey, Blind Otter: I am also mixed, and understand coming from a culture where family is first, however, even if that is the case, it shouldn't give people the opportunity to use only one family member to solve all atheir problems, especially if there are other family members who can help. I have personally seen this scenarion play out, There is more to this story as well. My boyfriend and I reconciled after having been together one year, then apart for 8 years. I'm not ashamed to say I behaved somewhat badly, having hung out in my apartment with another guy (nothin' even happened, except the little s*** stole everything he could pick up.) He told his family about it, and they hate me now, so I'm a secret, so they don't know that he has another aspect of his life to tend to. That makes things even more sticky. Anyway, I don't mind that part so much, because he doesn't plan to keep me a secret for long, just until things with his family settle down, but I just worry that I'm only gonna see him once a month forever, as patient a I try to be.
Author flowergirl Posted April 5, 2005 Author Posted April 5, 2005 Well, I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday. I didn't see us having a future together because the issues are just too large to overcome, and I didn't think we were compatible. It really hurts knowing that someone I love isn't right for me. Really sucks. I've had a good cry, and now I have to learn from this.
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