Starting to actually hate my boyfriend. Worst Valentine's Day ever.

[kalika]

Long story short, we've been together for 4.5 years and he's helping me raise my 11-year old son from a prior relationship. He's never romantic or anything, in general, and I've learned from prior years to not expect anything special for Valentine's Day. However, the one thing I wanted to do is go out for dinner - the three of us. Yesterday I asked him if he wanted to go out for dinner and we should think about making reservations. He had nothing planned whatsoever.

 

This past weekend I asked him to start thinking about where he wanted to go out to eat for valentine's day. He seemed to be OK with it. This morning I woke up and him and my son had made breakfast for me. They heated up some frozen waffles, put on some strawberries and chocolate sauce and I went downstairs and ate it. Boyfriend says it was his idea and my son made everything. My son also made me a cute card, which was nice. I mention this to be fair and give my boyfriend credit for doing SOMETHING today.

 

Later on I went for a shower and my boyfriend snuck in and we made love.

 

Nothing else was planned for the day. Boyfriend gets hungry around lunch time and wants to go out for lunch, Subway or somewhere like that. I told him I would rather go out for dinner than lunch. He then tells me basically that he's not made of money and he can't afford to do lunch AND dinner.

 

Basically I blow up at him that he's the one who wanted to go out for lunch and the only freaking thing I wanted from him today was to go out for dinner. That I set the bar ESPECIALLY low this year so I won't be disappointed. Because surely, the basic freaking minimum we could do is go out for a decent dinner. He doesn't do anything nice or romantic for me throughout the year, ever.

 

I feel completely used. He basically banged me in the shower and then informs me that he won't even buy me dinner. WTF???? I've had **** buddies that will at least buy me dinner after!!!

 

My son and I ended up going out alone for lunch. I was very upset on the way there, in tears actually. I want to leave him. My son said he would be very sad if I did break up with him.

 

I can't even look at him. I don't even want him in the same room with me. He disgusts me to even look at him now. I feel so used and like I've wasted the last 4.5 years of my life on this man, dealing with his crap, his delaying getting engaged, wasting my life on him. Losing so much respect for him as he wastes more and more of my time.

 

I don't think I have a choice but to stay with him. Financially it would be extremely hard for me to leave him. My son would also suffer. My son has never had stability his whole life; this is the most stable we've ever been. I have no family here and very few friends. We left them behind to move to a new state. Part of me thinks, if I can just wait until my son is going to college, then I will sell my house here and get the hell away from him.

 

I don't know what to do any more but I honestly would leave him tonight if I could just up and walk away.

Edited February 15, 2015 by kalika

[TigerCub]

Really?

 

This guys is raising a kid that isn't his and you're gonna stick it out with him until your kid is grown and then leave and you're complaining about him?

 

He made you breakfast with your son - that's at least something!

 

Other than the sex what did you do for him?

 

I understand that you're disappointed and you wanted a nice dinner, but why did it even have to be today? It's not like it was a romantic coupley dinner - it was going to be family dinner.

 

He shouldn't have suggested lunch and then complained about how he's not made of money - knowing that you wanted to go to dinner - I do agree that it was a dick thing to do, but overall from your story, it just sounds like you're using a guy that you don't like to take you out and raise your kid with you and that you're gonna just put up with him until his daddy duties are done - and the kid isn't even his

 

So you're not sounding so awesome either.

[kalika]

Obviously it didn't start out this way, I used to love him very much. It's just 4.5 years of nonstop disappointments and dealing with all sorts of crap and drama from his end, and I've lost a lot of respect for him. I wanted to marry him and he has been dragging his feet. I'm freaking 32 years old. I'm not a child. I've been there for his highs and his lows and this is how he treats me.

 

What else am I supposed to do?? I can't leave him right now. For my son's sake I will stay with him. I would do anything for my son. I just can't figure out how to shut down that last bit of hope and expectations that he creates.

 

He doesn't even give a crap when he hurts or upsets me. He doesn't give a damn.

 

I wanted more for my life. I wanted a family. I still do. Each day that passes makes me more and more aware that I'll never have what I wanted my whole life. I think that I am blaming him for this because he never flat out told me he doesn't want to get married. He blew me off when I wanted to talk about our future. He put me off whenever he could. I should blame myself for not leaving earlier. We broke up many times but I always went back to him, because I did love him. Not any more. Now I feel nothing but hate and disgust.

Edited February 15, 2015 by kalika

[TigerCub]

Obviously it didn't start out this way, I used to love him very much. It's just 4.5 years of nonstop disappointments and dealing with all sorts of crap and drama from his end, and I've lost a lot of respect for him. I wanted to marry him and he has been dragging his feet. I'm freaking 32 years old. I'm not a child. I've been there for his highs and his lows and this is how he treats me.

 

What else am I supposed to do?? I can't leave him right now. For my son's sake I will stay with him. I would do anything for my son. I just can't figure out how to shut down that last bit of hope and expectations that he creates.

 

He doesn't even give a crap when he hurts or upsets me. He doesn't give a damn. I wanted more for my life. I wanted a family. I still do. Each day that passes makes me more and more aware that I'll never have what I wanted my whole life. I think that I am blaming him for this because he never flat out told me he doesn't want to get married. He blew me off when I wanted to talk about our future. He put me off whenever he could. I should blame myself for not leaving earlier. We broke up many times but I always went back to him, because I did love him. Not any more. Now I feel nothing but hate and disgust.

 

You sound very sad and trapped and for that I am sorry.

You say that it didn't start out that way - but you have to consider what they are like NOW.

You 2 might want different things.

You want him to marry you - but at the same time you don't like the guy anymore, so why on earth would you want to marry him?

 

I commend you for having the attitude of 'I would do anything for my son' - that's good and I get that, but you're doing it at someone's expense.

You could be doing anything for your son by leaving this guy and working hard to support the both of you.

 

I completely understand the frustration you feel for being strung along, but as you said, you should blame yourself for staying with the man that continues to disappoint you.

 

If he keeps doing what he's doing and you stay or you leave and keep going back - just imagine what you're going to feel 5,10 years from now.

 

He doesn't want the same things you want, and it really is up to you how you shape your life and that of your son's (for now).

 

I am honestly sorry that you're so sad, but the truth is, a lot of this is in your hands and you can't just use a person to raise your child and then complain about how they are disappointing you.

 

If you're unhappy and resentful that you and him don't share the same vision for the future, leave him and find that future you want.

Sure being a single mom would be a lot of work and money would be tight, but it's still doable.

 

You're still young, don't waste more years with someone you can't have the future you want with.

[LostOnes05]

Your son is 11, in a few years he wouldn't even remember this guy. Your happiness matters and if you're not happy, in the long run your son won't be. It may be difficult to be on your own, but would you rather be miserable?

[kalika]

So.. I just told him I wanted him to leave, that I'm done. He's paid his share of the bills up until the end of February.

 

He demanded that I give him 30 days' notice and said that he's not leaving sooner without a fight. He even said he'll get a lawyer and break my windows in if I try to change the locks or do anything. He also said that I haven't even begun to see what a dick he can be. He was yelling and swearing and unfortunately my son heard some of it but I made him go up to bed and tucked him in.

 

Now I'm back in my room and he's sitting in his office. I'm sure he won't leave without a huge fight and this will all happen in front of my son.

[kalika]

You want him to marry you - but at the same time you don't like the guy anymore, so why on earth would you want to marry him?

 

I don't want to anymore. I haven't in a while. I have been hoping to just - minimally - be able to continue living with him.

[Chris715]

So.. I just told him I wanted him to leave, that I'm done. He's paid his share of the bills up until the end of February.

 

He demanded that I give him 30 days' notice and said that he's not leaving sooner without a fight. He even said he'll get a lawyer and break my windows in if I try to change the locks or do anything. He also said that I haven't even begun to see what a dick he can be. He was yelling and swearing and unfortunately my son heard some of it but I made him go up to bed and tucked him in.

 

Now I'm back in my room and he's sitting in his office. I'm sure he won't leave without a huge fight and this will all happen in front of my son.

 

Judging by his reaction here you absolutely did the right thing. For one he doesn't seem to care in the slightest that you broke up with him, and two the way he's handling it shows this is the kind of ******* you don't want your son to be around.

[kalika]

Judging by his reaction here you absolutely did the right thing. For one he doesn't seem to care in the slightest that you broke up with him, and two the way he's handling it shows this is the kind of ******* you don't want your son to be around.

Agree Chris... To be fair, we've both said and done some horrible things to each other before/during fights.. I'm not completely innocent in this and in our relationship in general. And we've broken up and gotten back together many times. He even said just now, Every month it's something with me. Which is true. I haven't been happy with him in a long, long time. I just want it to be over. If things were different and we were living in my boyfriend's place and I didn't have my son, I would have packed up my stuff and left a long time ago. This is my house though, and I can't just leave.

 

When I tucked my son in bed, he said "Can you guys just stop fighting?" It makes me sick to think that a lot of this has happened in front of him.. Sometimes he'll even scream at us when we're fighting, to stop screaming and yelling.

 

I feel like the world's worst mother for not fixing this sooner. The one thing I wanted my son to have was stability and it's the one thing I've never been able to give him. The poor kid has a mother that can't seem to get her sh together.

[kalika]

He just came into the master bedroom and told me to get off his bed and that I can't use it any more. He said I can't use his pillow or blanket either. He also said I had better figure out how to buy two new beds (he bought my son's also since we threw our old ones away, the ones that were mine). I shot back with something along the lines of well, this is my house if you want to play that game..

 

and he said again that he was going to get a lawyer and he would make my life miserable.

 

My son also has school cancelled on Monday due to bad weather.. and my boyfriend usually puts him on the bus in the mornings.. and he just told me that he's not "babysitting" my son on Monday so I had better figure it out, and that he's not going to be around the rest of the week so I had better figure out how to get my son on the bus every day. I said that he's only hurting my son by doing this and he said I'd better get used to it.

 

He finally left the room.

 

The sad thing is, we've had this fight before.. why didn't I leave before?? I'm really afraid that in 6 months I'll be posting again about my boyfriend and how much I want to leave.

[kalika]

He just came back in the room and said it's a good thing he never gave me a ring. I just told him yes it is, it wouldn't have worked anyways.. and then he left again..

[kalika]

You chose a dick and are still with him 4.5 years later. stupider still you're planning on staying with this dick. stupidest of all you choose a very minor thing to be mad at, not taking you to dinner on Valentine's day, when your tone deaf to the big stuff such as him being a dick and bring a horrible role model for his behavior.

 

 

Yes it is stupid that I'm upset about this one stupid thing, dinner. But it speaks to how he treats me in general. I'm not tone deaf to the rest of it. If he was a dick 99% of the time, of course I wouldn't still be with him. The worst part is that he's not usually like this. He's usually decent to me and good with my son. Not romantic or sweet, but he tries to help out with my son and around the house. He loves my son a lot. It's just when we fight that he becomes like this. We fight about once a month or so, mostly because I'm really conflicted about staying with someone like him.

 

In fact, tomorrow he'll probably be all super sweet like normal and he'll probably even apologize. Round and round we go.

 

I would almost prefer that he was a douche all the time, because it would be much easier to leave.

[kalika]

Abusive is abusive, it isn't normal. Mental abuse is just as bad as the physical.

 

I don't know if I'd go so far as to say he's "abusive".. but he's definitely a jerk when he wants to be. I can't say I've been much better though. Just trying to be honest and not downplay my role.

[todreaminblue]

I think and feel the most romantic thing.....the most beautiful thing...the thign that you should treasure and appreciate most when you have feelings of hate towards your bf ro he messes up and forgets a special day or doesnt seem to care abotu that bar you set low apparently this year...........is remember he is helping you to raise a child that isnt his, that he is not responsible morally or ethically to look after....yet he is looking after and helping you raise a son....not only that....but your son on his request and idea made you breakfast together....offered to take you out to lunch.......gave you hot soaking wet sex in the shower that you probably enjoyed.....and after all that you wanted to be taken out dinner too even though he has told you he didnt have the money......i have to ask what you did for him for valentines day

 

 

 

how about you make a picnic dinner and have it in a park next year if you are still together raising that son of yours ...i think setting any kind of bar about valentines day.......is a recipe for disaster........i think what you did get on valentines day was very cute and sweet....should have made you smile.........deb................

[Nolan 93]

im sorry you had a bad day when is should have been a happy one. Well it's your life and it's up to you if you still want him or not even if the relationship is toxic.

 

Now it was nice of him to make you frozen waffles but, could have done a better job than that. Make you something from scratch that shows he put thought time and effort. Something that is already pre made like that doesn't count to me. Would have made waffles from scratch, prepared a fresh fruit salad, your favorite coffee, or juice. Something that requires planning and shows he thought of you and turned his thoughts into actions.

 

For the dinner part again should have had it planned out and ready to go the day of. If money is an issue, he could hustle (work more hours) more if he needs to. If a restraunt is too much maybe a nice candle light dinner at home, special homemade food from scratch wine or beer, a killer dessert. All three of you can play a favorite board game and be a family. There is always an excuse, but the right man, will always find or at least try to make things happen.

 

Yes it takes a lot for another person to take care of a child that is not there own. But then again any man in the right mindset should know you are a package you come with yourself and a kid.

 

You can find a better man, if he really has to say this is mine and that is mine and you have to get your own. That's really sad, he'll even after me and my ex broke up anything I bought her she can keep it, I bought it for you not for me. Kind of defeats the purpouse you know?

 

Well what I'm saying is find a man who knows your worth! That right man will make effort and keep you, not push you away and hurt you.

 

Sorry you had a bad day, but remember there a lot of us with broken hearts on here who wish we had some sort of valentine today.

 

Take care!!!!

[guest569]

This has nothing to do with valentines day or what he did and didn't buy you.. I can see that now from subsequent posts it runs much deeper . if it is your house, he has to leave. He is threatening you with violence (smashing your windows) and has a bad temper, and I am leaning towards the "abusive" term too.

[maysj18]

Check your states laws, because many states define a tenant as anyone paying to live somewhere. That means they are protected under the law and you will have to evict him through proper means. Seriously. You can't just change the locks or you could be arrested.

[bathtub-row]

I agree that the initial reason for getting angry with him was not enough of a big deal to leave someone over but it's obvious that there are a lot of other underlying issues and you've reached a breaking point. Again.

 

When you ditch this guy, it would be best for you to sell your house and move back to where your family is, where you will have support and won't be isolated. Since you'd do anything for your son, then you wouldn't even consider going back to this nut-job. This insane, volatile relationship is giving nothing to your son that's healthy and you need to take some responsibility for that and stop repeating the cycle.

 

You should not have involved your son into this discussion in the first place and being an emotional basket case in front of him was not a great move. Your son is your son, not your buddy or confidant. Except for really exceptional situations, a child should never see their parent freak out or lose it in any way. When you get emotional and cry in front of your child, you're in essence stealing his childhood by forcing him to deal with adult problems and losing confidence in you as a parent. And, btw, there's nothing stable about moving in with someone that you consistenly argue with and aren't even married to.

 

The best thing you can do at this point is move back to your family and, when you date again, don't introduce anyone to your son until you know he's a stable guy, that it's an easy-going relationship, and you're both serious about one another. And don't even think about moving in with someone unless you're married to him.

 

The truth is, your son will remember this current bf of yours and he'll remember every person you allow into his life. Single parents need to understand the seriousness of who they bring into their kids' lives and, when you realize you made a mistake, fix it.

 

I understand that it may be financially difficult on your own but you're going to need to develop a lifestyle that you can afford. If you can't afford your house, then talk to a realtor and your lender about doing a short sale. This is a drastic step and it will negatively impact your credit so I would only recommend it under the most drastic circumstances. But you need to do whatever it takes to lessen the financial burdens you have so that you don't need to depend on anyone else.

Edited February 15, 2015 by bathtub-row

[bathtub-row]

Check your states laws, because many states define a tenant as anyone paying to live somewhere. That means they are protected under the law and you will have to evict him through proper means. Seriously. You can't just change the locks or you could be arrested.

 

Unless he signed a lease agreement with her, I doubt that he would be considered a tenant. OP, a lot of attorneys give free consultations so check with one that does if you're not sure what the laws are in your state. As far as I can tell, it's your home and he doesn't have a leg to stand on. But you should probably verify that.

Edited February 15, 2015 by bathtub-row

[EgoJoe]

Hurt people; hurt people.

 

 

My observation based off of your posts is that both of you overreacted and have been childish.

 

 

I recommend that you seek solace in the space between the catalyst and your response, if one is required.

 

 

 

 

I would also like to point out that you wouldn't be upset that he underachieved today if you didn't care. Valentine's day is not a second mother's day or a woman's day. It is in my opinion supposed to be a mutual expression of love.

 

 

 

 

I don't think you ought to be too hard on yourself though I do think you could own more of your behavior.

[dreamingoftigers]

Time to read "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" from cover to cover. If you don't think this relationship is abusive, you are quite wrong.

 

And yes, you will have this fight again.

[regine_phalange]

Well as you said there were other problems and this was only an excuse to blow up. You are your son's parent, if you are not happy then he wont be happy either. This guy is just some male figure who can;t handle conflict and crisis, so not really a good one. His reaction was petty. You and your son have nothing to lose if you leave, really. Good luck. Stay united with the son and explain everything to him, he's old enough to understand.

[Winterina]

Do you have brothers, male friends, or anyone who would help you out to kick him out of the house?

If you do, pack his **** up, everything he bought and when he comes from work there will be truck waiting for him in front of the house with his stuff and locks will be changed.

Have someone with you, a few guys, who will be in front making sure he does not break the windows. If he breaks your windows then call the police. They will not look at him in any other way but as common hooligan and violent guy. If state laws say something about his tenant status and that he cannot be kick out, say that you are afraid to stay with him and that he is traumatising your son and you. This will be a special circumstance as every law has its exception. Nobody can expect to live with someone who is making their life and the life of their young son in their own house a living in hell.

He cannot do much with a lawyer. It takes money, time, and energy to fight this by legal means. Those are empty threats. It would cost so much more than just renting a place somewhere temporarily until he finds something more permanent.

His threats are weak.

Breaking the windows means he will have to pay for them and will end up with criminal record.

Hiring a lawyer... how much money does he have if he cannot pay you a dinner.

So protect yourself by bringing someone to protect you and kick him out. He will cool off.

[Ninjainpajamas]

I appreciate your expression in this post and I think it's good for you to finally get it all out on the table, even if it's on a random online forum...it takes putting your feelings out there from your mind and heart on paper (virtual even) as a way of just finally admitting and accepting that you can't change things nor any longer tolerate the situation.

 

However kalika (or whatever your name is) you don't seem like the easiest person to get along with either. And although you are placing a lot of blame on your partner, it is only because they did not live up to and meet your expectations and it was your decision to look past those things and spend 4.5 years of your life with this person and you know that...so although you are taking out your anger and disappointment on him, you need to be more mature than that and take responsibility for the fact that you made that decision and hold half of the responsibility.

 

I know it's easier to lash out on someone else rather than yourself, because I'm sure you already feel upset and feeling foolish and disappointed with yourself but this is not the right way to channel that disappointment, you are only going to say and do things you might regret and furthermore create a dysfunctional and volatile dynamic for your child to see and experience when a child is unable to understand many of these things going on and is likely to internalize them in some misinterpreted way.

 

You need to think about the consequences of your decisions and try to maintain composure for the sake of your child, if not for yourself and the lack of respect for this other man.

 

.......

 

I see a lot of women in your position...whom are either single mothers or just single themselves with grown-up children, get into relationships with certain men and claim that it's because they want that settled down "family" environment...a home, a safe and stable environment for their children and themselves to live in/visit, spend those blissful family holidays together and all that jazz....unfortunately however this idealistic fantasy in their heads usually comes at a great sacrifice, not really taking into account the type of men they are getting into relationships with, who only become little "projects" for these women to repair and kind of chase that carrot on a stick to creating that "perfect life".

 

Many women just don't seem to understand that they cannot change men and/or manipulate the world around them with "love" or good "intentions"....emotions that often lead them blindly and stubbornly forward as they try to carve that "ideal" into an not so ideal relationship or situation or circumstance...it's bullheaded and often ends in great disappointment and internal unhappiness.

 

But just like there are certain things about yourself that you cannot change or will not change, that make you a difficult person or partner to deal with....it's the same way with men. Why do you think you can change certain things about men when you cannot change certain things about yourself? Like most women, I'm sure you say you just want a man "that accepts you for who you are" but what women seem to often forget is that it works both ways, unfortunately YOU have to do the same thing...you have to give what you expect and if you cannot give it because the person doesn't deserve it or doesn't reciprocate, then you are obviously with the wrong person.

 

But no, it has to be much much more difficult than that.

 

But unfortunately whether people accept it or not (which I'll go with most will not) that's what relationships are IMO really about...it's actually being able to accept the other person for who they are, the way they are. You cannot simply say or think "If I could fix this, change that, then it would be PERFECT"...yet that's the mentality I see almost every woman go into relationships thinking. And there is obviously something that drives women to change/fix/save other men, and I think it has something to do with their inability to do it for themselves...after all, it's easier to work on someones else than change yourself and your own issues...it's easier to put the focus and spotlight on someone else instead of looking in the mirror.

 

It's also to try and fix all those things in your life by expecting to find a partner that can do it. This person almost turns into "god" where you are religious about this thing being able to just magically flip a switch and change everything in your life from wrong to right...even though you're the one making all the decisions.

 

Of course people always claim not to be "perfect"...but really, how far beyond that does it go into actual change or improvement? it's almost just like a statement to convince yourself that you're not absolutely crazy...but it's not like you'll ever take responsibility for your own issues like you will for changing someone else's issues...that you might see as issues btw but the other person just feels that's who they are...and honestly it's likely that they will never change, with or without you nor will you.

 

I realize that for many women "acceptance" is one of the hardest things to do, acceptance of themselves, acceptance of their decisions and SO's...because once they accept the reality; after endless frustration, loss of all their patience, giving up on their expectations and dreams by doing completely redundant but ineffective things....then and only then can they move on and finally say it's over, the "fight" is done, now it's time to actually go down that road of change.

 

And that's why it's such a hard transition for women, it's always easier to stay on the road you're on then start down another, and once you they do, they know there's no way going back. However for men, it's always hanging on the edge of a line...with one foot and one side and one foot on the other, not being able to choose a road and that often never changes for men until they figure out on their own what they really want....because men need to be self-motivated and want to do it for themselves, they cannot be forced into feeling a certain way...only forced and convinced to do something on the surface by pressure and guilt and whatever else, but then you'll wonder why things haven't changed for him deep down.

 

Plenty of women use plenty of tricks get men into situations or to do things the they want men or their man to do, that for the men they don't want to do, but get coerced through pressure or push and pull games/ultimatums and a blackmail of emotions/passive aggressiveness. But that man will still not be there internally, which is a sad thing to me about women...they care more about what something looks like than what is deep down underneath and how that man really feels and would choose on his own...with zero pressure, because to me that is the only thing that is truly genuine.

 

I hope you can act like a grown-up and start making grown-up and responsible decisions now that you are in your 30's...by now you should have had plenty of lessons and experiences to start putting these things into effective tools to start independently making better decisions for yourself, instead of blaming someone outside of yourself for making the wrong decisions.

 

You are the adult here, you are your own woman and person...you also are a mother and responsible for a child, you bear the burden and responsibility of being the wiser person, your child does not know what decisions are best for him or you, that is up to you to make those decisions. It's a lot for a person, you are still young, but you with a child you are fast-forwarded into a level of maturity that maybe you cannot wield (which unfortunately very few people are).

 

You know that you cannot be happy in this relationship with this man, you need to make the hard decisions and the sacrifices. Stop using your son as an excuse to continue this situation, don't use that as a reason to be and stay in an unhappy and unsatisfying relationship, you need to be responsible for yourself. What your son needs more than anything is his mother, he doesn't need you to stay in a situation for the sake of him, I've seen plenty of screwed up kids come out of situations like that due to fighting and instability, unhappiness within that relationship...it's ineffective and many times even more psychological damaging and leaves an even more screwed up imprint on the child's mind than if you just set up a stable and healthy relationship somewhere that's affordable for just you and him...at least you are in control and if that situation isn't stable then you've got no one else but to blame but yourself.

 

Once you meet a man and then after a long course of time are good together and compatible and think it'll be an improvement not because of silly emotions but actually a balanced out perspective, then you can move forward and try to have that white-picket fence perfect life...because honestly until then, I see you doing what a lot of women doing and that's forcing situations into stability mode when they should have never become serious relationships...they should have just stayed at the whirlwind romance mode and then you should have went on with your lives instead of screwing up each others lives over it.

[ascendotum]

Judging by his reaction here you absolutely did the right thing. For one he doesn't seem to care in the slightest that you broke up with him, and two the way he's handling it shows this is the kind of ******* you don't want your son to be around.

 

Prior to the big fight her originally wanting to Keep this guy on and use him to help her by financially and give her son a father figure, then dump him when she can ger by without doesn't paint her well. Neither does getting pissed off over not getting a dinner and putting an extra expectation on her bf just because she treated him to some sex.