lv728n Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 I recently met up with a woman I met online. She's 8 years older than me. I personally don't care. She's attractive and intelligent. Over our first lunch together, she just talked and bragged about herself almost the entire time. Never asked about me/my life and seemed pretty distant. I found that very off putting and don't think I hid that feeling very well (that she was a blowhard, I could care less that she didn't ask about me personally). She even admitted to me on our meeting she is a controlling individual, doesn't trust anything, and takes her work problems home with her. What? Who says that on a first date? However, I have heard first dates after "meeting" online can be awkward, and this was my very first one. I decided I'd give her another chance. We left it with a handshake. She said to let me know when I'll be available to meet next. I thought she was just being nice after a not-so-great first "date" (if you can call it that). After calling/texting/e-mailing one another (during which time she took a VERY long time to call back or text back, if she even did - rude), we agreed to meet again. We met. She was definitely not bragging about anything and even tried to downplay her work's importance this time around (got my message, I guess?). However, once again, she barely asked any questions and instead did most of the talking after I asked things. After saying goodbye, I leaned in, and got the cheek. I didn't care that much and so didn't react at all. We agreed to meet again in a few days. I don't know what/why but something is making me want to figure out if she's just playing an ass for some reason or actually is an ass, hence the continued self-imposed torture. Am I hoping for too much to find a golden nugget amidst the coolness? I know full well great dates means a lot of two way conversation, lots of positive vibes, and no games during and after. Maybe she's just concerned about the age difference? Or is she simply not interested in anything romantic and that's it? I'm about to give up, should I?
Gloria25 Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 I think she's looking for a "pet" - not an equal...IMO, that happens when someone seeks someone significantly younger than them. I mean, the first date and she didn't care to ask about you? Well, there you go, the RL "will" be about her and what she wants. Same goes for guys who date significantly younger chicks. They want someone impressionable that they are superior to most of the time. They could care less about what interests, X, Y or C that chick has going on.
Emilia Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 OP, did you try to talk about yourself without her prompting you? Maybe she is used to that back-and-forth dynamic where people converse about various subjects without specific questions. 1
Popsicle Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 Please explain why YOU are interested in older women. I truly don't get this, and it happens to me a lot. She may be suspicious too until you can provide answers to that. Why not date women your own age?
wb1988 Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 She's dating you hoping that she'll be able to control the relationship and control you. F that brah 1
stillafool Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 Please explain why YOU are interested in older women. I truly don't get this, and it happens to me a lot. She may be suspicious too until you can provide answers to that. Why not date women your own age? I'm curious to. There's alot of this going around. Guys 20 years younger than me are starting to hit on me, what is going on? Of course I'm married and have no interest but why would a guy want to bang an old broad? However, I don't think 8 years is that much.
Maleficent Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 Wow. A lot of stereotyping considering all we know about this woman is that she is 8 years older... First, 20/28 is going to be a lot more obvious of an age difference than 25/33 or 39/38... So which is it? Maybe she was just nervous and wanted to avoid weird silences at all costs so she just kept rambling. That happened to me once on a skype date... If you're not attracted to her, fine - stop seeing her but otherwise I think you are reading too much into things considering you've had only two 'dates' with her....
Author lv728n Posted February 15, 2015 Author Posted February 15, 2015 Thank you everyone for the responses. They're very interesting. It's a 26/34 age dynamic. I'm not particularly interested in dating older women per se. I am interested in dating intelligent and attractive women (which man with half a brain isn't?). I don't care if they are "much" older or younger than me or somewhere in between. Age for me is just a number and that's it. No, I didn't try to talk about myself without prompting. I see that as being rude and arrogant. But maybe that's my culture and how I was raised. As a result, I stay quiet until asked and even then tend to keep my answers limited to avoid seeming arrogant about my accomplishments in life. But you're right she could be used to things the other way around, having people talk without prompting, and that's why I see her as the arrogant/rude one. She's very smart. I really like that. I have a very strong suspicion that she googled me prior to our first date and saw the many educational/career accomplishments I had achieved on LinkedIn (this is the only place I "brag" fully about myself for career purposes). Maybe she was intimated and thought she had to match me or else I wouldn't like her and that's why she rambled on about how great she is? Maybe that's also why she didn't ask much, she already knew? I think I also know my problem. I'm very old school romantic and treat the women I like very well. I believe every woman is beautiful inside and out and as a man, if you persist hard enough, you'll find that nugget inside her that can blossom into much more. But I'm also at an age where I'm beginning to think maybe my old school romantic ways are just stupid and I should be just as cold in my decision making process as I see many people are. And that saddens me. Relationships for me are fun because of the many creative ways I get to make my women happy. I give a lot in my relationships to the women I date but I also expect as much in return or else I logically burn out. It looks like with her that may not be the case...I probably will never get as much in return as I give.
Popsicle Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 Oh, come on, relax. People are nervous and awkward when getting to know each other. She probably had some thoughts of herown on how weird you acted as well. Be patient. Unless, of course, you really aren't attracted to her anyway (which is what I suspect).
spiderowl Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 Her age seems irrelevant as this is about relating. Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't listen? It sounds like you are saying she might be doing that because she's nervous or something, but does it matter? She's not showing much interest in you as a person. She's told you what she's like. When people say things, listen. Often the throwaway comments are the ones that are significant. She has said she is dominating. Is that what you want? That's almost certainly how she would be throughout the relationship.
Author lv728n Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 Oh, come on, relax. People are nervous and awkward when getting to know each other. She probably had some thoughts of herown on how weird you acted as well. I will not deny that...but don't you think that if a person has interest they would show it by asking about you, giving compliments, etc...?
Buddhist Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Okay, I'll bite since there are many topics of conversation in this thread. Why date an older woman? Why not? My last bf was 27 I was 39, end of story. No I didn't pick him up in a bar in a desperate attempt to boost my ego, midlife crisis or whatever other stereotype you want to attach to it. It was a relationship that spontaneously happened in much the same manner as every other relationship. Mutual attraction, interests and of course chemistry. We met at work. He didn't become my pet, love slave or any other such thing, he was my partner. Back to the OP. I think if her opening comments are giving you pause then heed them. Often people tell you exactly who they are but we choose not to listen. The fact you're even posting about it is a good indication of where you at. Sometimes things look good on the surface but further investigation reveals them to not be so. If you are still on the fence take one more stab at meeting up. If by the end of that date there still isn't any feeling of connection beyond purely sexual, give it up.
stillafool Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Why date an older woman? Why not? My last bf was 27 I was 39, end of story. No I didn't pick him up in a bar in a desperate attempt to boost my ego, midlife crisis or whatever other stereotype you want to attach to it. It was a relationship that spontaneously happened in much the same manner as every other relationship. Mutual attraction, interests and of course chemistry. We met at work. He didn't become my pet, love slave or any other such thing, he was my partner. . Good for you. I think Popsicle and I were more interested in why men date older women but I'm glad it's working good for you.
thecrucible Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 I do that on dates when I'm really nervous as I hate silences . I end up rambling too much. She could be arrogant, but she could be nervous. She could be locked in a mindset where she's more trying to impress you than to just enjoy the date and give out positive energy. Do you know what I mean? What does her behaviour indicate? Or it could be that she doesn't feel you...I don't know if it's just me but I always end up acting more dominant around guys I'm not as attracted to. I don't know what it is. :/
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 I am currently dating a guy that's 8 years younger than me...he is very mature so the age doesn't bother me. I bet it doesn't bother her either.
Popsicle Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 (edited) I will not deny that...but don't you think that if a person has interest they would show it by asking about you, giving compliments, etc...? They should, but please know that many men expect the woman to do all the talking. There are many men who, quite frankly, don't care what you're saying, as long as you're talking. They think women build connection by talking. Maybe that's been her experience too. Edited February 16, 2015 by Popsicle
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 I'd abandon hope at the point where I get a handshake and not at least a hug or something... 1
Author lv728n Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 I'd abandon hope at the point where I get a handshake and not at least a hug or something... :-) The handshake was my idea on the first "date" only because I just wasn't feeling "it" right there and then... But the cheek on the second one was definitely hers :-)
Author lv728n Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 Ok...so it boils down to this, and I welcome all insights: 1. Stop all contact. Wait to see if she even bothers to initiate a date within a week. If she doesn't, I have my answer. 2. Call her and ask her directly about where this is going. Which one is best? Honestly, I don't care either way.
Buddhist Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 I vote option 1. There's very little justification for the confrontation of option 2, you have hung out twice, not much to ask any explanation over. If she's interested she'll have to follow up.
Maleficent Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Option 3: take a chill pill and enjoy hanging out with a smart woman. See if ahe wines down and shows more interest in you. Try to join in the conversation. 1 is passive aggressive and immature. 2 is needy.
Author lv728n Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 Option 3: take a chill pill and enjoy hanging out with a smart woman. See if ahe wines down and shows more interest in you. Try to join in the conversation. 1 is passive aggressive and immature. 2 is needy. Seriously? I have never had a meeting/relationship/dating go from cold to hot in my life. When does that ever happen?
Maleficent Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 Seriously? I have never had a meeting/relationship/dating go from cold to hot in my life. When does that ever happen? Yes, seriously. Or option 4 tell her it's not working out and wish her luck. But both your options 1 and 2 are immature. Are you interested in her or not?
Author lv728n Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 I'm interested in her because I believe she can be more than what she portrays herself to be. However, if I misjudged her and she simply *is* the way that she has been acting up until now, then no, I'm not interested.
Eternal Sunshine Posted February 16, 2015 Posted February 16, 2015 You are way over-thinking - just hang out and have fun. When not on a date do other stuff, stop obsessing over how much/who talks and similar BS. You are not marrying her. Relax. 2
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