singlelife Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 I had this discussion with a lot of different men and women. They all said that when a woman has a kid out of wed lock in modern times it is a clear cut sign they have no control and no morals. Because women today have control over themselves and can only get pregnant if they want to or if they just don't take the necessary precautions. Which means they aren't worth two cents if they don't. Just sharing and starting the discussion. Thanks for your posts in advance. 1
TigerCub Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 Maybe those single mothers were with a man that they thought they could count on and the man turned out to be a deadbeat that bailed after the kids were conceived. Or maybe some women wanted to be mothers badly enough, but couldn't find a compatible man and opted to go to a sperm bank. In those 2 examples, these women don't sound worthless or irresponsible to me. They are just women that weren't lucky enough to find a good guy to complete the "ideal" image of what a mother should be in the eyes of some judgmental people. What are your thoughts on it? 3
xraychick01 Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 Wow, really? Birth control is not 100% and also...it takes two to tango so to speak. 2
TigerCub Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 Wanted to edit my post to add the following (but it was too late) Edit: And as far as taking the necessary precautions, yeah that's definitely important - no arguments over here - but it's not just on the woman. What if some man lied and said he had a vasectomy? Or what if the woman was on birth control and still got pregnant? Point is these things can happen. If the woman is known to be a skank that's open for business 24/7 without any "precautions" then I'd be more concerned about disease if I were you.
A O Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 I had this discussion with a lot of different men and women. They all said that when a woman has a kid out of wed lock in modern times it is a clear cut sign they have no control and no morals. Because women today have control over themselves and can only get pregnant if they want to or if they just don't take the necessary precautions. Which means they aren't worth two cents if they don't. Just sharing and starting the discussion. Thanks for your posts in advance. The only clear cut sign here is that nothing is certain which means no one can discount these claims but you can't discount any other also. Thus, you're back to square one. Thinking that someone isn't worth a dime as a result of these claims, however, speaks more about the person or people voicing them. I reckon that any mother and any woman would do well to steer clear of people drawing such conclusions. 2
insert_name Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 I personally wouldnt get involved with a single mother- there are enough horror stories out there and I myself have my own horror story after seeing one for a few weeks so no, not for me- but each to their own on that one, I am sure there are some that are perfectly dateable if you can find them! As for the morality of it I think it becomes more understandable depending on the age of the woman. Ive seen so many relationships where the two people brought out the worst in each other yet couldnt see it themselves and then get the old accidental pregnancy in their early 20s. Neither of them are responsible enough to have children and they split up shortly after the child is conceived or born. What I am trying to say is that there is certainly not enough consideration given to having kids when young. Its a big life changing decision and its treated like buying a goldfish. At least if you wait to have kids it suggests that you are more concerned with getting your life sorted first and entering a stage of maturity in which to bring a child into the world. Im not sure you are best placed to decide whether to have a child in your late teens or early 20s.
h0000 Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 for me both single mum and dad is a red flag. not to say they necessarily have a moral problem..but it's a baggage i wouldn't want to take in my relationship.
Dallers Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 It's a sad time we live in. But for me although I do not see anything wrong with a single mother especially as my best friend in the entire world is one it does not interest me. I have worked very hard to get to where I am and I would like to have a child of my own one day and I just cannot see my self looking after someone elses child while the ex is still most likely still on the scene. It opens yourself up to baggage and being involved with two people who are always connected by the child and you will have to accept another man/woman entering your relationship. I will never say never but I do not put the same effort into getting with someone that has a child the same as I wouldn't if you smoked 40 a day. 1
Els Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 They all said that when a woman has a kid out of wed lock in modern times it is a clear cut sign they have no control and no morals. Because women today have control over themselves and can only get pregnant if they want to or if they just don't take the necessary precautions. Birth control isn't 100%. Every time you have intercourse outside of marriage, you risk 'having a kid out of wedlock', too. So I guess the question is, are you planning to abstain from intercourse before marriage? That's the only circumstance in which your judgment of these women could be anywhere near understandable (and even then IMO it's still silly, albeit understandable). Not wanting to date a person with kids is totally fine and a completely different story from making judgments about their 'morals'. 1
BluEyeL Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 I am single mother, I am divorced, I was married 14 years. I didn't have a lot of trouble dating but I do know that a lot of men don't want to date a single mom. It is more complicated indeed. At my age though (43), it's hard to find women with no children so unless they can find younger women, some men still go for someone with a child. My boyfriend told me that he wouldn't have dated me if I had two children though, he thought that would have been too much.
Timshel Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 Assumptions. What they say about assumptions are true. As though every single mother has exactly the same story: Cookie-cutter whore who can't keep a man and tries to trap them with a child. Welfare, uneducated trailer trash who will soon make an appearance on Jerry Springer to determine the "baby daddy." Hogwash and ignorant. Don't date a single parent, this is your choice. Make statements about the morality and character of all single parents, put them in the trash bin and hold them in low regard as losers of low character; shame on you. This personally is very offensive to me. You have no idea the broad spectrum of circumstances that a person could find themselves a single parent. I personally know a very successful and well-educated woman, never married, who adopted her best friend's children after their parents were killed in a car crash. Now, would you know that if you never talked to her? Nope, you and people like you would blindly disregard this honorable woman a whore. I, for one, am a widow. i have no interest in dating someone like you, don't worry about it or lose any sleep over it. People of character will not be knocking down your door to "trap" you. Date who you want. You will find that single parents have choices also. Leave the stupid assumptions out of the equation. 2
Snaggletooth Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 I had this discussion with a lot of different men and women. They all said that when a woman has a kid out of wed lock in modern times it is a clear cut sign they have no control and no morals. Because women today have control over themselves and can only get pregnant if they want to or if they just don't take the necessary precautions. Which means they aren't worth two cents if they don't. Just sharing and starting the discussion. Thanks for your posts in advance. No, single mums are not a no no. Many trusted the father completely and then got screwed over. Getting involved with one can maybe be the most daunting thing for a responsible, sensible single man but if the woman is a great mum it makes all the difference. I once got involved with a woman who had two kids. I was cautious at first, for their sake rather than mine, not wanting to commit to anything without being sure I could later meet words with action, wanting to ensure I wouldn't flake or run when push came to shove, always aware of allowing or encouraging someone to become attached if I had any doubts of my ability to follow through. One of the things that finally made me fall for her was seeing what an amazing mother she was. Can't have love without respect and there is not much that can be respected more than a single Mum making a brilliant job of it. 2
Snow_Queen Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 Every situation is different but some of us single moms are divorced after being in relationships that turned toxic. Some are divorced for other reasons while some single moms have never been married. We all don't fit the same mold and have different backgrounds. You simply can't judge anyone if you do not take the time to get to know them. Many other single moms I've known were responsible, respectable people regardless of why they were single moms. I never had any problems when dating. There are some men who don't want kids who probably wouldn't date me but I understand that. However, if someone had the idea that single moms aren't worth it, that is their issue...not mine. I already know that I am worthy of a loving companion. 1
runredlights Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 Your statement is blanketed for sure, but for a good reason. I am working at a call center for the time being until I start my full time big boy job next week. We only have about 60 people on staff, but this job seems to attract many of these women I think that you're referring to. I work with alot of enormous, POF type women. They have tattoos on their boobs, more than half are addicted to cigs, and most of them have children and are divorced. Some think they're hot stuff when they could afford to lose a good 50-70 pounds and still think they have the ass they had when they were 20. Red flags everywhere and I cannot imagine why a man wouldn't want to be with these middle aged ladies making 9 bucks an hour with so much freaking baggage. These ladies are damaged goods. 2
wb1988 Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 (edited) Too many people want to do what they want and suffer no repercussions. If you're a single mom then expect to be considered the bottom of the totem pole. POF is littered with them for a reason. I'd rather romantically date a girl with a prosthetic leg than a single mom, singles moms are strictly ONS material. Also what are single moms expecting? You expect a guy to raise a kid that isn't his (that is SUCH A BIG DEAL!!!), accept that the kid will always be a far first before him, consider that any work he puts towards the kid isn't going to be considered work towards the mom and also accept that there will always be another guy (the baby's daddy) in the picture? Why would any self-respecting guy date a single mom when there are so many wonderful truly-single women out there with no bags and strings? Edited February 15, 2015 by wb1988 5
insert_name Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 Your statement is blanketed for sure, but for a good reason. I am working at a call center for the time being until I start my full time big boy job next week. We only have about 60 people on staff, but this job seems to attract many of these women I think that you're referring to. I work with alot of enormous, POF type women. They have tattoos on their boobs, more than half are addicted to cigs, and most of them have children and are divorced. Some think they're hot stuff when they could afford to lose a good 50-70 pounds and still think they have the ass they had when they were 20. Red flags everywhere and I cannot imagine why a man wouldn't want to be with these middle aged ladies making 9 bucks an hour with so much freaking baggage. These ladies are damaged goods. This is my experience, for the most part. Obviously they give single mothers as a whole a bad name, but I find (in my area at least) that these women make up the bulk of the single mothers that you see on OLD and tinder. Their attitude is toxic. So combative and aggressive from the off about where you would be in their list of priorities, its like they were actually trying to scare men off than try and market themselves as a dateable person. Each to their own, but I want to have a relationship on an equal footing with the other person and not start on the basis that I am not as important in her affections as her kids (which is understandable, just thats not a deal I want to get involved in). I also really dont see myself as the kind of person who wants to raise another man's child. That would bother me. 1
Diezel Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 My reason for not dating a single mom has nothing to do with their "morals" or "boundaries". I know PLENTY of women that are GREAT people but I'd just never date them because I'd already be #2 on the priority list. I want to be able to go out with someone at the drop of the dime and not scrounge around for a babysitter. I don't want to deal with her ex as a father and all the additional drama. I want to start a family of my own, from scratch and not be tethered to another family. There's more reasons. And are they all selfish? Yes. Of course. But they are MY reasons and it has nothing to do with them as people and their life choices other than that one. Are they a no no to everyone? Of course not, but I've never encouraged any of my friends to do so, but it's always because I project my feelings about it onto them. Relationships on their own are hard, but to add extra elements of drama into it, whether it be kids or ex-spouses, is just something I'd rather avoid from the beginning. 1
runredlights Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 This is my experience, for the most part. Obviously they give single mothers as a whole a bad name, but I find (in my area at least) that these women make up the bulk of the single mothers that you see on OLD and tinder. Their attitude is toxic. So combative and aggressive from the off about where you would be in their list of priorities, its like they were actually trying to scare men off than try and market themselves as a dateable person. Each to their own, but I want to have a relationship on an equal footing with the other person and not start on the basis that I am not as important in her affections as her kids (which is understandable, just thats not a deal I want to get involved in). I also really dont see myself as the kind of person who wants to raise another man's child. That would bother me. Right. I'm sure there really can be a hand full of good single mothers out there for whatever the circumstances may be, but Iv seen what the work force is like and what the women in my area are like in particular. So glad I went to school. Like the guy above was saying about said about being at the bottom of the barrel: Exactly. Why? Why bother when you could easily find a good woman without the baggage of children? I just have to wonder how badly these women screwed up in life to be making a fraction above the minimum wage at age 40, have multiple children from different guys, and still been able to keep their chin up and talk about making a guy wait till the 3rd date. It's hilarious and pathetic at the same time when I listen to their conversations. 2
Omei Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 Personally ive never had problems with men not wanting to date me because im a single mom. I think im a great catch for a guy im caring, I would say not very selfish because I know what its like to put someone before yourself so I bring that to the table, my problem solving skills and temperment are better than some, I have patience, lots of good quality's that come from being a mother. The father was a deadbeat and gone so no ex drama and I never put a partner in the roll of dad just expect kindness when they finally meet her as you would a friend. As far as single mothers go id say im one of the good ones and men seem to not have issues with me being one.
wb1988 Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 My reason for not dating a single mom has nothing to do with their "morals" or "boundaries". I know PLENTY of women that are GREAT people but I'd just never date them because I'd already be #2 on the priority list. I want to be able to go out with someone at the drop of the dime and not scrounge around for a babysitter. I don't want to deal with her ex as a father and all the additional drama. I want to start a family of my own, from scratch and not be tethered to another family. There's more reasons. And are they all selfish? Yes. Of course. But they are MY reasons and it has nothing to do with them as people and their life choices other than that one. Are they a no no to everyone? Of course not, but I've never encouraged any of my friends to do so, but it's always because I project my feelings about it onto them. Relationships on their own are hard, but to add extra elements of drama into it, whether it be kids or ex-spouses, is just something I'd rather avoid from the beginning. Exactly. I always think that guys that actually serious date single moms are super desperate. I have 1 friend on Facebook that I've noticed dating a girl that's a single mom, she's hot and its his first gf (he's maybe 24-25) so it makes sense.
Omei Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 (edited) Too many people want to do what they want and suffer no repercussions. If you're a single mom then expect to be considered the bottom of the totem pole. POF is littered with them for a reason. I'd rather romantically date a girl with a prosthetic leg than a single mom, singles moms are strictly ONS material. Also what are single moms expecting? You expect a guy to raise a kid that isn't his (that is SUCH A BIG DEAL!!!), accept that the kid will always be a far first before him, consider that any work he puts towards the kid isn't going to be considered work towards the mom and also accept that there will always be another guy (the baby's daddy) in the picture? Why would any self-respecting guy date a single mom when there are so many wonderful truly-single women out there with no bags and strings? And there are some truly wonderful moms. I always feel insulted when someone speaks this way about *all single moms* were not all the same type of people. I dont think single moms expect a man to care for their children, I dont, ive spent eight years caring for my child on my own. I dont think a man's gonna come along and do any better lol or that I even need him too ive been perfectly successful on my own, I dont need a man to do anything for my kid I have it under control. For him to have any real part in taking care of my child we would have to have been together for quite a few years first before id let a guy do that. Many self respecting men date woman with children because a lot of them are good people and they also like children and maybe they want to settle down thats what I find most men who want to date me like.the general idea of settling down. And excuse me children are not baggage. Edited February 15, 2015 by Omei 2
WomenWubber Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 Maybe I'd date a single mom... if I was a single dad.
Author singlelife Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 Great responses. I make threads not to judge others but for people to see how others think instead of their own opinion. if I was a single mom i would at least consider what people are saying and be realistic about the situation. Sometimes people don't realize how they come off.
Author singlelife Posted February 16, 2015 Author Posted February 16, 2015 Personally ive never had problems with men not wanting to date me because im a single mom. I think im a great catch for a guy im caring, I would say not very selfish because I know what its like to put someone before yourself so I bring that to the table, my problem solving skills and temperment are better than some, I have patience, lots of good quality's that come from being a mother. The father was a deadbeat and gone so no ex drama and I never put a partner in the roll of dad just expect kindness when they finally meet her as you would a friend. As far as single mothers go id say im one of the good ones and men seem to not have issues with me being one. But would it make sense if men did see you as an issue?
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