Gloria25 Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 On OLD I ran across an interesting profile... Now, I've asked here what would be the best way to say I want something casual/FWB without being treated like a receptacle for sperm and I think I found it!!! Dude said he was looking for a 'long term monogamous RL'. He's my age, but divorced with a kid. Sad thing is the distance He's athletic, good looking, responsible, and I like that he's not some guy ready to drag his kid in front of strangers and/or jump into another marriage. I respect that. Someone who is putting their kid as a priority gets my respect - especially when I have no intention of raising someone else's kid and/or deal with the drama of being a step-parent (and 75% of second marriages end in divorce - usually regarding kid drama). Anywho, enough about him... But, what would a 'long term monogamous RL' mean to you? Did this dude put in black and white the guy I'm looking for? I'm seriously thinking of changing my OLD profile to say the same upfront. Thanks for the responses upfront
gaius Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 Pfft, who wants to come in second behind some little kid. If I date a parent she better be a terrible one who will put me first. Generally when I hear that term I think something with all the bells and whistles you claim you don't want, communication every day, etc etc. I still think you should explain it just like you explain it here.
Author Gloria25 Posted February 15, 2015 Author Posted February 15, 2015 Pfft, who wants to come in second behind some little kid. If I date a parent she better be a terrible one who will put me first. Generally when I hear that term I think something with all the bells and whistles you claim you don't want, communication every day, etc etc. I still think you should explain it just like you explain it here. Well, believe it or not, he also put in his profile that he did not expect the daily text, emails, communications, etc. Cuz, he's not jealous/controlling...I kid you not!!! When I read this profile, I wanted to get down on my knees cuz he sounded like "me" (except for kid and divorced). But, I think that with his age and maturity - he's able to write what he wrote in his profile so eloquently (if you will). I believe kids should come first. I came from a broken home. I hear the stories on my podcast, I see it in real life. People don't get how divorce affects kids. People don't get how much kids "need" their parents just to "be" there. I remember as a kid my mum having to work evening shift cuz my bum of a dad was never around and/or supported us. All we wanted was mom to be home. We barely saw her except for early in the morning when she prepped us for school, briefly in the evening before she went to work, and late at night when she came home and went to bed. That's not "raising" your kids. No one replaces mommy.
Tiger Lily Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 I wouldn't equate "casual/FWB" with "long-term monogamous RL". I really don't think you're looking for the same things. Sorry. Relationship to me means caring about each other, sacrificing for each other, there for each other through thick and thin (at least until the RL ends). Casual/FWB seems to imply pleasure, ease, convenience, and personal gratification. The two things seem so different, I actually thought this was a bit of a joke question! But maybe what you're looking for is more in line with what the guy is wanting than what I'm thinking. 1
Author Gloria25 Posted February 15, 2015 Author Posted February 15, 2015 I wouldn't equate "casual/FWB" with "long-term monogamous RL". I really don't think you're looking for the same things. Sorry. Relationship to me means caring about each other, sacrificing for each other, there for each other through thick and thin (at least until the RL ends). Casual/FWB seems to imply pleasure, ease, convenience, and personal gratification. The two things seem so different, I actually thought this was a bit of a joke question! But maybe what you're looking for is more in line with what the guy is wanting than what I'm thinking. So a 'long term monogamous RL' is like being married w/o the papers? A "common law and/or shack-up thing"? I didn't think that's what he meant cuz he also said that bit about not needing to be bombarded with texts, e-mails, etc. Cuz, a casual/FWB thing you're not calling, texting, etc all the time, no?
Tiger Lily Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 So a 'long term monogamous RL' is like being married w/o the papers? A "common law and/or shack-up thing"? I didn't think that's what he meant cuz he also said that bit about not needing to be bombarded with texts, e-mails, etc. Cuz, a casual/FWB thing you're not calling, texting, etc all the time, no? Well, I believe your podcast also says that dating is for the purpose of finding a life partner. So, while a "L-T RL" isn't marriage w/o papers, there is a level of commitment not found in FWB. FWB/Casual...you can have that with many people at once. I feel like this is super common knowledge. Regarding the communication, there's a big difference between "bombarded" and "not texting/calling etc all the time". He seems to be saying, "we don't have to text 50 texts a day", and you seem to want to text like once a week. 1
Author Gloria25 Posted February 15, 2015 Author Posted February 15, 2015 Well, I believe your podcast also says that dating is for the purpose of finding a life partner. So, while a "L-T RL" isn't marriage w/o papers, there is a level of commitment not found in FWB. FWB/Casual...you can have that with many people at once. I feel like this is super common knowledge. Regarding the communication, there's a big difference between "bombarded" and "not texting/calling etc all the time". He seems to be saying, "we don't have to text 50 texts a day", and you seem to want to text like once a week. Well, I believe that what I'm looking for is the "L-T RL" cuz when I'm with someone, I'm only with them. I don't do FWB/casual things just to sleep around. I mean, I "do" enjoy having someone to do things with outside of the bedroom, but just not all the time. Thing is, I don't have to see/hear from them more than once/twice a week. But, I am preoccupied with what you mentioned about the level of caring/interest that may be expected even in a "L-T RL", cuz I guess that means me having to spend more time with him than once/twice a week and do more than just a movie and a dinner now and then....
Tiger Lily Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 omg, Gloria! Please don't worry on my account. I know NOTHING about online dating, dating in today's world, or pretty much dating in any world!! I could be way off-base. Before you do any worrying, maybe get more insight into what other, more experienced people say. And most importantly, you should really wait to see what he says (if you get a chance to actually talk ). Because, while he may think he wants a L-T RL, what he may really want just might be more in line with your goals. Again, just forget me...I know nothing about this stuff! I'm just going off what I perceive these terms to mean. 1
Author Gloria25 Posted February 15, 2015 Author Posted February 15, 2015 What the hell is that? Bad news. Bad news how so?
Author Gloria25 Posted February 15, 2015 Author Posted February 15, 2015 Long term monogamous RL is suspicious. Commuted but not really committed? What? Well, I'm almost 40. I can see where someone - my age - who has a kid and wants to dedicate their time to raising a kid doesn't wanna drag that kid through a 2nd marriage - yet wants a mate and doesn't wanna sleep around. That's pretty much me too. I don't want kids. Don't need a guy to give me the white picket fence and all that - but I don't want no more notches on my bedpost either. I want one guy to have hamburgers with now and then and have sex with. 1
contact1 Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 I want one guy to have hamburgers with now and then and have sex with. I'm sure I can find some BK coupons if you are ever interested Gloria, just give me a ring In all seriousness, when I read "long term monogamous RL" to me it means wanting a relationship with just one person, not a casual / FWB type deal. Given he has a child, he is also saying that he won't be able to commit every single day to a relationship, maybe a few a week, but wants whatever woman is interested to understand, he won't be texting/calling everyday either aka no needy women please. Sadly for you, I think he wants a bit more than what you want, but like I said, those BK coupons are still there if you are interested okay I'ma stop, i'm too tired and drunk for my own good on this website right now!
Rejected Rosebud Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 I don't think that guys who are looking for "casual FWB" usually have ANY problem saying so on profiles! LT monogamous relationship is not that!!
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