Jerseyguyy Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 First and foremost, I'd just like to say y'all are all very helpful to almost relationship issues. Only thing that's been keeping me focused on healing. Thank you all. My ex of 4 years just recently broke it off with me a 3 months ago because of unhappiness. Though I suspect there was another man in the picture I have no physical proof (besides one call from a new friend once while we met up 5 weeks after the break up) and it eats at me everyday. Ofcourse I asked an she denied. But as weeks went on I chased and chased with no budging on her end. At first she said she didn't think she was in love anymore an stuck wit that until a few a weeks ago with conversation after 1 week NC, then she said she was sure she was still in love. Not sure how to take that. An through it allshe says she knows we are meant to be, no doubt In her mind. She just needs to focus on her health. Although she is a depressed emotional wreck since I met her not sure that's enough to call it quits. I just would like a little insight on your opinions as I am confused if she really needs time or she just has me on a string for plan b.
smellysocksuni Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 Hi, My personal opinion is that she broke it off with you and may be feeling unsure. You say you have been one week NC - who initiated that? Also, if the pair of you are on friendly terms I would suggest a possible meeting where you can talk face to face and find out what it is she wants, once and for all. 1
darkbloom Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 Only way to know for sure is to go full NC. She needs to work on her depression and you both need to let go of the relationship. She is going to have to come to you and say that she wants to try again since you are the dumpee. Anything less than NC is going to be really painful. 1
Jimmyjackson Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 I had the same issue, wondering whether or not she cheated on me, bugged me for ages but I realised there's no point in searching for something you'll never know. Just go to try and make your own mind up in your head and stick with it, in regards to what you think happened. Also remember that it's irrelevant now as you've broken up, so what's the point anyway? 2
Author Jerseyguyy Posted February 15, 2015 Author Posted February 15, 2015 I initiated NC at that time to give her space an she contacted me wanting me to attend her graduation. I denied as it would be to hard. Few days later I told her I could no longer wait for her an I initiated NC that was two weeks ago an since she's sent me two texts this week saying hope you are okay and I ignored both. I've met up with her twice in the past two months where she's said shes still in love an KNOWS we are meant to be but she needs tO focus on her health right now.
Author Jerseyguyy Posted February 15, 2015 Author Posted February 15, 2015 Thank you all. Really helpful. And jimmy only reason I'm so concerned is because her tellin me she's sure she's in love now after saying she wasn't for 6 weeks an were meant to be leaves me with dreadful hope I can't seem to shake off.
smellysocksuni Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 I initiated NC at that time to give her space an she contacted me wanting me to attend her graduation. I denied as it would be to hard. Few days later I told her I could no longer wait for her an I initiated NC that was two weeks ago an since she's sent me two texts this week saying hope you are okay and I ignored both. I've met up with her twice in the past two months where she's said shes still in love an KNOWS we are meant to be but she needs tO focus on her health right now. God, this is tricky. I think she is unready to let you go so keeps you on the hook with these "I love you" comments which isn't fair. I don't know. I think you should say to her - Unless we are going to get back together, I need space and time to heal and to move on - not in that way, however you'd word it. Because it's not really fair on you. 1
Author Jerseyguyy Posted February 15, 2015 Author Posted February 15, 2015 You're absolutely right. An as far as NC since I haven't responded to her last two previous text.. Should I inform her if she continues reaching out again or just to go NC without notice?
towardthefuture Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 Go nc without notice. Your answer is that you don't know. I had a similar situation and went through this one with my therapist for an hour. Don't just decide one way or another. Get comfortable with the idea you'll never know for sure. Her abandoning you is enough to not want her back. It doesnt matter why she left -- she left.
smellysocksuni Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 You're absolutely right. An as far as NC since I haven't responded to her last two previous text.. Should I inform her if she continues reaching out again or just to go NC without notice? Ignore her at first, but if she persists just let her know you've gone NC.
Light Breeze Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 First and foremost, I'd just like to say y'all are all very helpful to almost relationship issues. Only thing that's been keeping me focused on healing. Thank you all. My ex of 4 years just recently broke it off with me a 3 months ago because of unhappiness. Though I suspect there was another man in the picture I have no physical proof (besides one call from a new friend once while we met up 5 weeks after the break up) and it eats at me everyday. Ofcourse I asked an she denied. But as weeks went on I chased and chased with no budging on her end. At first she said she didn't think she was in love anymore an stuck wit that until a few a weeks ago with conversation after 1 week NC, then she said she was sure she was still in love. Not sure how to take that. An through it allshe says she knows we are meant to be, no doubt In her mind. She just needs to focus on her health. Although she is a depressed emotional wreck since I met her not sure that's enough to call it quits. I just would like a little insight on your opinions as I am confused if she really needs time or she just has me on a string for plan b. The same story as mine. I found out recently that she indeed left me for someone else. But, I realized that the reason she left isn't important, all I know is she left, period. Accept that fact and it will go a long way in finding your closure. NC, NC, NC 3
Elle1975 Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 Okay, so she needs to focus on her health (another guy). Let her focus (NC). Go focus on your life (be happy by yourself), and stop chasing her (real turn off).
mightycpa Posted February 15, 2015 Posted February 15, 2015 It doesnt matter why she left -- she left. Amen. Whether she cheated, replaced you afterwards, got sick of you, is working through her doubts, became a nun, or as she says, is nursing her own health, the end result is the same. She's doing it without you. For your own sake, you have to assume that she's not coming back and proceed on that basis. You'd never really be satisfied with her reasons anyway.
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