He is also seeing other women besides me...

[elaine567]

I would do the same thing if I were him (date other people early on) so I don't blame him. However I agree after certain dates one should be able to know what one want. I don't like telling him "you should stop seeing other people" I feel he will naturally do it if he's into me.

I know I ultimately want a serious bf, meaning I would never settle for a fwb or alike. But I'm in no rush either.

For me I wasn't crazy about him at the beginning and was talking to other men too. after 2 dates or so my feelings grew and now I can see him exclusively. I don't mind that he's doing the same as long as soon after he begins to know what he wants. Usually I wouldn't have such a problem but gees this guy has so many girls messaging him and it did get me a bit jealous.

Anyway I plan to cool down and see how I feel and how he reacts after a week of very limited contact

 

You have to work out, why he has so many girls messaging him. Is he seriously hot and is very popular? Or does he just happen to have some dates lined up? Or does he have a stable of girls he has picked up and just regularly keeps the plates spinning and his options always open?

Sleeping with him early and with no real exclusivity, may mean he has already shoved you into the FWB category.

If you want that fine, but if you want a relationship, then keep your eyes wide open here.

[Gloria25]

Sounds like the guy is just taking you for a ride on his merry-go-round.

 

But keep in mind, a lot of women online these days multi-date and see which guy they like best...even after weeks and months, let alone they probably have a FWB on the side as well. Many women keep their "options" open in different ways in case they need to hop on another guy that they like better or is offering some kind of exclusivity that they are also interested in.

 

How many men they're sleeping with is their own little secret. Women tend to like titles and definitions, so without that "label" or talk then that's what they go by.

 

But It's the few guys who actually have options that can do what the average woman can do by default. So if he's able to actual date multiple women at a time, it's likely he won't just give that up for the likes of you.

 

Men have to be ready and willing to be exclusive, otherwise no amount of talk, agreement or conversation is going to do you any good. Therefore if you believe he's still dating and sleeping with multiple women then you should read the writing on the wall and walk away, you shouldn't need this concrete word-for-word exact conversation or sentence that let's you know FOR SURE...what he wants, if you're that way then you're like many women and will dig your own grave and learn the hard way.

 

Most choose the hard way...and likely so will you.

 

Is your premise is that this guy is multi-dating/sexing cuz women on OLD are doing it too?

 

Look, I don't multi-sex. I don't play games with guys. I may be talking to more than one guy at the same time - cuz you'd be a fool to put your eggs in one basket (which I do on the regular and end up wasting time with an idiot).

 

So, if women are now as flakey with sex and guys on OLD as the guys are - then that's news to me.

[h0000]

Yeah I wouldn't be ok if he's having sex with multiple women. Him going on dates with multiple women is my borderline.

well I'm not all that upset now. I wanna give him 1or 2 more weeks to see if everyone is wrong here

If I have I walk away. I will. Not that hard for me

[smackie9]

TBH you shouldn't have to expect exclusivity, it something the guy should want too. Your expectations are not his expectations. Cut him loose.

 

To add, monogamy before sex. keep the legs closed until exclusivity is accepted.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Is your premise is that this guy is multi-dating/sexing cuz women on OLD are doing it too?

 

I'm saying that if he actually has the option with women to do it in the first place, then he's the minority and likely to not stop until he's ready..because unlike for women, it's not your average Tuesday on OLD.

 

Women think that because men try to do it and attempt it that it means he is successful, when men are often known to exaggerate their success anyway to at least pretend to be able to compete with women in the dating world, and the funny thing is women actually believe it.

 

In reality, a man has to have a pretty effective game and/or looks in order to pull that off and likely has to aim way below his ideal level of expectations...trust me, most guys IME spent far more time trying to be someone or something they are not and selling that to everyone else including women to convince them they are desirable with options, rather than them actually pulling it off. Other than the lucky chance of him finding himself in a situation where he has several women at one time...which is a rare occurrence for most men, which is why some men can hold onto it so hard when it does come along and value it much more than women, that kind of interest and desirability doesn't come often for men and not so easy to trigger like putting on make-up and a sexy outfit, then simply going and getting it with the best looking guy you can get it with.

 

A man with options, acts and behaves completely different in the dating world than a man who does not. There's a world of difference in confidence and ability because one man is consistently validated through his success and attraction, whereas the other one is not hardly at all...nearly invisible, and this is for the average guy or decent looking, not bottom of the barrel.

 

The reality is that it's much more realistic for women to choose the option simply because they have it, although it doesn't mean they all will. In fact I believe many women are looking for relationships instead of casual sex or at least some kind of exclusive relationship, but men usually don't have the option to begin with..it's either relationship with sex, or single with little sex when possible or available.

 

Therefore for women, it's simply a choice depending on their personality, how they wish to behave, and what they want at the time and how they want to play the dating game/what their interests are at the moment...and they tend to do whatever it is they feel like doing in that moment and always seem to feel justified in their behavior, but they mistakenly believe that men have the same options as they do which makes it fair. They can't understand why men are not on the same page as them and why it's not "equal"...when it was never equal to begin with.

 

If men did in fact have those options, then it would level the playing field and completely change things...you would find men being more selective and picky in their options too, and looking for relationships when they actually want them. You wouldn't see men going so far to swoon and charm, dazzle women with the right words or actions...because they simply wouldn't have to just to get you into bed.

 

Women always ask "Why if he just wanted to have sex he didn't just say it?"....because he can't, most guys cannot...you are a woman, you can, he doesn't have the options or choices you have for that.

 

Normally, men have to reflect and acquire this magical combination of characteristics to attract women by and large...charm, humor, chemistry, intelligence, wit, confidence, sex appeal, attraction, emotional vulnerability but strength and fortitude, good in bed, common interest etc...how many men do you think have that? when women just need a somewhat pretty face and an average body, and the world is your oyster if you know how to work what you got.

 

And yet many women want to hold men to same standard of expectations, when the world is completely different for the sexes...it's apples to oranges in most cases.

 

Look, I don't multi-sex. I don't play games with guys. I may be talking to more than one guy at the same time - cuz you'd be a fool to put your eggs in one basket (which I do on the regular and end up wasting time with an idiot).

 

Yes, but you have to understand from a mans point of view women always say the same things...even when they're behaving badly themselves. They all pretend regardless of circumstances to somehow become the victims, they always say they're not sleeping with more than one guy, or into dating multiple people, claim to never able to find the right guy, and if they are doing something wrong in their behalf then they're simply venting about their disappointment and inability to get EXACTLY what they're looking for.

 

I've basically never met a woman that claimed to be the one behaving badly and wronging men, she was always able to somehow twist a situation around into anything she wanted based on how she felt...even if the guy was a good guy and she was basically just using him in reality, if that guy didn't fit the bill and meet her expectations, she felt she had every right to use him until she did find the right guy, she couldn't just say she's a user because that would make her feel bad about herself...that's how I've seen women play it time and time again, not ever looking in the mirror and judging themselves for their actions but always monitoring men and judging and criticizing them instead for their behavior.

 

So I wouldn't expect you or anyone to call yourself out on your own behavior...it simply doesn't happen, it's always a finger pointing game with women. They justify everything through what men do or what they think they do, instead of taking responsibility for their own behavior.

 

So, if women are now as flakey with sex and guys on OLD as the guys are - then that's news to me.

 

Women are IME play a much dirtier game than men do when they do.

 

Men tend to trip over their own feet and give strong indications that he might be playing the field or unavailable, but it's women who convince themselves otherwise and take it as a personal challenge or conquest to tame that wild man, if it were up to men doing the actually work to manipulate and trick women, it would simply never work...women have to make themselves available to it and have their own reasons to pursue it, they just instead blame the man in the end their own decisions. Because to be honest men just aren't that often slick/clever enough to pull anything like that off...very few have the skill and ability to truly pull that kind of behavior off without any indication whatsoever.

 

Women however, have very good ways of justifying their own behavior to themselves and as long as they are doing it according to their own personal standards and perspective, they never feel like they're the ones at wrong and if they do, they don't pay a whole lot of attention to those criticisms or "negative" energies because it makes them feel bad. They have very good ways of scrambling their messages, to look like their behavior in an innocent light and justify it by what they're "trying to do" and what their "intentions" are, rather than one of manipulation and being stubborn/bullheaded. Women do not truly need excuses or justifications to do what they are doing, they simply need encouragement and support. Women love to make the wrong choices, and then pretend like they never knew what was going on even when they did and their gut told them right away, they're smart and capable of outdoing most men when it comes to cunning. Women won't admit what she was up to, all the while targeting the man for every little thing he does wrong.

 

This is not a post to be a battle of the sexes or anything like that, I full well know what men are capable of too. But men are always so often in the spotlight for their behavior rather than all the crap that I know and have seen women do, they're just not as criticized and slammed for it. Men are the universal socially accepted destroyers of relationships and making women unhappy and not giving them what they want because women feel they could do better, they tend to take no responsibility for their own decisions and behavior and instead often blame men for it...while women can fly under the radar while committing manipulative and selfish thoughts/behaviors that no one ever covers or talks about because it's not so obvious as what men do...a lot of that is so internal for women and never gets spoken about.

 

Women can commit any behavior...but never ever expect to be judged or criticized for it even if it's all happening because of what the woman wants, and can have very little to do with what the man wants.

[A O]

And yet many women want to hold men to same standard of expectations, when the world is completely different for the sexes...it's apples to oranges in most cases.

Impressively interesting post Ninja....it rings a few bells.

[mysteryscape]

But clearly he is still talking to other girls online and it starts to bug me a little.

 

I am not sure I have the right to be pissed. After all it's only been two weeks and I'd appear crazy if I asked him to be exclusive..However I feel I would get more and more upset if this goes on. So I need some advice as what to do here?

 

I think you're crazy to be sleeping with him after two weeks and without any understanding of "exclusivity" -- a term that I never heard in connection with dating when I was young -- and in my opinion, you have every right to be unhappy about the situation. I would bring it up with him if it is that important to you. He may walk, he may go for what you want -- be prepared for whatever happens.