BluEyeL Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Yes, I reciprocate 50/50, after a couple of dates. Slow and steady wins the race For me, not WITH me. Wins the race to lasting love. Doesn't win the race to casual sex. So don't change. I compared the search for love with the search for gold. I'm not calling YOU sand, but all the men who are not a match for me, where like sand, while my match is a rare gold nugget. The same way, I'm sand for the man who is not a match for me. We're both sand to each other. You're not sand to me, we've never dated, so don't take it personally, and carry on with works for you. Plenty of women sleep with men before exclusivity, so that's not a problem for most men.
Shining One Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Yes, I reciprocate 50/50, after a couple of dates. Slow and steady wins the race For me, not WITH me. Wins the race to lasting love. Doesn't win the race to casual sex. So don't change. I compared the search for love with the search for gold. I'm not calling YOU sand, but all the men who are not a match for me, where like sand, while my match is a rare gold nugget. The same way, I'm sand for the man who is not a match for me. We're both sand to each other. You're not sand to me, we've never dated, so don't take it personally, and carry on with works for you. Plenty of women sleep with men before exclusivity, so that's not a problem for most men.Understood and thanks for the clarification. After reading through your posts, I envy your people picker. I imagine my views would be very different if I had your ability to better select individuals early on. I have gotten better at it, but I still (as of early last year, before my current relationship) end up meeting women who want "everything but sex" with me. 1
BluEyeL Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 If you're not giving a man sex - you better be giving him affection in other ways so he knows that you're into him. Otherwise if you're not physically comfortable around him, he'll assume you're never going to have sex with him (and bail). Even a guy doesn't want to go on 3rd 4th and 5th dates if he hasn't kiss closed the girl yet, or held hands, etc. We're willing (well I am) to wait on the Sex as long as everything else looks good. I understand. Like i said, i hardly had problems with men not waiting. I met many good men. However,my first responsibility is to myself, my safety, and my emotional well being. I don't feel obligated to give sex for dinners or out of fear of loss. I give sex out of affection and attraction. I do not worry if a man will bail. I love myself and I was looking for reciprocal love and respect. . I didn't go out there worrying. I went out there to meet men, get to know them, and find out if we're a good match. Of course I would give them signs of interest, including kissing. I hardly had men who bailed. I was good at dating for finding a relationship. And I found it. I'm so happy and grateful that my hard work paid off so wonderfully. 1
hotpotato Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Has it ever occurred to you that the reason he invited you over "was" to actually watch a movie? AND... if there is chemistry and you click...afterwords have sex? If you BOTH want to? Have you been reading this thread? As I've already said, I've given many men the benefit of a doubt. Guys would become confused or angry. Does that sound like they were expecting to watch a movie and see what happened? Men are assuming that if you like them enough to be alone with them you like them enough to have sex. *I* can chill there with a man and not want to do anything, but this is much more difficult for men. I've met one man who actually meant that he wanted to watch a movie and cuddle. He's the type of man who means what he says and doesn't beat around. He's a unicorn in the dating world. Btw chemistry isn't necessary. We are talking about sex. How the hell is he supposed to know BEFORE ever even meeting you in person that he even wants to have sex with you? Rather arrogant of YOU to presume that don't ya think? He may end up feeling completely turned off by you... Ok, well we have a lot to learn about men. A man doesn't need to like a woman in any way to have sex with her. Basically a woman just needs to be not disgusting to be sexually attractive to most men. Men in general find women in general pretty sexy. If a man has responded to a woman's ad, there's a high chance he can see himself having sex with her. So he invites you over for a movie...***with every intention of watching the movie**..that is why he invited you over after all...and then if you're clicking and **mutually** decide to have sex...that's what you do! if he was honest and forthright, I wouldn't have come over and wasted my time. If you DON'T want to....that's fine too!!! Just tell him that...no harm no foul (or whatever that expression is). That's actually awful and dangerous advice! Not every man is going to be so understanding. Some men will become scary and angry. After all, he said movie but meant sex. Coming to his place or wherever means the woman has agreed to have sex with him. Also, not every man is going to take no for an answer. Kind of a different scenario, but I nearly got into a fistfight with a man because I decided I didn't want to have sex with him. You know...it's a good thing you don't date anymore cause it's become pretty apparent from reading your posts that you don't like men, you don't trust men and want nothing to do with men! Why because I say things about men that men say about themselves? Because I realize not all interactions between people are romantic or potentially romantic? That's fine...whatever works. But many of us DO like men...and want to understand men. We want our relationships to work by understanding men.. and frankly your posts on this thread are NOT helpful and rather toxic and add nothing to the discussion but negativity, anger, distrust and hate. I am sure you won't mind if I ignore you going forward. Peace out... My posts are REAL! If you want to understand men you have a long way to go!
hotpotato Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 "Looking for a relationship" does not define preferences around sex. I'm in a relationship that started with sex on the first date. Looking for a relationship means looking for a relationship. I had sex on a first date, too, and that turned into a relationship. However, i was young and dumb and wouldn't do that again. Her profile said she was looking for a relationship too.Of course there is. However, different people value the various aspects of a relationship at different levels. My girlfriend and I both value sex highly. You clearly do not. Thus, you should be making that clear and seek out men who feel similarly. I'm just going to let the men show their true colors so I can reject them more easily.
hotpotato Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Post what you said in your online profile and see how many dates you get. There are men who don't place as much importance on sex as others. So you should seek them out. And I think you owe it to anyone you date to inform them of how you feel before it gets too serious. My wife apparently never put as much importance on sex as she pretended to right up to our wedding night. And I consider that the worst kind of betrayal. If she had told me that she could take it or leave it, I never would have married her and wasted the best years of my life. Um, ok. Just because my life doesn't revolve around sex, doesn't mean i can't or don't like it. I just don't need to have sex with random guys. Is it really so much to ask for a guy to slow down and get to know me as a person? It seems like some kind of monumental task. And seriously, you didn't notice your wife wasn't that sexual? It's usually obvious from the get go.
alphamale Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 in general, the more attractive the woman the longer the man has to wait to get into her pants
katiegrl Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Have you been reading this thread? As I've already said, I've given many men the benefit of a doubt. Guys would become confused or angry. Does that sound like they were expecting to watch a movie and see what happened? Men are assuming that if you like them enough to be alone with them you like them enough to have sex. *I* can chill there with a man and not want to do anything, but this is much more difficult for men. I've met one man who actually meant that he wanted to watch a movie and cuddle. He's the type of man who means what he says and doesn't beat around. He's a unicorn in the dating world. Btw chemistry isn't necessary. We are talking about sex. Ok, well we have a lot to learn about men. A man doesn't need to like a woman in any way to have sex with her. Basically a woman just needs to be not disgusting to be sexually attractive to most men. Men in general find women in general pretty sexy. If a man has responded to a woman's ad, there's a high chance he can see himself having sex with her. if he was honest and forthright, I wouldn't have come over and wasted my time. That's actually awful and dangerous advice! Not every man is going to be so understanding. Some men will become scary and angry. After all, he said movie but meant sex. Coming to his place or wherever means the woman has agreed to have sex with him. Also, not every man is going to take no for an answer. Kind of a different scenario, but I nearly got into a fistfight with a man because I decided I didn't want to have sex with him. Why because I say things about men that men say about themselves? Because I realize not all interactions between people are romantic or potentially romantic? My posts are REAL! If you want to understand men you have a long way to go! ^^Your last sentence....Well...since *I* am actually the one who has been in a successful long term relationship with my boyfriend ...and have been for for 5+ years, I beg to differ... Although I do admit I am still learning about men...and hope to continue learning about them too. That learning should never stop either... Good luck..I do hope you can someday find some peace and happiness in your interactions with men...your anger and bitterness is unpalatable!
hotpotato Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 ^^Your last sentence....Well...since *I* am actually the one who has been in a successful long term relationship with my boyfriend ...and have been for for 5+ years, I beg to differ... Although I do admit I am still learning about men...and hope to continue learning about them too. That learning should never stop either... Good luck..I do hope you can someday find some peace and happiness in your interactions with men...your anger and bitterness is unpalatable! You're not the only one whose been in a relationship before for several years. One could also say I'm 'experienced' with men. I've dealt with a lot of guys over the years. A lot of what I say comes straight from the horse's mouth. i've basically been studying and learning about men for years now. Heck, a lot of what I said is a regurgitation of what others have said in this same thread. I'm a woman who identifies more with men. Oh yes, bitter and unpalatable because I said the truth. I guess the truth hurts!
katiegrl Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 You're not the only one whose been in a relationship before for several years. One could also say I'm 'experienced' with men. I've dealt with a lot of guys over the years. A lot of what I say comes straight from the horse's mouth. i've basically been studying and learning about men for years now. Heck, a lot of what I said is a regurgitation of what others have said in this same thread. I'm a woman who identifies more with men. Oh yes, bitter and unpalatable because I said the truth. I guess the truth hurts! Oh no worries sweetie...YOUR "truth" doesn't hurt me in the least. I just think it's sad, tis all.
hotpotato Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Oh no worries sweetie...YOUR "truth" doesn't hurt me in the least. I just think it's sad, tis all. It's not said, it's just reality. I honestly don't see what the controversy is. If you go to a mans house, he expects sex. A lot of times a man only wants to have sex. Men have very strong biological urges. It's very elementary. 1
Shining One Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I'm just going to let the men show their true colors so I can reject them more easily.You would rather waste time, which you apparently don't have much of, rejecting men who don't share your views on sex rather than simply deter them by making your views clear? Some of us have very little free time, and its precious. Ive said this like 3x already lol. In short, aint got time, aint got time.I don't understand your logic.Is it really so much to ask for a guy to slow down and get to know me as a person? It seems like some kind of monumental task.It's certainly not too much to ask. The problem is that you're not asking for it. You're expecting men to magically decipher when the right time to make a move is and you get angry at them for moving too early. As I mentioned earlier, I dated a woman who would not have sex before marriage for a year and a half. I knew that going in. Guess what, I never made any sexual advances on her. Clarity helps everyone.
hotpotato Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 You would rather waste time, which you apparently don't have much of, rejecting men who don't share your views on sex rather than simply deter them by making your views clear?[/Quote] It doesnt deter them. Do guys even read the profiles?lol Ive had guys try to fake being my boyfriend. Saying im looking for a relationship doesnt solve the problem. Id rather deal with a guy who wants to 'cuddle' or watch a movie on the first date rather than one who wants to butter me up over a couple weeks. What really helps is not dealing with the thirsty dudes on old esp free old sites. I don't understand your logic.It's certainly not too much to ask. The problem is that you're not asking for it. You're expecting men to magically decipher when the right time to make a move is and you get angry at them for moving too early. As I mentioned earlier, I dated a woman who would not have sex before marriage for a year and a half. I knew that going in. Guess what, I never made any sexual advances on her. Clarity helps everyone. I could say hey no sex til 3rd date, but then guys are holding out to the third date specifically sex. Why not go ahead and let him ask for sex on the first date so I can reject him sooner? If a man wants to take the time to get to know me, he will. I wont have to make him. Im cool with rejecting guys who move too fast. Like I said, im willing to get up and leave in the middle of a date!
BluEyeL Posted February 23, 2015 Posted February 23, 2015 It's not said, it's just reality. I honestly don't see what the controversy is. If you go to a mans house, he expects sex. A lot of times a man only wants to have sex. Men have very strong biological urges. It's very elementary. That's actually true. 1
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