BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I've just joined this site a few days ago and have seen the acronym OLD in several posts. This may seem like a dumb question but........what does O.L.D. stand for?!? It seems that it stands for a specific dating website but I'm not sure if I'm correct with that assumption. I googled "OLD" and all that came up were names for other dating sites that didn't fit the acronym... .
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I've just joined this site a few days ago and have seen the acronym OLD in several posts. This may seem like a dumb question but........what does O.L.D. stand for?!? It seems that it stands for a specific dating website but I'm not sure if I'm correct with that assumption. I googled "OLD" and all that came up were names for other dating sites that didn't fit the acronym... . online dating
hotpotato Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 The guy is being honest. He is setting up the opportunity to have sex. He might not even want to once he meets you in person. If he says "come watch a movie", and it is a first date, he cannot be positive he wants you either. I just do not see the game if a guy invites you over to see a movie.. It's act5ually pretty straight forward. More of a game would be some number of dates you have in your head before a guy can have sex. Anytime a man is trying to get a woman alone, he is trying to have sex. Whether or not he has met a woman in person already irrelevant. Well no I guess you dont get it. Im a do what I say say whatci mean kind of person. If I agree to come over and watch a movie, thats what I mean. If I invited a man over to watch a movie, I wouldnt become irate if he only wanted to watch a movie. Straightforward would be,"hey would you like to come over for some nookie?"
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 hotpotato my point was that most men on dating sites DO want to date....just like you...and most women do. Problem is...their idea of what dating entails is often very different from what a woman's idea is. Many men are perfectly fine and happy spending their "dates" at home having sex. No matter what age they are. And even though I called men who invite women over on a first date douchebags (and in some cases they are)...there are some men who "are" looking for long term relationships who will still invite a woman over for a first date....hoping to have sex.... ..cause the fact of the matter is ... the goal of most men is to hit it...sooner rather than later....and then figure out after that if they like her enough to want to continue dating her. That's just reality... so it's up to the woman, assuming she wants something long term, to put on the breaks and slow things down...to get to know each other and develop an emotional bond BEFORE sex. But I think it's wrong and unfair to be mad at men...and blaming men for behaving in ways that are natural "to them." In the end, we all essentially want the same thing...to connect with someone, develop a relationship. Where we differ is in how we go about getting there! I think by writing this...I just taught myself something too! Go figure... This is a very insightful and intelligent post; and it hits the proverbial nail on the head with regard to how most men actually view dating, sex and relationships. It still does bother me sometimes that some men are only interested in having sex with a woman without even wanting to get to know her first or developing some type of bond with her. But, even though men like that bother me, the fact that this is the way some of them are is what makes me steer clear of them and directs me to invest my time in men who want more from a woman than just sex. A man who desires to get to know me, wants to hang out with me doing fun things together and doesn't push to become intimate too soon is a man that I RESPECT...he's a man that I'll look forward to (and enjoy) investing my time, my money and my emotions with...and he's a man who I'll become MORE physically and sexually attracted to. Katie is right when she says not all men are "wired" to feel this way with regard to dating and sex, and I understand that...which is why I'll only become emotionally and sexually invested in a man who DOES feel the way that I do when it comes to this...or at least comes close to feeling that way. Again, excellent post Katiegrl. .
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 online dating OMG, really?! It stands for "OnLine Dating"?? LOL:laugh: Thanks for clearing that up, Barcode! .
Robert Z Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 One thing is clear. If women would just put out this could all be avoided! I don't really understand men expecting sex on a first date. But I think women fail to understand the power of hormones. I think if you expect us to be understanding when you're on your period, you might try to be understanding of the drives that men feel, and especially young men, and not be so judgmental. Most of them probably aren't bad guys. They are just overwhelmed by their biological urges. They might be genuinely interested but have parallel goals.
hotpotato Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 But, even though men like that bother me, the fact that this is the way some of them are is what makes me steer clear of them and directs me to invest my time in men who want more from a woman than just sex. A man who desires to get to know me, wants to hang out with me doing fun things together and doesn't push to become intimate too soon is a man that I RESPECT...he's a man that I'll look forward to (and enjoy) investing my time, my money and my emotions with...and he's a man who I'll become MORE physically and sexually attracted to. Me, too. Thats why if/when I start dating im just getting x guys when they start playing games. That still doesnt solve the issue of them wasting my time with a date. Id rather spend a lovely night on the beach than banging some random dude who doesnt care about me. I dont like the idea thatvi have to play gatekeeper and remind a guy to get to know me. 1
Gary S Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Stranger danger. Don't ever meet someone you have never met at their house! You meet at a public place first. Only after meeting in public, when you have a good impression of them through body language, should you ever consider going to their house, but never before. I'm surprised this question was ever brought up. We are strangers until we meet. 1
Shining One Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I probably havent changed my profile in 5 years. I date very sparsely nowadays, maybe like every couple of years. Too many games and too much code language for me.If you don't specify "I want guys who don't want to have sex", you're going to keep getting guys who want to have sex.Id rather spend a lovely night on the beach than banging some random dude who doesnt care about me.I'd rather spend a lovely night banging some random girl who doesn't care about me than at the beach. We each have our preferences.I dont like the idea thatvi have to play gatekeeper and remind a guy to get to know me.When you're dating someone, having sex is part of getting to know them. It may not matter to you, but it would really suck to build up a strong connection over months and then find out you're sexually incompatible?
clevelander321 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Anytime a man is trying to get a woman alone, he is trying to have sex. Whether or not he has met a woman in person already irrelevant. Well no I guess you dont get it. Im a do what I say say whatci mean kind of person. If I agree to come over and watch a movie, thats what I mean. If I invited a man over to watch a movie, I wouldnt become irate if he only wanted to watch a movie. Straightforward would be,"hey would you like to come over for some nookie?" Lol, ok. So any sexual first encounter you ever had started with verbally stating what you will do before the date, and then right before it happened? "Hi hotpoato, can we go out to eat and maybe have sex tonight?" Then as the date progresses.." Oh, did I mention beforehand I wanted to have sex hotpotato? Well can we have that part of the date now?" 1
Mangina Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Lol, ok. So any sexual first encounter you ever had started with verbally stating what you will do before the date, and then right before it happened? "Hi hotpoato, can we go out to eat and maybe have sex tonight?" " Oh, did I mention beforehand I wanted to have sex hotpotato? Well can we have that part of the date now?" Your logic and realism does not go with this forum. Lol
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 When you're dating someone, having sex is part of getting to know them. This is true. And yes, each person has their own timetable with regard to how soon to initiate sex with the person they're dating. But, I think her point was that some guys want to have sex right away, WITHOUT even getting to know her first. Some guys expect sex on the first or second date, when she'd rather them take the time (at least a few more dates) to get to know her first before expecting to jump into bed with her. It may not matter to you, but it would really suck to build up a strong connection over months and then find out you're sexually incompatible? This is also true. But she's not talking about MONTHS of building a connection; I think she's talking about wanting a guy to get to know her, go out and do things with her and NOT be pushy about wanting sex for maybe a few weeks, maybe almost a month or so. But, I do agree with you about this part of your post. I know I personally wouldn't want to be dating a guy for more than a month and investing my time and emotions in him without seeing if we'd be compatible sexually. Because, if I discover that we don't have awesome sexual chemistry, then it would be over. Emotional connection and love is what most people are after, I think. But I also think that most people also want sexual compatibility; because sexual intimacy is an important part of a relationship and is an awesome way to express your love and attraction to the person you're with. .
hotpotato Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Lol, ok. So any sexual first encounter you ever had started with verbally stating what you will do before the date, and then right before it happened? "Hi hotpoato, can we go out to eat and maybe have sex tonight?" Then as the date progresses.." Oh, did I mention beforehand I wanted to have sex hotpotato? Well can we have that part of the date now?" Actually that is the gist of some convos ive had as of late. Im actually quite blunt sometimes and appreciate that in a man. Ive had some graphic convos. I fully appreciate a man being blunt and graphic that way I know where he stands. My crush and I were quite graphic. We agreed that we liked ewch other but also wanted to *insert various dirty sinful possibly illegal activities here*. Too bad that fizzled. Oh well. He never gave me any of that lets cuddle or watch a movie buulocks, and I respected that.
hotpotato Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 If you don't specify "I want guys who don't want to have sex", you're going to keep getting guys who want to have sex.I'd rather spend a lovely night banging some random girl who doesn't care about me than at the beach. We each have our preferences.When you're dating someone, having sex is part of getting to know them. It may not matter to you, but it would really suck to build up a strong connection over months and then find out you're sexually incompatible? This is too many rules! Lol I bet if I put looking for a relationship ill still have the same issues. Im not even sure what my profile is set to now. At least youre honest. I haglve better things to do than banging someone who doesnt care about me or even possibly dislikes me. The beach is much nicer. So is the gym. The sex doesnt have to be perfect. I wouldnt expect to be compatible with a man in every single way. There is more to a relationship than sex.
Robert Z Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 There is more to a relationship than sex. If that's all that it matters to you, good luck! It is conventional wisdom what once it dies in the bedroom, the marriage is over. I can't even tell you how many times I've heard this from people who are divorced. They knew it was over long before it ended. And their sex life was the key indicator. 1
hotpotato Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 If that's all that it matters to you, good luck! It is conventional wisdom what once it dies in the bedroom, the marriage is over. I can't even tell you how many times I've heard this from people who are divorced. They knew it was over long before it ended. And their sex life was the key indicator. Ive been in situations in which the bedroom activity died. That in and of itself didnt bother me. People ebb and flow when it comes to a lot of things including sex.
Robert Z Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Ive been in situations in which the bedroom activity died. That in and of itself didnt bother me. People ebb and flow when it comes to a lot of things including sex. Post what you said in your online profile and see how many dates you get. There are men who don't place as much importance on sex as others. So you should seek them out. And I think you owe it to anyone you date to inform them of how you feel before it gets too serious. My wife apparently never put as much importance on sex as she pretended to right up to our wedding night. And I consider that the worst kind of betrayal. If she had told me that she could take it or leave it, I never would have married her and wasted the best years of my life.
Shining One Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 This is too many rules! Lol I bet if I put looking for a relationship ill still have the same issues."Looking for a relationship" does not define preferences around sex. I'm in a relationship that started with sex on the first date. Her profile said she was looking for a relationship too.There is more to a relationship than sex.Of course there is. However, different people value the various aspects of a relationship at different levels. My girlfriend and I both value sex highly. You clearly do not. Thus, you should be making that clear and seek out men who feel similarly. 1
BluEyeL Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I'd never have sex with a stranger, and I don't care what everyone else thinks. Even if there are relationships that started that way, I would never do it. I think that's gross. Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place, as they say. Get to know the person, establish a connection, care, and sex will follow. You have to put in the time. Oh, what if in the end sex is bad? That's a risk I'm willing to take, putting in one or two months, having sex with a bunch of men I met online is not. I've met over 30 men while doing online dating. I'm not crazy to sleep with all of them. If a man gets sexual before meeting, it's next. And oh, this has absolutely nothing to do with sex dying in a long term relationship or marriage. No connection. Sleeping with a buch of strangers will not make your marriage better.
katiegrl Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 (edited) Anytime a man is trying to get a woman alone, he is trying to have sex. Whether or not he has met a woman in person already irrelevant. Well no I guess you dont get it. Im a do what I say say whatci mean kind of person. If I agree to come over and watch a movie, thats what I mean. If I invited a man over to watch a movie, I wouldnt become irate if he only wanted to watch a movie. Straightforward would be,"hey would you like to come over for some nookie?" Has it ever occurred to you that the reason he invited you over "was" to actually watch a movie? AND... if there is chemistry and you click...afterwords have sex? If you BOTH want to? How the hell is he supposed to know BEFORE ever even meeting you in person that he even wants to have sex with you? Rather arrogant of YOU to presume that don't ya think? He may end up feeling completely turned off by you... So he invites you over for a movie...***with every intention of watching the movie**..that is why he invited you over after all...and then if you're clicking and **mutually** decide to have sex...that's what you do! If you DON'T want to....that's fine too!!! Just tell him that...no harm no foul (or whatever that expression is). You know...it's a good thing you don't date anymore cause it's become pretty apparent from reading your posts that you don't like men, you don't trust men and want nothing to do with men! That's fine...whatever works. But many of us DO like men...and want to understand men. We want our relationships to work by understanding men.. and frankly your posts on this thread are NOT helpful and rather toxic and add nothing to the discussion but negativity, anger, distrust and hate. I am sure you won't mind if I ignore you going forward. Peace out... Edited February 22, 2015 by katiegrl
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Post what you said in your online profile and see how many dates you get. There are men who don't place as much importance on sex as others. So you should seek them out. And I think you owe it to anyone you date to inform them of how you feel before it gets too serious. My wife apparently never put as much importance on sex as she pretended to right up to our wedding night. And I consider that the worst kind of betrayal. If she had told me that she could take it or leave it, I never would have married her and wasted the best years of my life. How many years did it take for you to realize that your wife wasn't the sexual being she made herself out to be? Personally, it wouldn't have taken me YEARS to find that out about a guy. I think within the first year after the wedding I would've been able to ascertain something that's as much of a deal breaker as that. . 1
Shining One Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 I'd never have sex with a stranger, and I don't care what everyone else thinks. Even if there are relationships that started that way, I would never do it. I think that's gross.To each their own. Your view on this is just as valid as mine. My point is that the term "looking for relationship" does not mean "we will not have sex before X time has passed".Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place, as they say. Get to know the person, establish a connection, care, and sex will follow. You have to put in the time.This is fair, as long as you're up front about the time. I once dated a traditional Indian woman for a year and half. The traditional part means no sex before marriage. I knew that going in and I accepted it. What is not okay is expecting a guy to somehow read your mind and know when the time for sex is right so he doesn't make any moves until that time has arrived.Oh, what if in the end sex is bad? That's a risk I'm willing to take...Again, to each their own. I don't push for sex on the first date or second date, but I'm far less patient than I have been in the past. I'm investing time and money when I'm looking for a relationship. Throwing both of those away when sexual compatibility (or even sexual interest) is unconfirmed is just foolish. It is up to the two people involved to determine what is reasonable for both of them.
BluEyeL Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Honestly, while I know of women who only meet men who focus on sex fast, I had very few issues with men "not waiting" while I was dating. My demeanor speaks for me and I learned how to prescreen serious from casual. This is why I'm now in a happy relationship, because of learning to separate sand from gold. I only ever had a few situations here and there when my demeanor and their demeanor suggested that I wouldn't sleep with a stranger, before we've built a foundation of knowing each other and becoming exclusive, while they wouldn't "wait" and invest before sex,, and so we've parted ways happily. Words weren't necessary but the understanding was pretty good. In time, these mismatches became less and less. Going to someone's house, or any type of non-public date is out of question until I'm open to sex happening. Only with the first man I ever dated after my divorce, because I was naive, I believed him when he said let's have coffee at one of our houses, I promise no sex. And I believed that. Only to still have him come onto me and never heard from him after, because I didn't put out. I will never ever ever have sex with a man who didn't win my trust with time, kindness, investment. I will also not give any timeline. You are either focused on scoring sex out of the money you spent, because, well, two dinners, or x amount of money is what you budgeted for sex with me, and then I'll tell you that I'm not offering sex for food, I make six figures and can afford food. Or you're focusing on getting to know me as a person, figure out if we're compatible, and sex will follow, out of our deeper bond. Slow and steady wins the race. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 Honestly, while I know of women who only meet men who focus on sex fast, I had very few issues with men "not waiting" while I was dating. My demeanor speaks for me and I learned how to prescreen serious from casual. This is why I'm now in a happy relationship, because of learning to separate sand from gold. I only ever had a few situations here and there when my demeanor and their demeanor suggested that I wouldn't sleep with a stranger, before we've built a foundation of knowing each other and becoming exclusive, while they wouldn't "wait" and invest before sex,, and so we've parted ways happily. Words weren't necessary but the understanding was pretty good. In time, these mismatches became less and less. Going to someone's house, or any type of non-public date is out of question until I'm open to sex happening. Only with the first man I ever dated after my divorce, because I was naive, I believed him when he said let's have coffee at one of our houses, I promise no sex. And I believed that. Only to still have him come onto me and never heard from him after, because I didn't put out. I will never ever ever have sex with a man who didn't win my trust with time, kindness, investment. I will also not give any timeline. You are either focused on scoring sex out of the money you spent, because, well, two dinners, or x amount of money is what you budgeted for sex with me, and then I'll tell you that I'm not offering sex for food, I make six figures and can afford food. Or you're focusing on getting to know me as a person, figure out if we're compatible, and sex will follow, out of our deeper bond. Slow and steady wins the race. If you're not giving a man sex - you better be giving him affection in other ways so he knows that you're into him. Otherwise if you're not physically comfortable around him, he'll assume you're never going to have sex with him (and bail). Even a guy doesn't want to go on 3rd 4th and 5th dates if he hasn't kiss closed the girl yet, or held hands, etc. We're willing (well I am) to wait on the Sex as long as everything else looks good. 1
Shining One Posted February 22, 2015 Posted February 22, 2015 My demeanor speaks for me and I learned how to prescreen serious from casual. This is why I'm now in a happy relationship, because of learning to separate sand from gold.A man who desires sex early in a relationship is sand? I've never been called sand before, so you get points for originality.You are either focused on scoring sex out of the money you spent, because, well, two dinners, or x amount of money is what you budgeted for sex with me, and then I'll tell you that I'm not offering sex for food, I make six figures and can afford food. Or you're focusing on getting to know me as a person, figure out if we're compatible, and sex will follow, out of our deeper bond.I'm focused on meeting women who are interested in me, emotionally and physically. I admit, I don't like throwing away money on women who have no sexual interest in me, with the exception of a few close friends. Out of curiosity, are you also investing money while getting to know these men, or is the financial investment one-sided? Slow and steady wins the race.Slow and steady wins the race with you. We are all shaped by our experiences. As I mentioned, I have been more patient in the past. This has never worked out well for me. Obviously, patience works for you. There is no reason for either of us to stray from what works for each of us.
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